Guest guest Posted November 15, 2001 Report Share Posted November 15, 2001 Hi, Kim. Welcome, though I am sorry you are here. There is information on MSA that I hope someone will post, as I don't have the Web addresses. Pam did post this one on Parkinson's Plus: http://www.emedicine.com/NEURO/topic596.htm Is it possible for you to see a movement disorder specialist? Perhaps your neuro can recommend one. They are more specialized and it might benefit you to see one. Also, my mother Joyce (71, died 11/00) used to bring a tiny tape recorder with her to visits because no one would ever remember what the doctor said. Are you taking any medications? May people get some relief for some symptoms. Remember that this disease hits people in different ways and what is true for one and works for one doesn't necessarily apply to another. Also, exercise is important. Do what you can. Good luck, Debbie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 19, 2001 Report Share Posted November 19, 2001 Thanks so much for the welcome and the info. I see a new neuro on Wednesday . The first one I saw was just a joke, I wanted to get out of the chair and sock him one. He didn't want to even look at my chart from the previous Dr. that has been treating me for the last 3 years for PD and admitted that he was arrogant and thought what he wanted to think. Obviously, I told him that I was not comfortable with his care, or lack thereof and would be finding another Dr. I have had quite a few falls and blackouts this week so hopefully they can get me a little relief from that. I am schedule to go on a weekend feild trip with my son's middle school group to swim with the manatees is Florida at the end of the month and I have really been looking forward to it so I hope I don't have to back out. Kim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 19, 2001 Report Share Posted November 19, 2001 Thanks so much for the welcome and the info. I see a new neuro on Wednesday . The first one I saw was just a joke, I wanted to get out of the chair and sock him one. He didn't want to even look at my chart from the previous Dr. that has been treating me for the last 3 years for PD and admitted that he was arrogant and thought what he wanted to think. Obviously, I told him that I was not comfortable with his care, or lack thereof and would be finding another Dr. I have had quite a few falls and blackouts this week so hopefully they can get me a little relief from that. I am schedule to go on a weekend feild trip with my son's middle school group to swim with the manatees is Florida at the end of the month and I have really been looking forward to it so I hope I don't have to back out. Kim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 19, 2001 Report Share Posted November 19, 2001 Kim, Smoking helps most people with MSA because it narrows the blood vessels and raises the BP. That helps the orthostatic hypotension (OH) or dizziness on standing. Swimming is probably okay as you as you take the precaution of having either floatation and/or experienced swimmers with you. The swimming itself is a good exercise, but you may be more prone to blackouts or cramps, so swimming where there is no one for help or a long way from shore may be questionable. Ask your new doctor about it. Are you currently taking anything for the dizziness and blackouts? You need to get a BP machune and learn to use it. Take your BP while laying flat in bed (after laying for at least 5 minutes), then sit up for at least 4 minutes and take it again. Finally stand for at least 2 minutes (if possible) and take it again. If you have OH the sitting and standing BP will be lower. Note too, having OH does NOT mean you have MSA. Note too that our present neuro di not want to see the charts before she saw Charlotte. She did know that Charlotte was diagnosed as MSA before we saw her.. Our present neuro also changed one medicine immediately and slowly (one med at a time) changed Charlotte's meds over a year's time. She did improve Charlotte's response to the meds. We work closely with the neuro (even though she IS abrupt at times) on meds and she will let me experiment with some and tells me NO on some. Many times a person in any field will not want to be influenced by previous people who were not able to help you. I am an engineer and always preferred to first hear the problem someone wanted to solve rather than the failures. After I understood the problem THEN I wanted to know what had not worked so I would not duplicate failures. You must understand the problem clearly, before you can solve it. If your problems (falling and blackouts) are caused by OH, there are meds that can help you. But smoking should also help you in that case. If however, the falling and blackouts are caused by different parts of the brain, you may need some other assistance. Think carefully about how you feel just before you fall or blackout. Do you get lightheaded before either? Do you feel weak? Or does this only happen suddenly with no real warning. Try to write down these feelings to give to the doctor. I can't offer more suggestions on the field trip, but if it requires a lot of walking and it is going to be hot, you may want to reconsider it. Talk to your doctor and let them know what type of activity it is going to be. Take care, Bill and Charlotte ---------------------------------------------- Dolphin2001XX@... wrote: Thanks so much for the welcome and the info. I see a new neuro on Wednesday .. The first one I saw was