The Dam (this is classic)

[Guest guest]

A Little HA HA

Walt, Whidbey Island Wa

IPF, NSIP, UIP, DIP 10/06

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance

-

This is an actual letter sent to a man named DeVries regarding a pond on

his property. It was sent by the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental

Quality, State of Pennsylvania This guy's response is hilarious, but read

State's letter before you get to the response letter.

SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County

Dear Mr. DeVries:

It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that

there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of

property. You have be <<image001.jpg>> en certified as the le

<<image002.jpg>> gal landowner and/or contractor who did the

following unauthorized activity:

Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream

of Spring Pond.

A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review

of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued.

Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of

Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental

Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to

324.301 13 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.

The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed

during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations.

We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be

permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all

activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition

by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All

restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2006.

Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a

follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff.

Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the

site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action. We

anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. Please

feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.

Sincerely ,

L. Price

District Representative and Water Management Division.

Here is the actual response sent back by Mr.. DeVries:

Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County

Dear Mr. Price,

Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to respond to.

I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget Lane , Trout

Run, Pennsylvania

A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of constructing and

maintaining two wood 'debris' dams across the outlet stream of my Spring

Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I

think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of natures

building materials 'debris'.

I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam

project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there

is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness,

their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their

dam work ethic.

These are the beavers/contractors you are seeking.

As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first

fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.

My first dam question to you is:

(1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or

(2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam

request?

If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the

Freedom of Information Act,

I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits

that have been issued.

(Perhaps we will see if there reall <<image003.jpg>> y is a dam

violation o <<image004.jpg>> f Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams,

of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public

Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled

Laws , annotated.)

I have several concerns. My first concern is, aren't the beavers entitled

to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and

are unable to pay for said representation -- so the State will have to provide

them with a dam lawyer.

The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed

during a recent rain event, causing flooding,

is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to

protect. In other words, we should

leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling them

dam names.

If you want the stream 'restored' to a dam free-flow condition please

contact the beavers -- but if you are going

to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter,

they being unable to read English.

In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their

unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows

downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond.

If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up

to its name, it should protect the

natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).

So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred

for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2006? The

Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will be no way for

you or your dam staff to contact/harass them.

In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental

quality, health, problem in the area. It is the bears!

Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should

be persecuting the

defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to investigate

the beaver dam,

watch your step! The bears are not careful where they dump!

Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you

on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.

THANK YOU,

RYAN DEVRIES

& THE DAM BEAVERS