Re: extreme isolation/ Anyone have Pete experience?

[Guest guest]

Thank you so much and and Millicent again and everyone who responded

to this thread. I was feeling so very alone yesterday! These are all good

ideas; for me though when I take a step back, I know that the real root core of

the lonliness is that I have not yet found a sustainable way to improve my

Complex PTSD symptoms. I am the one who keeps myself withdrawn--again and again

and again. I have done this since childhood and did even feel lonely in college

and other settings where I had tons of people around. I am wondering if any of

you have experience with Pete (it would have to be telephonic for me as I

am not lucky enough to live in San Francisco)...or with someone who uses his

technique. I see now that this is how I've really been stymied. I am stuck in

this Catch 22: I can't move forward psychologically until I recover from the

Trauma. I can't recover from the trauma until I get basic safety. I can't get

basic safety until I can really work, sustainably. I can't really work

sustainably....until I recover from the trauma! SO if I sound a little

waif-like or defeatist it's because I really do feel like I'm in this Catch-22

situation, and it does seem hopeless sometimes. But thanks very much everyone

again for the support, which I really need(ed)!!

--Charlie

>

> I told my husband I was going to become rich starting a line of greeting

> cards in a new section:

>

> " Dysfunctional Family " .lol

>

>

>

> Every birthday, mother's day, father's day.. begins the search for some

> really generic card, one that doesn't

>

> Say how " special " they are, how they were always there for me, taught me

> true love and everything I know.

>

> Uugghh. I usually end up with a blank card.

>

>

>

> Even before my BPD revelation and recent conflict and NC, finding the right

> card was always difficult.

>

>

>

> :-)

>

>

>

>

>

> _____

>

> From: WTOAdultChildren1

> [mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ] On Behalf Of Olds

> Sent: November-15-12 1:21 AM

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Subject: Re: extreme isolation

>

>

>

>

>

> Just as ideas--might not be your cup of tea-- have you tried playing a

> social online game? Or may be an online book club? Even a facebook

> page..it's a simple low key way to interact a little bit and get to know

> some people. A good spring board to getting to know someone or spending time

> with them. And I know you can navigate the internet... lol.

> Also, on Thanksgiving you don't have to be alone. Go volunteer at a local

> agency who is putting on a dinner, few of those people are with their

> friends or family that day (cuz see, here they are, just like you.) Maybe

> for homeless people, or vets, or single moms, foster kids, or or or =) There

> are lots of ways to spend Thanksgiving. It doesn't have to just be a

> Hallmark channel holiday--and seriously, who has those anyway! Go ahead and

> buck tradition! Don't get sucked down by all those stereotypes of 'the

> perfect holidays' *groan*

> Go spend your time and energy and actually be appreciated and valued!! Start

> today and don't wait for Thanksgiving the day to roll around. Look up your

> local HeadStart agency and ask if they need people to help organize the Tree

> of Joy/Giving/etc. Call your local CASA agency and see if you can help with

> their Tree of Joy cuz they are starting to organize for it. Right now is the

> best time to fight the depression that comes on with the holidays. Let go of

> what you can't change, and embrace that which you can!! Life is short, make

> today beautiful.

>

> OH, Hallmark should so hire me. Let's make everyday a holiday and celebrate

> our mental and emotional health! I bet we, KOs here on the forum, could all

> come together and make a really great line of snarky greeting cards!!

> <3

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi,

Sounds like you have great ideas about what's going on. I can really feel

your pain here. I would also consider a chemical solution. If you can find

something to help shut down the anxiety maybe the flow could get going. Not

everyone is okay with medical solutions but I have found it can help me

climb out of the various ruts I have found myself in. I know I can relate

to your position. I have real social anxiety and I do know hard it can be

to get " out there " .

