Guest guest Posted December 1, 2012 Report Share Posted December 1, 2012 Hi everyone, Lots of memories are rising up this holiday season. Passing the trees at a grocer today, I had another one hit me. This one is a grad school memory. I was admitted to an ivy league grad school, one of the top in the nation in my field. But narcissist father (N-Dad) refused to pay for it, and nada FREAKED that I was planning to move away from home. I got student loans and attended anyway. One Christmas season they came for a visit. They are HUGE about the tree, the tree in their house is a very important tradition, and I wanted to get a tree too--so I asked them to help me pick it out and carry it to my place. I lived alone at the time, but in a very exciting part of the country. I was doing fine in school, was in the top third of my class, and had a potentially bright future ahead of me. I had not killed any of their pets, obtained any criminal convictions, or done anything that could have been considered the armaggeddon, reasonably speaking. I certainly had not taken a dime from either of them. ALL I had done, was choose to go to grad school in another city--which I guess meant I had chosen to assert potential independence from them. I was punished for this in many, many ways--once of which was how they acted about the tree. Since nada insisted I didn't need one and protested against me having one, N-Dad insisted that I DID get one (because he only gave gifts when it involved showing off to a stranger and/or harming someone else in the family). So we all went and got me a tree. It was such a nightmare. I tried to have fun and be positive and bubbly, and nada kept doing her interjections and displeasures, and N-Dad was also very sour and made it clear that although he was doing this, I didn't really *deserve it, really I was a very, very BAD (20 something year old) girl. They were just so MEAN. They were so g*-damned MEAN about the tree. If you don't want to do it, don't DO it, you know? But they insisted on doing it and yet making it an unbearably unpleasant experience, emotionally. I had a Christmas party later that year. It was so wonderful to have a tree in my place. And I could not have carried it up myself, or afforded to hire someone to do so. I still remember that tree--in the exotic, sophisticated city. I guess it was worth it in a way. But now to think of it, it makes me want to cry. Why on EARTH, did they have to be so mean about the tree? They should have been proud of me and it should have been a fun thing to get the tree. (Believe me, my N-Dad could afford it, so it wasn't that.) My nada was always extremely, extremely SOUR with me, and then saccharin, cotton candy sweet with my split good brother and sister--especially my sister, who was her Golden Princess. Withholding happiness was one of the many ways she tried to keep power over me. It used to really bother me. That same year, when I came home for Christmas, I had a friend from school with me. Nada must have had it on her mind that she needed to deny her abuse with the tree. Because, she had made a *special tree for me in the back room, and she had gathered a whole set of ornaments--just for me, she said, in her sugar voice, (in front of my friend), my, *special tree. This was a mind game to try and show my friend how much she loved Christmas, AND me, and how she could not possibly have been cruel to me about a tree two weeks earlier. It was also a mind game with me because the main tree was bigger, expensive, and NOT in the back room. This one was smaller and to be made with hand-me-down ornamenets, and not displayed. The tree was just one thing she used to try and manipulate everyone. ANYTHING that she knew we cared about, she tried to use to harm me (and worship the Golden Ones). I do not miss my Nada. I do miss my grad school Christmas Tree. --Charlotte Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 1, 2012 Report Share Posted December 1, 2012 Charlotte, I was struck by your Christmas tree story. How horrible for both of your parents to turn a Christmas tree shopping trip into some sick punishment for nothing! It makes me sad and angry just imagining it! It reminded me so much of my own Nada/Fada. Nada always had the most massive, mind-blowingly well-decorated tree to show off in a big window that everyone could see when the drove by the house, or of course entered the front door. But when she moved to a smaller place and stopped entertaining for guests, she stopped buying a tree altogether. When I was a teenager, she transitioned into having a " Christmas Table " instead, which was basically a stool in the hallway not big enough for more than 2 boxes, and then she gave up altogether on even having anything holiday-related in the house. One year I decided to purchase a tree myself and force it on her, and she stood and watched me decorate for hours and just insulted me and discouraged me the whole time, until it was complete, then she " admitted that it was a pretty cute tree. " I guess that's the best she could do. Fada NEVER once in my life contribute to any sort of holiday decoration, and completely ignored my efforts when I tried to surprise him and decorated his condo for the holidays. He came right in, saw a tree and presents, and never said anything. He didn't even open gifts with me when the day came. > > Hi everyone, > > Lots of memories are rising up this holiday season. Passing the trees at a grocer today, I had another one hit me. This one is a grad school memory. I was admitted to an ivy league grad school, one of the top in the nation in my field. But narcissist father (N-Dad) refused to pay for it, and nada FREAKED that I was planning to move away from home. I got student loans and attended anyway. > > One Christmas season they came for a visit. They are HUGE about the tree, the tree in their house is a very important tradition, and I wanted to get a tree too--so I asked them to help me pick it out and carry it to my place. I lived alone at the time, but in a very exciting part of the country. > > I was doing fine in school, was in the top third of my class, and had a potentially bright future ahead of me. I had not killed any of their pets, obtained any criminal convictions, or done anything that could have been considered the armaggeddon, reasonably speaking. I certainly had not taken a dime from either of them. ALL I had done, was choose to go to grad school in another city--which I guess meant I had chosen to assert potential independence from them. > > I was punished for this in many, many ways--once of which was how they acted about the tree. Since nada insisted I didn't need one and protested against me having one, N-Dad insisted that I DID get one (because he only gave gifts when it involved showing off to a stranger and/or harming someone else in the family). So we all went and got me a tree. It was such a nightmare. I tried to have fun and be positive and bubbly, and nada kept doing her interjections and displeasures, and N-Dad was also very sour and made it clear that although he was doing this, I didn't really *deserve it, really I was a very, very BAD (20 something year old) girl. > > They were just so MEAN. They were so g*-damned MEAN about the tree. If you don't want to do it, don't DO it, you know? But they insisted on doing it and yet making it an unbearably unpleasant experience, emotionally. > > I had a Christmas party later that year. It was so wonderful to have a tree in my place. And I could not have carried it up myself, or afforded to hire someone to do so. I still remember that tree--in the exotic, sophisticated city. I guess it was worth it in a way. But now to think of it, it makes me want to cry. Why on EARTH, did they have to be so mean about the tree? They should have been proud of me and it should have been a fun thing to get the tree. (Believe me, my N-Dad could afford it, so it wasn't that.) > > My nada was always extremely, extremely SOUR with me, and then saccharin, cotton candy sweet with my split good brother and sister--especially my sister, who was her Golden Princess. Withholding happiness was one of the many ways she tried to keep power over me. It used to really bother me. > > That same year, when I came home for Christmas, I had a friend from school with me. Nada must have had it on her mind that she needed to deny her abuse with the tree. Because, she had made a *special tree for me in the back room, and she had gathered a whole set of ornaments--just for me, she said, in her sugar voice, (in front of my friend), my, *special tree. This was a mind game to try and show my friend how much she loved Christmas, AND me, and how she could not possibly have been cruel to me about a tree two weeks earlier. It was also a mind game with me because the main tree was bigger, expensive, and NOT in the back room. This one was smaller and to be made with hand-me-down ornamenets, and not displayed. > > The tree was just one thing she used to try and manipulate everyone. ANYTHING that she knew we cared about, she tried to use to harm me (and worship the Golden Ones). > > I do not miss my Nada. I do miss my grad school Christmas Tree. > > --Charlotte > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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