I think I'm free. . . .

[Guest guest]

You all know how nadas are, very dramatic and unpredictable. Since my Dad died 4

years ago my husband and I have done what we could to take care of nada. Got all

the paperwork straightened out, her finances in good order, done work around her

house, taken her where she wanted to go.

But with my Dad gone, her anger became more focused on us. This past year she's

been misplacing things around the house. She either puts them away in an odd

spot or she hides them because she believes someone was getting in and moving

things around to upset her. Then she switched to things being stolen. No way

someone could get in without her knowledge but she was so sure the crooks have

their ways.

Then she switched to tying missing things to us, that when we visited, things

would disappear. I don't even take a paper clip from her house. And when she

forces things on me as a " gift " , I cringe. I don't want to take it but she'll

have a fit if I don't. Mostly junk like old tupperware, blankets, clothing,

cereal. But a few things she's given me (money) I hate. Most of it was small

amounts like coins leftover from lunch. I save the money and use it to buy

things for her (Subway sandwiches, cupcakes, etc.) The two times she's given me

larger amounts, I've put it in our safe and I won't touch it.

Anyway, this past week she's been on a roll, cutting me out of her life then

wanting me back. Yesterday she finally left a very mean phone message telling me

to never call her, never come over. She's tried to help me but she can't take

the lying and stealing any more. On and on.

I actually transcribed her message and contacted her doctor. The nurse is an

angel and completely understood. She knows what's been going on because I've

talked to her a couple times before. She said to let my nada cope with things on

her own for awhile. She'll call her once a week. At some point nada will need

help and might be open to in-home help then. But essentially I'm free from the

responsibility now.

We also called the police to explain what's going on. They kind of laughed, they

see this all the time in elderly and unless she calls to report her " stolen "

things, they can't do anything about it. And they would contact us anyway if she

did. Also called Adult Protection Services. They said unless she's in danger of

harming herself or is being harmed by someone else, they can't do anything.

My husband is very upset and hurt. After doing his best these past 4 years to

protect her and help her, then be called a thief really hurt. Me? I'm feeling a

huge burden lifted. The " medium chill " was helpful but she still wore me out

emotionally.

Even if she decided to be in contact with us again, there's no way we would step

foot in her house. I'm done. This is going NC the easy way.