One Year of No Contact!

[Guest guest]

Never in a million years did I actually think I'd reach a year of NC. Especially

because I thought my nada would desire to reestablish contact with me pretty

quickly and would agree to see a therapist in order to see me. Especially

because I hit a wall of sadness from being away from my FOO after 5 months that

made me question what in the heck I was doing by going NC. Especially because a

year seemed like a long time and much would change for the better I hoped before

I ever had to reach that milestone.

Well 12 months in and things have changed for the better for sure! But not as I

suspected. Where I once saw going NC as a way of fixing things between my nada

and I, I now see going NC as a way of fixing me, away from the context of being

in relationship with my nada, allowing me in essence to find myself. To discover

my inner compass, away from the demands of my nada.

Two months after going NC, I went into therapy myself which has lead to such

incredible insights, unlocking the door to my real self. Setting me free from

the shame, fear, control, and accusations of my past allowing me to face life's

challenges without fear, to embrace love wholeheartedly, to live and love fully.

Slowly, my nada's story about me faded and I wrote my own story about me. I got

to be the loving person I knew I was inside and not the terrible person my nada

said I was.

The more I moved away from my nada's view of me and the more I moved into my own

" knowing " the happier I became. No longer wasting time on trying to please nada,

I now had more time to develop friendships with friends and family. I discovered

that people really liked me and that my nada's view of me was warped. I grew

stronger as I learned to love me and to love others and to enjoy the whole

process of pain free loving. To know that I could allow myself to be vulnerable

in the face of a relationship and that much good would come from it. I found

myself spiraling into a place of joy, no longer thinking much about nada.

One day about a week ago, I realized that thoughts of nada had all but

disappeared. She had become just a tiny speck in my life, inconsequential

really. Right where a hurtful person should be kept in the realm of one's life.

I do feel sorry for her and harbor no ill feelings toward her and want the best

for her. I understand now how gripping BPD must be as she continues to choose

her way of operating over going into therapy and possibly having a relationship

with me and her grandchildren. What a sad life she is living! I hope she is at

peace with her choices.

For those of you considering going NC, know it is a hard choice but that it can

also lead to personal strength unlike anything you have ever experienced. I

wouldn't change the last year for anything in the world. I have found me!

All the best,

Darcy

[Guest guest]

You're post will, no doubt, give many readers the strength and courage do

do as you have done...

Thank you for sharing...

[Guest guest]

I'm so happy for you. I'm actually jealous of you. I wish I could do this with

my nada. I feel too entangled with her.

>

> Never in a million years did I actually think I'd reach a year of NC.

Especially because I thought my nada would desire to reestablish contact with me

pretty quickly and would agree to see a therapist in order to see me. Especially

because I hit a wall of sadness from being away from my FOO after 5 months that

made me question what in the heck I was doing by going NC. Especially because a

year seemed like a long time and much would change for the better I hoped before

I ever had to reach that milestone.

>

> Well 12 months in and things have changed for the better for sure! But not as

I suspected. Where I once saw going NC as a way of fixing things between my nada

and I, I now see going NC as a way of fixing me, away from the context of being

in relationship with my nada, allowing me in essence to find myself. To discover

my inner compass, away from the demands of my nada.

>

> Two months after going NC, I went into therapy myself which has lead to such

incredible insights, unlocking the door to my real self. Setting me free from

the shame, fear, control, and accusations of my past allowing me to face life's

challenges without fear, to embrace love wholeheartedly, to live and love fully.

Slowly, my nada's story about me faded and I wrote my own story about me. I got

to be the loving person I knew I was inside and not the terrible person my nada

said I was.

>

> The more I moved away from my nada's view of me and the more I moved into my

own " knowing " the happier I became. No longer wasting time on trying to please

nada, I now had more time to develop friendships with friends and family. I

discovered that people really liked me and that my nada's view of me was warped.

I grew stronger as I learned to love me and to love others and to enjoy the

whole process of pain free loving. To know that I could allow myself to be

vulnerable in the face of a relationship and that much good would come from it.

I found myself spiraling into a place of joy, no longer thinking much about

nada.

