Re: Living with NPD Nada is like being poked with a sharp stick - hourly...

[Guest guest]

Youve summed up what it's like to be with them pretty well. Hope you escape

soon.

On Sun, Dec 16, 2012 at 10:21 PM, Manning michelle@...>wrote:

> **

>

>

> I have been posting here and there about moving here to care for Nada (at

> 46) and living and caring for NPD for about a year.

> I took this on of my own fruition, and I accept that.

> The hard part, really, is the constant and relentless POKING with a SHARP

> stick.

> This is how I have come to see it.

> " You are doing this wrong, you are thinking wrong ..... "

> " I am going to interrupt you now with something I find more important

> although you are mid-sentence "

> " you are cooking wrong, washing dishes wrong, doing my laundry wrong "

> " Shut up now because your feelings are not important "

> " You suck because you do not run to my side to show me something stupid on

> the computer at command and now I will make you pay " not being subservient.

> I am so sick of being less than 0 in my home and being seen as no more than

> a servant and puppet.

> It is like being poked, like every hour, with a sharp stick, day in and

> out,

> day after day, with a stick that hurts, even draws some blood...

> Like Chinese water torture...

> Pray I get a job soon, cant take too much more.

>

> NPD Nada's suc*%$

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

And what's worse, they keep poking and poking and poking until you finally

respond, and then exclaim in feigned terror/surprise, 'oh, but you're so

viscious!' Sorry to hear you are going through this . Remember all

this poking is not because you are actually bad at anything, not reflective of

reality but only of her compulsion to try and 'get' to you and control what

you're feeling. and keep all eyes on her, all the time. --Charlie

>

> I have been posting here and there about moving here to care for Nada (at

> 46) and living and caring for NPD for about a year.

> I took this on of my own fruition, and I accept that.

> The hard part, really, is the constant and relentless POKING with a SHARP

> stick.

> This is how I have come to see it.

> " You are doing this wrong, you are thinking wrong ..... "

> " I am going to interrupt you now with something I find more important

> although you are mid-sentence "

> " you are cooking wrong, washing dishes wrong, doing my laundry wrong "

> " Shut up now because your feelings are not important "

> " You suck because you do not run to my side to show me something stupid on

> the computer at command and now I will make you pay " not being subservient.

> I am so sick of being less than 0 in my home and being seen as no more than

> a servant and puppet.

> It is like being poked, like every hour, with a sharp stick, day in and out,

> day after day, with a stick that hurts, even draws some blood...

> Like Chinese water torture...

> Pray I get a job soon, cant take too much more.

>

> NPD Nada's suc*%$

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Greetings beautiful people.

It may sound travail but I need some love right now.

I am depressed. I wish daily that would sleep and just not wake up.

Maybe nada fleas, maybe the reality that I have found myself 46 years old,

no kids, single, no job and broke.

AND after 29 years away.. dependent on Nana..

I am terrified.

I have learned after so many years away and by coming back that was

codependent from afar.

I have learned that my nada was not a garden alcoholic after all but that I

was an only kid of an abusive nada and alateen stuff I learned was out of

scope.

I left and did quite ok for the last 29 years. jobs, lovers, friends, trips,

homes, etc.

She got sick and I raced back to " rescue " . I have since learned so much.

Now I am having a hard time finding a job and moving along.

Now, I am really in hell.. Hourly crap, day in and day out, week in and week

out, month in and month out.

Boundaries are not an option as I am dependent (for the first time since 16

years old) on Nada and step dad

Need some good words please..

Much love to the group.

From: WTOAdultChildren1

[mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ] On Behalf Of Manning

Sent: Sunday, December 16, 2012 10:21 PM

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Subject: Living with NPD Nada is like being poked with a

sharp stick - hourly...

I have been posting here and there about moving here to care for Nada (at

46) and living and caring for NPD for about a year.

I took this on of my own fruition, and I accept that.

The hard part, really, is the constant and relentless POKING with a SHARP

stick.

This is how I have come to see it.

