Re: Re: Nada needing to distance herself from you in social situations

[Guest guest]

meikjn,

I am so sorry for what you've been through!

> **

>

>

>

> this is what my Nada does too to some degree. the best example I can think

> of is that she has her " explanations " for everything she does not like

> about people, and is so self-centered she thinks those things bug everyone

> else too. so in an effort to make her family look " perfect " she explains us

> to people.

>

> when I was 13 I was sexually assaulted, and for a good year she told

> everyone and their dog about it to explain away all my feelings and

> failures. " Meikjn failed math because she was sexually assaulted " " don't

> mind her crying no one was being mean to her she was sexually assaulted you

> know... " and then she would be showered with pity and attention, and she

> LOVED it. I asked her to stop and she tearfully turned herself into the

> martyr. one of her many talents. she just wants people to " understand " me

> like she does.

>

> she has an " explanation " for everything, and everyone. her own behavior is

> always everyone else's fault. I can't count how many times she has started

> a conversation with " I know why he/she/you are ___ "

>

> she feels so much desire to excuse us for having " faults " the sad thing is

> that I am learning that this behavior in particular has done huge amounts

> of serious damage to me and my siblings. all of us still fight with the

> shame of our " unlovable " parts. and the sad thing is that most of them are

> not really flaws at all. mine are that I am " sensitive " (I am a bit, but

> this is code for has feelings, and can't always contain them when she is

> being abused) and a medical condition that I have had my whole life that

> she still insists is just me defying her. (how dare you have symptoms when

> I told you to stop!)her latest tactic is to tell me she never knew anything

> was wrong, and that it was unfair of me to hide it. which she brought up on

> her own. (nice try Nada, you abused me daily for they DAILY symptoms)

>

> of the 6 girls she has, only 1 of them even has a real relationship with

> her. She has not had the great awakening yet, and the rest of us really

> pity her because she is really taking the brunt of a lot of crap right now.

> one other sister is saintly, and has a working albeit very guarded

> relationship with her. Nada is still fighting very hard to bring me back.

> just last week she called with a brilliant plan. she told me that " sure the

> past happened, and we can't pretend it didn't, but lets just never talk

> about it again " .(pretend it never happened) which is fine with me, but not

> because I am happily in denial but because it always ends with me very

> hurt. she also wanted me to invent a code word that I can use with her to

> let her know when my little fit is over, and we can go back to normal. I

> just told her that I don't know how I can make it clear that we can never

> go back to that. it felt good to finally say that to her. No Nada I really

> am serious.

>

> I am not sure whether that is what you meant, but I have been the but of a

> lot of jokes too, from siblings too. it is just how they act. they also

> hover, and wait for me to make a " mistake " so they can pounce on it. this

> all contributed to me feeling small and alone for most of my life. only now

> am I realizing that there were a lot of us that felt isolated, and the ones

> who were nice to me when we were younger all feel exactly the way I do and

> have come out of the woodwork in support of me. I hope we all find

> understanding. this is a neat message board.

>

> Meikjn

>

>

> >

> > I've mentioned before how Nada would talk about me as if i wasn't there.

> Whilst doing this she would talk as if she was embarrassed of me and was

> trying to distance herself from me.

> >

> > I was bitten by a dog in the street a couple of years ago. She said to

> the staff at the residential home where she lives - " trust HER to get

> bitten by a dog. She used to cross the road when she saw one when she was a

> kid " and then she laughed her head off with them. She did things like that

> all the time when i was growing up. She seemed to want to expose my

> vulnerabilities and weaknesses to people. She couldn't keep anything to

> herself. She had to repeat it to people and I used to hate her for it - it

> felt so humiliating. It was as if she had to make me into the butt of a

> joke all the time.

> >

> > I don't know if people realised how horrible i felt when they laughed

> with her. I have to assume they didn't cos no one ever said anything to

> her. No one seemed to empathise with me. As a result of this, i suffered

> for years with feelings of paranoia and that people were " getting at " or

> making fun of me.

> >

> > Does anyone else have any experience of this specific thing?

> >

>

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