>

> One day about a week ago, I realized that thoughts of nada had all but

disappeared. She had become just a tiny speck in my life, inconsequential

really. Right where a hurtful person should be kept in the realm of one's life.

>

> I do feel sorry for her and harbor no ill feelings toward her and want the

best for her. I understand now how gripping BPD must be as she continues to

choose her way of operating over going into therapy and possibly having a

relationship with me and her grandchildren. What a sad life she is living! I

hope she is at peace with her choices.

>

> For those of you considering going NC, know it is a hard choice but that it

can also lead to personal strength unlike anything you have ever experienced. I

wouldn't change the last year for anything in the world. I have found me!

>

> All the best,

>

> Darcy

>

[Guest guest]

I hope to reach your landmark as well some day. May I ask you a question? When

you first went NC, did you struggle with the idea of at least sending a card

for special occasions?

My nada has been subtly accusing us this past year of stealing from her (stupid

things like dog brushes, scissors, a list of phone numbers). These are things

she has put away in some weird place and found later. Anyway, it escalated to

things like her purse and wallet which she found of course. The latest was some

jewelry she had. That was the final straw for her and she told us to never call

or come over and made some ugly comments in her phone message.

So although I did not initiate the NC, I admit I'm feeling so much more relaxed

not having to face her negativity and criticisms several times a week. But now

Christmas is near and I keep thinking the mature thing for me to do is send her

a fairly neutral card. Just wishing her peace (LOL, like that will ever happen).

But I don't want to open a door to her either. Still, she was pretty hateful

with her accusations and even called the police.

It's hard for me to be mean and nasty to others just because they're rude to me.

But it feels so good to breathe again, not tense up every time the phone rings.

>

> Never in a million years did I actually think I'd reach a year of NC.

Especially because I thought my nada would desire to reestablish contact with me

pretty quickly and would agree to see a therapist in order to see me. Especially

because I hit a wall of sadness from being away from my FOO after 5 months that

made me question what in the heck I was doing by going NC. Especially because a

year seemed like a long time and much would change for the better I hoped before

I ever had to reach that milestone.

>

> Well 12 months in and things have changed for the better for sure! But not as

I suspected. Where I once saw going NC as a way of fixing things between my nada

and I, I now see going NC as a way of fixing me, away from the context of being

in relationship with my nada, allowing me in essence to find myself. To discover

my inner compass, away from the demands of my nada.

>

> Two months after going NC, I went into therapy myself which has lead to such

incredible insights, unlocking the door to my real self. Setting me free from

the shame, fear, control, and accusations of my past allowing me to face life's

challenges without fear, to embrace love wholeheartedly, to live and love fully.

Slowly, my nada's story about me faded and I wrote my own story about me. I got

to be the loving person I knew I was inside and not the terrible person my nada

said I was.

>

> The more I moved away from my nada's view of me and the more I moved into my

own " knowing " the happier I became. No longer wasting time on trying to please

nada, I now had more time to develop friendships with friends and family. I

discovered that people really liked me and that my nada's view of me was warped.

I grew stronger as I learned to love me and to love others and to enjoy the

whole process of pain free loving. To know that I could allow myself to be

vulnerable in the face of a relationship and that much good would come from it.

I found myself spiraling into a place of joy, no longer thinking much about

nada.

>

> One day about a week ago, I realized that thoughts of nada had all but

disappeared. She had become just a tiny speck in my life, inconsequential

really. Right where a hurtful person should be kept in the realm of one's life.

>

> I do feel sorry for her and harbor no ill feelings toward her and want the

best for her. I understand now how gripping BPD must be as she continues to

choose her way of operating over going into therapy and possibly having a

relationship with me and her grandchildren. What a sad life she is living! I

hope she is at peace with her choices.

>

> For those of you considering going NC, know it is a hard choice but that it

can also lead to personal strength unlike anything you have ever experienced. I

wouldn't change the last year for anything in the world. I have found me!

>

> All the best,

>

> Darcy

>

[Guest guest]

A most powerful letter!

I still have very strong hermit fleas and while I have a good husband and a

handful of close friends, I don't feel very lovable yet. However, I am strong

and will keep working toward breaking old patterns of thought I learned while

living in a BPD household. I am more mindful now and can catch myself falling

into old depressiong thoughts. It's amazing how a quick decission of " NO! I am

not falling into those old BPD echos! " can pick me up and turn me around. I am

not perfect yet but I am healing!

