Guest guest Posted August 16, 2008 Report Share Posted August 16, 2008 Roxanne Mother is a difficult one. Do you have kids yourself? Sounds like your mother has a lot of physical problems but still mentally doing fine. If so, while not worrying her is one side of it, let me just offer, not pushing, the other. I can bet she feels somewhat useless at this point in her life. She can't do the things she once did that she felt made her a benefit to others and society. Many of us here feel that way sometimes. At her age, most everyone has some of those thoughts. My ex-wife's father worked to the age of 79 and when he had to stop he felt that a lot. Fortunately told him that he still had one most important thing of value to do and that was be her father. With him in his 80's, having had two hip and two knee replacements, she would still get in his lap. But she didn't just share good things. She shared problems at work or with friends and sought his advice. He always was a calming effect on her. So, think about what it means to your mother to still " mother " you. That includes it all. Might just take her mind a bit more off herself. She might even have good support advice from her experiences. If explained clearly she'd know your disease is much different from hers and not think it was her fault. I don't know if she has close friends or doctors you might discuss it with and get opinions from. I don't know a mother or father in the world who wouldn't want to know. Yes, you have rights to your privacy if you like. But, doesn't she have rights as a mother too? I know sometimes we start thinking of one as an 85 year old cancer survivor with health problems, instead of as our mother, our advisor, our supporter. > > Hi all, > > I'd like to weigh in on this discussion too. I know we all have preferences and reasons for doing it however we choose. I've gotten valuable information from you all regarding this issue but I still have a huge dilemma which I am facing and don't know how to handle it. > > I've told my 4 sisters, 2 brothers and 2 oldest nieces (who are grown and married). They are all sent updates each time I visit doctors and have tests. I've told the 3 people at work with whom I work the closest. My boss knows more than the other 2, but even she doesn't know all the details. It helps to have their support at work due to time off for drs appts etc. > > My dilemma is my mother. She's 85 years and not in the best health herself. She is a cancer survivor and 20 year sufferer of COPD and chronic bronchitis. I have told her that I have Sarcoid and that it is an inflammation which is causing all the coughing. I am scared to tell her any more for fear she will feel it's her fault and worry too much which could lead to further declining health for her. > > My sisters are split on this issue, the 2 oldest don't agree with me and the 2 youngest do. My feeling is that as I continue to decline, I may have no choice, but for right now I don't want to worry her needlessly. > > Roxanne, 58, South Carolina > 2006 Asthma/ PF > 2008 IPF/ Sarcoidosis/Gerd > Lady Slipper Orchid > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 16, 2008 Report Share Posted August 16, 2008 Roxanne... I personally think you are spot on! At her age, don't worry her needlessly. At her age, you may never need to tell her... You can always change your mind. MamaSher, age 70. IPF 3-06, OR. NasturtiumsDon't fret about tomorrow, God is already there! Whom to tell--when Hi all,I'd like to weigh in on this discussion too. I know we all have preferences and reasons for doing it however we choose. I've gotten valuable information from you all regarding this issue but I still have a huge dilemma which I am facing and don't know how to handle it. I've told my 4 sisters, 2 brothers and 2 oldest nieces (who are grown and married). They are all sent updates each time I visit doctors and have tests. I've told the 3 people at work with whom I work the closest. My boss knows more than the other 2, but even she doesn't know all the details. It helps to have their support at work due to time off for drs appts etc.My dilemma is my mother. She's 85 years and not in the best health herself. She is a cancer survivor and 20 year sufferer of COPD and chronic bronchitis. I have told her that I have Sarcoid and that it is an inflammation which is causing all the coughing. I am scared to tell her any more for fear she will feel it's her fault and worry too much which could lead to further declining health for her.My sisters are split on this issue, the 2 oldest don't agree with me and the 2 youngest do. My feeling is that as I continue to decline, I may have no choice, but for right now I don't want to worry her needlessly.Roxanne, 58, South Carolina2006 Asthma/ PF2008 IPF/ Sarcoidosis/GerdLady Slipper Orchid Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 16, 2008 Report Share Posted August 16, 2008 my mum is 82 and we told her it all. the last part only once. we didnt stress it. i think we kept too much from her over the years. mothers always know and i think she often felt left out when dramas were happening. older people have lived longer than us and often help out with their perspective. she only absorbed what she could handle. ie; i have dodgy lungs and need to pace myself. she has a bit of emphesema and it helps her to know that i understand how it feels to not be able to bend etc whilst others just can't. btw, i think its yr decision, not yr sisters though they are entitled to their opinion. the best thing about this group is everybody's different opinions pointing out things we have not considered. may > > Hi all, > > I'd like to weigh in on this discussion too. I know we all have preferences and reasons for doing it however we choose. I've gotten valuable information from you all regarding this issue but I still have a huge dilemma which I am facing and don't know how to handle it. > > I've told my 4 sisters, 2 brothers and 2 oldest nieces (who are grown and married). They are all sent updates each time I visit doctors and have tests. I've told the 3 people at work with whom I work the closest. My boss knows more than the other 2, but even she doesn't know all the details. It helps to have their support at work due to time off for drs appts etc. > > My dilemma is my mother. She's 85 years and not in the best health herself. She is a cancer survivor and 20 year sufferer of COPD and chronic bronchitis. I have told her that I have Sarcoid and that it is an inflammation which is causing all the coughing. I am scared to tell her any more for fear she will feel it's her fault and worry too much which could lead to further declining health for her. > > My sisters are split on this issue, the 2 oldest don't agree with me and the 2 youngest do. My feeling is that as I continue to decline, I may have no choice, but for right now I don't want to worry her needlessly. > > Roxanne, 58, South Carolina > 2006 Asthma/ PF > 2008 IPF/ Sarcoidosis/Gerd > Lady Slipper Orchid > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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