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[Guest guest]

Hi I'm . I recently found out about BPD. For years I thought I was going

out of my mind. I thought I was a horrible person who didn't understand the

world or how it worked. But then my therapist mentioned BPD. I can still

remember the immediate calm I felt as she started to tell me the symptoms. I

couldn't believe that the relationship I'd had with my mother was not my fault.

And that I wasn't the only one. (My mother has never been officially diagnosed,

because she doesn't feel she has a problem, but I am 99% sure she has it.) I

still am in pain over this relationship but I feel like I've been given a new

chance at life. I feel like I am now able to start over. I can't even begin to

tell you how awful I felt in elementary school, middle school and high school. I

felt alone and scared, like no one could help me. But now when I look at my life

I think, yeah I've been through hell and back but all of these experiences have

made me who I am; I'm ready to move forward with my life and I now have the

tools to do so.

I know that the people who need to read this will never read this post but I

think it helps to just get your thoughts out. I've had a journal for the past 2

years now, and I can't tell you how free I feel now; not having to carry all of

those thoughts with me now. I just want to say how sorry I am to the people I

have hurt in my life. I was in my own little world, trying to survive; I didn't

stop to think about what I was saying or doing. I know I've hurt a lot of past

friends and I'm very truly sorry. I do not think there will ever be words to

describe how sorry I am to have hurt you and to have lost your friendship but I

am sorry. I do not expect you to forgive me; I just wanted to let you know.

If anyone reading this has a similar story or has a comment, I would love to

hear it. Thanks for listening.

[Guest guest]

My mother got worse after 40 as well! She has been jsut downright unbearable

since then. She has always been impulsive, mean, and sometimes dangerous, but

after 40 she just got really out of control.

And Freda it IS really annoying when people don't see what is really going on in

your life. I feel that way all the time with my mom. The only thing that happens

is that my mom can't do her act for a long period of time, so people eventually

find out what kind of person my mother is and they pull away from her.

It's still frustrating though. Sometimes I worry that people think I am just

overreacting to a " natural " or " common " mother-daughter problem. Sigh.

>

> Freda, it is so frustrating when you are the only one who sees such

> behavior. Your post that you were the youngest brings to mind a question I

have

> always wondered. My mother really became much worse as she went through

> menopause. Since your older siblings never saw her behavior in the same way

that you

> saw it could it be that she became more dangerous with her hormonal changes.

> I definitely have seen this in my own mother. Although she was crazy

> before 40 she became dangerous after 40. My childhood friend who spent much

> time with us can't believe what I tell her. She always saw the " nice "

friendly

> side of my mother.

> Glad you found this list. It has helped me in so many ways and I know it

> will help you.

> Debbie

>

>

> In a message dated 1/12/2004 12:49:02 AM Eastern Standard Time,

> everydaydeco@... writes:

>

> > Had a mother who was maybe BP. She was manipulative, cunning, very

> > bright, very charming to folks outside of the family. I was born

> > last of 4 children, 10 years after the one before me. I am almost

> > certain that my mother tried to kill me at one point for a period

> > when I was around 4 or 5 (with a yucky variety of poisoning... over

> > a period of time)and she had just divorced my dad and the other kids

> > were gone (one grown and moved out, 2 younger...both boys...went to

> > live with my dad) So I was alone with her ...

> >

> > I have now relationship with my siblings anymore. The fastest way

> > to explain that is say if my mother was the witch in the Wizard of

> > Oz, my brothers and my sister were her monkeys.

> >

> > My mother is now dead, she died at the age of 96...I am now 64...AND

> > STILL TRYING to leave this all behind. Such grief.

> >

> > Your posts reveal a lot of knowledge on the subject of BPD. So I

> > guess my request is this: from what you know , and what I've said,

> > does this exceed the parameters of BPD?

> >

> >

> > She was never diagnosed with anything...everyone thought she was

> > just great...once I was trying to explain to an old friend just a

> > little of what she was like...he said " Look...I've met your

> > mother...it's hard to believe these things about such a sweet old

> > lady " Very typical response.

> >

> > I've been in therapy a lot in my time...but in my many attempts,

> > didn't find a person that really could deal with BPD or whatever

> > this was.

> >

> >

> > Freda

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

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