just a joke, I wanted to get out of the chair and sock him one. He didn't want to even look at my chart from the previous Dr. that has been treating me for the last 3 years for PD and admitted that he was arrogant and thought what he wanted to think. Obviously, I told him that I was not comfortable with his care, or lack thereof and would be finding another Dr. I have had quite a few falls and blackouts this week so hopefully they can get me a little relief from that. I am schedule to go on a weekend feild trip with my son's middle school group to swim with the manatees is Florida at the end of the month and I have really been looking forward to it so I hope I don't have to back out. Kim If you do not wish to belong to shydrager, you may unsubscribe by sending a blank email to shydrager-unsubscribe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 19, 2001 Report Share Posted November 19, 2001 Kim, Smoking helps most people with MSA because it narrows the blood vessels and raises the BP. That helps the orthostatic hypotension (OH) or dizziness on standing. Swimming is probably okay as you as you take the precaution of having either floatation and/or experienced swimmers with you. The swimming itself is a good exercise, but you may be more prone to blackouts or cramps, so swimming where there is no one for help or a long way from shore may be questionable. Ask your new doctor about it. Are you currently taking anything for the dizziness and blackouts? You need to get a BP machune and learn to use it. Take your BP while laying flat in bed (after laying for at least 5 minutes), then sit up for at least 4 minutes and take it again. Finally stand for at least 2 minutes (if possible) and take it again. If you have OH the sitting and standing BP will be lower. Note too, having OH does NOT mean you have MSA. Note too that our present neuro di not want to see the charts before she saw Charlotte. She did know that Charlotte was diagnosed as MSA before we saw her.. Our present neuro also changed one medicine immediately and slowly (one med at a time) changed Charlotte's meds over a year's time. She did improve Charlotte's response to the meds. We work closely with the neuro (even though she IS abrupt at times) on meds and she will let me experiment with some and tells me NO on some. Many times a person in any field will not want to be influenced by previous people who were not able to help you. I am an engineer and always preferred to first hear the problem someone wanted to solve rather than the failures. After I understood the problem THEN I wanted to know what had not worked so I would not duplicate failures. You must understand the problem clearly, before you can solve it. If your problems (falling and blackouts) are caused by OH, there are meds that can help you. But smoking should also help you in that case. If however, the falling and blackouts are caused by different parts of the brain, you may need some other assistance. Think carefully about how you feel just before you fall or blackout. Do you get lightheaded before either? Do you feel weak? Or does this only happen suddenly with no real warning. Try to write down these feelings to give to the doctor. I can't offer more suggestions on the field trip, but if it requires a lot of walking and it is going to be hot, you may want to reconsider it. Talk to your doctor and let them know what type of activity it is going to be. Take care, Bill and Charlotte ---------------------------------------------- Dolphin2001XX@... wrote: Thanks so much for the welcome and the info. I see a new neuro on Wednesday .. The first one I saw was just a joke, I wanted to get out of the chair and sock him one. He didn't want to even look at my chart from the previous Dr. that has been treating me for the last 3 years for PD and admitted that he was arrogant and thought what he wanted to think. Obviously, I told him that I was not comfortable with his care, or lack thereof and would be finding another Dr. I have had quite a few falls and blackouts this week so hopefully they can get me a little relief from that. I am schedule to go on a weekend feild trip with my son's middle school group to swim with the manatees is Florida at the end of the month and I have really been looking forward to it so I hope I don't have to back out. Kim If you do not wish to belong to shydrager, you may unsubscribe by sending a blank email to shydrager-unsubscribe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 18, 2002 Report Share Posted June 18, 2002 have you been checked to see if you have a staple line disruption? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 18, 2002 Report Share Posted June 18, 2002 How common is staple line disruption and does it occur shortly after surgery or can it happen years later? Re: New to group > have you been checked to see if you have a staple line disruption? > > > Homepage: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Graduate-OSSG > > Unsubscribe: mailto:Graduate-OSSG-unsubscribe > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 18, 2002 Report Share Posted June 18, 2002 Marcia, What surgery did you have? Stomach stapling is not a surgery, did you have RNY proximal or distal, VBG, or BPD/DS. All of these surgeries entail staples. And is the wt gain all your fault? Probably not. Some of it may be such as returning to old habits, but you also need to find out why the surgery failed you. Have you had an Upper GI or Endo done? Have you gone back to your surgeon