Letter to explain NC with nada

December 7, 2012

I tried to post this letter that I wrote and sent to my nada moments ago, not

sure if it was a success as I was prompted to sign into Yahoo again and diverted

from my message when I pressed send. Please only post it once.

Nada,

I know you are facing many challenges, both physical and emotional and I am

beyond sad about your situation. I truly do not wish any bad things for you. You

are my mother and that fact will never change. That being said, I have made my

decision regarding not having contact with you from my head and my heart agreed.

This decision has been many years in the making. Our relationship was very toxic

to me and I fear that I would have been in very real danger of crippling

emotional/mental stress with any continued contact. I have blocked your phone

number and do not wish to receive calls from you. The entire situation makes me

very, very sad. It is one that I did not create, it can't be changed and I can

no longer be a part of. I'm not sure how much people can handle, but I know I

have reached my limit.

I tried to resolve some of these issues in a letter to you when I was pregnant

(and no-contact for the 3rd or 4th extended period) but you denied any wrong

doings and still deny what I know to be true as if to say " I will create my own

reality out of our interactions and you can't do anything about it " . I can't

function in that way and see no reason for contact when the actual content of

our encounters is twisted and altered by your perception of things. I will not

rehash the laundry list of offenses, but do not doubt my own mental clarity

about them. It is neither comfortable nor enjoyable to communicate with you and

hasn't been for a long time. Our final encounter was evidence to me that we are

not able to interact in a healthy way. Your conversations are wrought with

negative emotional crying fits. I have had to distance myself from you

emotionally and am unable to offer anything of comfort.

and I were blessed with the most amazing daughter. Her awesomeness

brings me to tears daily, so yes, she is doing well as are we. I am certain that

no force on heaven or earth could make me do harm (physical, emotional or

mental) to my child and I will move heaven and earth the prevent anyone else

from doing it. She has changed my life in ways I would never have imagined based

on my knowledge of motherhood from our relationship. She instantly became my top

priority and I will protect her at every cost. She has brought me such joy,

which I feel like you tried to reduce by making some fairly awful remarks. Do

you not remember how you felt after becoming a mother and wanting only to hear

that you did a great job and that your child was beautiful? I know that is

exactly what I wanted to hear, but did not. I can't actually recall you offering

a single compliment about any other mother.

At one point you must have wanted a different life for yourself and your

children to move across the country, away from their father, with four children

to live with another man. Somewhere inside of you, you must understand where I

am coming from. I'm sorry that you never found what you were searching for in

life and that your own children brought you such little joy and so much pain.

I need to be a stable, strong role model for our daughter and she deserves a

family life free of drama and shame. I am not the first person, nor will I be

the last who has chosen to cut off contact with a parent. I have joined a

support community of thousands of individuals that have done exactly that. This

has helped me tremendously as I read story after story that mirror my existence.

No one has a valid opinion of something experienced between you and I, so please

stop asking others to intervene on your behalf. I suspect your continued concern

over our non-relationship has more to do with wanting control over it than

anything else. You have long been more concerned with who you think I should be

than who I actually am. You don't know me at all and you certainly don't know my

daughter. I think it would be best if you took the time to acknowledge your past

traumas and pain, take responsibility on your part and try to move forward. It

is not productive trying to change things that you can't, the only thing you can

control is yourself.

I think what that women did was completely uncalled for and in very poor taste

(posting on facebook ugly family details). While she had no reason or right to

publicize personal matters that are of no concern to her, she did get her fuel

from somewhere, probably in one of your pleas to gain support, you told her

these things ... who would have thought it would be made public, reaching across

the states?! This is not new for you. Everything I have told you has been

twisted when told to others and then reported back to me by them or thrown at me

by you in an attempt to knock me down. I no longer wish to contribute to this

cycle. My heart has been repeatedly wounded by the one person who was entrusted

to always care for me unconditionally, which hurts even more. Becoming a mother

has made this so clear to me.

