so glad you're here

[Guest guest]

Thanks Gagne and Thanks Twyla!

I was just about floored by what each of you said today, respectively..

Gagne...I fight the 'fleas' from being raised by a BPD in my relationship as

well. Some times I don't even know why I re/act the way I do and over the last

year I've really had my eyes opened about my own actions and my behaviors as a

spouse. We've been able to reflect back over the last 20 years and wow. Why did

I do that? Because it's what I knew! These fleas are deeply engrained in me.

And Twyla, your experience of 'being the cause of all the familial problems'

sounded like a transcript from my mother dealing with my aunt and grandparents

over my grandma's decline years ago. So bizarre all the way around.

Thanks for sharing my experiences =)!

[Guest guest]

O,

I agree with your insight on FLEAS. IT was all we knew at the time. I also agree

that it is very hard to break the ingrained patterns of unhealthy self talk and

thoughless reaction. I am trying very had and finding some success with

mindfulness and meditation. Have you found anything that works for you?

Beth

so glad you're here

Thanks Gagne and Thanks Twyla!

I was just about floored by what each of you said today, respectively..

Gagne...I fight the 'fleas' from being raised by a BPD in my relationship as

well. Some times I don't even know why I re/act the way I do and over the last

year I've really had my eyes opened about my own actions and my behaviors as a

spouse. We've been able to reflect back over the last 20 years and wow. Why did

I do that? Because it's what I knew! These fleas are deeply engrained in me.

And Twyla, your experience of 'being the cause of all the familial problems'

sounded like a transcript from my mother dealing with my aunt and grandparents

over my grandma's decline years ago. So bizarre all the way around.

Thanks for sharing my experiences =)!

[Guest guest]

Thank YOU all for your validation :-)

_____

From: WTOAdultChildren1

[mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ] On Behalf Of O

Sent: November-25-12 10:43 PM

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Subject: so glad you're here

Thanks Gagne and Thanks Twyla!

I was just about floored by what each of you said today, respectively..

Gagne...I fight the 'fleas' from being raised by a BPD in my relationship as

well. Some times I don't even know why I re/act the way I do and over the

last year I've really had my eyes opened about my own actions and my

behaviors as a spouse. We've been able to reflect back over the last 20

years and wow. Why did I do that? Because it's what I knew! These fleas are

deeply engrained in me.

And Twyla, your experience of 'being the cause of all the familial problems'

sounded like a transcript from my mother dealing with my aunt and

grandparents over my grandma's decline years ago. So bizarre all the way

around.

Thanks for sharing my experiences =)!

[Guest guest]

, what an inspiring journey of self-discovery and positive change, I'm glad

you shared that with us.

The fact that you *cared* that your behaviors were hurting others, and wanting

to change yourself because of that, is the big, key difference between a non-pd

KO and a person who has that abnormal brain-wiring of bpd, in my own personal

opinion. And you did achieve change!

That is just so awesome. " Flea " behaviors (learned bpd-like behaviors) can be

overcome.

Big virtual high five to you!

-Annie

>

> I have a different experience growing up and thus I tend to react and go a

different direction than most of us here. I use to turn NPD Queen/Witch. Even

now, I can see how much easier it would be to just act/react like this and rage

and be vindictive and controlling. But I don't like how it makes me feel after

and I don't like how it makes others feel at any time. And it's not productive

to healthy relationships-it's not who/what/how I want to be.

> So instead I worked hard during my late teens and early 20s on letting go of

the needy-demanding-consuming- " you must worship me " feelings that come so

naturally to me. I started my identifying what these feelings were and when I

was feeling this. Then reflecting on why/who/how/ about them. I worked hard on

independence and separate self, which I never knew. I was only an extension of

my mother. I also had a great partner who loved me and hurt when I did the

QueenWitch. I didn't like that I hurt him, and he wouldn't take it. So I had to

make a choice, I chose to change.

> I am still tempted sometimes to do the queenwitch behaviors even 20 years

later with him, but I have a better set of coping and realtionship skills to

employ. My spouse also fights fair(always has), and will call me on it if I'm

not fighting fair. And I listen and reflect. I rationally think through my

feelings and sort them out. Sometimes, yes ok laugh here! I even have to write

down all the jumble in my head and then think rationally about it. I feel < >

because he did < > …then have to think " is this rational, is this fair to us

both, am I being vindictive. or controlling. or queen-y. or …ya know. I also

squashed the voice of my mother in my head. I did this in my early teens, just

flat rejected it. I also rejected the family flying monkeys. That helped a lot

to let me move forward. Anyhow, I used to think I was the crazy one. =) Crazy

that healthy behaviors didn't just come naturally and I had to work on them.

Here's to time gone by and reflection, and of course SWOE and yall here!!

>

>

>