or found another one? vicki VBG 6-97 364/212 RNY 6-29-01 295/196 and holding Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 18, 2002 Report Share Posted June 18, 2002 My staple line disruption occurred about 20 months out. I had ulcers and was gaining weight and had an EGD and it determined both the SLD and the ulcers. B Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 18, 2002 Report Share Posted June 18, 2002 That, too. But have you had a scope & such to see if you are still intact? Thanks, http://www.vitalady.com For info on PayPal, click this link: https://secure.paypal.com/affil/pal=vitalady%40bigfoot.com New to group > Hello everyone, I had a stomach stapling about 18 years ago.....lost > 100 pounds......and have now gained all of it back.....most likely > all my own fault...but I wonder about my thyroid level....Years ago > an endocrinologist told me that my thyroid level should be thoroughly > screened and run high because of the stapling......after we moved 10 > years ago....and found new Doctors....they would not keep me on same > thyroid levels....decreased my thyroid meds......and I have gained > weight ever since.......I wonder if it is all of my fault.......or if > the thyroid could be part of my problem? Anyone have any ideas? > Thank you.....Marcia > > > > Homepage: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Graduate-OSSG > > Unsubscribe: mailto:Graduate-OSSG-unsubscribe > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 18, 2002 Report Share Posted June 18, 2002 That reminds me. There WAS a horizontal stapling, which was just called stomach stapling. Hasn't been done for a thousand years, as the whole concept looks silly to our eyes today. Was that it? No band? Thanks, http://www.vitalady.com For info on PayPal, click this link: https://secure.paypal.com/affil/pal=vitalady%40bigfoot.com Re: new to group > Marcia, What surgery did you have? Stomach stapling is not a surgery, did > you have RNY proximal or distal, VBG, or BPD/DS. All of these surgeries > entail staples. > > And is the wt gain all your fault? Probably not. Some of it may be such as > returning to old habits, but you also need to find out why the surgery > failed you. Have you had an Upper GI or Endo done? Have you gone back to > your surgeon or found another one? > vicki > VBG 6-97 364/212 > RNY 6-29-01 295/196 and holding > > > Homepage: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Graduate-OSSG > > Unsubscribe: mailto:Graduate-OSSG-unsubscribe > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 19, 2002 Report Share Posted June 19, 2002 From what I understand, a SLD can happen at any time, but it depends on the type of surgery you had. Some people don't disrupt until years later. You would have to have a scope to find out. ask your doc. Don't be afraid, and don't be " humiliated " because you are gaining weight. The original surgeon is the best person to go back to. He/she understands the BEST. B Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 26, 2002 Report Share Posted June 26, 2002 In a message dated 6/26/2002 1:17:34 PM Pacific Standard Time, susan_nutter@... writes: > What I > need to know for any of you that are hypo., do you find that it is > short term and eventually goes away or long term due to the > surgery. > Also, do you find that your blood pressure and heart rate is really > low. My blood pressure runs 90/50 and my heart rate at resting is > 55. Is this normal? I have asked my doctor, they seem concerned and > run tests, yet so far everything seems normal. The problem is that I > get dizzy if I move to fast. I do drink about 100 oz or more per day > of water. > By the way, I would have this surgery again in a minute. It was the > best thing that I have ever done for myself. > > > RNY 6-19-01 > Congrats . . . you had a great first year! I think the reactive hypoglycemia is EXTREMELY common after RNY's. I find my sensitivity to carbs has to do with hormone flucuations as well as food combos. I try to always combine carbs with protein or fat . . . crackers and chees, chips and dips, popcorn with butter, toast with butter . . . 2 weeks of the month I can violate my own body rules and eat pure carb without consequences. BUT PMS week and the week of my period are protein or combo weeks. As a matter of fact it is usually a RH attack that lets me know my period should visit in a week! Chart it and see if this is true for you . . .I imagine HRT would effect our metabolism and possibly trigger more frequent RH or less frequent RH . . . And yes, I do have low BP and resting heart rate, It hasn't been a problem medically until my abdomnioplasty and then the IV drugs made it go too low . .. . Its always something isn't it??? ) Vicki Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 26, 2002 Report Share Posted June 26, 2002 I had lost over 100 lbs. with weight watchers once before and had the same problem. It does equal out after a while if I remember correctly. Dennis New to group > I've been reading all the messages for some time now and am finally > able to join, I had surgery 6/19/01. I started at 278 lbs and now > weigh 155 lbs. In the past 6 months I have been having some > additional health issues and needed some input from you. I have > reactive hypoglycemia, can only eat lean meat and vegies. Per the > Encrinologist, she does not want me eating any carbs, since it makes > my blood sugar drop into the 20's and 30's within an hour. She also > had me up my protein, I had been taking 60-100 