moderation

[Guest guest]

,

I considered myself an " alcoholic " by the time I was 18 (the legal age back

then), and started drinking REALLY heavily in 1976. I realized this past

March,

25 years later, that what I had believed all this time was NOT true. I was

not, in fact, powerless over alcohol; it is of course an inanimate substance,

with no Baffling Power whatsoever. And yes, I sometimes feel pretty damn

stupid for having bought into that for so long. However, it's important for me

to remember that I learned to feel helpless and powerless from family and

culture, the southern Methodist religion I was raised in, etc. (Not too

interested in pointing fingers of blame, but to keep me from taking it all

onto

myself, as if I lived my life in a vacuum.) AA and the BB was actually just

an extension and reinforcement of what I already believed... These days I

am happily moderating; I understand when people want to stay away from

alcohol, because it's just easier not to mess with it, or they associate many

bad times with it, or whatever. For me, every time I pour a glass of wine or

have a cocktail, it is like a refutation of all the dogma, all the lies, all

the

myths, distortions, and half-truths that we all have been fed, have been

immersed in. Like the U.S. flag out on the front porch is a symbol, the

bottle in my pantry is also one (albeit a more private one!)... a symbol of

freedom from the idea of powerlessness. I reject the notion of " playing

with fire " -at least, no more so than anyone who ingests a mind & mood

altering substance. To be " more susceptible " is to buy back into the

notion of " more powerless " . (Unless we want to talk about damage to

the body done by years of heavy use...that's a valid argument against

someone like me using alcohol at all, but since I'm taking such better

care of me in every way, I feel the risks are worth it.)

These days, I rarely get drunk, in fact I rarely have more than a few

drinks on any given evening. Some eve's I don't have any alcohol, last night

and tonight, for example. Just not in the mood. God, the great feeling I

get being able to say that! -Anyway that's what " moderating "

is like for me so far.

SamBee