NEWBIE - Please accept my Introduction

[Guest guest]

Dear Group,

WHEW! Am I thrilled to know you are out there. Please don't misunderstand me, if

I had power to remove BPD and/or NPD from existence I would heal all of us and

our loved (and sometimes resented) ones at once. It's just that I've been on

this wild ride for nearly 50 years and well I've just come to understand that my

mother really was mentally ill all that time. Was I in denial? Was I in shock?

Am I incredible slow to realize the truth? Feel free to comment please after

reading my store below. Thank you for doing so and thank you for allowing me to

unpack some of the emotional baggage I've been lugging around.

My mother past on August 17, 2012. She was in end stage liver disease and

suffering from hepatic encephlay. While her behavior had never been " normal " the

build up of toxins in her blood stream was making her personality toxic as well.

She had become a hermit who slept days and arose in the evenings. She was

estranged from friends and family and while on speaking terms with neighbors

she, as one woman put it, " made it clear that a close friendship was not

desired. " In April mother had revised her will to disown both me, her daughter,

and her best friend . She left her home (over $800,000) and three

investment accounts to the ASPCA but made no provision for the care of her own

cats. In fact, no one, not even the neighbors she had " cat sat " for in years

past, was aware she had pets! No one was ever allowed to set foot in her home.

Mother suffered a seizure and fell outside her home on the evening of August

17th. While completely able to move and call out, she did neither. She lay there

for an estimated 16 to 20 hours until the neighbors noticed her. She was

immediately transferred to Stanford University Hospital. The ambulance crew

determined that she had become hyperthermia. However she did converse with them

telling them her name, her birthday, following their commands, etc. Once in the

ER she became less coherent. Her airway became ecluded and she was bagged. Her

right lung collapsed. then a series of four heart attacks followed. The ICU

doctor who had been brought to her bedside called her death and remained with

her until all signs of life were gone. None of the family had been called as

mother had removed every trace of us from her house.

On August 27 I was notified by mail to contact a Public Administrator. It was

after 5:00 pm and I had to wait over night to contact the their office. Looking

back it was a blessing. It gave me time to talk with my husband. Neither of us

thought her dead. We though that perhaps at last the county would allow us to

have conservatorship and place her in treatment or an assisted living facility.

I worried that her drunk driving might have harmed her or others and that she

was in jail and having " Witch episodes " with police officers. Well the next

morning I learned she was dead.

Something in me snapped and all the love mother never accepted from me came

pouring out. We drove three hours to the coroner and claimed the body. I found

out which shelter had her cats and adopted them. They are my sisters who also

survived the domestic wars! I met with the PA, reviewed the poison pin will and

chose not to dispute it. IF the money gets to the ASPCA, suffer of innocents

(even if it be in cat and dog form) will end. I notified the family. I had mom

cremated and mixed her ashes with her beloved (it was all good or all bad with

her!) dog and favorite cats as per her wishes. They are now off the Sonoma

Coast. Finally, I called my clinically depressed father.

Dad is... well... he is difficult. He is now on his fourth marriage and very

much like mother, he is ALWAYS right and the rest of the world is to blame. Add

to this that he uses religion to bludgeoned others and make them feel bad about

themselves and you might understand why I set strict boundaries. Anyway, as I

talked about mother's alcoholism, Dad reminded me that she had been diagnosed

with BPD in the mid-1970's. It hit me like a ton of bricks. While I had hear

this in my childhood when Iwas in 4th grade, I didn't know what it meant. I

didn't know about mentall illness at all. I can remember mother coming home and

showing me what she called a " staple' in her ear. It didn't look like any staple

I've ever seen. It was much bigger and thicker that even hardware staples.

Mother said that her doctor applied mild electric current to it to " cure her

moods. " I was so freaked out that I just stayed absolutely silent and never

mentioned it again. I tried Googling this but the only staples in ears i see are

for weight loss. Was this another of my mother's " dramas " ?

Anyway, soon after this mother's affair came to light. My father walked out and

left me with a drunken BPD who had just faced abandonment. What kind of idiot

does that to his only child? Hmmm.. that may be fodder for another post! I am

sounding way too bitter and need to save it until my emotions examined and I am

able to express them in a wiser way. I don't want to be someone who rages and

name calls for no reason. That does not feel like a right action.

Thank you for reading this very lenghty story. I hope that I can come to

understand FLEAS and rid myself of any that linger.

HAPPY VETERAN'S DAY! Welcome home! Thank you for your service. I'm so grateful

to you. Safty, victory, and blessings to all who are still in uniform. That you

for being the heros that can always be conted upon. You are deeply admired.

Warm wisshes to all,

MB

[Guest guest]

MB,

Welcome to the group. You sound like you have a huge well of compassion and

empathy to honor your mother's last wishes and not choose to contest the will.

Your father sounds like he has narcissistic traits as well and this is a

frequent pairing of an NPD and BPD together. I hope you are able to get support

for your own recovery from this type of upbringing.

Of course a 4th grader does not understand about BPD and mental illness! You

have no tools to mediate that as a child. When my own uBPD.NPD mother was dying

I began to have flashbacks in the hospital. It was only after her death that my

acknowledgement of the abuse I suffered and recovery would begin.

Keep reading and asking questions. We've all been where you are now.

Jaleo