Guest guest Posted November 15, 2012 Report Share Posted November 15, 2012 I was just wondering how many here went through severe " teen angst " ? I mean more severe than the average? I was a teenager in the 80's, suffered from bulimia and terrible self-image issues, spent my free time with friends and behaved desperately and promiscuous. When I was home, I spent my time alone in my room, headphones on listening to Pink Floyd. When driving home today I heard Pink Floyd's Comfortably Numb and " Mother " .wow, hadn't heard that in years. Memories came flooding in and I spent the drive in tears. No wonder I liked listening to that so much as a teenager. Listen to the lyrics of " Mother " , crazy, freakishly accurate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 15, 2012 Report Share Posted November 15, 2012 I just remember be very sad all the time and not understanding why. I would think that I had no good reason to be sad, that there must be something wrong with me for not being grateful for what I had. I now realize that I was internalizing all these unspoken problems that were going on in my family. All the fighting between my nada and my other siblings, and between her and my father. The screaming, threats, I just thought we were bad.Why would she get so mad if we weren't really bad? > > I was just wondering how many here went through severe " teen angst " ? I mean > more severe than the average? > > > > I was a teenager in the 80's, suffered from bulimia and terrible self-image > issues, spent my free time with friends and behaved desperately and > promiscuous. When I was home, I spent my time alone in my room, headphones > on listening to Pink Floyd. > > > > When driving home today I heard Pink Floyd's Comfortably Numb and > " Mother " .wow, hadn't heard that in years. > > Memories came flooding in and I spent the drive in tears. > > No wonder I liked listening to that so much as a teenager. Listen to the > lyrics of " Mother " , crazy, freakishly accurate. > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 15, 2012 Report Share Posted November 15, 2012 I understand what you are writing about more than it feels comfortably to. I had a severe eating disorder and was obsessed about avoiding food and on occasions I lost control and ate so much that my stomach would hurt and still continue eating. It was horrible. I spent most of my time alone and was glad when no one else was there, this was the only time I felt close to happy, or at least safe and didn't have to walk on eggshells. My self image was so distorted that I felt horrible about myself most of the time and very different to all of my peers but in a very sad way. Now I realize that I was different but not because of my looks or needs but because of what I had to go through ever day. I was being robbed of enjoying life, being a teenager and not having the duty to care for an emotionally unstable to suicidal mom. Life shouldn't be a constant life threat, it should be about freedom, love, joy and making experiences. Today I feel very sad that I never had that time to explore and I feel that I missed a lot. I'm 35 years old but when I think of topics like dating and topics related I feel lost. I feel I never had the chance to make valuable experiences, and it's hard to catch up. Dear , thanks for sharing, all the best, Astrid Sent from my iPad > I just remember be very sad all the time and not understanding why. I would think that I had no good reason to be sad, that there must be something wrong with me for not being grateful for what I had. > > I now realize that I was internalizing all these unspoken problems that were going on in my family. All the fighting between my nada and my other siblings, and between her and my father. The screaming, threats, I just thought we were bad.Why would she get so mad if we weren't really bad? > > > > > > I was just wondering how many here went through severe " teen angst " ? I mean > > more severe than the average? > > > > > > > > I was a teenager in the 80's, suffered from bulimia and terrible self-image > > issues, spent my free time with friends and behaved desperately and > > promiscuous. When I was home, I spent my time alone in my room, headphones > > on listening to Pink Floyd. > > > > > > > > When driving home today I heard Pink Floyd's Comfortably Numb and > > " Mother " .wow, hadn't heard that in years. > > > > Memories came flooding in and I spent the drive in tears. > > > > No wonder I liked listening to that so much as a teenager. Listen to the > > lyrics of " Mother " , crazy, freakishly accurate. