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a small favor

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I am going in for a small procedure Wednesday. it is basically to assess the

damage done to my bladder from not being able to void urine my whole life (at

least until I could take myself to the doctor). I have talked about it here

before, i have a muscle condition that effects how my muscles function, and this

is one of the nasty symptoms.

I am not worried about the procedure, the doctor is amazing. I am happy to be

moving forward with all of this because I have needed this treatment my whole

life. the part of this that would worry a normal person (one without a nada) is

small compared to the emotional crap attached.

it is hard because this condition is very emotional for me. Nada used to abuse

me every day for the symptoms, so they give me PTSD reactions. I am working hard

to fix that and the condition, and things have really improved but there is tons

of psychological lag in my healing.

this is hard for me because Nada for a long time had me convinced that nothing

was wrong with me. which I always questioned, and dealt with the reality of the

condition anyway. this is a part of it that is so hard to describe to people.

but i get so scared that nothing really is wrong and that people will be mean

about it. there is good evidence there is damage, this is just to see how bad it

is.

I just want to ask for a favor. please pray or send good vibes for me Wednesday

morning. this is stressful for me in ways that you all understand. I have no

idea how it will be, but I just got done being depressed because of all the

treatment I have been doing, and I don't want to go back to that.

thanks for all you do, you are lovely people.

Meikjn

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