Please accept my wishes of no contract as what is best for me and my family. To

me you are no longer recognizable as the mother I knew in youth and I feel like

I already lost my mother years ago. I need to maintain the boundary that I have

established based on very thoughtful decision making and self-preservation. I

feel like an orphaned black sheep, having essentially no family of origin. I

think that we all function in our own ways, but do not ever foresee any type of

unity between us. The dysfunction did not start with our nuclear family, but it

will end with me. I have come to terms with my reality and am at peace with my

decision. I ask that my wishes be respected, which may be the first real

kindness you have shown to me in many years. I am very sorry if this brings you

sadness.

You will always be my mother, and I do have love for you. However, I found that

your love and acceptance were both given with condition and in limited

quantities. I watched as you would build up and then destroy every relationship

in your life, including ours. I have forgiven you as I know you are not well.

(Treatments for cancer and mentally)

Please release the negativity, bitterness and anger you hold onto, it is not

healthy. Take care of yourself and continue to seek the treatments you need to

recover. Find a mental health care provider to help you through your emotional

hurdles instead of telling anyone willing to listen (). Surrender and

accept the help offered to you. Treat others the way you wish to be treated.

Wish dad well and release him (he left the marriage after 40+ years because of

her behavior, but she harasses him daily), the happiness in your marriage ended

long ago. I'm sure you must feel alone, being unable to develop or maintain true

friendships and having isolated yourself from and pushed family away. Start

living for you and lean on what gives you strength. What you may interpret as me

being cold, I know to be my strength. May you find a happier, healthier new

beginning out of all of this.

December 7, 2012

Good job!!!! So sorry you had to write this!!!!

> **

>

> I tried to post this letter that I wrote and sent to my nada moments ago,

> not sure if it was a success as I was prompted to sign into Yahoo again and

> diverted from my message when I pressed send. Please only post it once.

>

> Nada,

> I know you are facing many challenges, both physical and emotional and I

> am beyond sad about your situation. I truly do not wish any bad things for

> you. You are my mother and that fact will never change. That being said, I

> have made my decision regarding not having contact with you from my head

> and my heart agreed. This decision has been many years in the making. Our

> relationship was very toxic to me and I fear that I would have been in very

> real danger of crippling emotional/mental stress with any continued

> contact. I have blocked your phone number and do not wish to receive calls

> from you. The entire situation makes me very, very sad. It is one that I

> did not create, it can't be changed and I can no longer be a part of. I'm

> not sure how much people can handle, but I know I have reached my limit.

>

> I tried to resolve some of these issues in a letter to you when I was

> pregnant (and no-contact for the 3rd or 4th extended period) but you denied

> any wrong doings and still deny what I know to be true as if to say " I will

> create my own reality out of our interactions and you can't do anything

> about it " . I can't function in that way and see no reason for contact when

> the actual content of our encounters is twisted and altered by your

> perception of things. I will not rehash the laundry list of offenses, but

> do not doubt my own mental clarity about them. It is neither comfortable

> nor enjoyable to communicate with you and hasn't been for a long time. Our

> final encounter was evidence to me that we are not able to interact in a

> healthy way. Your conversations are wrought with negative emotional crying

> fits. I have had to distance myself from you emotionally and am unable to

> offer anything of comfort.

>

> and I were blessed with the most amazing daughter. Her

> awesomeness brings me to tears daily, so yes, she is doing well as are we.

> I am certain that no force on heaven or earth could make me do harm

> (physical, emotional or mental) to my child and I will move heaven and

> earth the prevent anyone else from doing it. She has changed my life in

> ways I would never have imagined based on my knowledge of motherhood from

> our relationship. She instantly became my top priority and I will protect

> her at every cost. She has brought me such joy, which I feel like you tried

> to reduce by making some fairly awful remarks. Do you not remember how you

> felt after becoming a mother and wanting only to hear that you did a great

> job and that your child was beautiful? I know that is exactly what I wanted

> to hear, but did not. I can't actually recall you offering a single

> compliment about any other mother.

>

> At one point you must have wanted a different life for yourself and your

> children to move across the country, away from their father, with four

> children to live with another man. Somewhere inside of you, you must

> understand where I am coming from. I'm sorry that you never found what you

> were searching for in life and that your own children brought you such

> little joy and so much pain.