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 16, 2012 Report Share Posted November 16, 2012 My eating disorder behavior didn't rear its ugliest head until I was in my 20s, but I definitely identify with the feelings that I lost a huge part of my social development as a teenager. I was always overweight and never really understood how to feel attractive (still a struggle). I had no sisters and nada never really had the talk with me, not about sex, makeup, clothes, being healthy as your body changes, eating right. I don't think she knew how. And I think in some way she just wanted to keep me close to her. If I was fat and poorly dressed, no one would like me, and therefore she wouldn't lose me. I don't think it was that conscious on her part, but I can see that as being a sort of subconscious mechanism for her to cope. > > > > > > I was just wondering how many here went through severe " teen angst " ? I mean > > > more severe than the average? > > > > > > > > > > > > I was a teenager in the 80's, suffered from bulimia and terrible self-image > > > issues, spent my free time with friends and behaved desperately and > > > promiscuous. When I was home, I spent my time alone in my room, headphones > > > on listening to Pink Floyd. > > > > > > > > > > > > When driving home today I heard Pink Floyd's Comfortably Numb and > > > " Mother " .wow, hadn't heard that in years. > > > > > > Memories came flooding in and I spent the drive in tears. > > > > > > No wonder I liked listening to that so much as a teenager. Listen to the > > > lyrics of " Mother " , crazy, freakishly accurate. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 19, 2012 Report Share Posted November 19, 2012 Thank you everyone for your replies. I'm discovering that I never really outgrew that awkward feeling. In the same way that I'm now looking at my nada and fada through a new set of glasses, I'm looking at myself and my feelings/behaviours through a new set too. It's like I'm on the outside looking at some stranger and it is incredibly depressing. I too, feel robbed of so many experiences, not that I would change my life, but I feel robbed of being able to be in the moment and enjoy them. Just yesterday I was at the arena for my son's hockey practice and it was picture day. And honestly I felt uncomfortable and awkward with all the other parents, sure I can smile and chat, but the whole time I feel like an imposter, an outsider, just plain UNCOMFORTABLE. This isn't new, this has always been the way I am in certain group situations. But now I feel like I am someone else in the room seeing me. I also had an episode last week where my vehicle died. Luckily happened right in front of the house. So I called CAA, the tow truck took it to the garage, and it actually ended up not being that expensive a repair. No big deal right? But the whole time while I'm waiting for the tow truck I am filled with anxiety, like I've done something " wrong " , that it's somehow my fault the truck has broken down and this will cost money we don't have, blah, blah, blah.it's not like I have some tyrant of a dh, hahaha. I was absorbing all the energy of what had gone wrong and making it my fault, my responsibility. Again, not a new behaviour, my typical anxiety of any situation, but for the first time EVER in my life I was aware of it and its absurdity. That didn't make it stop mind you, but there I was standing outside myself again. Somedays I grieve the loss of my FOO, but most days lately I am grieving the loss of myself, or who I could have been. :-( Thanks again for listening, _____ From: WTOAdultChildren1 [mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ] On Behalf Of Philiswithlove Sent: November-16-12 2:15 AM To: WTOAdultChildren1 Subject: Re: Re: Teen angst I understand what you are writing about more than it feels comfortably to. I had a severe eating disorder and was obsessed about avoiding food and on occasions I lost control and ate so much that my stomach would hurt and still continue eating. It was horrible. I spent most of my time alone and was glad when no one else was there, this was the only time I felt close to happy, or at least safe and didn't have to walk on eggshells. My self image was so distorted that I felt horrible about myself most of the time and very different to all of my peers but in a very sad way. Now I realize that I was different but not because of my looks or needs but because of what I had to go through ever day. I was being robbed of enjoying life, being a teenager and not having the duty to care for an emotionally unstable to suicidal mom. Life shouldn't be a constant life threat, it should be about freedom, love, joy and making experiences. Today I feel very sad that I never had that time to explore and I feel that I missed a lot. I'm 35 years old but when I think of topics like dating and topics related I feel lost. I feel I never had the chance to make valuable experiences, and it's hard to catch up. Dear , thanks for sharing, all the best, Astrid Sent from my iPad On 16.11.2012, at 03:11, " camochild " camochild@... > wrote: > I just remember be very sad all the time and not understanding why. I would think that I had no good reason to be sad, that there must be something wrong with me for not being grateful for what I had. > > I now realize that I was internalizing all these unspoken problems that were going on in my family. All the fighting between my nada and my other siblings, and between her and my father. The screaming, threats, I just thought we were bad.Why would she get so mad if we weren't really bad? > > > > > > I was just wondering how many here went through severe " teen angst " ? I mean > > more severe than the average? > > > > > > > > I was a teenager in the 80's, suffered from bulimia and terrible self-image > > issues, spent my free time with friends and behaved desperately and > > promiscuous. When I was home, I spent my time alone in my room, headphones > > on listening to Pink Floyd. > > > > > > > > When driving home today I heard Pink Floyd's Comfortably Numb and > > " Mother " .wow, hadn't heard that in years. > > > > Memories came flooding in and I spent the drive in tears. > > > > No wonder I liked listening to that so much as a teenager. Listen to the > > lyrics of " Mother " , crazy, freakishly accurate. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 19, 2012 Report Share Posted November 19, 2012 Unfortunately I think every single one of us has this experience. I started this practice about a year ago- at first I was happy just to notice when I was taking responsibility for everything that went wrong, whether or not it even had anything to do with me. Recently I've been able to stop myself in the moment. It takes time practice and a lot of therapy but it is doable, keep at it, we are here for you!!! > > > > > > I was just wondering how many here went through severe " teen angst " ? I > mean > > > more severe than the average? > > > > > > > > > > > > I was a teenager in the 80's, suffered from bulimia and terrible > self-image > > > issues, spent my free time with friends and behaved desperately and > > > promiscuous. When I was home, I spent my time alone in my room, > headphones > > > on listening to Pink Floyd. > > > > > > > > > > > > When driving home today I heard Pink Floyd's Comfortably Numb and > > > " Mother " .wow, hadn't heard that in years. > > > > > > Memories came flooding in and I spent the drive in tears. > > > > > > No wonder I liked listening to that so much as a teenager. Listen to the > > > lyrics of " Mother " , crazy, freakishly accurate. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 19, 2012 Report Share Posted November 19, 2012 Thank you!!!! I think I am fearing that I am destined to always feel this way, I will keep working at getting healthy! _____ From: WTOAdultChildren1 [mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ] On Behalf Of mdg2101 Sent: November-19-12 7:22 AM To: WTOAdultChildren1 Subject: Re: Teen angst Unfortunately I think every single one of us has this experience. I started this practice about a year ago- at first I was happy just to notice when I was taking responsibility for everything that went wrong, whether or not it even had anything to do with me. Recently I've been able to stop myself in the moment. It takes time practice and a lot of therapy but it is doable, keep at it, we are here for you!!! > > > > > > I was just wondering how many here went through severe " teen angst " ? I > mean > > > more severe than the average? > > > > > > > > > > > > I was a teenager in the 80's, suffered from bulimia and terrible > self-image > > > issues, spent my free time with friends and behaved desperately and > > > promiscuous. When I was home, I spent my time alone in my room, > headphones > > > on listening to Pink Floyd. > > > > > > > > > > > > When driving home today I heard Pink Floyd's Comfortably Numb and > > > " Mother " .wow, hadn't heard that in years. > > > > > > Memories came flooding in and I spent the drive in tears. > > > > > > No wonder I liked listening to that so much as a teenager. Listen to the > > > lyrics of " Mother " , crazy, freakishly accurate. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 19, 2012 Report Share Posted November 19, 2012 I experienced the same fear (that I would always be encumbered by these bad feelings) but have now had enough good days to know that I won't always feel that way. (Also enough bad days to know that there will still be some bad days, but that's not the same as always bad days!) > > > > > > > > I was just wondering how many here went through severe " teen angst " ? I > > mean > > > > more severe than the average? > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > I was a teenager in the 80's, suffered from bulimia and terrible > > self-image > > > > issues, spent my free time with friends and behaved desperately and > > > > promiscuous. When I was home, I spent my time alone in my room, > > headphones > > > > on listening to Pink Floyd. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > When driving home today I heard Pink Floyd's Comfortably Numb and > > > > " Mother " .wow, hadn't heard that in years. > > > > > > > > Memories came flooding in and I spent the drive in tears. > > > > > > > > No wonder I liked listening to that so much as a teenager. Listen to > the > > > > lyrics of " Mother " , crazy, freakishly accurate. