Genius idea or no regarding holidays?

October 15, 2012

I am seriously dreading the upcoming holidays, as I'm sure we all are to some

degree. We gave Nada years ago, the holiday nickname, Martha Rockwell, to

describe her relentless pursuit of the " perfect holiday " . Martha, as in Martha

. I think there was a South Park episode a while back that depicted her

as a lunatic control freak monster. Rockwell, as in the idyllic Norman Rockwell

paintings we all know and love. Nothing is that perfect. Ever. Anyway.

Pretty sure we are going to be able to escape and get out of town to see my

husband's family for Thanksgiving. Not sure about a possible plan for Christmas

yet. But yesterday Nada insinuated she was Christmas shopping. One of my

boundaries is that I receive nothing from her. Period. Zip. Zilch. Nothing.

And this includes Christmas. And I got to thinking....She's probably going to

violate this boundary. So what if I headed her off and said to her, if you are

thinking about giving gifts to me and my husband this year, we would very much

appreciate it if you made a donation to XYZ Charity instead. I think this would

really appeal to her benevolent narcissistic side. And it solves several

problems: She gets to feel good about being charitable...She LOVES doing it. I

wouldn't end up with anything that directly came from her. And finally, she

would actually be affecting some good in the world through that charitable

organization. What do you all think?

October 18, 2012

We are taking the holidays off from my nada this year, and b/c we don't want to

seem to be excluding her, from my father (her ex) and step-mother as well. We

have a good excuse: my son will only be about 2.5 months old so we don't want to

travel.Â As with past holidays, we could have her here (besides my

emotionally-healthy LC sister, we're the only family she's got), but as I've

mentioned here in the past she behaved poorly at our wedding and we're just not

yet ready to get back to " normal " yet.Â Believe it or not, her not coming for

Xmas was her idea!Â (We've spent the last few Thanksgiving just as a nuclear

family unit as I think it's crazy to host two major holidays in a 30-day period

so I drew the line on that one a while ago.)Â She knows she has to " pay " (her

words) for her behavior at our wedding and I believe this is her way of

punishing us/herself but piling on a big dose of guilt at the same time.

However, it makes me sad a) to not spend the holidays with her and to think

of her alone on Xmas... but she's making plans to be traveling with friends so I

think she'll tough it out.Â Still sad, tho'.Â I have an idea in my head of how

I want my time with her during the holidays to be and that image is so strong

and so unrealistic -- where did it come from?Â --- and it's usually shattered

even before she arrives as she starts invading and attempting to control dinner,

gifts, etc.Â ...and always the gifts she gives are somehow about her, not

really about the recipient....Â My husband (the main cook in our family) has

always been gracious with her but he always found it odd that as soon as he got

in the kitchen she'd just somehow find a reason to be in there as well and it's

not big enough .... this always happened several times throughout several days

during the holiday periods.

I think the charitable organization idea is a GREAT ONE!Â We did this for our

wedding and it was great (we don't really need or want anything and we are