Update and reflections

November 1, 2012

Greetings to all my KO Brother and Sisters

I ve not posted much for a while, though I have peeked in from time to

time at some threads. No, there is nothing new under the sun: Nada s are

still pretty much the same all over!

Life has been very busy and eventful. I have a lovely new

granddaughter. I also have a neck problem that is going to require

surgery in a couple weeks. So during my recovery time, I m going to be

stir crazy, and writing and posting like a crazy person.

Hmm, how apprapos for a KO!

Here is a theme I ve gleaned from Nada posts I ve been reading. They

are actors. They are not able to properly feel or interact with others,

including their children. So for them, truly, all the world is a stage.

They are also directors, and have a twisted sense of how the play should

go. Thus, they act out thier role, and except the other players, ie US,

to respond according to thier internal script.

In their minds, they are doing a wonderful thing. They are wise and

caring and compassionate, and only want to be loved for what they are.

They become as furious and tempermental as any artist when things do not

go thier way.

There is a scene from an animated movie a few years ago in which a huge

shark kidnaps a bunch of little fish. He herds them to a " meeting "

modelled on a 12 step meeting. In it, predators are saying, Hi, I m

Bob, and I m a meat eater. Then showing their " guests " , they vow not

to eat any little fish, today.

It is very funny and cute. Of course, if you are the little fish, you

realize a " slip " means this guy will eat you. And he insists that you

be his little pal, so he can show his sobriety by not eating you,

today. The sharks and barracudas in the meeting were all having a great

time, telling each other how great they were doing by NOT hurting the

little fish. The little fish were crapping cannon balls, and would

really rather not have been there, rather not have been thier " pals " ,

were not happy with the relationship, even on a good day, because they

were on eggshells, wondering when they would snap and eat them.

The sharks thought they were doing a wonderful thing, but for their

potential victims, even when it was good, it was bad.

I can feel you all smiling at that story, and thinking, as I did, Oh

God! That s my life!

Doug

November 1, 2012

HI Doug,

Best wishes to you RE your upcoming surgery; I hope you have a quick recovery

and that the neck problem will be all better.

RE your " Finding Nemo " reference, Yes! I found that scene both hilarious and

disturbing for the very reasons you mention: RE: even when the sharks were being

" nice " they were actually intimidating the smaller fish into accepting the " kind

invitation " to attend the 12-step meeting, and the smaller fish KNEW that they

were pretty much being taken hostage but that their survival depended on

playing along until they could escape. The little fish KNEW that the sharks

were just deluding themselves into believing that they could " reform " but it was

only a matter of time before Something Awful was going to happen.

(If I remember correctly, one of the small " guests " did mysteriously vanish

during the meeting. Hmmm.)

Its a really good analogy for my adult awakening and awareness of my

relationship dynamic with my bpd/npd mother. It took years of actual physical

separation from my nada for me to achieve even a moderate level of emotional

detachment and real insight about what had been going on for most of my life.

But as a child I had no option but to totally buy into the self-delusion that my

nada insisted was reality: that she was the " perfect " mother and I and my little

Sister were bad, ungrateful, lazy, selfish children who " made " her scream at us

and beat us and who disappointed her badly by never delivering the jackpot prize

of fame, glory and admiration that she expected from her " investment " in us.

My nada was totally self-deluded, as I think all despots are.

-Annie

>

> Greetings to all my KO Brother and Sisters

>

> I ve not posted much for a while, though I have peeked in from time to

> time at some threads. No, there is nothing new under the sun: Nada s are

> still pretty much the same all over!

>

> Life has been very busy and eventful. I have a lovely new

> granddaughter. I also have a neck problem that is going to require

> surgery in a couple weeks. So during my recovery time, I m going to be

> stir crazy, and writing and posting like a crazy person.

>

> Hmm, how apprapos for a KO!

>

> Here is a theme I ve gleaned from Nada posts I ve been reading. They

> are actors. They are not able to properly feel or interact with others,

> including their children. So for them, truly, all the world is a stage.

> They are also directors, and have a twisted sense of how the play should

> go. Thus, they act out thier role, and except the other players, ie US,

> to respond according to thier internal script.

>

> In their minds, they are doing a wonderful thing. They are wise and

> caring and compassionate, and only want to be loved for what they are.

> They become as furious and tempermental as any artist when things do not

> go thier way.

>

> There is a scene from an animated movie a few years ago in which a huge

> shark kidnaps a bunch of little fish. He herds them to a " meeting "

> modelled on a 12 step meeting. In it, predators are saying, Hi, I m

> Bob, and I m a meat eater. Then showing their " guests " , they vow not

> to eat any little fish, today.

