Re: New member, very very sad/ For and

[Guest guest]

, I want to thank you for sharing your message with us. It's really good to hear from a mans perspective how this is affecting you.

I'm 47 years old, my husband is 57 and we've been married for 7 years. I've had Vulvodynia and Lichen Sclerosis for longer then that and never knew it. I remember on our honeymoon wanting sex, but being afraid it was going to hurt. In the 7 years we've been married our sex life has deteriorated to non-existant, and let me tell you 30 somethings that it's no different when you're in your 40s or 50s to go without sex then it is at 30. The lack of sex has really ruined our relationship but so far (as far as I know) neither of us has turned to other people although , like your wife, I've told my husband to go find a girlfriend and we've discussed divorce several times, but he says he'll never do that to me. I have recently been diagnosed with both of these diseases (the past couple of months only) and hearing that there is hope for a "normal" sex life really helps me. It also really helped me to hear from you, , how it affects our partners, so I thank you. I read your letter to my husband so he knows he's not alone in this. He's not the type to get on chat or support groups though, but I think it struck a chord with both of us, so again, thank you for sharing your perspective.

, I'm SO sorry for what you are going through and have gone through. I can understand how you and your husband both feel, but if I were you I'd move forward with my life. Loving someone that can't or won't love you back is a waste of your life...trust me, I've done it plenty of times. I did go through counseling for that and discovered that I was/am Co-Dependant and began to read about it and went to meetings of CODA (Co Dependants Anonymous). It really helps get perspective on relationships and love etc. I wasted a lot of years crying over people that weren't worth it. I'm not saying you're Co-Dependant, I know you're very very hurt and have every right to be... I totally sympathize with you. I just know that you should move on, and I think someone else's suggestion of getting some therapy is a great one...it'll help you get past this and help you to deal with the medical issues as well. Just take a big, deep breath and take it one day (or one minute) at a time and know that you're lovable and someone will come along someday who'll love you no matter what.

In the meantime, we're here for you....

Hang in there girlfriend.

Hugs-

Ivy

[Guest guest]

Ivy:

Thank you for sharing your story. I'm encouraged to think that my

sharing might help another husband (or partner, etc) who experiences

this pain with their love.

[Guest guest]

I hope that all of you that are still married and are suffering

with this dreadful disease(s) remember what the meaning of marriage is and the vows

you took when you got married. We are sexual beings by nature and will be until

we die. I got married very young and there have always been ups and downs in our

intimacy. But it is the caring and commitment that keeps us together. If your

mate leaves you because you can no longer have sex, then it is better now than

later. And there are many, many men who will dearly love and care for you as a

person, not a sexual object – that is what makes you soul mates for life.

Intimacy is still very important to my husband and I, but we know what our love

means to both of us and sex is put on the back burner for now, but I hope not

forever. These last two years have been hell for my husband, but he really

showed me what the meaning of love and devotion is. He is working a full time

job, caring for me, cooking and doing all the laundry, housework, etc. –

he is exhausted. He has done things that I have never seen him do before,

and words cannot express all my feelings (there just are no words that can express

what I feel) for all that he has done for me. We have been married 48 years.

nne

From:

VulvarDisorders [mailto:VulvarDisorders ] On

Behalf Of

Sent: Tuesday, February 12, 2008 6:26 PM

To: VulvarDisorders

Subject: Re: New member, very very sad/ For and

Ivy:

Thank you for sharing your story. I'm encouraged to think that my

sharing might help another husband (or partner, etc) who experiences

this pain with their love.

[Guest guest]

Amen nne. This isn't the only disease/disorder I have, I have many and my husband has also carried the burden for us both through all of this. Good men are few and far between. I don't think I let him know how much I appreciate him though, or at least often enough. I need to change that. Thanks for your comments....I'm going to work on that.

Hugs-

Ivy

-- RE: Re: New member, very very sad/ For and

I hope that all of you that are still married and are suffering with this dreadful disease(s) remember what the meaning of marriage is and the vows you took when you got married. We are sexual beings by nature and will be until we die. I got married very young and there have always been ups and downs in our intimacy. But it is the caring and commitment that keeps us together. If your mate leaves you because you can no longer have sex, then it is better now than later. And there are many, many men who will dearly love and care for you as a person, not a sexual object – that is what makes you soul mates for life. Intimacy is still very important to my husband and I, but we know what our love means to both of us and sex is put on the back burner for now, but I hope not forever. These last two years have been hell for my husband, but he really showed me what the meaning of love and devotion is. He is working a full time job, caring for me, cooking and doing all the laundry, housework, etc. – he is exhausted. He has done things that I have never seen him do before, and words cannot express all my feelings (there just are no words that can express what I feel) for all that he has done for me. We have been married 48 years.

nne

[Guest guest]

Wow, nne, your story has really touched me. What a wonderful husband you must have.

I hope that all of you that are still married and are suffering with this dreadful disease(s) remember what the meaning of marriage is and the vows you took when you got married. We are sexual beings by nature and will be until we die. I got married very young and there have always been ups and downs in our intimacy. But it is the caring and commitment that keeps us together. If your mate leaves you because you can no longer have sex, then it is better now than later. And there are many, many men who will dearly love and care for you as a person, not a sexual object – that is what makes you soul mates for life. Intimacy is still very important to my husband and I, but we know what our love means to both of us and sex is put on the back burner for now, but I hope not forever. These last two years have been hell for my husband, but he really showed me what the meaning of love and devotion is. He is working a full time job, caring for me, cooking and doing all the laundry, housework, etc. – he is exhausted. He has done things that I have never seen him do before, and words cannot express all my feelings (there just are no words that can express what I feel) for all that he has done for me. We have been married 48 years.

nne

From: VulvarDisorders [mailto:VulvarDisorders ] On Behalf Of

Sent: Tuesday, February 12, 2008 6:26 PMTo: VulvarDisorders Subject: Re: New member, very very sad/ For and

Ivy:Thank you for sharing your story. I'm encouraged to think that mysharing might help another husband (or partner, etc) who experiencesthis pain with their love.