>

> I need to be a stable, strong role model for our daughter and she deserves

> a family life free of drama and shame. I am not the first person, nor will

> I be the last who has chosen to cut off contact with a parent. I have

> joined a support community of thousands of individuals that have done

> exactly that. This has helped me tremendously as I read story after story

> that mirror my existence.

>

> No one has a valid opinion of something experienced between you and I, so

> please stop asking others to intervene on your behalf. I suspect your

> continued concern over our non-relationship has more to do with wanting

> control over it than anything else. You have long been more concerned with

> who you think I should be than who I actually am. You don't know me at all

> and you certainly don't know my daughter. I think it would be best if you

> took the time to acknowledge your past traumas and pain, take

> responsibility on your part and try to move forward. It is not productive

> trying to change things that you can't, the only thing you can control is

> yourself.

>

> I think what that women did was completely uncalled for and in very poor

> taste (posting on facebook ugly family details). While she had no reason or

> right to publicize personal matters that are of no concern to her, she did

> get her fuel from somewhere, probably in one of your pleas to gain support,

> you told her these things ... who would have thought it would be made

> public, reaching across the states?! This is not new for you. Everything I

> have told you has been twisted when told to others and then reported back

> to me by them or thrown at me by you in an attempt to knock me down. I no

> longer wish to contribute to this cycle. My heart has been repeatedly

> wounded by the one person who was entrusted to always care for me

> unconditionally, which hurts even more. Becoming a mother has made this so

> clear to me.

>

> Please accept my wishes of no contract as what is best for me and my

> family. To me you are no longer recognizable as the mother I knew in youth

> and I feel like I already lost my mother years ago. I need to maintain the

> boundary that I have established based on very thoughtful decision making

> and self-preservation. I feel like an orphaned black sheep, having

> essentially no family of origin. I think that we all function in our own

> ways, but do not ever foresee any type of unity between us. The dysfunction

> did not start with our nuclear family, but it will end with me. I have come

> to terms with my reality and am at peace with my decision. I ask that my

> wishes be respected, which may be the first real kindness you have shown to

> me in many years. I am very sorry if this brings you sadness.

>

> You will always be my mother, and I do have love for you. However, I found

> that your love and acceptance were both given with condition and in limited

> quantities. I watched as you would build up and then destroy every

> relationship in your life, including ours. I have forgiven you as I know

> you are not well. (Treatments for cancer and mentally)

>

> Please release the negativity, bitterness and anger you hold onto, it is

> not healthy. Take care of yourself and continue to seek the treatments you

> need to recover. Find a mental health care provider to help you through

> your emotional hurdles instead of telling anyone willing to listen ().

> Surrender and accept the help offered to you. Treat others the way you wish

> to be treated. Wish dad well and release him (he left the marriage after

> 40+ years because of her behavior, but she harasses him daily), the

> happiness in your marriage ended long ago. I'm sure you must feel alone,

> being unable to develop or maintain true friendships and having isolated

> yourself from and pushed family away. Start living for you and lean on what

> gives you strength. What you may interpret as me being cold, I know to be

> my strength. May you find a happier, healthier new beginning out of all of

> this.

>

December 7, 2012

Thank you! It is difficult to be the child of a nada, but far easier since

finding you lovely people!

>

> > **

> >

> > I tried to post this letter that I wrote and sent to my nada moments ago,

> > not sure if it was a success as I was prompted to sign into Yahoo again and

> > diverted from my message when I pressed send. Please only post it once.

> >

> > Nada,

> > I know you are facing many challenges, both physical and emotional and I

> > am beyond sad about your situation. I truly do not wish any bad things for

> > you. You are my mother and that fact will never change. That being said, I

> > have made my decision regarding not having contact with you from my head

> > and my heart agreed. This decision has been many years in the making. Our

> > relationship was very toxic to me and I fear that I would have been in very

> > real danger of crippling emotional/mental stress with any continued

> > contact. I have blocked your phone number and do not wish to receive calls

> > from you. The entire situation makes me very, very sad. It is one that I

> > did not create, it can't be changed and I can no longer be a part of. I'm

> > not sure how much people can handle, but I know I have reached my limit.

