Still figuring this all this out... Can BPDs / NPDs be somewhat normal for stretches?

[Guest guest]

Hi all:

I read so many posts here. Many ring true for how my Nada behaves ( I think

she falls more on the NPD end).

Anyway, what confuses me is that she can go for stretches acting *kind of*

normal. I mean she will still have her warped sense of reality and

relationships but will behave somewhat normally for stretches up to a month

or two. You'll start to think she's maybe ok after all and WHAM, the crazy

will emerge, HUGE.

I am beginning to deduce that mostly it is based in fear of losing control

over her environment. This results and fits of terror - loss of reality,

deep jealousy, blaming, screaming, threats, indifference, mocking, -

overall 2 year old behavior with no breaks or consideration that on any

level she may be miss-perceiving what has her so angry.

Can these BPDs / NPDs have somewhat normal stretches? I am getting whiplash

going around and around with her.

Thanks,

[Guest guest]

My husband calls it, " they're in a good place " or " they're activated " .

That's basically what you're saying. They feel in control so they can

afford to be generous and for them generosity is acting nice. They also

know that acting nice gets them more control and positive attention. Then

something happens and they realize that they're worthless frauds and that

everyone knows it then the acting out happens compulsively.

On Wed, Dec 5, 2012 at 4:46 PM, Manning michelle@...>wrote:

> **

>

>

> Hi all:

>

> I read so many posts here. Many ring true for how my Nada behaves ( I think

> she falls more on the NPD end).

>

> Anyway, what confuses me is that she can go for stretches acting *kind of*

> normal. I mean she will still have her warped sense of reality and

> relationships but will behave somewhat normally for stretches up to a month

> or two. You'll start to think she's maybe ok after all and WHAM, the crazy

> will emerge, HUGE.

>

> I am beginning to deduce that mostly it is based in fear of losing control

> over her environment. This results and fits of terror - loss of reality,

> deep jealousy, blaming, screaming, threats, indifference, mocking, -

> overall 2 year old behavior with no breaks or consideration that on any

> level she may be miss-perceiving what has her so angry.

>

> Can these BPDs / NPDs have somewhat normal stretches? I am getting whiplash

> going around and around with her.

>

> Thanks,

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you...

So, if you are in a position that you are stuck with them... (and I am for

the moment, and so is my poor stepdad) how do you keep them pacified?

Boost their self-esteem? Tell them how wonderful they are? Tell them they

are the boss and what they say goes no matter what?

I can't keep up on this crazy train. I have job interviews tomorrow (thank

GOD) and am working hard to get the heck out of here, but something will set

her off and she can care less what she disrupts and or destroys with her

insane fits. I am here now trying to get my own head in order so I can feel

confident and capable tomorrow at these interviews. Her rages are so

disruptive, humiliating, and degrading. At times I swear she is trying to

sabotage my efforts to get a job and move on although she claims she wants

me gone so much.

( moved up here 1.5 years ago to care for her when she got ill and fell in a

deep deep hole)

This is hell.

Re: Still figuring this all this out... Can

BPDs / NPDs be somewhat normal for stretches?

My husband calls it, " they're in a good place " or " they're activated " .

That's basically what you're saying. They feel in control so they can afford

to be generous and for them generosity is acting nice. They also know that

acting nice gets them more control and positive attention. Then something

happens and they realize that they're worthless frauds and that everyone

knows it then the acting out happens compulsively.

On Wed, Dec 5, 2012 at 4:46 PM, Manning

michelle@...>wrote:

> **

>

>

> Hi all:

>

> I read so many posts here. Many ring true for how my Nada behaves ( I

> think she falls more on the NPD end).

>

> Anyway, what confuses me is that she can go for stretches acting *kind

> of* normal. I mean she will still have her warped sense of reality and

> relationships but will behave somewhat normally for stretches up to a

> month or two. You'll start to think she's maybe ok after all and WHAM,

> the crazy will emerge, HUGE.

>

> I am beginning to deduce that mostly it is based in fear of losing

> control over her environment. This results and fits of terror - loss

> of reality, deep jealousy, blaming, screaming, threats, indifference,

> mocking, - overall 2 year old behavior with no breaks or consideration

> that on any level she may be miss-perceiving what has her so angry.

>

> Can these BPDs / NPDs have somewhat normal stretches? I am getting

> whiplash going around and around with her.

>

> Thanks,

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

She probably is trying to sabotage you. You can tell her she's great but

when you live with them, in my experience, they want a living sacrifice.