On Thu, Nov 15, 2012 at 11:11 AM, charlottehoneychurch <

charlottehoneychurch@...> wrote:

> **

>

>

> Thank you so much and and Millicent again and everyone who

> responded to this thread. I was feeling so very alone yesterday! These are

> all good ideas; for me though when I take a step back, I know that the real

> root core of the lonliness is that I have not yet found a sustainable way

> to improve my Complex PTSD symptoms. I am the one who keeps myself

> withdrawn--again and again and again. I have done this since childhood and

> did even feel lonely in college and other settings where I had tons of

> people around. I am wondering if any of you have experience with Pete

> (it would have to be telephonic for me as I am not lucky enough to

> live in San Francisco)...or with someone who uses his technique. I see now

> that this is how I've really been stymied. I am stuck in this Catch 22: I

> can't move forward psychologically until I recover from the Trauma. I can't

> recover from the trauma until I get basic safety. I can't get basic safety

> until I can really work, sustainably. I can't really work

> sustainably....until I recover from the trauma! SO if I sound a little

> waif-like or defeatist it's because I really do feel like I'm in this

> Catch-22 situation, and it does seem hopeless sometimes. But thanks very

> much everyone again for the support, which I really need(ed)!!

>

> --Charlie

>

>

> >

> > I told my husband I was going to become rich starting a line of greeting

> > cards in a new section:

> >

> > " Dysfunctional Family " .lol

> >

> >

> >

> > Every birthday, mother's day, father's day.. begins the search for some

> > really generic card, one that doesn't

> >

> > Say how " special " they are, how they were always there for me, taught me

> > true love and everything I know.

> >

> > Uugghh. I usually end up with a blank card.

> >

> >

> >

> > Even before my BPD revelation and recent conflict and NC, finding the

> right

> > card was always difficult.

> >

> >

> >

> > :-)

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > _____

> >

> > From: WTOAdultChildren1

> > [mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ] On Behalf Of Olds

> > Sent: November-15-12 1:21 AM

> > To: WTOAdultChildren1

> > Subject: Re: extreme isolation

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > Just as ideas--might not be your cup of tea-- have you tried playing a

> > social online game? Or may be an online book club? Even a facebook

> > page..it's a simple low key way to interact a little bit and get to know

> > some people. A good spring board to getting to know someone or spending

> time

> > with them. And I know you can navigate the internet... lol.

> > Also, on Thanksgiving you don't have to be alone. Go volunteer at a local

> > agency who is putting on a dinner, few of those people are with their

> > friends or family that day (cuz see, here they are, just like you.) Maybe

> > for homeless people, or vets, or single moms, foster kids, or or or =)

> There

> > are lots of ways to spend Thanksgiving. It doesn't have to just be a

> > Hallmark channel holiday--and seriously, who has those anyway! Go ahead

> and

> > buck tradition! Don't get sucked down by all those stereotypes of 'the

> > perfect holidays' *groan*

> > Go spend your time and energy and actually be appreciated and valued!!

> Start

> > today and don't wait for Thanksgiving the day to roll around. Look up

> your

> > local HeadStart agency and ask if they need people to help organize the

> Tree

> > of Joy/Giving/etc. Call your local CASA agency and see if you can help

> with

> > their Tree of Joy cuz they are starting to organize for it. Right now is

> the

> > best time to fight the depression that comes on with the holidays. Let

> go of

> > what you can't change, and embrace that which you can!! Life is short,

> make

> > today beautiful.

> >

> > OH, Hallmark should so hire me. Let's make everyday a holiday and

> celebrate

> > our mental and emotional health! I bet we, KOs here on the forum, could

> all

> > come together and make a really great line of snarky greeting cards!!

> > <3

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Charlotte,

A very important part of my recovery has been upping the self care to what I

would have previously considered a ridiculous level. Instead of focusing on

what you do not have (understandably): friends, companionship, etc. I invite

you to think about how you can focus on how you yourself can best take care of

yourself and meet your needs.

For example: to this end I have been seeing a naturopath who put me on a detox

diet in which I lost 10 lbs, eliminated a lot of inflamation in my body, and

take a series of supplements to help center and ground me and I am off the anti

depressants and anti anxiety medication. St. s Wort is one of them.