> >

> > I tried to resolve some of these issues in a letter to you when I was

> > pregnant (and no-contact for the 3rd or 4th extended period) but you denied

> > any wrong doings and still deny what I know to be true as if to say " I will

> > create my own reality out of our interactions and you can't do anything

> > about it " . I can't function in that way and see no reason for contact when

> > the actual content of our encounters is twisted and altered by your

> > perception of things. I will not rehash the laundry list of offenses, but

> > do not doubt my own mental clarity about them. It is neither comfortable

> > nor enjoyable to communicate with you and hasn't been for a long time. Our

> > final encounter was evidence to me that we are not able to interact in a

> > healthy way. Your conversations are wrought with negative emotional crying

> > fits. I have had to distance myself from you emotionally and am unable to

> > offer anything of comfort.

> >

> > and I were blessed with the most amazing daughter. Her

> > awesomeness brings me to tears daily, so yes, she is doing well as are we.

> > I am certain that no force on heaven or earth could make me do harm

> > (physical, emotional or mental) to my child and I will move heaven and

> > earth the prevent anyone else from doing it. She has changed my life in

> > ways I would never have imagined based on my knowledge of motherhood from

> > our relationship. She instantly became my top priority and I will protect

> > her at every cost. She has brought me such joy, which I feel like you tried

> > to reduce by making some fairly awful remarks. Do you not remember how you

> > felt after becoming a mother and wanting only to hear that you did a great

> > job and that your child was beautiful? I know that is exactly what I wanted

> > to hear, but did not. I can't actually recall you offering a single

> > compliment about any other mother.

> >

> > At one point you must have wanted a different life for yourself and your

> > children to move across the country, away from their father, with four

> > children to live with another man. Somewhere inside of you, you must

> > understand where I am coming from. I'm sorry that you never found what you

> > were searching for in life and that your own children brought you such

> > little joy and so much pain.

> >

> > I need to be a stable, strong role model for our daughter and she deserves

> > a family life free of drama and shame. I am not the first person, nor will

> > I be the last who has chosen to cut off contact with a parent. I have

> > joined a support community of thousands of individuals that have done

> > exactly that. This has helped me tremendously as I read story after story

> > that mirror my existence.

> >

> > No one has a valid opinion of something experienced between you and I, so

> > please stop asking others to intervene on your behalf. I suspect your

> > continued concern over our non-relationship has more to do with wanting

> > control over it than anything else. You have long been more concerned with

> > who you think I should be than who I actually am. You don't know me at all

> > and you certainly don't know my daughter. I think it would be best if you

> > took the time to acknowledge your past traumas and pain, take

> > responsibility on your part and try to move forward. It is not productive

> > trying to change things that you can't, the only thing you can control is

> > yourself.

> >

> > I think what that women did was completely uncalled for and in very poor

> > taste (posting on facebook ugly family details). While she had no reason or

> > right to publicize personal matters that are of no concern to her, she did

> > get her fuel from somewhere, probably in one of your pleas to gain support,

> > you told her these things ... who would have thought it would be made

> > public, reaching across the states?! This is not new for you. Everything I

> > have told you has been twisted when told to others and then reported back

> > to me by them or thrown at me by you in an attempt to knock me down. I no

> > longer wish to contribute to this cycle. My heart has been repeatedly

> > wounded by the one person who was entrusted to always care for me

> > unconditionally, which hurts even more. Becoming a mother has made this so

> > clear to me.

> >

> > Please accept my wishes of no contract as what is best for me and my

> > family. To me you are no longer recognizable as the mother I knew in youth

> > and I feel like I already lost my mother years ago. I need to maintain the

> > boundary that I have established based on very thoughtful decision making

> > and self-preservation. I feel like an orphaned black sheep, having

> > essentially no family of origin. I think that we all function in our own

> > ways, but do not ever foresee any type of unity between us. The dysfunction

> > did not start with our nuclear family, but it will end with me. I have come

> > to terms with my reality and am at peace with my decision. I ask that my

> > wishes be respected, which may be the first real kindness you have shown to

> > me in many years. I am very sorry if this brings you sadness.

