Introduction

[Guest guest]

Hi

Welcome to the group. I was your age when first diagnosed with MSA.

I post very little, just sit and listen,.

Chuck Sarley

[Guest guest]

My advise is eat like a 114 pound person and eventually you will get there!

Give yourself a break! You lost a lot for 1 year . . .be patient, watch your

nutrition, listen to your body and it will settle where its supposed to!!

) Vicki

In a message dated 6/8/2002 12:53:55 PM Pacific Standard Time,

krettew@... writes:

> I went from 261 to 125 and at 5'0 that's

> pretty significant!

> Now I am struggeling to lose 11 more pounds (114 is my personal

> goal). I relate to everyone on the list who is having trouble,

> fighting the carb monster and seemingly unable to maintain or lose

> anymore. I appreciate all of you who have opened up and eloquently

> shared your stories. Thanks for letting me be part if this group!

>

>

[Guest guest]

Wow Sue, what an amazing accomplishment, congrats to you! I'm new here also,

new to posting that is, (been lurking a couple months) my one year

anniversary was June 7! Yippeee, now I can post to the group.

Glad you're here,

Donna M.

Corpus Christi, TX

RNY 6-7-01

241/151/140 (TT sched July 1)

> >>>>

> Subject: Introduction

>

> Hello. I joined this group quite some time ago but have remained

> quiet because I was not yet one year post op. Well, on 5/16/02 I

> celebrated my first rebirth day - and what a year it's been. I am

> Sue, a frequent participant on the WLS400PLUS group. On the day I

> had surgery (a distal rny, Elliott Goodman, Montefiore Hospital,

> Bronx, New York) I was 44 years old and 457.6 pounds, 5'4 1/2 " . I

> suffered high blood pressure and very painful arthritis in my left

> knee that nearly left me immobilized about 2 years ago. Other than

> constant back pain, and poor physical shape I was pretty healthy, but

> co-morbidities were just around the corner and I knew my time was

> short.

>

> I live in Vermont and decided to go out of state for my surgery when

> I found a great surgeon named Elliott Goodman at the Montefiore

> Hospital. He was and is absolutely awesome and someone that I feel

> saved my life. The hospital was pitiful, but Dr. Goodman and his

> surgical staff were just world class - and I decided that if I was

> going to take the risk and have this surgery I wanted someone who I

> felt was the " best " for me. And he certainly was/is.

>

> Anyway, a little over one year later I am 259 pounds.

Donna M. (Viscountess Glimmering Moon)

Corpus Christi, TX

RNY 6-7-01

241/153/140 (TT sched July 1)

[Guest guest]

Hi. I'm new to the list. My name is Kelley and I'm a 45-year-old female and an

ONLY CHILD (anyone else on here in that situation?). My mom, still living and

67, is BPD (undiagnosed—but I'm REALLY pushing her doctors to take a look at

this diagnosis). Over the years, she's been diagnosed with major depression,

schizophrenic and/or psychotic episodes, and bi-polar disorder. It seems to me

BPD has been mentioned in regards to her, but I can't remember. It has only

been over the last month that I sat down with I Hate You—Don't Leave Me and

really began to learn. It was like reading a script of my life. And she meets

ALL NINE indicators for this disorder!!! Through searching the internet, I

ultimately landed here. Your experiences are so similar to mine, it's uncanny.

And now, get ready to read the great American novel.

Although I believe my mother has always been a BP (according to recent talks

with her 2 living brothers), I believe a few traumas really escalated the

behaviors. By the time I was 7 my father was killed, her brother was killed,

and we were in a serious car accident where my grandparents were hospitalized.

I'd also like to say that I think my grandfather was a BP (I'm seeing sooooo

many of his behaviors in my mom here recently).

As I grew up, she had a schizophrenic fixation with body issues (and this is an

actual DSM indicator for schizophrenia—who knew?!), believing people could

merely look at her and " make " things happen to her. And there was some sort of

competition going on between, where I couldn't/shouldn't have anything she

didn't have. Never mind that she'd already had these things earlier in life;

she didn't have them NOW, so I shouldn't either. And the rages--violent,

unpredictable things like ramming my head into a door as I tried to escape (but

they stopped when I was 16 and stood up to her, hitting her back). And suicide

threats (but never an actual attempt, which I now see was very manipulative—we'd

all run to her rescue). Lots of times she'd make these in in the car and

threaten to take me with her over a hill or under an 18-wheeler at 90 mph.

