Guest guest Posted November 6, 2012 Report Share Posted November 6, 2012 I am just starting to try to establish boundaries with my mom (? I don't quite get the naming system used in posts). I tried to post this before but I don't think it went through and I also needed to change my profile to be more anonymous. I just started trying to push her to respect my limits and feelings, and she can't handle it. She is threatening me, and she has acted on her anger in violent ways before. I think I am going to have to change the locks in my house because she might have a key (though she loses everything). I feel like the only way to escape her manipulative attempts to get me to apologize (for wanting boundaries) is to cut off contact, but I'm afraid if I do that she will do something to harm me, my property, or another family member. I will talk to someone locally for advice; I know that's not really the purpose here. It's just to have a place to say I'm really scared and I want to break free without feeling guilty or continuing to have so much anxiety. PJ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 8, 2012 Report Share Posted November 8, 2012 Hello PJ, We commonly refer to our unmotherlike mothers as " nada " which kind of means " not a mother " . Many of us just don't want to use a term that the rest of the world sees as meaning a loving, nurturing female parent. " Fada " refers to non-fatherly fathers. I'm sorry that you are scared. I don't think it is unreasonable to fear what she might do. Some nadas will go to extremes when they don't get their way. Changing your locks sounds like a good idea. Cutting off contact with her is likely to provoke a reaction from her once she realizes that's what you've done. If she does threaten you or cause harm I'd recommend keeping a log of what she does and when, along with pictures of any damage she does. You may want to talk to the local police to find out what steps can be taken to protect yourself. Depending on the laws where you live you may be able to get a restraining order if she's threatening you. I find it helps me to have a plan in advance for what I'm going to do if my nada does the various things I'm afraid she might do. If you have a plan it is easier to do something sensible and not end up making a bad choice due to the stress of having to deal with her right away and not having time to think things through. At 03:55 PM 11/06/2012 camochild wrote: >I am just starting to try to establish boundaries with my mom >(? I don't quite get the naming system used in posts). I tried >to post this before but I don't think it went through and I >also needed to change my profile to be more anonymous. > >I just started trying to push her to respect my limits and >feelings, and she can't handle it. She is threatening me, and >she has acted on her anger in violent ways before. I think I am >going to have to change the locks in my house because she might >have a key (though she loses everything). I feel like the only >way to escape her manipulative attempts to get me to apologize >(for wanting boundaries) is to cut off contact, but I'm afraid >if I do that she will do something to harm me, my property, or >another family member. > >I will talk to someone locally for advice; I know that's not >really the purpose here. It's just to have a place to say I'm >really scared and I want to break free without feeling guilty >or continuing to have so much anxiety. > >PJ -- Katrina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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