Re: post-mortem validation

November 16, 2012

I am in whole hearted agreement with your observation.

My mother is also recently deceased but refused treatment for both her BPD and

alcoholism. Alas, there will be no journal for me only many unanswered

questions. While I am thrilled that you have been given some much needed

closure, I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I am deeply jealous of your

precious gift.

You are correct in regard to learned " protective behaviors. " As a resented, and

later openly hated child, I learned to distrust my mother. She was June Cleaver

in public but Joan Crawford in private. It always floored me how well she could

fool others into believing that she was a sweet little Southern Belle who just

happened to be raising a " problem child. "

Mother preached that, " Children should be seen but, not heard AND preferably NOT

seen! " My survival techniques were to hide in my bedroom, never ask for anything

no matter how great my need, and to try to be perfect. Trying to be perfect was

made even more impossible as mother's ideal could change at any given moment.

There was always someone else's child who was better than I was and beatings

were usually proceeded with, " Why can't you be more like _____. Tell me why,

when I've done everything for you, you just act like a (swear words) FOOL. I've

given you everything and all you'd done is ruin my body and my life. " Mother

learned to resent me in utero! She swore that I " Pushed " her ribs out of place

and " they never went back. " Of course there was nothing wrong or unusual with

her ribs it was all part of her BPD.

While reading your post, a flashback occurred. I was back in the farmhouse and

mother was ridiculing me for not being what she wanted. Her unending refrain was

" YOU are as cuddly as an IRONING BOARD! No man is ever going to want to marry

YOU! " If I cried she would become more vicious and start in with, " YOU are so

stupid! YOU are so stupid you couldn't even be a whore down on 2nd Street! " If

there was no escaping her, she would begin to slam the nearest object (wooden

spoon, cabinet door, her purse) repeatedly making as much noise as possible.

Then the beating would begin and not stop until she was completely emotionally

and physically spent.

I pray that professionals do read these posts. When it is globally recognized

that leaving a child in the care of a BPD parent is tantamount to child abuse,

finally laws will be enacted allowing KO's to escape rather than develop post

traumatic stress illness. We are the victims of the domestic wars.

Beth

Recommended Posts