> >

> > You will always be my mother, and I do have love for you. However, I found

> > that your love and acceptance were both given with condition and in limited

> > quantities. I watched as you would build up and then destroy every

> > relationship in your life, including ours. I have forgiven you as I know

> > you are not well. (Treatments for cancer and mentally)

> >

> > Please release the negativity, bitterness and anger you hold onto, it is

> > not healthy. Take care of yourself and continue to seek the treatments you

> > need to recover. Find a mental health care provider to help you through

> > your emotional hurdles instead of telling anyone willing to listen ().

> > Surrender and accept the help offered to you. Treat others the way you wish

> > to be treated. Wish dad well and release him (he left the marriage after

> > 40+ years because of her behavior, but she harasses him daily), the

> > happiness in your marriage ended long ago. I'm sure you must feel alone,

> > being unable to develop or maintain true friendships and having isolated

> > yourself from and pushed family away. Start living for you and lean on what

> > gives you strength. What you may interpret as me being cold, I know to be

> > my strength. May you find a happier, healthier new beginning out of all of

> > this.

> >

>

December 7, 2012

All I can say is wow.beautifully written, so well worded. It must have been

hard for you to write that all down..

Hugs,

_____

From: WTOAdultChildren1

[mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ] On Behalf Of happywithouther

Sent: December-07-12 11:22 AM

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Subject: Letter to explain NC with nada

I tried to post this letter that I wrote and sent to my nada moments ago,

not sure if it was a success as I was prompted to sign into Yahoo again and

diverted from my message when I pressed send. Please only post it once.

Nada,

I know you are facing many challenges, both physical and emotional and I am

beyond sad about your situation. I truly do not wish any bad things for you.

You are my mother and that fact will never change. That being said, I have

made my decision regarding not having contact with you from my head and my

heart agreed. This decision has been many years in the making. Our

relationship was very toxic to me and I fear that I would have been in very

real danger of crippling emotional/mental stress with any continued contact.

I have blocked your phone number and do not wish to receive calls from you.

The entire situation makes me very, very sad. It is one that I did not

create, it can't be changed and I can no longer be a part of. I'm not sure

how much people can handle, but I know I have reached my limit.

I tried to resolve some of these issues in a letter to you when I was

pregnant (and no-contact for the 3rd or 4th extended period) but you denied

any wrong doings and still deny what I know to be true as if to say " I will

create my own reality out of our interactions and you can't do anything

about it " . I can't function in that way and see no reason for contact when

the actual content of our encounters is twisted and altered by your

perception of things. I will not rehash the laundry list of offenses, but do

not doubt my own mental clarity about them. It is neither comfortable nor

enjoyable to communicate with you and hasn't been for a long time. Our final

encounter was evidence to me that we are not able to interact in a healthy

way. Your conversations are wrought with negative emotional crying fits. I

have had to distance myself from you emotionally and am unable to offer

anything of comfort.

and I were blessed with the most amazing daughter. Her awesomeness

brings me to tears daily, so yes, she is doing well as are we. I am certain

that no force on heaven or earth could make me do harm (physical, emotional

or mental) to my child and I will move heaven and earth the prevent anyone

else from doing it. She has changed my life in ways I would never have

imagined based on my knowledge of motherhood from our relationship. She

instantly became my top priority and I will protect her at every cost. She

has brought me such joy, which I feel like you tried to reduce by making

some fairly awful remarks. Do you not remember how you felt after becoming a

mother and wanting only to hear that you did a great job and that your child

was beautiful? I know that is exactly what I wanted to hear, but did not. I

can't actually recall you offering a single compliment about any other

mother.

