Sex Therapist advice on female masturbation

[Guest guest]

Hello Group:

My wife and I see a therapist who counsels couples dealing with sexual

disorders. It took 6 years to diagnose my wife's Vestibulitis/VVD

condition as her pain and discomfort was sometimes worse than others.

The long-term impact on her was a complete avoidance of any physical

intimacy, from passionate hugging and kissing to everything beyond. I

blamed her for not understanding how much I needed the intimacy and

she blamed me for not appreciating how painful the sex could be.

From before the conception of our now 9-month old son, we knew that

Estrace cream and Nortriptolene were working to ease her pain and

allow for some pleasure. But postpartum when she resumed these

treatments, she started feeling itching and numbness. Thanks to some

of your advice (particularly Chelle, I believe), she accepted that the

itching may be a sign of healing. But the numbness and psychological

trauma from past pain were enough to bring about another period of

intimacy avoidance.

Late last week she spent time with our therapist who encouraged her to

make genital massage a private exercise--not necessarily even

masturbation--to encourage bloodflow and promote healing. Of course,

if the bio-feedback is positive, then masturbation is fine as well.

She agreed to try it, despite not being " in the mood. "

So I made a deal with her, one which I hope you might either borrow or

modify, if it can help you. She loves having her hair stroked and so

I promised to play with her hair and only her hair if she would

practice the therapy our counselor prescribed. It worked. And we now

have a new technique for pleasuring my wife that can't fail, because

its not about sex.