BPD Mom never changes

[Guest guest]

Hello Everyone,

Happy Holidays. I hope you all are doing ok. It's been awhile since I've been

here. Partly because everything has been going well with my BPD-Waif-Witch mom.

I've always been the bad child. But during my last visit and for the following 4

months by phone, she's been acting supportive. For awhile I started calling

every 2-3 days to say hi (which never happened before). I even started to

question if she's actually BPD. Because I've always been the bad child. Why

does she suddenly care and not criticize me? Has she changed?

Kind of...but not really.

Visiting my family has helped me stay in reality. My mom has improved the way

she treats me. But being with her again in person, I see she is just swallowing

her witch-reactions. Talking with one of my teenage brothers, my mom hasn't

changed the way she treats them. The waif-witch is still very much alive and

kicking.

I figured out she's only tolerating me because of my disabled sister. My sister

is the " happy glue " of the family. She is definitely the golden child. My mom

is getting older and more concerned about where my sister will end up once she

dies.

For years I kept a huge distance from my family because of my mom. My mom knows

this. It's been hard on my sweet sister. I'm her only sister. So I guarantee you

my mother's heart hasn't changed for me...she's just waiving the white flag for

peace. My mom wants to make sure I'm actively in my sister's life.

But in my desire to have a mother, I've recently shared a lot of personal info

with my mom (which I haven't done in years). Which means I need to be careful

and prepare for the worst. It's only a matter of time before my mom blows up at

me too. That she'll try to turn the intimate details I shared into daggers

during her next blow up. One thing is for sure, she'll use the details to gossip

to my family about me.

Why do I keep falling for this? This idea my BPD mom could really love me. Such

BS.....

But this time I'm a stronger person. A couple of years ago I finally accepted

she would not be a part of my life. Her " supportive behavior " hasn't brought

healing into my life...I am already healed.

I'm also not so hard on myself anymore. A little frustrated, but not verbally

abusing myself like I use to. After all I know I'm only human. I will always

want my mom to truly be what I needed as a kid.

But becoming more proud of who I am now. Even if my mother were to rage at

me...I'd be ok. Hurt? Definitely. But I'm resilient. I've learned to embrace my

mother's disorder. To grow my own self-love and discover I'm my own person...and

am in full responsibility for how I live it and the boundaries I set.

So I will gently go back to being a bit more distant with my mom. I'm so

grateful the power that dream I use to have of her really loving me has

diminished. Now it's like a fairy tale book I take off a shelf, thumble through

the pages, sigh a little, and simply put back and go on with my day.

Thanks for reading.

[Guest guest]

We all need a mother's love. There's nothing wrong with that...it's part of

being human. It's such a basic need that even when we have parents who aren't

capable of love, we willingly suspend our disbelief in order to feel like our

need has been met. We just want it so badly.

It will be hard to accept that your mother will never be who you need her to be,

and that she isn't ever really safe, even when she's nice. We have to find other

ways to meet our need for acceptance and love. I hope she doesn't do anything

too hurtful with your personal information. But at least now you know and have

learned a valuable lesson that will help you in the future. You will be ok.

Sveta

>

> Hello Everyone,

>

> Happy Holidays. I hope you all are doing ok. It's been awhile since I've

been here. Partly because everything has been going well with my BPD-Waif-Witch

mom. I've always been the bad child. But during my last visit and for the

following 4 months by phone, she's been acting supportive. For awhile I started

calling every 2-3 days to say hi (which never happened before). I even started

to question if she's actually BPD. Because I've always been the bad child. Why

does she suddenly care and not criticize me? Has she changed?

>

> Kind of...but not really.

>

> Visiting my family has helped me stay in reality. My mom has improved the way

she treats me. But being with her again in person, I see she is just swallowing

her witch-reactions. Talking with one of my teenage brothers, my mom hasn't

changed the way she treats them. The waif-witch is still very much alive and

kicking.

>

> I figured out she's only tolerating me because of my disabled sister. My

sister is the " happy glue " of the family. She is definitely the golden child.

My mom is getting older and more concerned about where my sister will end up

once she dies.

>

> For years I kept a huge distance from my family because of my mom. My mom

knows this. It's been hard on my sweet sister. I'm her only sister. So I

guarantee you my mother's heart hasn't changed for me...she's just waiving the

white flag for peace. My mom wants to make sure I'm actively in my sister's

life.