grms per day and have > upped that to 150-170. She told me that this is a short term problem > and is just because my body is adjusting to the weight loss. What I > need to know for any of you that are hypo., do you find that it is > short term and eventually goes away or long term due to the > surgery. > Also, do you find that your blood pressure and heart rate is really > low. My blood pressure runs 90/50 and my heart rate at resting is > 55. Is this normal? I have asked my doctor, they seem concerned and > run tests, yet so far everything seems normal. The problem is that I > get dizzy if I move to fast. I do drink about 100 oz or more per day > of water. > By the way, I would have this surgery again in a minute. It was the > best thing that I have ever done for myself. > > > RNY 6-19-01 > > > > Homepage: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Graduate-OSSG > > Unsubscribe: mailto:Graduate-OSSG-unsubscribe > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 26, 2002 Report Share Posted June 26, 2002 Same here for the past 23 years now... I bp runs around 100/70 NOT to shabby for one later in years I have to watch when I rise " to fast " , sometimes, I just sit back down and then rise slowly.... ///Bob Re: New to group > In a message dated 6/26/2002 1:17:34 PM Pacific Standard Time, > susan_nutter@... writes: > > > > What I > > need to know for any of you that are hypo., do you find that it is > > short term and eventually goes away or long term due to the > > surgery. > > Also, do you find that your blood pressure and heart rate is really > > low. My blood pressure runs 90/50 and my heart rate at resting is > > 55. Is this normal? I have asked my doctor, they seem concerned and > > run tests, yet so far everything seems normal. The problem is that I > > get dizzy if I move to fast. I do drink about 100 oz or more per day > > of water. > > By the way, I would have this surgery again in a minute. It was the > > best thing that I have ever done for myself. > > > > > > RNY 6-19-01 > > > > > > Congrats . . . you had a great first year! I think the reactive hypoglycemia > is EXTREMELY common after RNY's. I find my sensitivity to carbs has to do > with hormone flucuations as well as food combos. I try to always combine > carbs with protein or fat . . . crackers and chees, chips and dips, popcorn > with butter, toast with butter . . . 2 weeks of the month I can violate my > own body rules and eat pure carb without consequences. BUT PMS week and the > week of my period are protein or combo weeks. As a matter of fact it is > usually a RH attack that lets me know my period should visit in a week! > Chart it and see if this is true for you . . .I imagine HRT would effect our > metabolism and possibly trigger more frequent RH or less frequent RH . . . > And yes, I do have low BP and resting heart rate, It hasn't been a problem > medically until my abdomnioplasty and then the IV drugs made it go too low . > . . Its always something isn't it??? > ) Vicki > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 27, 2002 Report Share Posted June 27, 2002 In a message dated 6/27/2002 1:45:45 AM Eastern Daylight Time, Graduate-OSSG writes: > Also, do you find that your blood pressure and heart rate is really > low. My blood pressure runs 90/50 and my heart rate at resting is > 55. Is this normal? I have asked my doctor, they seem concerned and > run tests, yet so far everything seems normal. The problem is that I > get dizzy if I move to fast i have similar issues. i have now been diagnosed with low blood volume, hence the dizziness and i am an impossible blood draw. if each day i take an envelope of ceralyte (electrolytes/salts without sugar) in a quart of water all my symptoms go away as does the worst of the fatigue. for me this is related to chronic fatigue syndrome not a side effect of the surgery..for ceralyte go to the website www.ceralyte.com janet rny 8/99 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 27, 2003 Report Share Posted June 27, 2003 Welcome Jody! How wonderful about the fundraiser you had, and all the money you raised for the UMDF. I know that will be a big help. So glad you have joined us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 27, 2003 Report Share Posted June 27, 2003 Jody, Welcome to the group! Just like Baylee, my is three and has complex III (and IV) Mito. This groups is great and if you know then you probably already know that! Sounds like a fun time at the softball tourney! What a great idea. We're here for you and Baylee for info and support but more than that, just so you know you're not alone! Dawn, mom to: (3)-Complex III/IV Bone marrow failure Glutaric Aciduria III Transfusion reactions slow gastric emptying Mild cardiomyopathy Autistic-like behavior Post-splenectomy Drew(12) not affected Molly (2 in 2 weeks)not affected? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 31, 2003 Report Share Posted July 31, 2003 Congratulations on your weight loss and welcome to the group. I am fairly new myself. I am still not even in the first month after surgery. I have found a lot of support here. Hope you enjoy it as much as I already have. Tammy Lap RNY 7/14/03 295.5/263/170 > Hi! > > My name is and I'm new to this group but not to the surgery. > I had lap RNY performed by Dr. Elariny on Dec. 27, 2002 at Inova > Fairfax Hospital in Virginia. My weight before surgery was approx. > 275lbs and as of today I'm 183lbs (-92lbs). > I've enjoyed and learned so much from reading your messages and the > support you give to one another. (, I'm glad things are > looking up for you.) I hope to contribute some words of wisdom in the > near future. Naturally, just as I post my first message I'll be going > on vacation this Sunday for a week so I'll have some catching up to > do when I return. The BIG difference this year is that I'm actually > looking forward to going to the beach with my family. Funny what a > little surgery can do for you! > > from land > Lap RNY > 12/27/03 275lbs > 07/31/03 183lbs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 31, 2003 Report Share Posted July 31, 2003 Welcome Maureen You find a great Group here as you'll see as you ask question.There's lots of people whom are very up on the surgery and answer most every question you have.Great to have you here.a friend debkroll of Iowa,surgery date Aug.18,2003,Dr. Sioux Falls,S.D.Wt 365/? and waiting to be on the losing side. > Hi, I'm Maureen and new to this group. I know only one person in > this group, I think. I live in , BC and am pre op with Dr. > Amson for an open RNY. I am scheduled for surgery in September but > there are three people from May still waiting so I think I'll be > lucky to have ti done by December. I look forward to becomong as > active part of this group as I am in the BC-WLS group. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 19, 2012 Report Share Posted November 19, 2012 Where do I begin? I have this mother, well, if you can call her a mother... She's quite bright, can be charming and gracious one minute and then the most vile, abusive and destructive person in the next minute. She's been married six or seven times...we don't know for sure as we're not sure how many have been legal. She gave birth to two children, my brother and me. She comes from quite an upstanding family...one of five children, all accomplished with the exception of her. While her siblings went on to achieve Ph.d's, Masters degrees and success in business, my mother went on to carve a path of destruction in both her life and anyone she could take along for the ride including my brother and me. She is and has been verbally and psychologically abusive. It's a sport for her. This post could end up turning into a novel filled with stories that would shock even those having had experienced a parent with BPD. So I'll simply fast forward to present time... Four years ago, after having burnt all bridges in her home town, my mother was about to lose her home due to " living by her own rules " . My new husband had yet to meet her although he had heard the stories. Stories are one thing. I don't think anyone is ever quite prepared for in-person. I hadn't had much contact with her at that time as I had been distanced from her for about five years. There had been the occasional phone calls...all sugar and spice for a while but eventually spiraling into the viciousness that was always certain. My husband and I agreed to do the humanitarian thing and move her to where we had been living rather than live with the idea of her being homeless. Granted, she had two sisters living near her at the time but both had turned their backs on her. I could not allow my mother to have nowhere to go. That said, I allowed myself to drift into a fantasy of " things being different this time " . They were worse than ever. Her rages and threats of killing me resulted in my having to take Peace Bond out on her, which is something you only see on the Jerry Springer show. That didn't stop her. She continued to terrorize me and ruined my reputation in the city where we lived. She was able to " infiltrate " my world and spread vicious lies about me. People thought I was the nut job. My husband's work required us to move out of town and I couldn't get away fast enough. That was three years ago. For the past three years, it's the usual phone relationship...sugar and spice for a while ending up in viciousness that results in my blocking her number for months on end. Then she always does something/gets herself into trouble which gets me out of hiding to rescue her. Of course, I never disappoint. My mother feels entitled to say and do anything she pleases. Rules apply to everyone else. Boundaries? What are those? She had been driving her car with an expired license, expired tags and no insurance. She lives in a city in the South where some eccentricities are accepted and people just began to accept her for being " one of those " . That is until she began calling people racial slurs and getting into more and more arguments at her local grocery store where she was eventually banned. That didn't matter, she continued to visit the grocery store in " disguises " but they knew it was her and allowed her to shop until the last incident when they had her arrested. While that was bad enough, we learned she had been on probation for finally getting cited for the driving stuff. Of course, she never paid the $100 fine so her grocery store arrest landed her in jail for 32 days. As a family we were not only shocked, we were saddened. We all had hoped that maybe this was rock bottom for her and she would emerge with a desire to live a different and more civilized kind of life. We were all involved...her younger sister made two trips to see her, we worked with her attorney, had meals delivered to her, hired in-home nursing, hired a care giver to run her errands and talked about moving her somewhere where she might be happier. Needless to say she loved the attention (we had also learned she was the most popular in-mate in jail...telling her great tales of her great life). It only took a week for her to return to her vicious self. Nobody is talking to her again. My husband and I continue to pay her rent, as we have for four years, and living expenses. I helps me sleep at night. People who don't really know me see me as a vivacious, outgoing woman. People who do know me know the emotional pain I live with and the wounds that will never heal. What a life... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 23, 2012 Report Share Posted November 23, 2012 I learned of this group a week or so ago and posted my initial message. I didn't get a single response, so I'm wondering if I'm doing something incorrectly such as format, etc. Will someone let me know? Thanks! > > > Where do I begin? > > I have this mother, well, if you can call her a mother... > > She's quite bright, can be charming and gracious one minute and then the most vile, abusive and destructive person in the next minute. She's been married six or seven times...we don't know for sure as we're not sure how many have been legal. She gave birth to two children, my brother and me. > > She comes from quite an upstanding family...one of five children, all accomplished with the exception of her. While her siblings went on to achieve Ph.d's, Masters degrees and success in business, my mother went on to carve a path of destruction in both her life and anyone she could take along for the ride including my brother and me. She is and has been verbally and psychologically abusive. It's a sport for her. > > This post could end up turning into a novel filled with stories that would shock even those having had experienced a parent with BPD. So I'll simply fast forward to present time... > > Four years ago, after having burnt all bridges in her home town, my mother was about to lose her home due to " living by her own rules " . My new husband had yet to meet her although he had heard the stories. Stories are one thing. I don't think anyone is ever quite prepared for in-person. I hadn't had much contact with her at that time as I had been distanced from her for about five years. There had been the occasional phone calls...all sugar and spice for a while but eventually spiraling into the viciousness that was always certain. > My husband and I agreed to do the humanitarian thing and move her to where we had been living rather than live with the idea of her being homeless. Granted, she had two sisters living near her at the time but both had turned their backs on her. I could not allow my mother to have nowhere to go. That said, I allowed myself to drift into a fantasy of " things being different this time " . They were worse than ever. Her rages and threats of killing me resulted in my having to take Peace Bond out on her, which is something you only see on the Jerry Springer show. That didn't stop her. She continued to terrorize me and ruined my reputation in the city where we lived. She was able to " infiltrate " my world and spread vicious lies about me. People thought I was the nut job. My husband's work required us to move out of town and I couldn't get away fast enough. That was three years ago. For the past three years, it's the usual phone relationship...sugar and spice for a while ending up in viciousness that results in my blocking her number for months on end. Then she always does something/gets herself into trouble which gets me out of hiding to rescue her. Of course, I never disappoint. > > My mother feels entitled to say and do anything she pleases. Rules apply to everyone else. Boundaries? What are those? She had been driving her car with an expired license, expired tags and no insurance. She lives in a city in the South where some eccentricities are accepted and people just began to accept her for being " one of those " . That is until she began calling people racial slurs and getting into more and more arguments at her local grocery store where she was eventually banned. That didn't matter, she continued to visit the grocery store in " disguises " but they knew it was her and allowed her to shop until the last incident when they had her arrested. While that was bad enough, we learned she had been on probation for finally getting cited for the driving stuff. Of course, she never paid the $100 fine so her grocery store arrest landed her in jail for 32 days. > > As a family we were not only shocked, we were saddened. We all had hoped that maybe this was rock bottom for her and she would emerge with a desire to live a different and more civilized kind of life. > We were all involved...her younger sister made two trips to see her, we worked with her attorney, had meals delivered to her, hired in-home nursing, hired a care giver to run her errands and talked about moving her somewhere where she might be happier. Needless to say she loved the attention (we had also learned she was the most popular in-mate in jail...telling her great tales of her great life). It only took a week for her to return to her vicious self. Nobody is talking to her again. My husband and I continue to pay her rent, as we have for four years, and living expenses. I helps me sleep at night. > > People who don't really know me see me as a vivacious, outgoing woman. People who do know me know the emotional pain I live with and the wounds that will never heal. > > What a life... > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 23, 2012 Report Share Posted November 23, 2012 That's a heck of