At one point you must have wanted a different life for yourself and your

children to move across the country, away from their father, with four

children to live with another man. Somewhere inside of you, you must

understand where I am coming from. I'm sorry that you never found what you

were searching for in life and that your own children brought you such

little joy and so much pain.

I need to be a stable, strong role model for our daughter and she deserves a

family life free of drama and shame. I am not the first person, nor will I

be the last who has chosen to cut off contact with a parent. I have joined a

support community of thousands of individuals that have done exactly that.

This has helped me tremendously as I read story after story that mirror my

existence.

No one has a valid opinion of something experienced between you and I, so

please stop asking others to intervene on your behalf. I suspect your

continued concern over our non-relationship has more to do with wanting

control over it than anything else. You have long been more concerned with

who you think I should be than who I actually am. You don't know me at all

and you certainly don't know my daughter. I think it would be best if you

took the time to acknowledge your past traumas and pain, take responsibility

on your part and try to move forward. It is not productive trying to change

things that you can't, the only thing you can control is yourself.

I think what that women did was completely uncalled for and in very poor

taste (posting on facebook ugly family details). While she had no reason or

right to publicize personal matters that are of no concern to her, she did

get her fuel from somewhere, probably in one of your pleas to gain support,

you told her these things ... who would have thought it would be made

public, reaching across the states?! This is not new for you. Everything I

have told you has been twisted when told to others and then reported back to

me by them or thrown at me by you in an attempt to knock me down. I no

longer wish to contribute to this cycle. My heart has been repeatedly

wounded by the one person who was entrusted to always care for me

unconditionally, which hurts even more. Becoming a mother has made this so

clear to me.

Please accept my wishes of no contract as what is best for me and my family.

To me you are no longer recognizable as the mother I knew in youth and I

feel like I already lost my mother years ago. I need to maintain the

boundary that I have established based on very thoughtful decision making

and self-preservation. I feel like an orphaned black sheep, having

essentially no family of origin. I think that we all function in our own

ways, but do not ever foresee any type of unity between us. The dysfunction

did not start with our nuclear family, but it will end with me. I have come

to terms with my reality and am at peace with my decision. I ask that my

wishes be respected, which may be the first real kindness you have shown to

me in many years. I am very sorry if this brings you sadness.

You will always be my mother, and I do have love for you. However, I found

that your love and acceptance were both given with condition and in limited

quantities. I watched as you would build up and then destroy every

relationship in your life, including ours. I have forgiven you as I know you

are not well. (Treatments for cancer and mentally)

Please release the negativity, bitterness and anger you hold onto, it is not

healthy. Take care of yourself and continue to seek the treatments you need

to recover. Find a mental health care provider to help you through your

emotional hurdles instead of telling anyone willing to listen ().

Surrender and accept the help offered to you. Treat others the way you wish

to be treated. Wish dad well and release him (he left the marriage after 40+

years because of her behavior, but she harasses him daily), the happiness in

your marriage ended long ago. I'm sure you must feel alone, being unable to

develop or maintain true friendships and having isolated yourself from and

pushed family away. Start living for you and lean on what gives you

strength. What you may interpret as me being cold, I know to be my strength.

May you find a happier, healthier new beginning out of all of this.

December 7, 2012

This says it all...

Very articulate. I could send it to my own mother and convey your

feelings/wishes as my own.

Bravo...

December 7, 2012

We're here for you!

On Fri, Dec 7, 2012 at 4:02 PM, Janice Hall janicehalldesigns@...>wrote:

> **

>

December 7, 2012

That was beautiful, and I know how hard it must have been to write. It made cry.

I just went no contact with the last member of my foo yesterday. Mel

>

> > **

> >

>

December 7, 2012

Much love for you, Happywithouther....

Twyla

From: WTOAdultChildren1

[mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ] On Behalf Of Gagne

Sent: Friday, December 07, 2012 12:53 PM

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Subject: RE: Letter to explain NC with nada

All I can say is wow.beautifully written, so well worded. It must have been

hard for you to write that all down..

Hugs,

_____

From: WTOAdultChildren1

[mailto:WTOAdultChildren1

] On Behalf Of happywithouther