Guest guest Posted November 27, 2012 Report Share Posted November 27, 2012 Just had a thought.when I mentioned how my brothers see my mother when they look at me.. How many of the women here look exactly like their nada? I look just like her, especially as I age, how disturbing is that to look in the mirror and see the image of a woman who fills me with so much fear and anxiety.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 27, 2012 Report Share Posted November 27, 2012 That is one aspect where I am very lucky. She is my stepnada, so I will never look like her. I do find myself wondering if I act like her sometimes though. Janet  Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.  In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.  Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil.  It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones. Proverbs 3:5-8 ________________________________ To: WTOAdultChildren1 Sent: Tuesday, November 27, 2012 9:28 AM Subject: weird question  Just had a thought.when I mentioned how my brothers see my mother when they look at me.. How many of the women here look exactly like their nada? I look just like her, especially as I age, how disturbing is that to look in the mirror and see the image of a woman who fills me with so much fear and anxiety.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 27, 2012 Report Share Posted November 27, 2012 I know what you mean. When I was a child I liked it when people said I looked like my mother (which she would deny & said I looked like my father until I was successful in life then she would love it when people would say I looked like her) now as an adult it scares me. > > That is one aspect where I am very lucky. She is my stepnada, so I will never look like her. I do find myself wondering if I act like her sometimes though. > Janet > >  Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. >  In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. >  Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil. >  It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones. > Proverbs 3:5-8 > > > ________________________________ > From: Gagne > To: WTOAdultChildren1 > Sent: Tuesday, November 27, 2012 9:28 AM > Subject: weird question > >  > Just had a thought.when I mentioned how my brothers see my mother when they > look at me.. > > How many of the women here look exactly like their nada? > > I look just like her, especially as I age, > > how disturbing is that to look in the mirror and see the image of a woman > who fills me with so much fear and anxiety.. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 27, 2012 Report Share Posted November 27, 2012 I look a lot like her but have some differences - like larger hips that she always made me feel bad about. She was always so jealous of my hair being thicker and more manageable than hers and constantly reminded me of it. However it has always been disturbing to me that other people tell me I look so much like her. It makes me sick to be compared to her in any way. Although she is not unattractive, the thought that I have similar features repulses me and I try really hard to dress in ways she would never dress. If she buys me clothes that look like her I immediately give them away because I can't stand the thought that I resemble her. Last spring I got my hair highlighted and when the stylist was done it looked so much like my mother I was in tears. I didn't get it corrected right away and went over to nada's house for Easter. I went from dark, dark brown to almost blonde and she didn't even notice. It looked exactly like she had worn it 20 years ago and when she finally noticed she said she didn't like it. HA!! I had it re-dyed shortly thereafter, but I thought it was hilarious that she didn't like it considering. . . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 27, 2012 Report Share Posted November 27, 2012 I look, I would say... 70% like nada and 30% like dad, so I'm not *identical* to my nada (thank goodness.) I think that is part of the reason I choose to wear my hair very differently than she did and possibly its part of the reason I tend to remain fat. Nada was thin. She was a " girly girl " and liked dressing femininely (dresses, jewelry, heels, etc.) I tend to dress sort of, I guess, " neutrally " ? Not masculine-type clothes, but not particularly feminine either. Am I letting nada control me even after she's deceased? NOT something I want to consider. Hmm. I need to think about this. I DO NOT want to look like my nada, and yet, I do look somewhat like her. Have to ponder this for a while. Are aspects of my self-loathing actually me rejecting the suggestion of nada that I see reflected in my mirror? (((Sigh))) Still more onion-skin layers of psychological trauma to peel off, I guess. -Annie > > Just had a thought.when I mentioned how my brothers see my mother when they > look at me.. > > How many of the women here look exactly like their nada? > > > > I look just like her, especially as I age, > > how disturbing is that to look in the mirror and see the image of a woman > who fills me with so much fear and anxiety.. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 27, 2012 Report Share Posted November 27, 2012 I flat out will not look at a mirror as I pass it if I am not yet wearing makeup. I don't see my face as a whole until I apply it, and won't process the image until it's done because of fear of looking like Nada, even though I look nothing like her, and not like makeup changes you that much, it's just my defense mechanism. This is a good one. Thanks for raising, I think a lot of us have this fear and it's good to face head on. > > Just had a thought.when I mentioned how my brothers see my mother when they > look at me.. > > How many of the women here look exactly like their nada? > > > > I look just like her, especially as I age, > > how disturbing is that to look in the mirror and see the image of a woman > who fills me with so much fear and anxiety.. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 27, 2012 Report Share Posted November 27, 2012 Uugghh..I've done the opposite in that I've allowed myself to look like her. I am short and stocky like her, even when I was thinner. We're both under 5 feet. She's also been buying me clothes for the last few years, because being a stay at home mom with 3 kids, let's just say money gets tight.. She's forever coming home with new clothes that I don't even like, they look like her clothes, but of course I accept them. I need new clothes and rejecting her " gift " would bring on a rage. My husband always said if she actually wanted to help me with some new clothes, she would take me shopping and let me choose. But I've put the clothes on and smiled, and unwittingly started to look more and more like her. Which now that I know about BPD, I realize that is part of her " theme " . She takes away all hobbies, interests, passions and individuality of those close to her, and then moulds them into some twisted version of herself. My father doesn't have any hobbies anymore, he used to garden and fish, now he just goes shopping with her and sits and watches TV. And no family, she took away his parents and sister and all his friends. If I had let her she would have driven my husband, kids and my friends away too. _____ From: WTOAdultChildren1 [mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ] On Behalf Of anuria67854 Sent: November-27-12 12:51 PM To: WTOAdultChildren1 Subject: Re: weird question I look, I would say... 70% like nada and 30% like dad, so I'm not *identical* to my nada (thank goodness.) I think that is part of the reason I choose to wear my hair very differently than she did and possibly its part of the reason I tend to remain fat. Nada was thin. She was a " girly girl " and liked dressing femininely (dresses, jewelry, heels, etc.) I tend to dress sort of, I guess, " neutrally " ? Not masculine-type clothes, but not particularly feminine either. Am I letting nada control me even after she's deceased? NOT something I want to consider. Hmm. I need to think about this. I DO NOT want to look like my nada, and yet, I do look somewhat like her. Have to ponder this for a while. Are aspects of my self-loathing actually me rejecting the suggestion of nada that I see reflected in my mirror? (((Sigh))) Still more onion-skin layers of psychological trauma to peel off, I guess. -Annie > > Just had a thought.when I mentioned how my brothers see my mother when they > look at me.. > > How many of the women here look exactly like their nada? > > > > I look just like her, especially as I age, > > how disturbing is that to look in the mirror and see the image of a woman > who fills me with so much fear and anxiety.. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 27, 2012 Report Share Posted November 27, 2012 This is an eye opening discussion. I have my dad's face but nada's coloring and exact body. The clothing thing is what got me, tho. Do any of you ever watch what not to wear on tlc? I'm surprised no one has nominated me for it. They always talk about how feeling great in your clothes spills to other areas in life. I realized from that and your msgs that nada had been buying clothes for herself as part of her compulsive shopping and pawning them off on me since I hit puberty. It seemed economical and she honestly does have great taste. her style isn't always mine, tho. I see now that my laziness enabled her excessive shopping (and dad's stress over the bills) and has limited my confidence. Over the last years I have donated bags upon bags of ill fitting clothes to goodwill, some of it from last century! What's left is good, some great, mostly adequate but I think I get the idea now. Helps to have all that dead weight gone, too. Gagne njgagne@...> wrote: >Uugghh..I've done the opposite in that I've allowed myself to look like her. >I am short and stocky like her, even when I was thinner. > >We're both under 5 feet. > >She's also been buying me clothes for the last few years, because being a >stay at home mom with 3 kids, let's just say money gets tight.. > >She's forever coming home with new clothes that I don't even like, they look >like her clothes, but of course I accept them. I need new clothes and >rejecting her " gift " would bring on a rage. My husband always said if she >actually wanted to help me with some new clothes, she would take me shopping >and let me choose. But I've put the clothes on and smiled, and unwittingly >started to look more and more like her. > > > >Which now that I know about BPD, I realize that is part of her " theme " . > > > >She takes away all hobbies, interests, passions and individuality of those >close to her, and then moulds them into some twisted version of herself. > >My father doesn't have any hobbies anymore, he used to garden and fish, now >he just goes shopping with her and sits and watches TV. > >And no family, she took away his parents and sister and all his friends. > > > >If I had let her she would have driven my husband, kids and my friends away >too. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > _____ > >From: WTOAdultChildren1 >[mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ] On Behalf Of anuria67854 >Sent: November-27-12 12:51 PM >To: WTOAdultChildren1 >Subject: Re: weird question > > > > > >I look, I would say... 70% like nada and 30% like dad, so I'm not >*identical* to my nada (thank goodness.) > >I think that is part of the reason I choose to wear my hair very differently >than she did and possibly its part of the reason I tend to remain fat. Nada >was thin. She was a " girly girl " and liked dressing femininely (dresses, >jewelry, heels, etc.) I tend to dress sort of, I guess, " neutrally " ? Not >masculine-type clothes, but not particularly feminine either. > >Am I letting nada control me even after she's deceased? NOT something I want >to consider. > >Hmm. I need to think about this. > >I DO NOT want to look like my nada, and yet, I do look somewhat like her. > >Have to ponder this for a while. Are aspects of my self-loathing actually me >rejecting the suggestion of nada that I see reflected in my mirror? > >(((Sigh))) Still more onion-skin layers of psychological trauma to peel off, >I guess. > >-Annie > > >> >> Just had a thought.when I mentioned how my brothers see my mother when >they >> look at me.. >> >> How many of the women here look exactly like their nada? >> >> >> >> I look just like her, especially as I age, >> >> how disturbing is that to look in the mirror and see the image of a woman >> who fills me with so much fear and anxiety.. >> >> >> >> >> >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 28, 2012 Report Share Posted November 28, 2012 I don't resemble my nada. I take after my dad's side of the family mostly. What is interesting to me is how my nada used to insist at various times that I looked just like her in different ways. She used to insist that our hair is the same color-not even close. > > Just had a thought.when I mentioned how my brothers see my mother when they > look at me.. > > How many of the women here look exactly like their nada? > > > > I look just like her, especially as I age, > > how disturbing is that to look in the mirror and see the image of a woman > who fills me with so much fear and anxiety.. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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