Luke 17:3 Ministries and update (Long)

[Guest guest]

I don't remember who posted about Luke 17:3 Ministries, but I wanted to thank

you. It's been very helpful in light of recent events.

I've had a lot of developments, and I'll spare you all most of the details,

since, let's face it, we've all heard a version of this story a hundred times.

After five months of LC and intensive therapy, I finally figured out what I

wanted from my nada and under what terms I was willing to move forward, and I

reached out to her to see if forward progress was even possible. Before I

called her though, I decided to call my dad and fill him in on what I planned to

tell her. I told him I was interested in moving forward, but only under these

conditions:

1) No one, myself included, is to bring up anything that happened before this

very conversation. It's like we are putting into a book, closing that book, and

supergluing it shut.

2) I will only participate in pleasant conversations. If an interaction becomes

anything other than pleasant I will end my participation.

3) I will no longer be accepting gifts. Any gift given will go immediately to

charity.

Surprisingly, the conversation with my dad went incredibly well. He sounded

relieved and even said my terms were " reasonable " and he thought it was a good

idea. He said he thought it would be a good idea if he talked to her first. A

primer if you will, for the inevitable shock from her. I agreed. I mean, if HE

thought it was reasonable, and SHE doesn't view him the way she views me, it

probably was better coming from him. And I knew she wasn't going to like it

anyway.

In the meantime, Nada is relentlessly texting me demanding an answer to a

question she had. I had made up my mind that I was going to respond to her

question, but that my response would deliberately be delayed each time she

bullied me or pressured me to get me to respond. I also relayed this

information to my dad. He seemed to understand.

A few days passed without any texts, so I decided to call Nada. I told her I

was calling to talk specifically about what she wanted going forward and that I

wanted to just listen. She went on and on, but in very vague terms said she

wanted an adult relationship with me. A peer to peer relationship and one in

which we would move on from being mother-daughter and more like friends. I

thanked her, she tried to move on to another topic. I stopped her, told her I'd

like to talk again at a later time about moving forward and politely exited the

conversation.

After that conversation, my dad gave her his little preview. He and I talked

again, and he was a completely different person. He was full of the Nada

Koolaid. Telling me over and over how full of bullsh!t I was. Sad, yes. But

I'm glad he did it. His acting that way really allowed me to detach from him

and accept being ok with the possibility of a life without my parents. Until

that point, my relationship with him was really the only thing keeping me in

this game with Nada.

The next day I called and explained my terms to Nada. She started ranting about

how I was a little dictator and she was the mother and would not submit to my

'demands'. And on and on and on. I went to hang up and my phone malfunctioned

and wouldn't let me hang up. I held the phone away from my ear for another five

or six minutes while she ranted and raved. I have no clue what was said.

Figured I didn't need to hear it. Finally, my phone adjusted and ended the

call.

The next morning, I got this text: " There is an interesting explainer in the

fifth commandment: we are charged to honor our parents so that you may live long

and prosper in the land which the Lord has given you. In other words, it is in

one's best interest to do so. Your parameters do not honor me. Any

relationship in which on person has all the power in not a healthy one and one

in which I cannot participate. You seem to want to close a door, not open a

path. So the terms you presented to me for repairing this rift are unacceptable.

I sincerely hope you will compromise. The consequences of not doing so are

farther reaching than you have perhaps considered. If you cannot come up with a

compromise that is good for all of us, not just you, then we are done. You are

out of the family. Dad will start the legal process on Monday. Understand that

this rests entirely on you. This time you actually do have the power " .

Seriously...How ironic is her text....If a Nada textbook existed, this would be

filed under " what to expect from a Nada " verbatim.

I responded: " I cannot control what you feel is right. If this feels right to

you, then that is your choice. As it was your choice to not accept my offer of

a way to move forward. If your mind should change about that choice at any

point in the future, I am still open to moving forward from that point. "

And that last part was true...Until the following Monday she went to my

husband's children's home (they live with their mother) and essentially broke up

with them. Telling these three young children that I told her she could not see

them anymore. Luckily, these are three pretty savvy kids whom I have a

magnificent relationship with. They told me later they thought the whole thing

was pretty weird and that they didn't believe I would say something like that.

She is now stalking my son attempting to have the same conversation with him.

