uugggh - need to vent - long

[Guest guest]

I don't know where to begin to explain this story, it is so typical nada, in

that her actions are so subtle and insidious that I never really noticed

them, they were my reality, and now that I can see her manipulations, I

question my perceptions.

So, my nada stopped talking to me 4 months ago after I enforced a boundary,

we share a home together with my parents, but in separate sides. So I

haven't even crossed paths with her in those 4 months. (she's also a hermit)

In that time she also rarely talked to my kids, unless they were outside and

she saw them alone and called them to her window, yeah I know, creepy.

They travel to the southern states for 4 months every November-March, so the

time for them to leave was approaching. My dad asked if the kids could come

over (to her door-no one is allowed in her house) to get their goodbye hugs

and early xmas gifts, so I said okay.

She talked to them for 10 minutes about what was going on in their lives and

gave them the typical way too much money in a card.

I should mention that my mother likes to equate money with love.

They were supposed to be leaving the next morning, but then didn't. Waited

until my kids got off the bus the next day, nabbed them before they got to

the house and then offered them $1000 towards the computer music recording

equipment that they are saving for. She found out they were working towards

this in the 10 minute conversation the night before. My smart boys said they

would have to check with their parents before accepting a gift like that. Of

course I said no, they would have to go back and say thanks, but no, they

were working towards it.

This is not the first time she has undermined them working hard to achieve

something, just the first time I said no.

So of course my teenage son is very disappointed, constantly nagging me now,

I've stood my ground, but I am so sick of her undermining my parenting and

creating conflict with me and my children.

And THEN the day after that, they go to leave for Arizona, and she comes to

my door, after 4 months of not talking to me.she says have a safe winter and

that she was not trying to interfere with the kids, just that I had once

said she could have sent the kids to college on what she spends on toys, and

that a computer is educational for school. I said no, it was something

they've been saving for for their music,. she said oh, I thought it was for

school. And then they left.

First of all, when I made that comment 3 YEARS AGO about how she could have

sent them to college, she pretended to ignore me because at that time she

wanted to buy them toys. And she LIED to me, saying she thought it was for

school, because she apparently told my son to send her some of his finished

music when he got the computer.

4 months of her not talking to me, I've been so lonely and upset, I started

therapy, and all she was concerned with was lying to me to get her way

again. And saving up comments in her file folder of a brain, to use later so

she can twist my words so she can get her way.

It all shouldn't surprise me after all I've learned about bpd..but it still

hurts and confuses me.

Sorry for the long rant, and I'm not even sure it made sense, but writing it

down has helped.

Thanks again,