a story Jannie. I am so sorry you are living through that. Although I'm not sure what to offer you by way of advice, I hear you, I validate that what you have experienced and are experiencing is awful, and that you are doing the best you can for yourself as well as Nada in struggling through the crippling effects of this disease. We all choose somewhat different coping mechanisms in dealing with Nada (some of us go no contact, some of us limit contact, some offer money, some don't) but the important aspect that we all share in this forum is that we are conscious about the coping decisions we make, and we take advice from one another on what has worked for them. Thank you for sharing your story, and I hope you find peace and validation here. MDG > > > > > > Where do I begin? > > > > I have this mother, well, if you can call her a mother... > > > > She's quite bright, can be charming and gracious one minute and then the most vile, abusive and destructive person in the next minute. She's been married six or seven times...we don't know for sure as we're not sure how many have been legal. She gave birth to two children, my brother and me. > > > > She comes from quite an upstanding family...one of five children, all accomplished with the exception of her. While her siblings went on to achieve Ph.d's, Masters degrees and success in business, my mother went on to carve a path of destruction in both her life and anyone she could take along for the ride including my brother and me. She is and has been verbally and psychologically abusive. It's a sport for her. > > > > This post could end up turning into a novel filled with stories that would shock even those having had experienced a parent with BPD. So I'll simply fast forward to present time... > > > > Four years ago, after having burnt all bridges in her home town, my mother was about to lose her home due to " living by her own rules " . My new husband had yet to meet her although he had heard the stories. Stories are one thing. I don't think anyone is ever quite prepared for in-person. I hadn't had much contact with her at that time as I had been distanced from her for about five years. There had been the occasional phone calls...all sugar and spice for a while but eventually spiraling into the viciousness that was always certain. > > My husband and I agreed to do the humanitarian thing and move her to where we had been living rather than live with the idea of her being homeless. Granted, she had two sisters living near her at the time but both had turned their backs on her. I could not allow my mother to have nowhere to go. That said, I allowed myself to drift into a fantasy of " things being different this time " . They were worse than ever. Her rages and threats of killing me resulted in my having to take Peace Bond out on her, which is something you only see on the Jerry Springer show. That didn't stop her. She continued to terrorize me and ruined my reputation in the city where we lived. She was able to " infiltrate " my world and spread vicious lies about me. People thought I was the nut job. My husband's work required us to move out of town and I couldn't get away fast enough. That was three years ago. For the past three years, it's the usual phone relationship...sugar and spice for a while ending up in viciousness that results in my blocking her number for months on end. Then she always does something/gets herself into trouble which gets me out of hiding to rescue her. Of course, I never disappoint. > > > > My mother feels entitled to say and do anything she pleases. Rules apply to everyone else. Boundaries? What are those? She had been driving her car with an expired license, expired tags and no insurance. She lives in a city in the South where some eccentricities are accepted and people just began to accept her for being " one of those " . That is until she began calling people racial slurs and getting into more and more arguments at her local grocery store where she was eventually banned. That didn't matter, she continued to visit the grocery store in " disguises " but they knew it was her and allowed her to shop until the last incident when they had her arrested. While that was bad enough, we learned she had been on probation for finally getting cited for the driving stuff. Of course, she never paid the $100 fine so her grocery store arrest landed her in jail for 32 days. > > > > As a family we were not only shocked, we were saddened. We all had hoped that maybe this was rock bottom for her and she would emerge with a desire to live a different and more civilized kind of life. > > We were all involved...her younger sister made two trips to see her, we worked with her attorney, had meals delivered to her, hired in-home nursing, hired a care giver to run her errands and talked about moving her somewhere where she might be happier. Needless to say she loved the attention (we had also learned she was the most popular in-mate in jail...telling her great tales of her great life). It only took a week for her to return to her vicious self. Nobody is talking to her again. My husband and I continue to pay her rent, as we have for four years, and living expenses. I helps me sleep at night. > > > > People who don't really know me see me as a vivacious, outgoing woman. People who do know me know the emotional pain I live with and the wounds that will never heal. > > > > What a life... > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 23, 2012 Report Share Posted November 23, 