I have attended but not committed to a recovery group of Buddhist practitioners

and 12-steppers so that I can work on centering my headspace and taking back

control of my reactions to things by hopefully someday building in a pause so I

can mediate myself before I react. (My mother was an AA devotee so things like

the Serenity prayer and all the jargon are very triggering for me; through

therapy my T has helped me to see that I deserve to get my needs met and if 12 -

step jargon is not working for me that does not make me a horrible human being -

and of course I do not judge the non-pd 12-steppers - I just have an experience

where everyone my mom brought home from 12-step was personality disordered- I

never knew I could say no to things and not finish them, anyone else?)

I'm going to therapy weekly, which has been very helpful to get intouch with my

emotions and articulate them more honestly and openly to myself and others when

I am negatively affected.

I exercise and make more time to relax which my workaholic self never did

before.

I know a lot of these things are expensive, and I am lucky to be able to work

more and allocate my resources and savings to them, but it is only temporary, I

cannot financially sustain it. HOwever, there are things you can do (meetings,

groups, even yoga and meditation classes) that are free. It took me a year and

half to be able to go to a group because of my own active c-ptsd and wanting to

isolate. My therapist did not want me to isolate so much, but I said that I

needed time to lick my wounds and that was right for me. I also believe that I

have always known what was right for me and instinctively (if maladaptively)

acted upon it all the time.

Treat yourself as if you were your own traumatized daughter and mother that hurt

child in you by feeding her nourishing foods, warm baths with epsom salts,

soothing music, candles. Love yourself like you have never been loved. After

you have allowed yourself some time to heal ( and gone in medication or whatever

if that is right for you) I think you will find yourself more ready to go out in

the world and find the love that is there waiting for you.

I hope I do not sound like I have all the answers, or that you must do as I have

done (it would not have been unusual for the " old " me), I am simply inviting you

to explore there are ways to give to yourself so that you can begin to become

healthier and emotionally stronger, so that the giant nabob of negativity that

is our headspace (open 24 hours millions and millions served!) will begin to

ameliorate it's effects.

But we cannot expect ourselves to go out into the world and prosper until we

have met our basic needs. And unfortunately, one of the side effects of the

great awareness that brings us all here is a complete anxious response as the

world breaks open below our feet and we realize it wasn't us. We (I) get stuck

in this for a while as we process. If we do not take care of ourselves it is

hard to leave the hermetic circle of rumination. For me, I also think that for

some strange reason we have to learn to forgive ourselves: for being the

scapegoat, for reacting, for being the compliant golden child, for our own

narcissistic responses and hurts that we have inflicted upon others due to our

own ignorance of our pain.

Do one act of kindness for yourself today and leave it at that. That is how we

begin the process of forgiving ourselves.

Jaleo

[Guest guest]

I did a phone session w Pete about a month ago. In conjunction w standard

therapy a session w him is extremely helpful. Alone I don't think it would do

the trick but I highly recommend speaking with him in conjunction with a formal

local therapy regime

> > >

> > > I told my husband I was going to become rich starting a line of greeting

> > > cards in a new section:

> > >

> > > " Dysfunctional Family " .lol

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > Every birthday, mother's day, father's day.. begins the search for some

> > > really generic card, one that doesn't

> > >

> > > Say how " special " they are, how they were always there for me, taught me

> > > true love and everything I know.

> > >

> > > Uugghh. I usually end up with a blank card.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > Even before my BPD revelation and recent conflict and NC, finding the

> > right

> > > card was always difficult.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > :-)

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > _____

> > >

> > > From: WTOAdultChildren1

> > > [mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ] On Behalf Of Olds

> > > Sent: November-15-12 1:21 AM

> > > To: WTOAdultChildren1

> > > Subject: Re: extreme isolation

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > Just as ideas--might not be your cup of tea-- have you tried playing a

> > > social online game? Or may be an online book club? Even a facebook

> > > page..it's a simple low key way to interact a little bit and get to know

> > > some people. A good spring board to getting to know someone or spending

> > time

> > > with them. And I know you can navigate the internet... lol.

> > > Also, on Thanksgiving you don't have to be alone. Go volunteer at a local

> > > agency who is putting on a dinner, few of those people are with their

> > > friends or family that day (cuz see, here they are, just like you.) Maybe

> > > for homeless people, or vets, or single moms, foster kids, or or or =)

> > There

> > > are lots of ways to spend Thanksgiving. It doesn't have to just be a

> > > Hallmark channel holiday--and seriously, who has those anyway! Go ahead

> > and

> > > buck tradition! Don't get sucked down by all those stereotypes of 'the

> > > perfect holidays' *groan*

> > > Go spend your time and energy and actually be appreciated and valued!!

