Guest guest Posted November 1, 2012 Report Share Posted November 1, 2012 Hello fellow members, I am an adult KO a BPD. I have been struggling with myself and some of my own personality flaws as a result of living with a BPD nada(?). Only yesterday was I told of the existance of this group especially designed for others like myself and until that moment I did not even realize that there were so very many others like myself. It is calming to know that I am not alone. As I am new to boards/groups like this please let me know if I am ever doing or saying anything not permitted. Also please bear with me while I learn all of these new terms and abbreviations. So where do I go from here? Do I make a post kind of describing my own personal experiences and events that have led to who I am today? Any guidance is appreciated. Thank you and I look forward to getting to know you. - Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 4, 2012 Report Share Posted November 4, 2012 Hi . I'm sorry you need us but glad you found us. The first step to healing yourself is educating yourself, and this us a good place for that. This is also a good place to gt validation for all those feelings you weren't allowed to express growing up while you walked on eggshells. Start however or wherever you feel comfortable-tell your whole story or the most recent part or the part that's been bugging you most or just ask questions. A lot of us 'lurk' for awhile or from time to time if we arent feeling like engaging but need the community. If you're not ready to share, you can just read for awhile until you are ready. Just go at your own pace. > > Hello fellow members, > I am an adult KO a BPD. I have been struggling with myself and some of my own personality flaws as a result of living with a BPD nada(?). Only yesterday was I told of the existance of this group especially designed for others like myself and until that moment I did not even realize that there were so very many others like myself. It is calming to know that I am not alone. As I am new to boards/groups like this please let me know if I am ever doing or saying anything not permitted. Also please bear with me while I learn all of these new terms and abbreviations. So where do I go from here? Do I make a post kind of describing my own personal experiences and events that have led to who I am today? Any guidance is appreciated. > Thank you and I look forward to getting to know you. > - > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 5, 2012 Report Share Posted November 5, 2012 Hi, I'm new too, ... I subscribed a few days ago after reading " stop walking on eggshells " and " surviving a borderline parent " . My mother has BPD and my childhood was everything from sad to a living nightmare. Actually I feel like a never had a childhood at all. I had to take care of my mother in many ways, emotionally as well as organizing a lot of stuff concerning day to day living. First I thought that I am not ready for sharing any of my experiences yet, I just feel sad. It hurts so badly and I wonder how amazing it must feel to have a mother who has taken care of you. I miss that very much. But one post made me want to reply to you and say hello...and welcome. I felt so relieved when I found out that I was not the only one on this planted who had to survive this. That there are others who can understand the way I feel and what person I have become in life. As I am new too, there's probably no advice I can give you...but I want to say hello and thank you very much for your post, it kind of broke the ice for me. > > Hello fellow members, > I am an adult KO a BPD. I have been struggling with myself and some of my own personality flaws as a result of living with a BPD nada(?). Only yesterday was I told of the existance of this group especially designed for others like myself and until that moment I did not even realize that there were so very many others like myself. It is calming to know that I am not alone. As I am new to boards/groups like this please let me know if I am ever doing or saying anything not permitted. Also please bear with me while I learn all of these new terms and abbreviations. So where do I go from here? Do I make a post kind of describing my own personal experiences and events that have led to who I am today? Any guidance is appreciated. > Thank you and I look forward to getting to know you. > - > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 5, 2012 Report Share Posted November 5, 2012 Welcome to the group. You'll hear a lot of stories, some you can relate to, some won't resonate with you. Mostly it feels great to know there are people out there that understand that not all parents, especially moms, are wonderful. There's that societal impression that we have to love and respect our moms no matter what. We know better here. As for sharing, just share what is comfortable for you. You might reply to someone and share something from your own life. You might be having a bad day and want to vent about that. Or you can give a run down of some of the things you've experienced. I've read a couple of books on BPD and they were very helpful in explaining what it is and how it shows up in my nada. The other day I borrowed a book from the library titled " Surviving a Borderline Parent. " I'm liking it. It goes over