NADAs and Adolescent Behavior

[Guest guest]

I just talked to by HPD/BPD NADA and told her it was time to grow up. I told

her that her behavior is adolescent and dealing with her is like talking to a

teenager. We were in a room with a full length mirror so I stepped in front of

it with my back to the mirror. She could see her image as the more she spoke I

kept asking, " Do you see yourself? " She was very theatrical. When she caught

sight of herself she began to change her body language and facial expressions. I

told her the time had come for her to emotionally grow up.

She and my brother (narcissist) and sister-in-law (SIL) have had a huge

argument. The irony is she told me she is tired of walking on eggshells around

my SIL. I told her we all think we are walking on eggshells around her (NADA),

and that the time had come for her to determine what means the most to her, the

anger at her daughter-in-law or the love she has for her grandchildren. I

pointed to a picture of her grand-daughters (my nieces but I made it about their

relationship). I asked her ten years from now would she be proud of her

relationship with them or ashamed at what she has not been in their life and how

would she justify it.

She asked me why the two of us were not closer, and why I did not respect her as

a mother. I told her that it is hard for an adult woman to be mothered by an

adolescent. That if she wanted me to respect her mothering skills at this stage

in my life she first needed to grow up. She says she is ready to make a change.

I calmly told her I have heard that before and I don't believe it. I also told

her she justifies her bad behavior by what is going on in life, as an adult she

can make the choice to be peacemaker or inciter, she can actively choose to

speak to people with respect and consideration.

This is a major breakthrough. I am realistic that change will take time and may

be fleeting but this is the first time in over 30 years that I even thought she

was open to making a change. I think my nieces have a big role in this. They

look up to her and she does not want that to change.

Later tonight I am mediating a truce between my brother and her.

Thanks for letting me share. Next week the story could easily same old same

old.

[Guest guest]

I wish you the very very best! I'll send you lots of positive thoughts, all my

positive energy, and keep you in my prayers!

[Guest guest]

Thank you, .

I finally get my BPD mother to agree to hear what we have to say, and now my

cowardly narcissist brother does not have time to meet. He is offering all of

these inconvenient times. He is suggesting we drive to his home (30 miles away)

even though he drives past NADA's home.

I am frustrated as until 5 years ago she was the golden child who has received

her best and her generosity. He is mad as she has had an argument with his wife

and mother-in-law.

Growing up, I had a NADA. He had a mother. But now he is too busy to deal with

this although he wants change.

I am not going to allow him to fracture my peace!

Peace and Blessings to us all!

MyReality

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> I wish you the very very best! I'll send you lots of positive thoughts, all my

positive energy, and keep you in my prayers!

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