2012 I'm new to this group... your story might as well be mine. Amazing... > > Hi Everyone. I joined this goup today and have been fascinated reading the different > posts, describing such similar experiences and feelings as my own. I only recently became > aware/convinced that my mother has BPD with some NPD traits as well. I've always known > she was " crazy " and impossible to get along with, but I didn't have a specific label for her > disorder. I remember seeing the movie " Mommy Dearest " years ago and thinking, " that's > how my mother was/is. " I first heard the term back in the early 90s when a co-worker of > mine mentioned it in relation to his own mother, who was supposedly diagnosed and > seeking treatment. When he described the symptoms, I said, " that sounds exactly like my > mother. " I looked it up in one of my Psychology text books when I got home (big surprise I > was a Psych Major), but then that was as far as it went. > > I just finished reading " Understanding the Borderline Mother " (twice) which I found > extremely validating and is the only book I've read on the subject so far. I read it in about > 2 days the first time around. It was as though I was reading my life story. The second time, > I highlighted key points that were specific to my situation, and found that whole > paragraphs and half pages were yellow! Some of the actual quotes were dead-on and while > I was reading some of the passages to my sister over the phone, we joked that the author > must have been listening in on our conversations. > > My mother is predominately a Queen/Witch most of the time with Hermit and Waif > tendencies as well. This book has helped me deal with the guilt feelings and second- > guessing in deciding to cut her out of my life after one of her latest episides (so has my > sister). After 42 years, I've come to the realization that she and our relationship will never > change, no matter how I try to get through to her, and I'm done. Life is too short to > continue puting up with that kind of denigration and abuse - it's time I preserve my own > emotional well being and have some peace. I've often said that if she were anyone else, I > would have severed the relationship years ago, and it's only continued simply because > she's my mother. > > I'm anxiously awaiting delivery of two more books I ordered on the subject: " Surviving The > Borderline Parent... " and " Emotional Blackmail... " It sounds like I should have ordered > SWOE too, but I guess that'll be next. > > Thanks for listening, > a > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 23, 2012 Report Share Posted November 23, 2012 Welcome! On Fri, Nov 23, 2012 at 5:37 PM, jannielee12345 janicehalldesigns@... > wrote: > ** > > > I'm new to this group... > your story might as well be mine. Amazing... > > > > > > Hi Everyone. I joined this goup today and have been fascinated reading > the different > > posts, describing such similar experiences and feelings as my own. I > only recently became > > aware/convinced that my mother has BPD with some NPD traits as well. > I've always known > > she was " crazy " and impossible to get along with, but I didn't have a > specific label for her > > disorder. I remember seeing the movie " Mommy Dearest " years ago and > thinking, " that's > > how my mother was/is. " I first heard the term back in the early 90s when > a co-worker of > > mine mentioned it in relation to his own mother, who was supposedly > diagnosed and > > seeking treatment. When he described the symptoms, I said, " that sounds > exactly like my > > mother. " I looked it up in one of my Psychology text books when I got > home (big surprise I > > was a Psych Major), but then that was as far as it went. > > > > I just finished reading " Understanding the Borderline Mother " (twice) > which I found > > extremely validating and is the only book I've read on the subject so > far. I read it in about > > 2 days the first time around. It was as though I was reading my life > story. The second time, > > I highlighted key points that were specific to my situation, and found > that whole > > paragraphs and half pages were yellow! Some of the actual quotes were > dead-on and while > > I was reading some of the passages to my sister over the phone, we joked > that the author > > must have been listening in on our conversations. > > > > My mother is predominately a Queen/Witch most of the time with Hermit > and Waif > > tendencies as well. This book has helped me deal with the guilt feelings > and second- > > guessing in deciding to cut her out of my life after one of her latest > episides (so has my > > sister). After 42 years, I've come to the realization that she and our > relationship will never > > change, no matter how I try to get through to her, and I'm done. Life is > too short to > > continue puting up with that kind of denigration and abuse - it's time I > preserve my own > > emotional well being and have some peace. I've often said that if she > were anyone else, I > > would have severed the relationship years ago, and it's only continued > simply because > > she's my mother. > > > > I'm anxiously awaiting delivery of two more books I ordered on the > subject: " Surviving The > > Borderline Parent... " and " Emotional Blackmail... " It sounds like I > should have ordered > > SWOE too, but I guess that'll be next. > > > > Thanks for listening, > > a > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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