BPD, NPD & Sociopath Father Divorcing My Mother

November 15, 2012

My father is a giant whore with lots of girlfriends and is a sex addict as well.

He's never dated sane women, so I have a hard time believing the woman who

stayed with him for 28 years is the only normal one. Right now, I am 28 years

old and completely dependent on my father financially. I've been laid off for a

while, have no degree and due to dyscalculia (number dyslexia) and undiagnosed

Asperger's (no money to get tested), I have a hard time taking care of myself.

Once my father leaves my mother he is cutting me off so he'll have plenty of

money to pay for his hundreds of 20-24 year old girlfriends. He pays for my car

too and when I asked him about it, he said he would keep paying for it (which

means he's going to take it and give it to his girlfriends). Last year, he gave

my car away to one of his whores for 2 months and left me carless.

Ironically, 1.5 months ago I applied to an arts college in another state that

would work with my learning disabilities and teach in a non-academic-like way.

My original plan was to give my dog & cat to someone else and live in a dorm for

a while. Now my options are college or living with my mother.

Knowing that my father is going to be gone forever, I've started thinking back

on my childhood, and I'm afraid I might be remembering my mother with rose

colored glasses. I spent my childhood being terrified to come home, and praying

she would leave a bruise so someone would take me away from her. I didn't tell a

school official about how abusive they both were until I was 18 and it was too

late for them to do anything. It wasn't until I was 20 that they finally stopped

hitting me. My mother has half-way apologized for everything, but still...

Every time they both fixed things with each other, all of a sudden it was like I

didn't exist anymore and I was treated poorly again. Whenever they both need me

on their side, they are so nice to me, but it's so easy to forget me. Growing

up, when my dad wasn't around she gave her worst abuse, letting all her anger

out on me. I'm afraid that when the dust settles and the divorce is over and as

she struggles to deal with everything, she'll start taking all her negative

emotions out on me again. Maybe she really has changed, I don't know. Still, I'm

kind of worried I may be seeing her through rose-colored glasses, all because I

desperately want a parent.

I guess the thing about hiding who your parents really are your entire life, you

eventually start to believe it yourself. Packing up and going to college

feels like accepting I am an orphan.

What would you do in this situation?

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