Beth

One Year of No Contact!

Never in a million years did I actually think I'd reach a year of NC.

Especially because I thought my nada would desire to reestablish contact with me

pretty quickly and would agree to see a therapist in order to see me. Especially

because I hit a wall of sadness from being away from my FOO after 5 months that

made me question what in the heck I was doing by going NC. Especially because a

year seemed like a long time and much would change for the better I hoped before

I ever had to reach that milestone.

Well 12 months in and things have changed for the better for sure! But not as

I suspected. Where I once saw going NC as a way of fixing things between my nada

and I, I now see going NC as a way of fixing me, away from the context of being

in relationship with my nada, allowing me in essence to find myself. To discover

my inner compass, away from the demands of my nada.

Two months after going NC, I went into therapy myself which has lead to such

incredible insights, unlocking the door to my real self. Setting me free from

the shame, fear, control, and accusations of my past allowing me to face life's

challenges without fear, to embrace love wholeheartedly, to live and love fully.

Slowly, my nada's story about me faded and I wrote my own story about me. I got

to be the loving person I knew I was inside and not the terrible person my nada

said I was.

The more I moved away from my nada's view of me and the more I moved into my

own " knowing " the happier I became. No longer wasting time on trying to please

nada, I now had more time to develop friendships with friends and family. I

discovered that people really liked me and that my nada's view of me was warped.

I grew stronger as I learned to love me and to love others and to enjoy the

whole process of pain free loving. To know that I could allow myself to be

vulnerable in the face of a relationship and that much good would come from it.

I found myself spiraling into a place of joy, no longer thinking much about

nada.

One day about a week ago, I realized that thoughts of nada had all but

disappeared. She had become just a tiny speck in my life, inconsequential

really. Right where a hurtful person should be kept in the realm of one's life.

I do feel sorry for her and harbor no ill feelings toward her and want the

best for her. I understand now how gripping BPD must be as she continues to

choose her way of operating over going into therapy and possibly having a

relationship with me and her grandchildren. What a sad life she is living! I

hope she is at peace with her choices.

For those of you considering going NC, know it is a hard choice but that it

can also lead to personal strength unlike anything you have ever experienced. I

wouldn't change the last year for anything in the world. I have found me!

All the best,

Darcy

[Guest guest]

Its weird really. I never did desire to send my nada a card during the first 6

months of NC, letting Christmas pass no problem. I just really needed to break

the ties and get away as I had been struggling for years with her pushing my

buttons. Nothing short of breaking away had worked up to that point and I

really, really couldn't take it anymore. But, about 9 months after going NC, I

did send my nada a birthday card wishing her well. That I loved her but just

couldn't be in a relationship with her. She also sent me a birthday card and I

then began to get scared and worried that she was worming her way back into my

life without going to therapy as I suggested she needed to do to have a

relationship with me. So, I sent her an email telling her that I needed to

remain NC in order to continue my heeling. That I would consider having contact

once she was in therapy. I just don't see the point of doing all this work to

figure things out for myself and then going right back into the same mess if she

is unwilling to figure herself out. So, here I go...into the second year of NC.

I wish the best for you as you try and determine the best course of action to

take!

> >

> > Never in a million years did I actually think I'd reach a year of NC.

Especially because I thought my nada would desire to reestablish contact with me

pretty quickly and would agree to see a therapist in order to see me. Especially

because I hit a wall of sadness from being away from my FOO after 5 months that

made me question what in the heck I was doing by going NC. Especially because a

year seemed like a long time and much would change for the better I hoped before

I ever had to reach that milestone.

> >

> > Well 12 months in and things have changed for the better for sure! But not

as I suspected. Where I once saw going NC as a way of fixing things between my

nada and I, I now see going NC as a way of fixing me, away from the context of

being in relationship with my nada, allowing me in essence to find myself. To

discover my inner compass, away from the demands of my nada.