>

> It is very funny and cute. Of course, if you are the little fish, you

> realize a " slip " means this guy will eat you. And he insists that you

> be his little pal, so he can show his sobriety by not eating you,

> today. The sharks and barracudas in the meeting were all having a great

> time, telling each other how great they were doing by NOT hurting the

> little fish. The little fish were crapping cannon balls, and would

> really rather not have been there, rather not have been thier " pals " ,

> were not happy with the relationship, even on a good day, because they

> were on eggshells, wondering when they would snap and eat them.

>

> The sharks thought they were doing a wonderful thing, but for their

> potential victims, even when it was good, it was bad.

>

> I can feel you all smiling at that story, and thinking, as I did, Oh

> God! That s my life!

>

> Doug

>

November 1, 2012

Hi Doug,

Best of luck to you, in your upcoming surgery! If only all major pains - in

- the - neck ( Nada's, Fada's, and flying monkeys, et al,) could be taken

care of in this way. . .

. . Loved the Nemo reference, and will be looking forward to your posts,

as always!

Wishing you a swift and successful surgery, and speedy, comfortable,

recovery!

Sunspot

On Thu, Nov 1, 2012 at 12:24 PM, anuria67854 anuria-67854@...>wrote:

> **

>

> HI Doug,

>

> Best wishes to you RE your upcoming surgery; I hope you have a quick

> recovery and that the neck problem will be all better.

>

> RE your " Finding Nemo " reference, Yes! I found that scene both hilarious

> and disturbing for the very reasons you mention: RE: even when the sharks

> were being " nice " they were actually intimidating the smaller fish into

> accepting the " kind invitation " to attend the 12-step meeting, and the

> smaller fish KNEW that they were pretty much being taken hostage but that

> their survival depended on playing along until they could escape. The

> little fish KNEW that the sharks were just deluding themselves into

> believing that they could " reform " but it was only a matter of time before

> Something Awful was going to happen.

> (If I remember correctly, one of the small " guests " did mysteriously

> vanish during the meeting. Hmmm.)

>

> Its a really good analogy for my adult awakening and awareness of my

> relationship dynamic with my bpd/npd mother. It took years of actual

> physical separation from my nada for me to achieve even a moderate level of

> emotional detachment and real insight about what had been going on for most

> of my life.

>

> But as a child I had no option but to totally buy into the self-delusion

> that my nada insisted was reality: that she was the " perfect " mother and I

> and my little Sister were bad, ungrateful, lazy, selfish children who

> " made " her scream at us and beat us and who disappointed her badly by never

> delivering the jackpot prize of fame, glory and admiration that she

> expected from her " investment " in us.

>

> My nada was totally self-deluded, as I think all despots are.

>

> -Annie

>

> >

> > Greetings to all my KO Brother and Sisters

> >

> > I ve not posted much for a while, though I have peeked in from time to

> > time at some threads. No, there is nothing new under the sun: Nada s are

> > still pretty much the same all over!

> >

> > Life has been very busy and eventful. I have a lovely new

> > granddaughter. I also have a neck problem that is going to require

> > surgery in a couple weeks. So during my recovery time, I m going to be

> > stir crazy, and writing and posting like a crazy person.

> >

> > Hmm, how apprapos for a KO!

> >

> > Here is a theme I ve gleaned from Nada posts I ve been reading. They

> > are actors. They are not able to properly feel or interact with others,

> > including their children. So for them, truly, all the world is a stage.

> > They are also directors, and have a twisted sense of how the play should

> > go. Thus, they act out thier role, and except the other players, ie US,

> > to respond according to thier internal script.

> >

> > In their minds, they are doing a wonderful thing. They are wise and

> > caring and compassionate, and only want to be loved for what they are.

> > They become as furious and tempermental as any artist when things do not

> > go thier way.

> >

> > There is a scene from an animated movie a few years ago in which a huge

> > shark kidnaps a bunch of little fish. He herds them to a " meeting "

> > modelled on a 12 step meeting. In it, predators are saying, Hi, I m

> > Bob, and I m a meat eater. Then showing their " guests " , they vow not

> > to eat any little fish, today.

> >

> > It is very funny and cute. Of course, if you are the little fish, you

> > realize a " slip " means this guy will eat you. And he insists that you

> > be his little pal, so he can show his sobriety by not eating you,

> > today. The sharks and barracudas in the meeting were all having a great

> > time, telling each other how great they were doing by NOT hurting the

> > little fish. The little fish were crapping cannon balls, and would

> > really rather not have been there, rather not have been thier " pals " ,

> > were not happy with the relationship, even on a good day, because they

> > were on eggshells, wondering when they would snap and eat them.

> >

> > The sharks thought they were doing a wonderful thing, but for their

> > potential victims, even when it was good, it was bad.

> >

> > I can feel you all smiling at that story, and thinking, as I did, Oh

> > God! That s my life!

> >

> > Doug

> >

>

November 1, 2012

Congrats on the new grandbaby!! And I hope your surgery goes well. And not

that I am happy you are having to have surgery, but I do hope you will post away

during your recovery! Your no-nonsense posts never fail to hit just the right

note!