Cancer - preparing for a wild ride

[Guest guest]

Hi group,

Went with mother to surgeon yesterday to have stitches removed after her hernia

surgery.  He had told me after the surgery that he discovered a lot of fluid

around her abdomen and that it concerned him.

At the appointment yesterday, he said he'd had the fluid tested and that there

were tumors in it.  He said it could be the lining of her stomach, her pancreas,

her ovaries...the testing isn't granular enough to determine that, so she'll

have to have a battery of tests done (xrays, CT-scans, etc) to figure it out.

I'm definitely numb, sad. I don't want her to suffer, I don't want to see her

suffer. We went through that with my father. It was horrible. 

I'm trying not to worry until we find out exactly what's what. The surgeon said

he's cautiously optimistic because she's healthy and isn't having any symptoms,

that maybe the hernia surgery was a blessing in disguise to have caught

something early.

Anyway, my question is for those of you that have gone through cancer with their

BPD mother....how did you deal with it?  I just don't know if I can go through

this. The knots in my stomach, the fear, the dread when the phone rings, the

having to deal with my hyper-anxious brother barking panicked ideas at me about

who we should be calling, what we should be doing, the having to deal with her.

My head just feels tightly wound already from the anxiety of what's coming.

Thanks for hearing me and your feedback.

Fiona

[Guest guest]

Sounds awful. I really feel for you.

On Fri, Dec 14, 2012 at 9:21 AM, Fiona hermitsdaughter@...>wrote:

> **

>

>

> Hi group,

>

> Went with mother to surgeon yesterday to have stitches removed after her

> hernia surgery. He had told me after the surgery that he discovered a lot

> of fluid around her abdomen and that it concerned him.

>

> At the appointment yesterday, he said he'd had the fluid tested and that

> there were tumors in it. He said it could be the lining of her stomach,

> her pancreas, her ovaries...the testing isn't granular enough to determine

> that, so she'll have to have a battery of tests done (xrays, CT-scans, etc)

> to figure it out.

>

> I'm definitely numb, sad. I don't want her to suffer, I don't want to see

> her suffer. We went through that with my father. It was horrible.

>

> I'm trying not to worry until we find out exactly what's what. The surgeon

> said he's cautiously optimistic because she's healthy and isn't having any

> symptoms, that maybe the hernia surgery was a blessing in disguise to have

> caught something early.

>

> Anyway, my question is for those of you that have gone through cancer with

> their BPD mother....how did you deal with it? I just don't know if I can

> go through this. The knots in my stomach, the fear, the dread when the

> phone rings, the having to deal with my hyper-anxious brother barking

> panicked ideas at me about who we should be calling, what we should be

> doing, the having to deal with her.

>

> My head just feels tightly wound already from the anxiety of what's coming.

>

> Thanks for hearing me and your feedback.

>

> Fiona

>

>

[Guest guest]

(((((Fiona))))) I empathize. Here's hoping that the early detection of

suspicious cells will indeed resolve your nada's health issues, and things will

get back to normal sooner rather than later.

All I can do is share what I did myself when I experienced an extremely

stressful time in my life: I went to see my doctor because I was starting to

experience more and more frequent insomnia, chest pains and rapid heart beat.

The chest pains scared the crap out of me. After examining me for physical

causes he decided to prescribe an anti-anxiety med. A few months later, after

I'd resolved the source of the mega-stress in my life (I escaped from a new,

hostile boss by switching to a different department at work) I found that I

could (with my doctor's agreement) discontinue the anti-anxiety med.

In retrospect, I'm pretty sure that the hostile way that new boss was treating

me was triggering me to hell and back because it reminded me of the hostility

I'd felt from my nada.

I know that meds aren't for everyone, for various valid reasons, and whether or

not to utilize prescription meds is a personal, individual choice, but for me

in that particular circumstance it was a godsend. The med allowed me to calm

down, get a healthier amount of sleep and focus on ways to resolve my problem,

so that my life could go back to normal. Which it did.

I hope you will find a solution that works for *you*, to help you navigate your

way through the impending mega-stressful time, whatever that solution might be.

Is it possible for you to set a boundary with your brother; something like, " I

will send you a text or an e-mail update RE mom's condition once a day, but I

won't be able to talk to you on the phone more than once a week. That's the

best I can do. " Perhaps that would reduce the stress a bit, and make it a

little more manageable?

-Annie

>

> Hi group,

>

> Went with mother to surgeon yesterday to have stitches removed after her

hernia surgery.  He had told me after the surgery that he discovered a lot of

fluid around her abdomen and that it concerned him.

>

> At the appointment yesterday, he said he'd had the fluid tested and that there

were tumors in it.  He said it could be the lining of her stomach, her pancreas,

her ovaries...the testing isn't granular enough to determine that, so she'll

have to have a battery of tests done (xrays, CT-scans, etc) to figure it out.

>

> I'm definitely numb, sad. I don't want her to suffer, I don't want to see her

suffer. We went through that with my father. It was horrible. 

>

> I'm trying not to worry until we find out exactly what's what. The surgeon

said he's cautiously optimistic because she's healthy and isn't having any

symptoms, that maybe the hernia surgery was a blessing in disguise to have

caught something early.

>

> Anyway, my question is for those of you that have gone through cancer with

their BPD mother....how did you deal with it?  I just don't know if I can go

through this. The knots in my stomach, the fear, the dread when the phone rings,

the having to deal with my hyper-anxious brother barking panicked ideas at me

about who we should be calling, what we should be doing, the having to deal with

her.

>

> My head just feels tightly wound already from the anxiety of what's coming.

>

> Thanks for hearing me and your feedback.

>

> Fiona

>

>