Just waiting to see what stunt she will pull...

[Guest guest]

Good evening all!

Long story short, I'm trying to move my NADA from one Sr residence to another

because it is significantly less expensive, and since she only has her SS to

live on, I am having to supplement her income, and we have no extra. I've just

been lucky enough to have overtime this year to help out. (1) I can't keep

working so much; and (2) if I do, me, my husband and son should benefit from the

extra $. She doesn't want to move at all. She has done everything from saying

she keeps hoping I'll say she can live with us, to calling me ungrateful for all

she did for me as a child, to calling me bad because I don't respect my elder by

taking care of her.

We all know how disasterous that would be, and I'm not even entertaining the

thought.

But we're coming to the point where we got the call from the apartments, she's

up on the waiting list and being offered an apartment that she does not want AT

ALL, but of course has no viable alternative.

So I am waiting to see what horror will befall her in the next week or so that

will make it impossible for her to move.

I can't take much more from her...thanks for listening!

[Guest guest]

Hi JT,

Best wishes to you as you navigate this issue with your nada, RE her relocating

to an affordable senior residence and not moving in with you.

My Sister had to go through a really similar episode with our nada RE selling

nada's house after dad died and finding an apartment for nada. Nada was in the

habit of asking Sister or me our opinion or advice on what she should do, then

blaming us afterward if it didn't turn out perfectly. So we each discovered

that we had to remain absolutely non-commital and let nada make her own

decisions and never even offer an opinion.

Back when I was still in contact with my nada she would also bring up her wish

for us to live together, rather often. Nada wanted me to relocate across country

to live with her, and I'd have to remind her each time that my career is

specific to my part of the country and if she wanted to live with me she'd have

to relocate to where I am. I'd usually add that " You and dad chose to move

across country from ME, remember? I have a life here now, I don't want to

relocate again, its your turn. " Nada didn't like being reminded of that.

Nada would also badger Sister about moving in with Sister, and Sister would have

to remind nada that Sister lived way out in the country on a dirt road with

practically no neighbors, so nada wouldn't have the same access to

transportation, nearby shopping, her friends, her doctors, her church, etc.,

that she was used to in town and would very likely be alone all day if she moved

in with Sister. Nada didn't like that either.

It was only after nada developed senile dementia and was declared to be no

longer legally competent to care for herself properly (and was a danger to

herself and to others) that Sister was able to take the steps necessary to get

our nada relocated into the nursing home that had an Alzheimer's wing. I am

grateful that our nada had at least some sense of lucidity and responsibility

left at around 18 months before her death (before the formal diagnosis of senile

dementia) and nada allowed Sister to take nada to see several different nursing

homes in her area so nada could choose the one she preferred.

So, I hope it works out for you that your nada will realize that she needs to be

realistic and needs to relocate herself into the affordable residence.

Sometimes miracles happen.

-Annie

>

> Good evening all!

>

> Long story short, I'm trying to move my NADA from one Sr residence to another

because it is significantly less expensive, and since she only has her SS to

live on, I am having to supplement her income, and we have no extra. I've just

been lucky enough to have overtime this year to help out. (1) I can't keep

working so much; and (2) if I do, me, my husband and son should benefit from the

extra $. She doesn't want to move at all. She has done everything from saying

she keeps hoping I'll say she can live with us, to calling me ungrateful for all

she did for me as a child, to calling me bad because I don't respect my elder by

taking care of her.

>

> We all know how disasterous that would be, and I'm not even entertaining the

thought.

>

> But we're coming to the point where we got the call from the apartments, she's

up on the waiting list and being offered an apartment that she does not want AT

ALL, but of course has no viable alternative.

>

> So I am waiting to see what horror will befall her in the next week or so that

will make it impossible for her to move.

>

> I can't take much more from her...thanks for listening!

>