>

> But in my desire to have a mother, I've recently shared a lot of personal info

with my mom (which I haven't done in years). Which means I need to be careful

and prepare for the worst. It's only a matter of time before my mom blows up at

me too. That she'll try to turn the intimate details I shared into daggers

during her next blow up. One thing is for sure, she'll use the details to gossip

to my family about me.

>

> Why do I keep falling for this? This idea my BPD mom could really love me.

Such BS.....

>

> But this time I'm a stronger person. A couple of years ago I finally accepted

she would not be a part of my life. Her " supportive behavior " hasn't brought

healing into my life...I am already healed.

>

> I'm also not so hard on myself anymore. A little frustrated, but not verbally

abusing myself like I use to. After all I know I'm only human. I will always

want my mom to truly be what I needed as a kid.

>

> But becoming more proud of who I am now. Even if my mother were to rage at

me...I'd be ok. Hurt? Definitely. But I'm resilient. I've learned to embrace my

mother's disorder. To grow my own self-love and discover I'm my own person...and

am in full responsibility for how I live it and the boundaries I set.

>

> So I will gently go back to being a bit more distant with my mom. I'm so

grateful the power that dream I use to have of her really loving me has

diminished. Now it's like a fairy tale book I take off a shelf, thumble through

the pages, sigh a little, and simply put back and go on with my day.

>

> Thanks for reading.

>

[Guest guest]

Reading your post gave me chills. Not for the bad things nada does to you but

for the good things you're capable of doing. You sound so strong and confident.

I admire you and hope one day I can be like you. I'm probably not quite old

enough to be your mom but if I was, I'd give you a big hug and tell you how

proud I am of you.

>

> Hello Everyone,

>

> Happy Holidays. I hope you all are doing ok. It's been awhile since I've

been here. Partly because everything has been going well with my BPD-Waif-Witch

mom. I've always been the bad child. But during my last visit and for the

following 4 months by phone, she's been acting supportive. For awhile I started

calling every 2-3 days to say hi (which never happened before). I even started

to question if she's actually BPD. Because I've always been the bad child. Why

does she suddenly care and not criticize me? Has she changed?

>

> Kind of...but not really.

>

> Visiting my family has helped me stay in reality. My mom has improved the way

she treats me. But being with her again in person, I see she is just swallowing

her witch-reactions. Talking with one of my teenage brothers, my mom hasn't

changed the way she treats them. The waif-witch is still very much alive and

kicking.

>

> I figured out she's only tolerating me because of my disabled sister. My

sister is the " happy glue " of the family. She is definitely the golden child.

My mom is getting older and more concerned about where my sister will end up

once she dies.

>

> For years I kept a huge distance from my family because of my mom. My mom

knows this. It's been hard on my sweet sister. I'm her only sister. So I

guarantee you my mother's heart hasn't changed for me...she's just waiving the

white flag for peace. My mom wants to make sure I'm actively in my sister's

life.

>

> But in my desire to have a mother, I've recently shared a lot of personal info

with my mom (which I haven't done in years). Which means I need to be careful

and prepare for the worst. It's only a matter of time before my mom blows up at

me too. That she'll try to turn the intimate details I shared into daggers

during her next blow up. One thing is for sure, she'll use the details to gossip

to my family about me.

>

> Why do I keep falling for this? This idea my BPD mom could really love me.

Such BS.....

>

> But this time I'm a stronger person. A couple of years ago I finally accepted

she would not be a part of my life. Her " supportive behavior " hasn't brought

healing into my life...I am already healed.

>

> I'm also not so hard on myself anymore. A little frustrated, but not verbally

abusing myself like I use to. After all I know I'm only human. I will always

want my mom to truly be what I needed as a kid.

>

> But becoming more proud of who I am now. Even if my mother were to rage at

me...I'd be ok. Hurt? Definitely. But I'm resilient. I've learned to embrace my

mother's disorder. To grow my own self-love and discover I'm my own person...and

am in full responsibility for how I live it and the boundaries I set.

>

> So I will gently go back to being a bit more distant with my mom. I'm so

grateful the power that dream I use to have of her really loving me has

diminished. Now it's like a fairy tale book I take off a shelf, thumble through

the pages, sigh a little, and simply put back and go on with my day.

>

> Thanks for reading.

>