My husband have taken measure to ensure that doesn't happen.

She also wrote my husband a letter about how I was diagnosed with NPD at 14, and

how she is just sure I am hiding something big from her and my dad. She also

said I sabotage relationships and she wishes I would get some help. (BTW, my

hub is a counselor. He laughed and said no mental health professional would

diagnose a 14 year old with NPD. If that were the case, all teenagers would be

walking around with an NPD diagnosis.)

She also contacted my two closest friends and told them, my " behavior toward her

has become so egregious that she and my dad have no choice but to disinherit me,

but she understands that they are my friends and if they need to not have

contact with her, that's ok " .

Again...TEXTBOOK NADA! She's the victim. Perpetually.

It's been about two weeks since this has all transpired, and no word from Nada.

THANK GOD!!! I feel so free, even if I'm sure this Nada-imposed NC is

temporary. She won't be able to keep it up. I predict she will contact me at

some point like nothing happened. Probably hoping I will have forgotten my

terms for moving forward. But I won't. My terms will be the first thing out of

my mouth if she doesn't break her NC.

Though I sure it wasn't her intent, she has freed me from the burdens I carried

regarding the upcoming holidays. We simply don't have an obligation to go

anymore. And that it was her idea just makes it all the more perfect!! This

was her choice, and I'm happy to share the text message proof with any flying

monkey she sends my way.

And interestingly enough, my sister posted on FB recently (she and I aren't

friends on FB but she and some of my friends are and one of them sent me the

screenshot) and said, " that moment when you realize your growing up experience

was not the " norm " .... " I desperately want to contact her and ask her if it had

anything to do with nada. But I probably won't. My sis is so enmeshed with

nada. But I did find it interesting.

I'm sure if you've read this far, you are wondering, umm.....This was the short

version???? Ha! Well, yeah. It really is the short version. And if you did

make it this far, I just really want to thank you for reading. This board keeps

me sane. And the Luke Ministries site has been very helpful. Especially

because my Nada is such a fan of tossing around the Bible and such. Case in

point. But really. Thanks to you all.

[Guest guest]

Ugh what a mother!

> I don't remember who posted about Luke 17:3 Ministries, but I wanted to thank

you. It's been very helpful in light of recent events.

>

> I've had a lot of developments, and I'll spare you all most of the details,

since, let's face it, we've all heard a version of this story a hundred times.

>

> After five months of LC and intensive therapy, I finally figured out what I

wanted from my nada and under what terms I was willing to move forward, and I

reached out to her to see if forward progress was even possible. Before I called

her though, I decided to call my dad and fill him in on what I planned to tell

her. I told him I was interested in moving forward, but only under these

conditions:

>

> 1) No one, myself included, is to bring up anything that happened before this

very conversation. It's like we are putting into a book, closing that book, and

supergluing it shut.

>

> 2) I will only participate in pleasant conversations. If an interaction

becomes anything other than pleasant I will end my participation.

>

> 3) I will no longer be accepting gifts. Any gift given will go immediately to

charity.

>

> Surprisingly, the conversation with my dad went incredibly well. He sounded

relieved and even said my terms were " reasonable " and he thought it was a good

idea. He said he thought it would be a good idea if he talked to her first. A

primer if you will, for the inevitable shock from her. I agreed. I mean, if HE

thought it was reasonable, and SHE doesn't view him the way she views me, it

probably was better coming from him. And I knew she wasn't going to like it

anyway.

>

> In the meantime, Nada is relentlessly texting me demanding an answer to a

question she had. I had made up my mind that I was going to respond to her

question, but that my response would deliberately be delayed each time she

bullied me or pressured me to get me to respond. I also relayed this information

to my dad. He seemed to understand.

>

> A few days passed without any texts, so I decided to call Nada. I told her I

was calling to talk specifically about what she wanted going forward and that I

wanted to just listen. She went on and on, but in very vague terms said she

wanted an adult relationship with me. A peer to peer relationship and one in

which we would move on from being mother-daughter and more like friends. I

thanked her, she tried to move on to another topic. I stopped her, told her I'd

like to talk again at a later time about moving forward and politely exited the

conversation.