She alternated between the bottomless pit of need (much wailing and gnashing of

teeth) and the raging monster. Sometimes she could be " normal, " though, which

always gave us (my grandparents (her parents), her brothers, and I) hope that

there was a real, functioning human being underneath it all. (Ultimately, she's

low-functioning--no friends, never held a job.) To this day, I'm STILL trying

to " figure " her out. What is the one little missing puzzle piece that will make

it all make sense?

Starting at 19, I began distancing myself here and there. I went through 6

months of therapy when my daughter was young. I didn't want to repeat things

with her. She's now 20, and the most WELL-adjusted human being I think I know.

YAY! I did something right!!!

Three years ago, I finished up a year of intense therapy in order to finally get

over major " mommy issues. " My goal: to have a normal relationship with her (I

thought *I* was the problem). I quickly realized I didn't want a relationship

after all; she was just too difficult and unpredictable, and I was burnt out

after all these years. I started distancing myself—calling and visiting even

less. She'd alternate between calling every day and going months without

calling. She'd leave sobbing messages of need on me and my uncles' answering

machines, then turn around and leave one raging at us for " pushing her around "

recently or even 5, 10, 20, 40, 60 years ago. She often left me messages where

she pointed out how unavailable I am by never answering the phone or returning

her calls.

Which leads me to my current situation. Way back in one of the earliest

messages on this board (November 2000), annonymous1971 talked about setting

boundaries. Edith replied, " When we start to set boundaries it always gets

worse before it starts to get better. " Well, I think I might be there.

In May, my daughter and I went down to see Mom for Mother's Day. We spent about

2 hours, which was enough to last me for quite some time. In her mind, that

apparently meant we were " back " because she called the next day and the next.

On the third day, she left me a raging message, once again bringing up how I was

never available. I decided I was done.

I didn't hear from her again until August, when she called every day for about 3

weeks. I didn't bother answering. Prior to this (I found out later) she'd

called my one uncle and told him, his wife, the other brother and his wife, and

me to stay out of her life forever. Near the end of September, I received a

call from a local ER—she'd come in disoriented, hearing and responding to

voices, and rambling about being scheduled for Obstructive Bowel surgery (body

issues again, as far as I'm concerned). She was even calling me Kelley Jo,

which is not my name (I hear the Ting Tings). I explained that we were

estranged but that I'd help them as much as I could.

We wondered if she'd stopped taking her anti-psychotic meds, and all agreed that

she needed admitted. Over the next 24 hours she regained lucidity and became

angry and paranoid. She punched a nurse 3 times, threw coffee on her (lukewarm,

thankfully), shoved another off the bed, and ran through the halls. They

restrained her. (Is it wrong that I got some satisfaction from this?) A day

later, they admitted her to the locked unit in a short-term psychiatric

hospital. She's been there ever since.

She's continued to hear the voices, and she acts very crazy at times (spinning

in circles with a cup on her head or casting evil entities out of the room—did I

mention the religious undertones to all of this?). She's had periods of rage

with me, , the doctors, and the nurses (thank goodness someone else is

seeing it). She refuses her meds during these times and insists that she's

going home (even though she can't—I'm the medical POA for this hospitalization).

She's denied she ever hit me more than the one time when I finally hit her back

(boy that made me mad. Distortion campaign, maybe?). Then, she'll turn around

and be sweet and kind to everyone, including me, and we're soooo pleased with

her progress. We finally decided to administer a long-term injection of an

anti-psychotic to see if that would get rid of the voices (and bypass her med

refusals). It didn't, so the next step was to start ECTs (they began this past

week).

And what do I do? Although I won't make the trip every day, which is what my

grandparents would have done (I'm only a ½ hour away), I do go down on the

weekends. My quality of life has deteriorated over the past 5 weeks b/c I

really don't want to caretake her anymore. I understand she's getting older, so

I do feel that " cultural obligation " to take care of her. And I'm still under

the FOG. On the other hand, I feel like I've already done my time. I seriously

wonder if she stopped taking her meds to FORCE me back in to her life. And I

wonder how I'm reinforcing things by only being available in great times of

need.

Another poster wrote (and I'm sorry…I didn't make a note of who wrote this, but

also from November 2000): " How do you express compassion for a person who

" hates " you, has manipulated and tried to control you, has been cruel and cold

toward [you], and who can't see anything beyond her vision of herself wounded at

the center of the universe? How do you balance compassion with your own need to

take care of yourself, and your anger at that person for hurting you? How do you

do this, knowing the whole time that she's probably always going to want to hurt

you? …She is a master of " spin " and manipulation, and I just don't think that

way "

So, how do you?

Kelley