> >

> > Two months after going NC, I went into therapy myself which has lead to such

incredible insights, unlocking the door to my real self. Setting me free from

the shame, fear, control, and accusations of my past allowing me to face life's

challenges without fear, to embrace love wholeheartedly, to live and love fully.

Slowly, my nada's story about me faded and I wrote my own story about me. I got

to be the loving person I knew I was inside and not the terrible person my nada

said I was.

> >

> > The more I moved away from my nada's view of me and the more I moved into my

own " knowing " the happier I became. No longer wasting time on trying to please

nada, I now had more time to develop friendships with friends and family. I

discovered that people really liked me and that my nada's view of me was warped.

I grew stronger as I learned to love me and to love others and to enjoy the

whole process of pain free loving. To know that I could allow myself to be

vulnerable in the face of a relationship and that much good would come from it.

I found myself spiraling into a place of joy, no longer thinking much about

nada.

> >

> > One day about a week ago, I realized that thoughts of nada had all but

disappeared. She had become just a tiny speck in my life, inconsequential

really. Right where a hurtful person should be kept in the realm of one's life.

> >

> > I do feel sorry for her and harbor no ill feelings toward her and want the

best for her. I understand now how gripping BPD must be as she continues to

choose her way of operating over going into therapy and possibly having a

relationship with me and her grandchildren. What a sad life she is living! I

hope she is at peace with her choices.

> >

> > For those of you considering going NC, know it is a hard choice but that it

can also lead to personal strength unlike anything you have ever experienced. I

wouldn't change the last year for anything in the world. I have found me!

> >

> > All the best,

> >

> > Darcy

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you for getting back to me. It's probably just me, still feeling that wire

tightened around my neck connecting me to her as long as she's alive. But it's

like barbed wire because if I do something or don't do something, I may be

stabbed by it. I'm probably not making sense but that's OK.

Since nada cut me out of her life I feel better. But there's still that little

emotional blink I have now and then wondering if she's going to call and try to

draw me back in. Wondering how I should respond if she does. Then the idea of

Christmas card: to send or not to send and if I do, what should I write inside?

I try very hard to avoid being like her in any way. But being snarky back to her

feels like the type of thing she would do. I guess I have to still figure out

who I am and what I would do.

> >

> > I hope to reach your landmark as well some day. May I ask you a question?

When you first went NC, did you struggle with the idea of at least sending a

card for special occasions?

> >

> > My nada has been subtly accusing us this past year of stealing from her

(stupid things like dog brushes, scissors, a list of phone numbers). These are

things she has put away in some weird place and found later. Anyway, it

escalated to things like her purse and wallet which she found of course. The

latest was some jewelry she had. That was the final straw for her and she told

us to never call or come over and made some ugly comments in her phone message.

> >

> > So although I did not initiate the NC, I admit I'm feeling so much more

relaxed not having to face her negativity and criticisms several times a week.

But now Christmas is near and I keep thinking the mature thing for me to do is

send her a fairly neutral card. Just wishing her peace (LOL, like that will ever

happen). But I don't want to open a door to her either. Still, she was pretty

hateful with her accusations and even called the police.

> >

> > It's hard for me to be mean and nasty to others just because they're rude to

me. But it feels so good to breathe again, not tense up every time the phone

rings.

> >

[Guest guest]

I found it to be true when trying to make decisions RE my relationship with my

own nada, that sometimes there wasn't any " good " option available for me to

select, there were only bad options or worse options to choose from. Sometimes

it helped me to make a list of the options and indicate the " up side " and the

" down side " of each possible choice. I tend to think visually, and seeing it

all sort of diagrammed on paper helped me mull things over.

-Annie

>

> Thank you for getting back to me. It's probably just me, still feeling that

wire tightened around my neck connecting me to her as long as she's alive. But

it's like barbed wire because if I do something or don't do something, I may be

stabbed by it. I'm probably not making sense but that's OK.

>

> Since nada cut me out of her life I feel better. But there's still that little

emotional blink I have now and then wondering if she's going to call and try to

draw me back in. Wondering how I should respond if she does. Then the idea of

Christmas card: to send or not to send and if I do, what should I write inside?

I try very hard to avoid being like her in any way. But being snarky back to her

feels like the type of thing she would do. I guess I have to still figure out

who I am and what I would do.

>