>

> After that conversation, my dad gave her his little preview. He and I talked

again, and he was a completely different person. He was full of the Nada

Koolaid. Telling me over and over how full of bullsh!t I was. Sad, yes. But I'm

glad he did it. His acting that way really allowed me to detach from him and

accept being ok with the possibility of a life without my parents. Until that

point, my relationship with him was really the only thing keeping me in this

game with Nada.

>

> The next day I called and explained my terms to Nada. She started ranting

about how I was a little dictator and she was the mother and would not submit to

my 'demands'. And on and on and on. I went to hang up and my phone malfunctioned

and wouldn't let me hang up. I held the phone away from my ear for another five

or six minutes while she ranted and raved. I have no clue what was said. Figured

I didn't need to hear it. Finally, my phone adjusted and ended the call.

>

> The next morning, I got this text: " There is an interesting explainer in the

fifth commandment: we are charged to honor our parents so that you may live long

and prosper in the land which the Lord has given you. In other words, it is in

one's best interest to do so. Your parameters do not honor me. Any relationship

in which on person has all the power in not a healthy one and one in which I

cannot participate. You seem to want to close a door, not open a path. So the

terms you presented to me for repairing this rift are unacceptable. I sincerely

hope you will compromise. The consequences of not doing so are farther reaching

than you have perhaps considered. If you cannot come up with a compromise that

is good for all of us, not just you, then we are done. You are out of the

family. Dad will start the legal process on Monday. Understand that this rests

entirely on you. This time you actually do have the power " .

>

> Seriously...How ironic is her text....If a Nada textbook existed, this would

be filed under " what to expect from a Nada " verbatim.

>

> I responded: " I cannot control what you feel is right. If this feels right to

you, then that is your choice. As it was your choice to not accept my offer of a

way to move forward. If your mind should change about that choice at any point

in the future, I am still open to moving forward from that point. "

>

> And that last part was true...Until the following Monday she went to my

husband's children's home (they live with their mother) and essentially broke up

with them. Telling these three young children that I told her she could not see

them anymore. Luckily, these are three pretty savvy kids whom I have a

magnificent relationship with. They told me later they thought the whole thing

was pretty weird and that they didn't believe I would say something like that.

She is now stalking my son attempting to have the same conversation with him. My

husband have taken measure to ensure that doesn't happen.

>

> She also wrote my husband a letter about how I was diagnosed with NPD at 14,

and how she is just sure I am hiding something big from her and my dad. She also

said I sabotage relationships and she wishes I would get some help. (BTW, my hub

is a counselor. He laughed and said no mental health professional would diagnose

a 14 year old with NPD. If that were the case, all teenagers would be walking

around with an NPD diagnosis.)

>

> She also contacted my two closest friends and told them, my " behavior toward

her has become so egregious that she and my dad have no choice but to disinherit

me, but she understands that they are my friends and if they need to not have

contact with her, that's ok " .

>

> Again...TEXTBOOK NADA! She's the victim. Perpetually.

>

> It's been about two weeks since this has all transpired, and no word from

Nada. THANK GOD!!! I feel so free, even if I'm sure this Nada-imposed NC is

temporary. She won't be able to keep it up. I predict she will contact me at

some point like nothing happened. Probably hoping I will have forgotten my terms

for moving forward. But I won't. My terms will be the first thing out of my

mouth if she doesn't break her NC.

>

> Though I sure it wasn't her intent, she has freed me from the burdens I

carried regarding the upcoming holidays. We simply don't have an obligation to

go anymore. And that it was her idea just makes it all the more perfect!! This

was her choice, and I'm happy to share the text message proof with any flying

monkey she sends my way.

>

> And interestingly enough, my sister posted on FB recently (she and I aren't

friends on FB but she and some of my friends are and one of them sent me the

screenshot) and said, " that moment when you realize your growing up experience

was not the " norm " .... " I desperately want to contact her and ask her if it had

anything to do with nada. But I probably won't. My sis is so enmeshed with nada.

But I did find it interesting.

>

> I'm sure if you've read this far, you are wondering, umm.....This was the

short version???? Ha! Well, yeah. It really is the short version. And if you did

make it this far, I just really want to thank you for reading. This board keeps

me sane. And the Luke Ministries site has been very helpful. Especially because

my Nada is such a fan of tossing around the Bible and such. Case in point. But

really. Thanks to you all.

>

>