Partial NC with Client

[Guest guest]

Hi All, thought I'd share this one: I run a busy consulting-type practice and

let's face it, you meet all types in business. I served an elderly couple and

when he passed away (a lovely man) his wife, although surrounded with children

and grandchildren, made twice-weekly requests for visits and calls. Now, when I

was working with them, I got paid for these calls and visits. During phone calls

she talks compulsively especially about money and the " little economies " she

needs to put in place around her million-dollar luxury home, like unplugging the

frig in the garage to save money. She has been the sole beneficiary of about 9

million dollars from her husband's estate. She has made it clear that she has no

intention of paying me for any additional work and seems to think that the offer

of a cup of coffee and some second-hand clothing will work fine in place of

professional fees.

Now, I do have sympathy for her. I know she is grieving and I miss her loving

husband too. He was my friend. But he was the soothing influence. He was the one

who made sure I got paid, told her to " slow down " when she got into compulsively

talking, and generally was the heart and gentling influence of the family. Now

that he's gone, I can feel Nada-esque tendencies taking hold in her, and I'm not

about to be the latest victim. To that end, I've written a nice card thanking

her for her business, and saying I am reducing my non-business phone calls and

will be unable to respond to invitations. Personally, I don't think it's going

to be that easy to get boundaries in place, but it's a start.

AFB

[Guest guest]

Sounds like you're calling this one right . . .

On Mon, Nov 26, 2012 at 11:40 AM, awayfromborderland <

awayfromborderland@...> wrote:

> **

>

>

> Hi All, thought I'd share this one: I run a busy consulting-type practice

> and let's face it, you meet all types in business. I served an elderly

> couple and when he passed away (a lovely man) his wife, although surrounded

> with children and grandchildren, made twice-weekly requests for visits and

> calls. Now, when I was working with them, I got paid for these calls and

> visits. During phone calls she talks compulsively especially about money

> and the " little economies " she needs to put in place around her

> million-dollar luxury home, like unplugging the frig in the garage to save

> money. She has been the sole beneficiary of about 9 million dollars from

> her husband's estate. She has made it clear that she has no intention of

> paying me for any additional work and seems to think that the offer of a

> cup of coffee and some second-hand clothing will work fine in place of

> professional fees.

>

> Now, I do have sympathy for her. I know she is grieving and I miss her

> loving husband too. He was my friend. But he was the soothing influence. He

> was the one who made sure I got paid, told her to " slow down " when she got

> into compulsively talking, and generally was the heart and gentling

> influence of the family. Now that he's gone, I can feel Nada-esque

> tendencies taking hold in her, and I'm not about to be the latest victim.

> To that end, I've written a nice card thanking her for her business, and

> saying I am reducing my non-business phone calls and will be unable to

> respond to invitations. Personally, I don't think it's going to be that

> easy to get boundaries in place, but it's a start.

> AFB

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I agree, I think you have spotted a potential, nada-like abuser in this former

client who now sees the opportunity to extract your services for free. Kudos to

you for being self-protective in a kind but firm way. This woman is using your

feelings of friendship and compassion (for her loss) to manipulate you; that

shows a lot of wisdom on your part to recognize it. I think that if you are

consistently unresponsive to her calls (such as, you only respond to her calls

infrequently and sporadically over the next few months) she will look elsewhere

for free professional advice. And if you do return a call and she indirectly,

covertly segues into soliciting you for the service you provide, you can cut the

call short. " Oh, my, look at the time. I have to go now, dear. Stay well.

Bye. "

Thumb's up!

-Annie

>

> Hi All, thought I'd share this one: I run a busy consulting-type practice and

let's face it, you meet all types in business. I served an elderly couple and

when he passed away (a lovely man) his wife, although surrounded with children

and grandchildren, made twice-weekly requests for visits and calls. Now, when I

was working with them, I got paid for these calls and visits. During phone calls

she talks compulsively especially about money and the " little economies " she

needs to put in place around her million-dollar luxury home, like unplugging the

frig in the garage to save money. She has been the sole beneficiary of about 9

million dollars from her husband's estate. She has made it clear that she has no

intention of paying me for any additional work and seems to think that the offer

of a cup of coffee and some second-hand clothing will work fine in place of

professional fees.

>

> Now, I do have sympathy for her. I know she is grieving and I miss her loving

husband too. He was my friend. But he was the soothing influence. He was the one

who made sure I got paid, told her to " slow down " when she got into compulsively

talking, and generally was the heart and gentling influence of the family. Now

that he's gone, I can feel Nada-esque tendencies taking hold in her, and I'm not

about to be the latest victim. To that end, I've written a nice card thanking

her for her business, and saying I am reducing my non-business phone calls and

will be unable to respond to invitations. Personally, I don't think it's going

to be that easy to get boundaries in place, but it's a start.

> AFB

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks Millicent and Annie. I appreciate your votes of confidence. I guess I

always felt the sharp edges on this woman, but her husband was a buffer. The

whole family is reeling from his loss and although they are far from what you'd

call warm, I do have sympathy for the bottomless pit of need they've suddenly

inherited. Of course she refuses all invitations to join the ladies group or go

to senior exercise--those social activities get a sneer. A year ago I was

puzzled when another gal who worked with them suddenly " disappeared " and stopped

responding to their calls. Mrs. Needy must have called me a dozen times on the

phone and grilled me in person another dozen times if I knew the reason why. I

had no idea and at the time said I was completely stumped. Well, I'm not

so stumped anymore. Now I'm taking the same tactic. Sounds like I should form a

support group and put an ad on Meetup.com!!! :-)

AFB