what I want to say...

[Guest guest]

Nada still can't understand what she could have done to make me angry... she has

never in her life done anything to intentionally hurt me... (as if that negates

the hurt she caused) but she " apologizes " anyway. she can't understand why I

haven't " forgiven " her yet. I have tried to say things to her without being

hurtful. this is what I would say to her if I could. I still can't decide why I

would send it. it is not as if this is the only issue this is just one of the

big ones. if I decide to and it would be anything but mean I might. even Nadas

deserve kindness. I have decided to spend my life as a kind person. Nada doesn't

get it. her denial is so important to her I wonder if she would survive letting

it go.

Nada for as long as I remember (the 15 years is based on the 15 years I was sick

before I moved out according to my sister)has been abusive toward me for some

medical problems I have. she also neglected to get it treated, because she seems

to think I have symptoms to defy her or out of laziness. I tried to present my

situation with her as the center of it. Nada still does all of these things, or

at least she did last time I saw her last year.

let me put this in terms you might understand.

I will move into your house for the next 15 years.

I will remind you that you are overweight, and that you should be lowering your

blood sugar every day.

each time you are faint, or feel sick, I will remind you that if you would just

loose wight and " try harder " you would not have that problem.

I will make sure you know that your " illness " is not real, and that it is very

inconvenient when you persist in having symptoms.

I will ignore when you are sick, assuming that you are a hypochondriac evidenced

by these " problems " you persist in having.

and at the end of that 15 years when you finally work up the nerve to ask me to

stop ...

I will inform you that I have never in my life done anything intentionally

hurtful.

I will insist that the doctors (she brought me to urgent care whenever I was

noticeably sick enough) wanted you to lower your blood sugar and I was just

helping you " follow through "

I will wonder why you haven't gotten over that.

I will wonder if you are going to forgive me before I die

I will inform you that other than the occasional dizzy spell, and eye sight loss

I had no idea there was a problem and you must have hidden it from me.

I will insist I have always " supported " you in everything.

and I still will not have done as much damage as you because unlike me you are

an autonomous adult. unlike me you have reason to question what you are told.

unlike me you would not be dependent on me for your heath, safety, and well

being.

I was a trusting loving child, and you betrayed that trust. and you continue to

tell me to go to the bathroom, or at least you did the last time I saw you.

Until you take responsibility I can't begin to trust you.

I have spent the last year trying to overcome what you still insist was not

really a problem. I have spent hundreds of hours trying to reverse years of

damage. and I will always be sick because my bladder is permanently damaged. so

stop pretending you did nothing and that I should be over it by now.

forgiveness is another issue entirely.

Meikjn

[Guest guest]

Hi Meikjn,

I'm so sorry for your illness, and your nada's denial, lack of help, and blaming

you for something that is not your fault. Nada's just don't get it. I hope

that you can get better as much as is possible.

It really hit home to me how your nada's denial, and blaming you for something

that is not your fault, is really similar to my situation.

My nada things that celiac disease is caused by over-eating, laziness, and

obesity. I have a friend who is a celiac and informed nada about the disease

(and the fact that my friend is very thin), but she chooses to believe her own

view.

I've been writing to her for about a year now, with the things she did in my

childhood that I'm angry about. (Eg hitting my sisters with a belt on a number

of occasions.) I'd like her to take responsibility and own up for what she did.

She seems incapable of doing that. She " had good intentions " , and tells me to

" move forward, the past can't be changed " . The past can't be changed but she

could do something in the present (i.e. admit what she did), but she denies

denies denies. Apparantly she was a great mother. (Not!!!!) I find it very

frustrating. But I think I am ready to move on after getting the same response

a number of times. I also don't forgive her, and plan to spend as much of my

life away from her as is possible.

Best wishes on your medical journey.

Regards,

PB

>

> Nada still can't understand what she could have done to make me angry... she

has never in her life done anything to intentionally hurt me... (as if that

negates the hurt she caused) but she " apologizes " anyway. she can't understand

why I haven't " forgiven " her yet. I have tried to say things to her without

being hurtful. this is what I would say to her if I could. I still can't decide

why I would send it. it is not as if this is the only issue this is just one of

the big ones. if I decide to and it would be anything but mean I might. even

Nadas deserve kindness. I have decided to spend my life as a kind person. Nada

doesn't get it. her denial is so important to her I wonder if she would survive

letting it go.

>

> Nada for as long as I remember (the 15 years is based on the 15 years I was

sick before I moved out according to my sister)has been abusive toward me for

some medical problems I have. she also neglected to get it treated, because she

seems to think I have symptoms to defy her or out of laziness. I tried to

present my situation with her as the center of it. Nada still does all of these

things, or at least she did last time I saw her last year.

>

>

> let me put this in terms you might understand.

> I will move into your house for the next 15 years.

> I will remind you that you are overweight, and that you should be lowering

your blood sugar every day.

> each time you are faint, or feel sick, I will remind you that if you would

just loose wight and " try harder " you would not have that problem.

> I will make sure you know that your " illness " is not real, and that it is very

inconvenient when you persist in having symptoms.

> I will ignore when you are sick, assuming that you are a hypochondriac

evidenced by these " problems " you persist in having.

> and at the end of that 15 years when you finally work up the nerve to ask me

to stop ...

> I will inform you that I have never in my life done anything intentionally

hurtful.

> I will insist that the doctors (she brought me to urgent care whenever I was

noticeably sick enough) wanted you to lower your blood sugar and I was just

helping you " follow through "

> I will wonder why you haven't gotten over that.

> I will wonder if you are going to forgive me before I die

> I will inform you that other than the occasional dizzy spell, and eye sight

loss I had no idea there was a problem and you must have hidden it from me.

> I will insist I have always " supported " you in everything.

>

> and I still will not have done as much damage as you because unlike me you are

an autonomous adult. unlike me you have reason to question what you are told.

unlike me you would not be dependent on me for your heath, safety, and well

being.

> I was a trusting loving child, and you betrayed that trust. and you continue

to tell me to go to the bathroom, or at least you did the last time I saw you.

Until you take responsibility I can't begin to trust you.

> I have spent the last year trying to overcome what you still insist was not

really a problem. I have spent hundreds of hours trying to reverse years of

damage. and I will always be sick because my bladder is permanently damaged. so

stop pretending you did nothing and that I should be over it by now.

>

> forgiveness is another issue entirely.

>

> Meikjn

>