nada having surgery tomorrow

[Guest guest]

So my mom's having surgery tomorrow for a hernia (the kind around the groin).

I am really nervous, not so much about the surgery, but about driving her there,

being with her after surgery and then being with her at her home until my

brother arrives....that's TWELVE hours with her.

She and my brother are utterly, completely coming unraveled.  I mean, I get it,

it's surgery, any kind of surgery is a risk, of course I understand that. But

it's like I have to be the strong one, I have to keep it all together for them

because they're unhinged.

He just called me and asked me THREE times in a plaintive, little boy kind of

voice, " will she be all right? "  He said it almost in a whining voice, like

you'd hear in a dog's voice when it begs.  I have zero patience with this.

Please forgive me if I sound heartless and cold, but I'm almost embarrassed for

him.  

And THEN he brings up a conversation my husband had with him that my mother

should think about moving at some point, bc the owners of the home she lives in

could sell at any point. He clearly felt threatened or like my husband was

questioning my brother's abilities as a son because he got really agitated with

me. It was a horrible conversation.

Anyway, please light a candle for me. I'm tired of being the strong one, of

being the one depended on by my FOO.  My brother emailed me earlier this week --

I sent him a schedule outlining who would be caring for nada each day next week,

b/c I could easily see it falling all into my lap. I asked 2 friends to be with

her during the week and told nada she has to pay them. 

So anyway, he emails me and says what a " treasure " I am to the family and to

him, blah blah. i don't want to be a treasure, I want him to face these kind of

difficult situations instead of hiding his turtle head from the pain. It's

infuriating.  So, if I hadn't made these arrangements, he was just planning on

going to work every day and let Fiona figure out who's going to care for Mommy,

who he's sobbing about??   To be fair, he's staying with her all weekend and all

day Monday, which is huge, but then, what about the rest of the week? 

Hopefully, she won't even need anyone with her...I wish I had the luxury of

worrying about her, etc., but I'm just overwhelmed by the practical side of it

all, plus caring for my own family, etc.

OH...one more creepy thing...my brother said to me, " I feel so bad for you, you

already work so hard, I saw you running around in your kitchen...didn't you see

me? "  UGH. He was watching me from the street (I live in an urban area). I

couldn't believe he told me. I said, " oh my gosh, I have to get better

curtains. "  NOT KIDDING. I plan to.

Ugh ugh ugh,

Fiona

[Guest guest]

Boy, oh boy, I feel for you...

Nadas and drama...

nadas and family drama...

By the end of it all everyone is on their last nerve and pissed off at each

other.

Wish I could tell you how to stay emotionally detached but I haven't

figured that out yet. Let us know if you figure that one out, lol...

[Guest guest]

Good luck Fiona tomorrow and in the coming week - I know how awful it is to have

to be the rock. And to not get real credit for being the rock and have others

refuse to admit that they are making you be the rock. Then there's the terrible

day when you for your own reasons can't be the rock and then it all unravels

into a big horrible mess.

Just remember to take some time each day to recenter and remember you, your

life, what you need.

>

> So my mom's having surgery tomorrow for a hernia (the kind around the groin).

>

> I am really nervous, not so much about the surgery, but about driving her

there, being with her after surgery and then being with her at her home until my

brother arrives....that's TWELVE hours with her.

>

> She and my brother are utterly, completely coming unraveled.  I mean, I get

it, it's surgery, any kind of surgery is a risk, of course I understand that.

But it's like I have to be the strong one, I have to keep it all together for

them because they're unhinged.

>

> He just called me and asked me THREE times in a plaintive, little boy kind of

voice, " will she be all right? "  He said it almost in a whining voice, like

you'd hear in a dog's voice when it begs.  I have zero patience with this.

Please forgive me if I sound heartless and cold, but I'm almost embarrassed for

him.  

>

> And THEN he brings up a conversation my husband had with him that my mother

should think about moving at some point, bc the owners of the home she lives in

could sell at any point. He clearly felt threatened or like my husband was

questioning my brother's abilities as a son because he got really agitated with

me. It was a horrible conversation.

>

> Anyway, please light a candle for me. I'm tired of being the strong one, of

being the one depended on by my FOO.  My brother emailed me earlier this week --

I sent him a schedule outlining who would be caring for nada each day next week,

b/c I could easily see it falling all into my lap. I asked 2 friends to be with

her during the week and told nada she has to pay them. 

>

> So anyway, he emails me and says what a " treasure " I am to the family and to

him, blah blah. i don't want to be a treasure, I want him to face these kind of

difficult situations instead of hiding his turtle head from the pain. It's

infuriating.  So, if I hadn't made these arrangements, he was just planning on

going to work every day and let Fiona figure out who's going to care for Mommy,

who he's sobbing about??   To be fair, he's staying with her all weekend and all

day Monday, which is huge, but then, what about the rest of the week? 

>

> Hopefully, she won't even need anyone with her...I wish I had the luxury of

worrying about her, etc., but I'm just overwhelmed by the practical side of it

all, plus caring for my own family, etc.

>

> OH...one more creepy thing...my brother said to me, " I feel so bad for you,

you already work so hard, I saw you running around in your kitchen...didn't you

see me? "  UGH. He was watching me from the street (I live in an urban area). I

couldn't believe he told me. I said, " oh my gosh, I have to get better

curtains. "  NOT KIDDING. I plan to.