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 20, 2012 Report Share Posted November 20, 2012 what you are describing is PTSD. I know because I have the same problems. like the feeling separate, small etc. I have been in therapy for it. my life is completely transformed. PTSD is a ton more introspective and silent than people think. I have issues with friends and people too. in fact I just had this conversation with my sister. Nadas splitting us makes us hate parts of ourselves too. and the verbal abuse gives a stick to beat ourselves with. I think I am annoying, too loud, talk too much, too sensitive, and unlovable because I pee my pants. (a medical condition I have talked about here before) these things are not really true, and least not to anyone but nada and a rather rude sister who is abusive too. but the awkwardness is so suffocating sometimes. as a teenager I sat in my room and read all the time. I was in music, and that was a mixed bag too. I was severely bullied too, so there were only just a few safe places for me. it was tough. i spent most of my life believing I deserved the mistreatment. or that it was the result of something very wrong about me. I also felt the guilt of thinking " you have a great life why are you unhappy? " this was the message Nada rammed down my throat. ok still does. our home is such a wonderful place, we are perfect, and oh so happy. (: (: (: yikes. being a teenager is hard anyway, but yeah I too lost so much time too. I was too scared to really put my heart into anything. i am definitely a late bloomer. this is a topic I have discussed with a few family members,and it seems that it is common problem for those of us with Nadas. especially those of us often split black. I feel like I have all the time in the world now. I am so happy I was given my life back. Anxiety is nasty stuff. Meikjn > > > > > > I was just wondering how many here went through severe " teen angst " ? I > mean > > > more severe than the average? > > > > > > > > > > > > I was a teenager in the 80's, suffered from bulimia and terrible > self-image > > > issues, spent my free time with friends and behaved desperately and > > > promiscuous. When I was home, I spent my time alone in my room, > headphones > > > on listening to Pink Floyd. > > > > > > > > > > > > When driving home today I heard Pink Floyd's Comfortably Numb and > > > " Mother " .wow, hadn't heard that in years. > > > > > > Memories came flooding in and I spent the drive in tears. > > > > > > No wonder I liked listening to that so much as a teenager. Listen to the > > > lyrics of " Mother " , crazy, freakishly accurate. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 21, 2012 Report Share Posted November 21, 2012 Thank your for your reply - I have an appointment with my therapist this morning to discuss all these emotions I'm having. _____ From: WTOAdultChildren1 [mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ] On Behalf Of Meikjn Sent: November-20-12 2:26 PM To: WTOAdultChildren1 Subject: Re: Teen angst what you are describing is PTSD. I know because I have the same problems. like the feeling separate, small etc. I have been in therapy for it. my life is completely transformed. PTSD is a ton more introspective and silent than people think. I have issues with friends and people too. in fact I just had this conversation with my sister. Nadas splitting us makes us hate parts of ourselves too. and the verbal abuse gives a stick to beat ourselves with. I think I am annoying, too loud, talk too much, too sensitive, and unlovable because I pee my pants. (a medical condition I have talked about here before) these things are not really true, and least not to anyone but nada and a rather rude sister who is abusive too. but the awkwardness is so suffocating sometimes. as a teenager I sat in my room and read all the time. I was in music, and that was a mixed bag too. I was severely bullied too, so there were only just a few safe places for me. it was tough. i spent most of my life believing I deserved the mistreatment. or that it was the result of something very wrong about me. I also felt the guilt of thinking " you have a great life why are you unhappy? " this was the message Nada rammed down my throat. ok still does. our home is such a wonderful place, we are perfect, and oh so happy. (: (: (: yikes. being a teenager is hard anyway, but yeah I too lost so much time too. I was too scared to really put my heart into anything. i am definitely a late bloomer. this is a topic I have discussed with a few family members,and it seems that it is common problem for those of us with Nadas. especially those of us often split black. I feel like I have all the time in the world now. I am so happy I was given my life back. Anxiety is nasty stuff. Meikjn > > > > > > I was just wondering how many here went through severe " teen angst " ? I > mean > > > more severe than the average? > > > > > > > > > > > > I was a teenager in the 80's, suffered from bulimia and terrible > self-image > > > issues, spent my free time with friends and behaved desperately and > > > promiscuous. When I was home, I spent my time alone in my room, > headphones > > > on listening to Pink Floyd. > > > > > > > > > > > > When driving home today I heard Pink Floyd's Comfortably Numb and > > > " Mother " .wow, hadn't heard that in years. > > > > > > Memories came flooding in and I spent the drive in tears. > > > > > > No wonder I liked listening to that so much as a teenager. Listen to the > > > lyrics of " Mother " , crazy, freakishly accurate. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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