Re: Nada needing to distance herself from you in social situations

[Guest guest]

this is what my Nada does too to some degree. the best example I can think of is

that she has her " explanations " for everything she does not like about people,

and is so self-centered she thinks those things bug everyone else too. so in an

effort to make her family look " perfect " she explains us to people.

when I was 13 I was sexually assaulted, and for a good year she told everyone

and their dog about it to explain away all my feelings and failures. " Meikjn

failed math because she was sexually assaulted " " don't mind her crying no one

was being mean to her she was sexually assaulted you know... " and then she would

be showered with pity and attention, and she LOVED it. I asked her to stop and

she tearfully turned herself into the martyr. one of her many talents. she just

wants people to " understand " me like she does.

she has an " explanation " for everything, and everyone. her own behavior is

always everyone else's fault. I can't count how many times she has started a

conversation with " I know why he/she/you are ___ "

she feels so much desire to excuse us for having " faults " the sad thing is that

I am learning that this behavior in particular has done huge amounts of serious

damage to me and my siblings. all of us still fight with the shame of our

" unlovable " parts. and the sad thing is that most of them are not really flaws

at all. mine are that I am " sensitive " (I am a bit, but this is code for has

feelings, and can't always contain them when she is being abused) and a medical

condition that I have had my whole life that she still insists is just me

defying her. (how dare you have symptoms when I told you to stop!)her latest

tactic is to tell me she never knew anything was wrong, and that it was unfair

of me to hide it. which she brought up on her own. (nice try Nada, you abused

me daily for they DAILY symptoms)

of the 6 girls she has, only 1 of them even has a real relationship with her.

She has not had the great awakening yet, and the rest of us really pity her

because she is really taking the brunt of a lot of crap right now. one other

sister is saintly, and has a working albeit very guarded relationship with her.

Nada is still fighting very hard to bring me back. just last week she called

with a brilliant plan. she told me that " sure the past happened, and we can't

pretend it didn't, but lets just never talk about it again " .(pretend it never

happened) which is fine with me, but not because I am happily in denial but

because it always ends with me very hurt. she also wanted me to invent a code

word that I can use with her to let her know when my little fit is over, and we

can go back to normal. I just told her that I don't know how I can make it clear

that we can never go back to that. it felt good to finally say that to her. No

Nada I really am serious.

I am not sure whether that is what you meant, but I have been the but of a lot

of jokes too, from siblings too. it is just how they act. they also hover, and

wait for me to make a " mistake " so they can pounce on it. this all contributed

to me feeling small and alone for most of my life. only now am I realizing that

there were a lot of us that felt isolated, and the ones who were nice to me when

we were younger all feel exactly the way I do and have come out of the woodwork

in support of me. I hope we all find understanding. this is a neat message

board.

Meikjn

>

> I've mentioned before how Nada would talk about me as if i wasn't there.

Whilst doing this she would talk as if she was embarrassed of me and was trying

to distance herself from me.

>

> I was bitten by a dog in the street a couple of years ago. She said to the

staff at the residential home where she lives - " trust HER to get bitten by a

dog. She used to cross the road when she saw one when she was a kid " and then

she laughed her head off with them. She did things like that all the time when

i was growing up. She seemed to want to expose my vulnerabilities and

weaknesses to people. She couldn't keep anything to herself. She had to repeat

it to people and I used to hate her for it - it felt so humiliating. It was as

if she had to make me into the butt of a joke all the time.

>

> I don't know if people realised how horrible i felt when they laughed with

her. I have to assume they didn't cos no one ever said anything to her. No one

seemed to empathise with me. As a result of this, i suffered for years with

feelings of paranoia and that people were " getting at " or making fun of me.

>

> Does anyone else have any experience of this specific thing?

>