BPD briefly but mostly it's about how it affects us and where do we go from there. It's about healing. I'm about half way through and discovering new things about myself and the impact she had on me. But all is not hopeless. I've found I'm more resilient than I thought and I can feel even better. Again, glad you're here. Pop in when you can, share what you like and I hope we can be encouraging to you. > > Hello fellow members, > I am an adult KO a BPD. I have been struggling with myself and some of my own personality flaws as a result of living with a BPD nada(?). Only yesterday was I told of the existance of this group especially designed for others like myself and until that moment I did not even realize that there were so very many others like myself. It is calming to know that I am not alone. As I am new to boards/groups like this please let me know if I am ever doing or saying anything not permitted. Also please bear with me while I learn all of these new terms and abbreviations. So where do I go from here? Do I make a post kind of describing my own personal experiences and events that have led to who I am today? Any guidance is appreciated. > Thank you and I look forward to getting to know you. > - > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 17, 2012 Report Share Posted November 17, 2012 Welcome to the Group, , and all new members, I agree, its so very validating to discover that other people have experienced really (uncannily) similar issues, situations and behaviors that you have experienced from your bpd mother (or " nada " , a term used here for " mother with bpd " . Its short for " not-a-mom " .) There are members here with bpd fathers, members with a bpd mother and a narcissistic father, members whose parent has bpd plus other mental illnesses as well, and members whose parent has bpd plus alcoholism. Most members relate that their parent is undiagnosed and untreated. Its a mixed and varied Group here, our commonality is that our parents were or are showing traits of personality disorder. I also agree that knowledge is power, and it can help a KO (adult Kid Of a bpd parent) gain some healthy emotional objectivity to educate yourself about borderline personality disorder. There are a lot of good books available now about bpd; there is a reading list link at the home page of this website; I personally recommend the book " Understanding the Borderline Mother " , if you haven't read that one yet. It really resonated with me on a deep level and helped me begin to heal. In my opinion, understanding the following points is important for us KOs: *BPD is an actual, for-real mental illness (personality disorders are currently categorized as Axis II mental disorders in the DSM-IV; bpd is in the Cluster B Group: the dramatic, emotional, and erratic pds .) Your parent isn't just " difficult " or " emotional " , she is mentally ill. Keep in mind that like most conditions, bpd can range in severity, and can express itself in different ways. *Its not your fault: you did not cause your mother to behave, think, or feel in the distorted, emotionally disregulated, negative and destructive way that she does. *You can't change her or cure her (your bpd parent is the only one who has the power and the potential to improve herself, but s/he has to want to change and must voluntarily seek treatment.) Your only real power is choosing how YOU will think, react, and behave. Our main task as a KO is to realize and accept that we have the right to an independent, joyful, meaningful adult life (including being a spouse and a parent, ourselves, if we want to be) and that we were NOT born to be our bpd parent's " mommy " , rescuer, enabler, slave, or substitute spouse for life. Our biggest hurdle is to understand and accept that the Fear, Obligation, and Guilt ( " FOG " ) that a bpd parent tends to saddle their child with, is inappropriate and misplaced. This sounds simple on paper, but it is hard to process this information, internalize it and act on it in real, day-to-day life. Its not easy but its possible. Each of us has to find our own way of handling our own bpd parent situation, in our own time-frame, at our own level and ability to manage it. There isn't any one right way or right method or right time-line for this, its very individual. Some of us KOs can handle having a limited-contact relationship with our bpd parent with strict boundaries or rules in place for ourselves, while others of us need to go No Contact with our bpd parent either temporarily or permanently. There isn't any " right " or " wrong " about these choices, its just about what works best for you and helps you heal. You have the basic human right to remove yourself from an abusive person or situation, to have personal boundaries, and to protect yourself, your own spouse and your own children from an abusive person (even if that abusive, exploitative or dangerous person is your own parent.) I hope you new folks will find as much healing and peace here as I have. -Annie > > Hello fellow members, > I am an adult KO a BPD. I have been struggling with myself and some of my own personality flaws as a result of living with a BPD nada(?). Only yesterday was I told of the existance of this group especially designed for others like myself and until that moment I did not even realize that there were so very many others like myself. It is calming to know that I am not alone. As I am new to boards/groups like this please let me know if I am ever doing or saying anything not permitted. Also please bear with me while I learn all of these new terms and abbreviations. So where do I go from here? Do I make a post kind of describing my own personal experiences and events that have led to who I am today? Any guidance is appreciated. > Thank you and I look forward to getting to know you. > - > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 17, 2012 Report Share Posted November 17, 2012 Thank you Annie! As a new member I really needed the affirmation of your letter. Beth Re: Hello, I am new. Welcome to the Group, , and all new members, I agree, its so very validating to discover that other people have experienced really (uncannily) similar issues, situations and behaviors that you have experienced from your bpd mother (or " nada " , a term used here for " mother with bpd " . Its short for " not-a-mom " .) There are members here with bpd fathers, members with a bpd mother and a narcissistic father, members whose parent has bpd plus other mental illnesses as well, and members whose parent has bpd plus alcoholism. Most members relate that their parent is undiagnosed and untreated. Its a mixed and varied Group here, our commonality is that our parents were or are showing traits of personality disorder. I also agree that knowledge is power, and it can help a KO (adult Kid Of a bpd parent) gain some healthy emotional objectivity to educate yourself about borderline personality disorder. There are a lot of good books available now about bpd; there is a reading list link at the home page of this website; I personally recommend the book " Understanding the Borderline Mother " , if you haven't read that one yet. It really resonated with me on a deep level and helped me begin to heal. In my opinion, understanding the following points is important for us KOs: *BPD is an actual, for-real mental illness (personality disorders are currently categorized as Axis II mental disorders in the DSM-IV; bpd is in the Cluster B Group: the dramatic, emotional, and erratic pds .) Your parent isn't just " difficult " or " emotional " , she is mentally ill. Keep in mind that like most conditions, bpd can range in severity, and can express itself in different ways. *Its not your fault: you did not cause your mother to behave, think, or feel in the distorted, emotionally disregulated, negative and destructive way that she does. *You can't change her or cure her (your bpd parent is the only one who has the power and the potential to improve herself, but s/he has to want to change and must voluntarily seek treatment.) Your only real power is choosing how YOU will think, react, and behave. Our main task as a KO is to realize and accept that we have the right to an independent, joyful, meaningful adult life (including being a spouse and a parent, ourselves, if we want to be) and that we were NOT born to be our bpd parent's " mommy " , rescuer, enabler, slave, or substitute spouse for life. Our biggest hurdle is to understand and accept that the Fear, Obligation, and Guilt ( " FOG " ) that a bpd parent tends to saddle their child with, is inappropriate and misplaced. This sounds simple on paper, but it is hard to process this information, internalize it and act on it in real, day-to-day life. Its not easy but its possible. Each of us has to find our own way of handling our own bpd parent situation, in our own time-frame, at our own level and ability to manage it. There isn't any one right way or right method or right time-line for this, its very individual. Some of us KOs can handle having a limited-contact relationship with our bpd parent with strict boundaries or rules in place for ourselves, while others of us need to go No Contact with our bpd parent either temporarily or permanently. There isn't any " right " or " wrong " about these choices, its just about what works best for you and helps you heal. You have the basic human right to remove yourself from an abusive person or situation, to have personal boundaries, and to protect yourself, your own spouse and your own children from an abusive person (even if that abusive, exploitative or dangerous person is your own parent.) I hope you new folks will find as much healing and peace here as I have. -Annie > > Hello fellow members, > I am an adult KO a BPD. I have been struggling with myself and some of my own personality flaws as a result of living with a BPD nada(?). Only yesterday was I told of the existance of this group especially designed for others like myself and until that moment I did not even realize that there were so very many others like myself. It is calming to know that I am not alone. As I am new to boards/groups like this please let me know if I am ever doing or saying anything not permitted. Also please bear with me while I learn all of these new terms and abbreviations. So where do I go from here? Do I make a post kind of describing my own personal experiences and events that have led to who I am today? Any guidance is appreciated. > Thank you and I look forward to getting to know you. > - > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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