When Fadas Attack! (Fadas gone wild?)

[Guest guest]

Interesting news story I came across today about this British military guy

who wrote a public email letter to his three " loser " kids. You can find

the text by Googling " Nick Crews " .

The guy sounds like a Fada to me, and based on what his kids have said

about his parenting style (and the fact that two out of the three were

already not speaking to him when he published the letter), he has had

predictable effects on them -- none of them seem to have much

self-confidence thanks to his constant put-downs and denigration during

their growing years. That having been said, his children are not what the

vast majority of people would call " losers " : they are all employed, none

are substance abusers or domestic abusers, none has killed anyone. Yet this

Fada's main concern is that he feels they have let him down by not becoming

accomplished enough for him to be able to brag about them to the neighbors,

and that he can't stand to sit around and listen to his neighbors speak

lovingly about their kids without thinking what a terrible whiny loser

bunch he got stuck with.

If he's not a Fada he's at least got some major Narcissism issues going on.

What's a bit more disturbing (though not really unexpected) is how he's got

some supporters going " Yeah, you tell those slacker whiny young people how

HORRIBLE they are to not live their lives by their parents' expectations!

How DARE they think they have a right to make their own decisions, good or

bad? What do they think they have, free will or something?? "

Amazing how many people out there can't differentiate between " offspring "

and " psychological slave " ... scary.

-- Jen H.

[Guest guest]

Are you sure that response comment isn't really over-the-top sarcasm? (If I'd

written it, that would have been my intention. A fada who would publish such an

ugly letter to and about his adult children deserves some denigrating sarcasm,

IMHO.)

-Annie

>

> Interesting news story I came across today about this British military guy

> who wrote a public email letter to his three " loser " kids. You can find

> the text by Googling " Nick Crews " .

>

> The guy sounds like a Fada to me, and based on what his kids have said

> about his parenting style (and the fact that two out of the three were

> already not speaking to him when he published the letter), he has had

> predictable effects on them -- none of them seem to have much

> self-confidence thanks to his constant put-downs and denigration during

> their growing years. That having been said, his children are not what the

> vast majority of people would call " losers " : they are all employed, none

> are substance abusers or domestic abusers, none has killed anyone. Yet this

> Fada's main concern is that he feels they have let him down by not becoming

> accomplished enough for him to be able to brag about them to the neighbors,

> and that he can't stand to sit around and listen to his neighbors speak

> lovingly about their kids without thinking what a terrible whiny loser

> bunch he got stuck with.

>

> If he's not a Fada he's at least got some major Narcissism issues going on.

>

> What's a bit more disturbing (though not really unexpected) is how he's got

> some supporters going " Yeah, you tell those slacker whiny young people how

> HORRIBLE they are to not live their lives by their parents' expectations!

> How DARE they think they have a right to make their own decisions, good or

> bad? What do they think they have, free will or something?? "

>

> Amazing how many people out there can't differentiate between " offspring "

> and " psychological slave " ... scary.

>

> -- Jen H.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

No, they're not sarcastic, more's the pity. I was not quoting the replies

verbatim, just summarizing what I saw as their central theme and adding a

strong sarcastic twist of my own. It's the same stuff you've heard from

your own Nada/Fada, the themes of how " kids today " (where the " kids " in

question are in their thirties and forties, if not fifties and sixties) are

all a bunch of entitled slackers mooching off their parents, even though

the adult children in Crews' letter are not mooching off anyone. (Crews was

later interviewed and talked about how awful it would be to find out that

one of his kids had gone on public assistance, because obviously that would

mean they were failures as human beings, I guess.)

There have, of course, been some very harsh voices of condemnation of this

guy, his letter, and his idea of " parenting " , but there have been a

significant number of " Yeah, man, you TELL those lousy kids who keep

letting us down! " supporters who have been unfortunately completely

serious.

It reminds me very strongly of " laptop shooting Dad " in the US sometime

last year -- the guy who recorded himself blowing away his fifteen-year-old

daughter's laptop with a handgun and posted it to YouTube because he HACKED

INTO her private Facebook chat and discovered that she whined to her

teenage friends about how much she hated doing chores. Because of course

it's a horrible, awful thing for a fifteen year old to bond -- in a

supposedly private space -- with her teenage friends by griping about

parents. No other parent in the history of mankind has had to deal with

such horror, apparently....and yes, I'm being sarcastic.

It is unbelievably hard for me to hear about these parents while I attend

Al-Anon meetings and hear people just like them talk about how terrified

they are that their alcoholic or drug-abusing adult children are going to

end up dead any day in a drunk-driving accident or of an overdose, and to

work with special-needs kids as I currently am and see how much their

parents would give just to have a child who was able to look them in the

eye and say " Hi Mom " like the other kids. And then I think about people

like these two, and any other parent who treats their child with rage and

scorn, and I want to take a brickbat to their heads.

-- Jen H.

On Tue, Nov 27, 2012 at 11:46 PM, anuria67854 anuria-67854@...>wrote:

> **

>

>

> Are you sure that response comment isn't really over-the-top sarcasm? (If

> I'd written it, that would have been my intention. A fada who would publish

> such an ugly letter to and about his adult children deserves some

> denigrating sarcasm, IMHO.)

>

> -Annie

>

>

>

> >

> > Interesting news story I came across today about this British military

> guy

> > who wrote a public email letter to his three " loser " kids. You can find

> > the text by Googling " Nick Crews " .

> >

> > The guy sounds like a Fada to me, and based on what his kids have said

> > about his parenting style (and the fact that two out of the three were

> > already not speaking to him when he published the letter), he has had

> > predictable effects on them -- none of them seem to have much

> > self-confidence thanks to his constant put-downs and denigration during

> > their growing years. That having been said, his children are not what the

> > vast majority of people would call " losers " : they are all employed, none

> > are substance abusers or domestic abusers, none has killed anyone. Yet

> this

> > Fada's main concern is that he feels they have let him down by not

> becoming

> > accomplished enough for him to be able to brag about them to the

> neighbors,

> > and that he can't stand to sit around and listen to his neighbors speak

> > lovingly about their kids without thinking what a terrible whiny loser

> > bunch he got stuck with.

> >

> > If he's not a Fada he's at least got some major Narcissism issues going

> on.

> >

> > What's a bit more disturbing (though not really unexpected) is how he's

> got

> > some supporters going " Yeah, you tell those slacker whiny young people

> how

> > HORRIBLE they are to not live their lives by their parents' expectations!

> > How DARE they think they have a right to make their own decisions, good

> or

> > bad? What do they think they have, free will or something?? "

> >

> > Amazing how many people out there can't differentiate between " offspring "

> > and " psychological slave " ... scary.

> >

> > -- Jen H.

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Clearly a narcisisst. None of the below comments seem to aknowlege that perhaps

the dad has narcisisstic problems. The general public doesn't seem to aknowledge

or understand the prevalence of personality disorders. PD explains A LOT when

you're aware of it.

Parental disappointment was a common theme with my nada. I remember her ALWAYS

complaining bitterly to her friends and to us children directly that her kids

didn't DO ANYTHING and her friends children were all so wonderful, etc. She was

blind to the accomplishments we had. Eventually, as adults Golden son grew up to

be a true loser and the other son became a raging NPD. I feel I escaped just by

the hair of my chin. My nada will ALWAYS be disappointed with all of us but that

has nothing to do with who I am as a person. Success or not.

HF

[Guest guest]

To clarify, 'below comments' I'm referring to the comments below the news

article not our thread here.......