" You are doing this wrong, you are thinking wrong ..... "

" I am going to interrupt you now with something I find more important

although you are mid-sentence "

" you are cooking wrong, washing dishes wrong, doing my laundry wrong "

" Shut up now because your feelings are not important "

" You suck because you do not run to my side to show me something stupid on

the computer at command and now I will make you pay " not being subservient.

I am so sick of being less than 0 in my home and being seen as no more than

a servant and puppet.

It is like being poked, like every hour, with a sharp stick, day in and out,

day after day, with a stick that hurts, even draws some blood...

Like Chinese water torture...

Pray I get a job soon, cant take too much more.

NPD Nada's suc*%$

[Guest guest]

And please, don't get me wrong.

I know my wish to sleep and not wake up is selfish and ungrateful.

My dearest friend died of breast cancer 3 weeks ago and was devastating

(which I was only allowed to discuss for 3-5 mins in total in this house)

If I bring her death up again I am belaboring the point and what about nadas

friends who have died?

I know I am blabbering. and am being silly on some levels but I am so tired

of being DISMISSED and told to shut up and to get back to serving her!!!

Dear goodness, is she really this crazy and I have really found myself here(

in this level of mess and dependency at such an advanced age myself?)

M-

From: WTOAdultChildren1

[mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ] On Behalf Of Manning

Sent: Sunday, December 16, 2012 11:18 PM

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Subject: RE: Living with NPD Nada is like being poked

with a sharp stick - hourly...

Greetings beautiful people.

It may sound travail but I need some love right now.

I am depressed. I wish daily that would sleep and just not wake up.

Maybe nada fleas, maybe the reality that I have found myself 46 years old,

no kids, single, no job and broke.

AND after 29 years away.. dependent on Nana..

I am terrified.

I have learned after so many years away and by coming back that was

codependent from afar.

I have learned that my nada was not a garden alcoholic after all but that I

was an only kid of an abusive nada and alateen stuff I learned was out of

scope.

I left and did quite ok for the last 29 years. jobs, lovers, friends, trips,

homes, etc.

She got sick and I raced back to " rescue " . I have since learned so much.

Now I am having a hard time finding a job and moving along.

Now, I am really in hell.. Hourly crap, day in and day out, week in and week

out, month in and month out.

Boundaries are not an option as I am dependent (for the first time since 16

years old) on Nada and step dad

Need some good words please..

Much love to the group.

From: WTOAdultChildren1

[mailto:WTOAdultChildren1

] On Behalf Of Manning

Sent: Sunday, December 16, 2012 10:21 PM

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Subject: Living with NPD Nada is like being poked with a

sharp stick - hourly...

I have been posting here and there about moving here to care for Nada (at

46) and living and caring for NPD for about a year.

I took this on of my own fruition, and I accept that.

The hard part, really, is the constant and relentless POKING with a SHARP

stick.

This is how I have come to see it.

" You are doing this wrong, you are thinking wrong ..... "

" I am going to interrupt you now with something I find more important

although you are mid-sentence "

" you are cooking wrong, washing dishes wrong, doing my laundry wrong "

" Shut up now because your feelings are not important "

" You suck because you do not run to my side to show me something stupid on

the computer at command and now I will make you pay " not being subservient.

I am so sick of being less than 0 in my home and being seen as no more than

a servant and puppet.

It is like being poked, like every hour, with a sharp stick, day in and out,

day after day, with a stick that hurts, even draws some blood...

Like Chinese water torture...

Pray I get a job soon, cant take too much more.

NPD Nada's suc*%$

[Guest guest]

Dear ,

You are not alone. You WILL get through this. Many posters on the board have

been in your same situation, and eventually made it free of nada--financially

and geographically. You will do it because you have to, and you are stronger

than you think.

Meanwhile we are all here to tell you how very real the abuse is. Sometimes

when you are stuck in the middle of it, it seems endless--like it never will

pass. Here is a good link to understanding that:

http://www.pete-walker.com/pdf/emotionalFlashbackManagement.pdf

Also, I hope you can be comforted about not having children or a net worth yet.

A nada will purposefully keep you from both. A nada might pretend like those

are the only worthwhile things (I know mine does). But many of us (including

myself) do not have biological children. There are other ways to be of value

and service in the world. Someone recently wrote we are human beings, not human

doings, and work on learning to value ourselves by different standards than nada

would.

All the best,

Charlie

>

> Greetings beautiful people.

>

>

>

> It may sound travail but I need some love right now.

>

> I am depressed. I wish daily that would sleep and just not wake up.

>

> Maybe nada fleas, maybe the reality that I have found myself 46 years old,

> no kids, single, no job and broke.

>

> AND after 29 years away.. dependent on Nana..

>

>

>

> I am terrified.

>

>

>

> I have learned after so many years away and by coming back that was

> codependent from afar.

>

> I have learned that my nada was not a garden alcoholic after all but that I

> was an only kid of an abusive nada and alateen stuff I learned was out of

> scope.

>

>

>

> I left and did quite ok for the last 29 years. jobs, lovers, friends, trips,

> homes, etc.

>

>

>

> She got sick and I raced back to " rescue " . I have since learned so much.

> Now I am having a hard time finding a job and moving along.

>

>

>

> Now, I am really in hell.. Hourly crap, day in and day out, week in and week

> out, month in and month out.

>

> Boundaries are not an option as I am dependent (for the first time since 16

> years old) on Nada and step dad

>

>

>

> Need some good words please..

>

> Much love to the group.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> From: WTOAdultChildren1

> [mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ] On Behalf Of Manning

> Sent: Sunday, December 16, 2012 10:21 PM

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Subject: Living with NPD Nada is like being poked with a

> sharp stick - hourly...

>

>

>

>

>

> I have been posting here and there about moving here to care for Nada (at

> 46) and living and caring for NPD for about a year.

> I took this on of my own fruition, and I accept that.

> The hard part, really, is the constant and relentless POKING with a SHARP

> stick.

> This is how I have come to see it.

> " You are doing this wrong, you are thinking wrong ..... "

> " I am going to interrupt you now with something I find more important

> although you are mid-sentence "

> " you are cooking wrong, washing dishes wrong, doing my laundry wrong "

> " Shut up now because your feelings are not important "

> " You suck because you do not run to my side to show me something stupid on

> the computer at command and now I will make you pay " not being subservient.

> I am so sick of being less than 0 in my home and being seen as no more than

> a servant and puppet.

> It is like being poked, like every hour, with a sharp stick, day in and out,

> day after day, with a stick that hurts, even draws some blood...

> Like Chinese water torture...

> Pray I get a job soon, cant take too much more.

>

> NPD Nada's suc*%$

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Your love is here on a silver platter!

You are allowed to look back and select to change things in the future. Don't

kick yourself for making mistakes. You are a human, you are going to make a few.

Now then, take a warm bath, drink a little hot chocolatate, and remind yourself

that where there is life there is hope. Tomorrow will be a new day and you CAN

do what you want to with it.

Warm Hugs,

Beth

Living with NPD Nada is like being poked with a

sharp stick - hourly...

I have been posting here and there about moving here to care for Nada (at

46) and living and caring for NPD for about a year.

I took this on of my own fruition, and I accept that.

The hard part, really, is the constant and relentless POKING with a SHARP

stick.

This is how I have come to see it.

" You are doing this wrong, you are thinking wrong ..... "

" I am going to interrupt you now with something I find more important

although you are mid-sentence "

" you are cooking wrong, washing dishes wrong, doing my laundry wrong "

" Shut up now because your feelings are not important "

" You suck because you do not run to my side to show me something stupid on

the computer at command and now I will make you pay " not being subservient.

I am so sick of being less than 0 in my home and being seen as no more than

a servant and puppet.

It is like being poked, like every hour, with a sharp stick, day in and out,

day after day, with a stick that hurts, even draws some blood...

Like Chinese water torture...

Pray I get a job soon, cant take too much more.

NPD Nada's suc*%$

[Guest guest]

Selfish? Ungrateful?

