Pets, friends, and family members---all pawns

[Guest guest]

As the years of my life have passed, dealing with a BPD mother, the “red

flags†have sometimes been very obvious in my dealings with her, especially if

she sees an opportunity to use my affection for another as a tool for her own

*gain?*.

Growing up, we had many pets. The ones with whom I bonded often didn’t last

very long at our house (less than a year or so). Some were given away, but

several more were “poisoned by neighborsâ€. If we had a neighbor Mother

didn’t like, they suddenly became an animal killer. This pattern has

continued into the present day-----most recently, one of my sister’s

boyfriends went over and “murdered Mother’s dogâ€. It took me awhile

growing up to realize that we actually don’t live in a society in which people

go around killing other peoples’ pets, willy-nilly.

You may think the following story is silly (and much ado about a pet), but it

illustrates the often callous nature of a person with BPD:

As recently as four years ago, I made the mistake of letting the maternal unit

know how grief-stricken I was at having to put down my best buddy, my cat

“Spotâ€. I adopted him as an adult (he had a troubled childhood, and I was

his fourth home) and we spent 11 very happy years together as roommates. When

he became so sick that he wasn’t having any good quality of life, I went with

him to the veterinarian, and Spot had a merciful injection. He passed while

purring, as I was rubbing/scratching his back.

Within a week or so, my mother said she had found another cat who needed to be

with me. She said that two people I knew (whom I knew with a casual

friendliness) had been searching for a replacement pet for me. Since I was born

(but not yesterday!), I phoned these two people, and neither knew about a “cat

searchâ€. I told Mother I wasn’t ready for another feline, and that I felt I

needed an appropriate mourning period. She then told me that the cat in

question was about to be “put to sleep†because he hadn’t found a home. I

told her I would think about the situation, and let her know. When I called her

a few days later, there were suddenly a whole list of “behavior changesâ€

from the cat’s owner, which would be required for the cat to be adopted.

Obviously, these caveats had the stink of a BPD control situation. I told her

I needed to speak with the cat owner, and the witch replied, “Well, I was

trying to protect your privacy.†She knows I’m quite private, but that

certainly isn’t necessary in adopting a pet! I told her I needed the phone

number of the pet owner, and she reluctantly gave me one. It was a FAX number

with a beep at the end. I then told her I would like to see a photo of the

feline, and she sent one, but inadvertently attached all the email

correspondence she had with the cat’s owner. It was the craziest, longest

litany of lies I’ve ever seen!!! Allegedly, I was housebound, I had been

forced out of my home and put in Government housing, I was dependent upon

“Meals on Wheelsâ€, and the lies went on and on. At the end, there was a

statement from M that “I oversee all of his needs and responsibilities, and I

promise you that this cat will have food delivered every couple of weeks, and

reliable vet care†It was obvious that M had launched her own Machiavellian

plan to use my grief as a control/manipulation tool. From the email, I was able

to gain enough info to directly contact the kitty’s owner, and I told her I

was rescinding my offer of a home, due to the awful and untrue correspondence

between them. She apologized for her part in the matter, and said that she had

been completely misled by the lady who hadn’t even told her that the potential

cat owner was her son.

As things ended up, the cat’s owner and I became friendly, and he’s been my

buddy here for more than three years. I also took in another feline buddy from

a rescue organization, and they are best friends. To the best of my knowledge,

my crazy mother doesn’t know that I have the feline she tried to use to

manipulate my grief. The two cats and I have a happy existence, and I keep the

M out of my house.

It amazes and saddens me how a BPD person can take the smallest situation, and

attempt to use it as a weapon against their non-BPD adversary. It’s

absolutely exhausting.

Take care,