Puberty, illnesses, and moments of realization, vs. the BPD mind

[Guest guest]

In the past few years, whenever I receive one of the Mother-unit’s poison-pen

letters or emails, I first have to decide whether I want to even respond or not.

Then, if I do, I write a response, and set it aside for a week or so, then

reread it, to make certain I haven’t allowed my writing hand (or typing

fingers) to write a check my ass isn’t prepared to cash. My stock opening

seems to be: Mother, I’ve read your [letter/email], and I find myself very

grateful that I see the world so differently than you do. Yes, I know this

enrages her, but it also lets me vent.

I feel terrible for you ladies who were denied care or attacked for the onset of

your menstrual cycles. I remember reading “â€, King’s first

novel, and the nut-case mother in that novel reacted much the same way.

In our household, developmental matters were handled a bit differently. When I

turned ten, my mother walked in my bedroom and slammed a book on the table, and

said, “Read this.†It was a 1930s book called “Human Sexual

Developmentâ€. Never mind that it was 1974----I guess that book was a classic!

*wink*

Coincidentally, this was around the time when I began to question M when she

told her crazy lies. Whenever she began her furious and earnest fabrications, I

began saying, “Mother, that’s not true. That’s not what happened at

all.†Her stock response became, “Well, you’re in the middle of PUBERTY,

and what you say is wrong and stupid, because of what is happening in your

body.†The cycle continued---she would weave these webs of crazy lies, and if

I was able, I would try to refute what she was saying. Then I would be

dismissed as someone who was “pubescent and stupidâ€. Other people didn’t

dismiss the things I said, but given the home training, I even began to wonder

if puberty may have been responsible for incorrect answers on school tests,

failed guesses on TV quiz shows, or when I was clumsy and stumbled or fell (I

was very tall for my age.) Man, that PUBERTY was a real B*TCH!

I have a theory, which may or may not have validity. So many BPD folks also

display narcissistic tendencies, and when one of their offspring reaches this

milestone in life, it becomes a very threatening thing for the BPD. First, it

reminds them that they are no longer young and and impervious to age, and

secondly, it signals a change in dynamic---the dependent may no longer be

totally dependent, and could pose a threat.

For the most part, I’ve been blessed with pretty decent health, but I have had

a couple of nasty, hospital-time illnesses in the past 20 years. I learned

early on that it was very unwise to include my Nada in these hospital times,

because she sees this as a moment of weakness on my part, and could begin to

“go in for the kill.†(OK, maybe a bit dramatic, but you all know what I

mean! LOL) During hospital stays, two other family members had to call hospital

security to have her removed, when she decided to act up while they were

bed-ridden. Both times, she took the “call button†mechanism into her hand

before she began the attack. I guess she thought that would silence her target.

It is incredibly sad to realize that these people don’t seem to experience

empathy, and they experience “sympathy†only if someone is watching, and

that person is someone they wish to impress. What a sad life for them, and

sadly, that awful life tends to make the rest of our lives awful, too.

Take care, my friends. Keep the faith.

[Guest guest]

Thank you for the humor and insight of your reply. I feel as if I just had

a pep talk from the big brother I always longed for!

Beth