Something to torture and degrade, to relieve their boredom and flex their

superiority and power. All you can do is stay away and get out. Good luck

tomorrow!

On Wed, Dec 5, 2012 at 5:08 PM, Manning michelle@...>wrote:

> **

>

>

> Thank you...

>

> So, if you are in a position that you are stuck with them... (and I am for

> the moment, and so is my poor stepdad) how do you keep them pacified?

> Boost their self-esteem? Tell them how wonderful they are? Tell them they

> are the boss and what they say goes no matter what?

>

> I can't keep up on this crazy train. I have job interviews tomorrow (thank

> GOD) and am working hard to get the heck out of here, but something will

> set

> her off and she can care less what she disrupts and or destroys with her

> insane fits. I am here now trying to get my own head in order so I can feel

> confident and capable tomorrow at these interviews. Her rages are so

> disruptive, humiliating, and degrading. At times I swear she is trying to

> sabotage my efforts to get a job and move on although she claims she wants

> me gone so much.

>

> ( moved up here 1.5 years ago to care for her when she got ill and fell in

> a

> deep deep hole)

>

> This is hell.

>

> Re: Still figuring this all this out... Can

> BPDs / NPDs be somewhat normal for stretches?

>

> My husband calls it, " they're in a good place " or " they're activated " .

> That's basically what you're saying. They feel in control so they can

> afford

> to be generous and for them generosity is acting nice. They also know that

> acting nice gets them more control and positive attention. Then something

> happens and they realize that they're worthless frauds and that everyone

> knows it then the acting out happens compulsively.

>

> On Wed, Dec 5, 2012 at 4:46 PM, Manning

> michelle@...>wrote:

>

> > **

> >

> >

> > Hi all:

> >

> > I read so many posts here. Many ring true for how my Nada behaves ( I

> > think she falls more on the NPD end).

> >

> > Anyway, what confuses me is that she can go for stretches acting *kind

> > of* normal. I mean she will still have her warped sense of reality and

> > relationships but will behave somewhat normally for stretches up to a

> > month or two. You'll start to think she's maybe ok after all and WHAM,

> > the crazy will emerge, HUGE.

> >

> > I am beginning to deduce that mostly it is based in fear of losing

> > control over her environment. This results and fits of terror - loss

> > of reality, deep jealousy, blaming, screaming, threats, indifference,

> > mocking, - overall 2 year old behavior with no breaks or consideration

> > that on any level she may be miss-perceiving what has her so angry.

> >

> > Can these BPDs / NPDs have somewhat normal stretches? I am getting

> > whiplash going around and around with her.

> >

> > Thanks,

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

That is interesting ... I never made a connection to the generosity only

thing (and she isn't all the generous either) but you are right, the only

thing she can " give " is a thing or two, here and there. No compassion, no

encouragement, no gratitude. The only " thank you " I have ever heard from

nada from childhood on was in the middle of a rage while justifying her

behavior. Thanks for the kind words...

Re: Still figuring this all this out...

> Can BPDs / NPDs be somewhat normal for stretches?

>

> My husband calls it, " they're in a good place " or " they're activated " .

> That's basically what you're saying. They feel in control so they can

> afford to be generous and for them generosity is acting nice. They

> also know that acting nice gets them more control and positive

> attention. Then something happens and they realize that they're

> worthless frauds and that everyone knows it then the acting out

> happens compulsively.

>

> On Wed, Dec 5, 2012 at 4:46 PM, Manning

> michelle@...>wrote:

>

> > **

> >

> >

> > Hi all:

> >

> > I read so many posts here. Many ring true for how my Nada behaves (

> > I think she falls more on the NPD end).

> >

> > Anyway, what confuses me is that she can go for stretches acting

> > *kind

> > of* normal. I mean she will still have her warped sense of reality

> > and relationships but will behave somewhat normally for stretches up

> > to a month or two. You'll start to think she's maybe ok after all

> > and WHAM, the crazy will emerge, HUGE.

> >

> > I am beginning to deduce that mostly it is based in fear of losing

> > control over her environment. This results and fits of terror - loss

> > of reality, deep jealousy, blaming, screaming, threats,

> > indifference, mocking, - overall 2 year old behavior with no breaks

> > or consideration that on any level she may be miss-perceiving what has

her so angry.

> >

> > Can these BPDs / NPDs have somewhat normal stretches? I am getting

> > whiplash going around and around with her.

> >

> > Thanks,

> >

> >

> >

> >