> > Start

> > > today and don't wait for Thanksgiving the day to roll around. Look up

> > your

> > > local HeadStart agency and ask if they need people to help organize the

> > Tree

> > > of Joy/Giving/etc. Call your local CASA agency and see if you can help

> > with

> > > their Tree of Joy cuz they are starting to organize for it. Right now is

> > the

> > > best time to fight the depression that comes on with the holidays. Let

> > go of

> > > what you can't change, and embrace that which you can!! Life is short,

> > make

> > > today beautiful.

> > >

> > > OH, Hallmark should so hire me. Let's make everyday a holiday and

> > celebrate

> > > our mental and emotional health! I bet we, KOs here on the forum, could

> > all

> > > come together and make a really great line of snarky greeting cards!!

> > > <3

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

Meds are one option to consider; each person has to discover what works best in

his or her own situation. I myself had a good result from what turned out to be

a short-term course of a prescription anti-anxiety med; my doctor felt that my

blood pressure and heart rate were dangerously high, so he prescribed the med.

When my highly stressful work situation resolved ( I got myself transferred to a

different department with a sane, nice boss) my doctor agreed that I no longer

needed the med. So, I suggest trying different ways to resolve whatever problem

you're experiencing, until you find something that works. Perhaps discuss with

your doctor the pros and cons of using meds in your own individual situation.

-Annie

> > >

> > > I told my husband I was going to become rich starting a line of greeting

> > > cards in a new section:

> > >

> > > " Dysfunctional Family " .lol

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > Every birthday, mother's day, father's day.. begins the search for some

> > > really generic card, one that doesn't

> > >

> > > Say how " special " they are, how they were always there for me, taught me

> > > true love and everything I know.

> > >

> > > Uugghh. I usually end up with a blank card.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > Even before my BPD revelation and recent conflict and NC, finding the

> > right

> > > card was always difficult.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > :-)

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > _____

> > >

> > > From: WTOAdultChildren1

> > > [mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ] On Behalf Of Olds

> > > Sent: November-15-12 1:21 AM

> > > To: WTOAdultChildren1

> > > Subject: Re: extreme isolation

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > Just as ideas--might not be your cup of tea-- have you tried playing a

> > > social online game? Or may be an online book club? Even a facebook

> > > page..it's a simple low key way to interact a little bit and get to know

> > > some people. A good spring board to getting to know someone or spending

> > time

> > > with them. And I know you can navigate the internet... lol.

> > > Also, on Thanksgiving you don't have to be alone. Go volunteer at a local

> > > agency who is putting on a dinner, few of those people are with their

> > > friends or family that day (cuz see, here they are, just like you.) Maybe

> > > for homeless people, or vets, or single moms, foster kids, or or or =)

> > There

> > > are lots of ways to spend Thanksgiving. It doesn't have to just be a

> > > Hallmark channel holiday--and seriously, who has those anyway! Go ahead

> > and

> > > buck tradition! Don't get sucked down by all those stereotypes of 'the

> > > perfect holidays' *groan*

> > > Go spend your time and energy and actually be appreciated and valued!!

> > Start

> > > today and don't wait for Thanksgiving the day to roll around. Look up

> > your

> > > local HeadStart agency and ask if they need people to help organize the

> > Tree

> > > of Joy/Giving/etc. Call your local CASA agency and see if you can help

> > with

> > > their Tree of Joy cuz they are starting to organize for it. Right now is

> > the

> > > best time to fight the depression that comes on with the holidays. Let

> > go of

> > > what you can't change, and embrace that which you can!! Life is short,

> > make

> > > today beautiful.

> > >

> > > OH, Hallmark should so hire me. Let's make everyday a holiday and

> > celebrate

> > > our mental and emotional health! I bet we, KOs here on the forum, could

> > all

> > > come together and make a really great line of snarky greeting cards!!

> > > <3

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >