Guest guest Posted December 22, 2012 Report Share Posted December 22, 2012 Hi all -- Just wanted to drop a note to the list to say that I successfully pulled off my move out of my Nada's house in Michigan and back to Boston Massachusetts, and MAN am I relieved! I'm looking forward to a nice screaming-and/or-crying-fit free Christmas and New Years. I waited until the day I loaded my stuff into the moving cube to let her know (last Saturday, the 15th), and I think it was a good plan because she was basically in total shock the whole weekend and made only a few minor attempts to interfere with the move. I think I caught her completely flat-footed even though I had been cleaning, sorting, and packing ALL WEEK (plus a couple of weekends before that!) and hadn't been trying to hide what I was doing. I think, as usual, she was so caught up in her own personal drama that she just utterly failed to take notice of what I was doing, since, of course, anything I'm doing that doesn't involve her can't be very important, I guess? The worst thing she did was sort of try to lock me out on Sunday evening -- my BFF and I had loaded up our cars and taken the last load of boxes to the moving cube to load it up, and when we got back to the house she came out and said she had locked the downstairs door (my door) because she " thought we had left. " This was ridiculous because it would mean I had left without my computer (NOT likely) and without my CAT (NEVER!), plus I had told her I would come upstairs to let her know when I was actually heading out to start driving, and I hadn't done that yet. I'm guessing it was just the best she could come up with for something nasty to do at the last minute, so I'm very glad I didn't give her more time to think of stuff. Anyway, it looked to me like she mostly snapped from Queen/Witch mode into Waif mode and was getting very shaky and upset at the notion that now she would be alone in the house. I kind of felt the FOG settling in, but reminded myself sharply that if she had been able to stop abusing me, I wouldn't be leaving, so it's not my job to make her feel all better now that her chickens have come home to crap on her head. I wound up not ever saying anything to the sister-in-law with the Flying Monkey Boxing Day attack; when I was ready to head out I sent an email to various family members telling them I was going (but saying nothing about why), and giving my new contact info and wishing them all a Happy Holiday. My uncle (Nada's brother) was the only one who replied to wish me well; no one else sent me anything at all, including the Flying Monkey sister-in-law. (The " no one else " included my full brother and his family (wife, niece, nephew), my half-brother and his family (Flying Monkey SIL and niece), and my half-sister. I guess no one in my F.O.O. really cares too much about me, but that's not actually news, sadly.) I suspect I'm now considered a mean and heartless daughter for " abandoning " my elderly mother all alone in her house after " taking advantage of her generosity " for five years, instead of a daughter who cared enough to come home to be with her widowed mother after her father's death, only to be driven back out by relentless raging and abuse after five seemingly-endless years, but I'm trying hard to make peace with that. They can't know my reality, but I can't help wishing they'd shown more interest in learning what it was. It makes me sad that they care so little, but the important thing is that I'm now free and clear and can move on. Best wishes to all for a peaceful Holiday with the Nadas and Fadas behaving themselves for a change! -- Jen H. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 22, 2012 Report Share Posted December 22, 2012 Hi Jen, Congratulations! Â This is tremendous! Boston is a great place, lived there for quite some time.. You nada sounds a lot like mine....'Locking the door' is like she feels abandoned and is going to abandon you first. Â I'm so happy that you escaped! Happy New Life, - ________________________________ To: WTOAdultChildren1 Sent: Saturday, December 22, 2012 4:59 PM Subject: Escaped to Boston! Â Hi all -- Just wanted to drop a note to the list to say that I successfully pulled off my move out of my Nada's house in Michigan and back to Boston Massachusetts, and MAN am I relieved! I'm looking forward to a nice screaming-and/or-crying-fit free Christmas and New Years. I waited until the day I loaded my stuff into the moving cube to let her know (last Saturday, the 15th), and I think it was a good plan because she was basically in total shock the whole weekend and made only a few minor attempts to interfere with the move. I think I caught her completely flat-footed even though I had been cleaning, sorting, and packing ALL WEEK (plus a couple of weekends before that!) and hadn't been trying to hide what I was doing. I think, as usual, she was so caught up in her own personal drama that she just utterly failed to take notice of what I was doing, since, of course, anything I'm doing that doesn't involve her can't be very important, I guess? The worst thing she did was sort of try to lock me out on Sunday evening -- my BFF and I had loaded up our cars and taken the last load of boxes to the moving cube to load it up, and when we got back to the house she came out and said she had locked the downstairs door (my door) because she " thought we had left. " This was ridiculous because it would mean I had left without my computer (NOT likely) and without my CAT (NEVER!), plus I had told her I would come upstairs to let her know when I was actually heading out to start driving, and I hadn't done that yet. I'm guessing it was just the best she could come up with for something nasty to do at the last minute, so I'm very glad I didn't give her more time to think of stuff. Anyway, it looked to me like she mostly snapped from Queen/Witch mode into Waif mode and was getting very shaky and upset at the notion that now she would be alone in the house. I kind of felt the FOG settling in, but reminded myself sharply that if she had been able to stop abusing me, I wouldn't be leaving, so it's not my job to make her feel all better now that her chickens have come home to crap on her head. I wound up not ever saying anything to the sister-in-law with the Flying Monkey Boxing Day attack; when I was ready to head out I sent an email to various family members telling them I was going (but saying nothing about why), and giving my new contact info and wishing them all a Happy Holiday. My uncle (Nada's brother) was the only one who replied to wish me well; no one else sent me anything at all, including the Flying Monkey sister-in-law. (The " no one else " included my full brother and his family (wife, niece, nephew), my half-brother and his family (Flying Monkey SIL and niece), and my half-sister. I guess no one in my F.O.O. really cares too much about me, but that's not actually news, sadly.) I suspect I'm now considered a mean and heartless daughter for " abandoning " my elderly mother all alone in her house after " taking advantage of her generosity " for five years, instead of a daughter who cared enough to come home to be with her widowed mother after her father's death, only to be driven back out by relentless raging and abuse after five seemingly-endless years, but I'm trying hard to make peace with that. They can't know my reality, but I can't help wishing they'd shown more interest in learning what it was. It makes me sad that they care so little, but the important thing is that I'm now free and clear and can move on. Best wishes to all for a peaceful Holiday with the Nadas and Fadas behaving themselves for a change! -- Jen H. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 22, 2012 Report Share Posted December 22, 2012 good luck! On Sat, Dec 22, 2012 at 8:23 PM, Halloran laura.halloran@...>wrote: > ** > > > Hi Jen, > Congratulations! This is tremendous! Boston is a great place, lived there > for quite some time.. > You nada sounds a lot like mine....'Locking the door' is like she feels > abandoned and is going to > abandon you first. I'm so happy that you escaped! > Happy New Life, > - > > ________________________________ > > To: WTOAdultChildren1 > Sent: Saturday, December 22, 2012 4:59 PM > Subject: Escaped to Boston! > > > > > Hi all -- > > Just wanted to drop a note to the list to say that I successfully pulled > off my move out of my Nada's house in Michigan and back to Boston > Massachusetts, and MAN am I relieved! I'm looking forward to a nice > screaming-and/or-crying-fit free Christmas and New Years. > > I waited until the day I loaded my stuff into the moving cube to let her > know (last Saturday, the 15th), and I think it was a good plan because she > was basically in total shock the whole weekend and made only a few minor > attempts to interfere with the move. I think I caught her completely > flat-footed even though I had been cleaning, sorting, and packing ALL WEEK > (plus a couple of weekends before that!) and hadn't been trying to hide > what I was doing. I think, as usual, she was so caught up in her own > personal drama that she just utterly failed to take notice of what I was > doing, since, of course, anything I'm doing that doesn't involve her can't > be very important, I guess? The worst thing she did was sort of try to > lock me out on Sunday evening -- my BFF and I had loaded up our cars and > taken the last load of boxes to the moving cube to load it up, and when we > got back to the house she came out and said she had locked the downstairs > door (my door) because she " thought we had left. " This was ridiculous > because it would mean I had left without my computer (NOT likely) and > without my CAT (NEVER!), plus I had told her I would come upstairs to let > her know when I was actually heading out to start driving, and I hadn't > done that yet. I'm guessing it was just the best she could come up with > for something nasty to do at the last minute, so I'm very glad I didn't > give her more time to think of stuff. > > Anyway, it looked to me like she mostly snapped from Queen/Witch mode into > Waif mode and was getting very shaky and upset at the notion that now she > would be alone in the house. I kind of felt the FOG settling in, but > reminded myself sharply that if she had been able to stop abusing me, I > wouldn't be leaving, so it's not my job to make her feel all better now > that her chickens have come home to crap on her head. > > I wound up not ever saying anything to the sister-in-law with the Flying > Monkey Boxing Day attack; when I was ready to head out I sent an email to > various family members telling them I was going (but saying nothing about > why), and giving my new contact info and wishing them all a Happy Holiday. > My uncle (Nada's brother) was the only one who replied to wish me well; no > one else sent me anything at all, including the Flying Monkey > sister-in-law. (The " no one else " included my full brother and his family > (wife, niece, nephew), my half-brother and his family (Flying Monkey SIL > and niece), and my half-sister. I guess no one in my F.O.O. really cares > too much about me, but that's not actually news, sadly.) I suspect I'm now > considered a mean and heartless daughter for " abandoning " my elderly mother > all alone in her house after " taking advantage of her generosity " for five > years, instead of a daughter who cared enough to come home to be with her > widowed mother after her father's death, only to be driven back out by > relentless raging and abuse after five seemingly-endless years, but I'm > trying hard to make peace with that. They can't know my reality, but I > can't help wishing they'd shown more interest in learning what it was. It > makes me sad that they care so little, but the important thing is that I'm > now free and clear and can move on. > > Best wishes to all for a peaceful Holiday with the Nadas and Fadas behaving > themselves for a change! > > -- Jen H. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 23, 2012 Report Share Posted December 23, 2012 Jen H. YEA!!!! I'm SO happy for you! It will be so terrific to be that far away from her. What an awesome idea to not tell her what you were doing earlier. You are very fortunate she didn't think of something terrible to do to your cat in the process. Congratulations and enjoy Boston. I've never been there but hear it is pretty cool. ; ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 23, 2012 Report Share Posted December 23, 2012 I like this section here that you've written. You're right: they don't get it. But now that you're not there, someone else will likely step in to take care of dear old mom. LOL What a surprise they'll get. We were told by a doctor that these people just need someone to hate. When my Dad died, nada transferred all that hate to me and my husband. She had a lot for everyone else around her but she didn't show it as much as she did to us. Now she'll have to find someone else to manipulate and use and attack. It's a big change for you but try to enjoy it. Blow the FOG away and surround yourself with friends who care. > > Hi all -- > I suspect I'm now > considered a mean and heartless daughter for " abandoning " my elderly mother > all alone in her house after " taking advantage of her generosity " for five > years, instead of a daughter who cared enough to come home to be with her > widowed mother after her father's death, only to be driven back out by > relentless raging and abuse after five seemingly-endless years, but I'm > trying hard to make peace with that. They can't know my reality, but I > can't help wishing they'd shown more interest in learning what it was. It > makes me sad that they care so little, but the important thing is that I'm > now free and clear and can move on. > > Best wishes to all for a peaceful Holiday with the Nadas and Fadas behaving > themselves for a change! > > -- Jen H. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 23, 2012 Report Share Posted December 23, 2012 WTG! Congratulations! Hardest part done, successfully! Yay! You served your time as the dutiful daughter, now the flying monkey sis-in-law can jump right in. HAH. I always sigh when I think about others (like the full time care giver who is becoming the surrogate daughter to H's nada…) who are getting sucked in to the abyss…WELCOME TO MY WORLD, best of luck new initiate. But, here, this morning, I'd like to send out a giant hug and lots of warm laughter (the kinda that makes your face hurt!) to all of us here who are navigating the difficult journey of building a normal life. It will never come from our BP or from our FOO, it will only come from what we build into our lives. We have to make our own joy. The holidays are difficult, I hope we can all be gentle with ourselves, keep a level head and heart, and find a way to step outside the disfunction we were born into. Happy Day! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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