>

> Ugh ugh ugh,

>

> Fiona

>

>

[Guest guest]

I hope the surgery went well, Fiona. Best wishes to you and your foo. Here's

wishing you all the strength and endurance you need to get through this.

-Annie

>

> So my mom's having surgery tomorrow for a hernia (the kind around the groin).

>

> I am really nervous, not so much about the surgery, but about driving her

there, being with her after surgery and then being with her at her home until my

brother arrives....that's TWELVE hours with her.

>

> She and my brother are utterly, completely coming unraveled.  I mean, I get

it, it's surgery, any kind of surgery is a risk, of course I understand that.

But it's like I have to be the strong one, I have to keep it all together for

them because they're unhinged.

>

> He just called me and asked me THREE times in a plaintive, little boy kind of

voice, " will she be all right? "  He said it almost in a whining voice, like

you'd hear in a dog's voice when it begs.  I have zero patience with this.

Please forgive me if I sound heartless and cold, but I'm almost embarrassed for

him.  

>

> And THEN he brings up a conversation my husband had with him that my mother

should think about moving at some point, bc the owners of the home she lives in

could sell at any point. He clearly felt threatened or like my husband was

questioning my brother's abilities as a son because he got really agitated with

me. It was a horrible conversation.

>

> Anyway, please light a candle for me. I'm tired of being the strong one, of

being the one depended on by my FOO.  My brother emailed me earlier this week --

I sent him a schedule outlining who would be caring for nada each day next week,

b/c I could easily see it falling all into my lap. I asked 2 friends to be with

her during the week and told nada she has to pay them. 

>

> So anyway, he emails me and says what a " treasure " I am to the family and to

him, blah blah. i don't want to be a treasure, I want him to face these kind of

difficult situations instead of hiding his turtle head from the pain. It's

infuriating.  So, if I hadn't made these arrangements, he was just planning on

going to work every day and let Fiona figure out who's going to care for Mommy,

who he's sobbing about??   To be fair, he's staying with her all weekend and all

day Monday, which is huge, but then, what about the rest of the week? 

>

> Hopefully, she won't even need anyone with her...I wish I had the luxury of

worrying about her, etc., but I'm just overwhelmed by the practical side of it

all, plus caring for my own family, etc.

>

> OH...one more creepy thing...my brother said to me, " I feel so bad for you,

you already work so hard, I saw you running around in your kitchen...didn't you

see me? "  UGH. He was watching me from the street (I live in an urban area). I

couldn't believe he told me. I said, " oh my gosh, I have to get better

curtains. "  NOT KIDDING. I plan to.

>

> Ugh ugh ugh,

>

> Fiona

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks, Janice and Annie! I appreciate it.

I'm doing my best to help and also keep my distance. Deeep breath!

Thanks for your support!

> >

> > So my mom's having surgery tomorrow for a hernia (the kind around the

groin).

> >

> > I am really nervous, not so much about the surgery, but about driving her

there, being with her after surgery and then being with her at her home until my

brother arrives....that's TWELVE hours with her.

> >

> > She and my brother are utterly, completely coming unraveled.  I mean, I get

it, it's surgery, any kind of surgery is a risk, of course I understand that.

But it's like I have to be the strong one, I have to keep it all together for

them because they're unhinged.

> >

> > He just called me and asked me THREE times in a plaintive, little boy kind

of voice, " will she be all right? "  He said it almost in a whining voice, like

you'd hear in a dog's voice when it begs.  I have zero patience with this.

Please forgive me if I sound heartless and cold, but I'm almost embarrassed for

him.  

> >

> > And THEN he brings up a conversation my husband had with him that my mother

should think about moving at some point, bc the owners of the home she lives in

could sell at any point. He clearly felt threatened or like my husband was

questioning my brother's abilities as a son because he got really agitated with

me. It was a horrible conversation.

> >

> > Anyway, please light a candle for me. I'm tired of being the strong one, of

being the one depended on by my FOO.  My brother emailed me earlier this week --

I sent him a schedule outlining who would be caring for nada each day next week,

b/c I could easily see it falling all into my lap. I asked 2 friends to be with

her during the week and told nada she has to pay them. 

> >

> > So anyway, he emails me and says what a " treasure " I am to the family and to

him, blah blah. i don't want to be a treasure, I want him to face these kind of

difficult situations instead of hiding his turtle head from the pain. It's

infuriating.  So, if I hadn't made these arrangements, he was just planning on

going to work every day and let Fiona figure out who's going to care for Mommy,

who he's sobbing about??   To be fair, he's staying with her all weekend and all

day Monday, which is huge, but then, what about the rest of the week? 

> >

> > Hopefully, she won't even need anyone with her...I wish I had the luxury of

worrying about her, etc., but I'm just overwhelmed by the practical side of it

all, plus caring for my own family, etc.

> >

> > OH...one more creepy thing...my brother said to me, " I feel so bad for you,

you already work so hard, I saw you running around in your kitchen...didn't you

see me? "  UGH. He was watching me from the street (I live in an urban area). I

couldn't believe he told me. I said, " oh my gosh, I have to get better

curtains. "  NOT KIDDING. I plan to.

> >

> > Ugh ugh ugh,

> >

> > Fiona

> >

> >