You are in an impossibly stressful situation where others are assaulting your

sense of autonomy and worth one hurtful word at a time. It is completely

understable that you would want all that to just stop. I felt the same way when

I was living with my mother. I know what it is like to feel depressed and wish I

never had to wake up. Sometimes it is scary feeling that way.

That said, it becomes even more important to take good care of yourself. You are

reaching out here, and that is good. But it is also a good idea to seek help

from someone locally who has the resources to give you the help you need. Do you

have a therapist, or can you talk to your doctor? Perhaps there is a local

suicide prevention hotline you could call (even if you are not actively

suicidal). They are often able to connect people with services that can help.

What can you do today to look after yourself? How can you plan to help yourself

get better? You do not have to go on feeling like this forever. There is help

out there if you are willing to ask for it. It shows strength and courage that

you are asking for support, so again, good job with that first step.

Sveta

>

> And please, don't get me wrong.

>

> I know my wish to sleep and not wake up is selfish and ungrateful.

>

> My dearest friend died of breast cancer 3 weeks ago and was devastating

> (which I was only allowed to discuss for 3-5 mins in total in this house)

>

> If I bring her death up again I am belaboring the point and what about nadas

> friends who have died?

>

>

>

> I know I am blabbering. and am being silly on some levels but I am so tired

> of being DISMISSED and told to shut up and to get back to serving her!!!

>

>

>

> Dear goodness, is she really this crazy and I have really found myself here(

> in this level of mess and dependency at such an advanced age myself?)

>

>

>

> M-

>

>

>

>

>

> From: WTOAdultChildren1

> [mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ] On Behalf Of Manning

> Sent: Sunday, December 16, 2012 11:18 PM

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Subject: RE: Living with NPD Nada is like being poked

> with a sharp stick - hourly...

>

>

>

>

>

> Greetings beautiful people.

>

> It may sound travail but I need some love right now.

>

> I am depressed. I wish daily that would sleep and just not wake up.

>

> Maybe nada fleas, maybe the reality that I have found myself 46 years old,

> no kids, single, no job and broke.

>

> AND after 29 years away.. dependent on Nana..

>

> I am terrified.

>

> I have learned after so many years away and by coming back that was

> codependent from afar.

>

> I have learned that my nada was not a garden alcoholic after all but that I

> was an only kid of an abusive nada and alateen stuff I learned was out of

> scope.

>

> I left and did quite ok for the last 29 years. jobs, lovers, friends, trips,

> homes, etc.

>

> She got sick and I raced back to " rescue " . I have since learned so much.

> Now I am having a hard time finding a job and moving along.

>

> Now, I am really in hell.. Hourly crap, day in and day out, week in and week

> out, month in and month out.

>

> Boundaries are not an option as I am dependent (for the first time since 16

> years old) on Nada and step dad

>

> Need some good words please..

>

> Much love to the group.

>

>

>

> From: WTOAdultChildren1

>

> [mailto:WTOAdultChildren1

> ] On Behalf Of Manning

> Sent: Sunday, December 16, 2012 10:21 PM

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

>

> Subject: Living with NPD Nada is like being poked with a

> sharp stick - hourly...

>

> I have been posting here and there about moving here to care for Nada (at

> 46) and living and caring for NPD for about a year.

> I took this on of my own fruition, and I accept that.

> The hard part, really, is the constant and relentless POKING with a SHARP

> stick.

> This is how I have come to see it.

> " You are doing this wrong, you are thinking wrong ..... "

> " I am going to interrupt you now with something I find more important

> although you are mid-sentence "

> " you are cooking wrong, washing dishes wrong, doing my laundry wrong "

> " Shut up now because your feelings are not important "

> " You suck because you do not run to my side to show me something stupid on

> the computer at command and now I will make you pay " not being subservient.

> I am so sick of being less than 0 in my home and being seen as no more than

> a servant and puppet.

> It is like being poked, like every hour, with a sharp stick, day in and out,

> day after day, with a stick that hurts, even draws some blood...

> Like Chinese water torture...

> Pray I get a job soon, cant take too much more.

>

> NPD Nada's suc*%$

>

>

>

>