Vulvodynia and Vulvovaginal Lichen Planus

[Guest guest]

Hi, I'm 20 years old, and have just (about 10 days ago) been diagnosed

with Vulvodynia and Lichen Planus. The Vulvodynia I've known about, at

least peripherally from personal research, for a while, (I was 16 when

I realized that my body wasn't responding right to being touched, and

any sort of penetration hurt, which was confirmed when I lost my

virginity a year later, and sex didnt stop hurting after the first few

times....and it still hasn't.) The LP was a total shock.

I don't think I have any lesions, but I already have structural

changes, shadowing, and scar tissue where my inner labia are

disappearing. I started a nightly regimen of Clobetasol, as well as

Diflucan (because I'm in college, and far from my OB/GYN, so I'm

taking it just in case, even though I don't have a yeast infection). I

also have a prescription for Lidocaine, which i have tried to use in

the past for intercourse, but it was not as effective as I had hoped.

I'm not sexually active at this time, and I don't feel like I can be.

I am now experiencing a burning and itching during the day that I have

never experienced before, and I think it's a result of the Clobetasol.

After calling my doctor's office, I applied Lidocaine to stop the

burning, and the Lidocaine burned even worse...I was yelling...for

5-10 minutes, which I read is normal, but had never experienced before

(especially to that degree) while using it.

My biggest issues with these disorders are (other than the shock of

having LP, and knowing that the structural changes I have now can

never be reversed) an extremely diminished sex drive, or the desire to

be sexual in any way, and my fear of guys not wanting to be with me

because of these issues.

I know it's silly, and all of my friends have told me that there's

someone out there who's mature enough to be able to wait, and to be

able to accept me, these conditions and all, I don't really know if I

can believe them.

Being loved by someone romantically, while it would be nice, is not my

only concern. I am afraid of how my reactions to these conditions will

affect my schoolwork, my drive to go out and do things that i enjoy,

such as swing dancing, and my general quality of life.

Since I was diagnosed, thinking about the LP (and to a lesser extent,

the Vulvodynia, only because I feel like i have to treat the LP first)

has been all-pervasive. (I don't know if that's the right word. I mean

to say that the LP has been in my thoughts pretty much all day every

day, if not at the front of my brain, then in the periphery) I have

cried every day since my diagnosis. I would really like to not do that

anymore, but I guess it's part of the process of dealing with this.

What I'd like to know (there are a lot of things, but I'll start with

a few) is: Are there any methods that help get your mind off of the

shock of initial diagnosis (other than just giving it time) and how

does one begin to deal with such things? How do you talk about this

with potential partners (I mean people to date)? When do you talk

about this with someone you're dating (I realize that this is

case-by-case, but are there any good markers)? Do other people feel a

diminished self-worth, or like less of a woman? How do you begin to

deal with that? Is anyone else on here around 20?

I know this is a lot to read, but thank you for your time.