Re: Affection and acceptance

[Guest guest]

Wow! Where did all of that come from? Awesome!!!!! Should be copied

and posted on every fridge. Bethann rocks! Dang!!!! You go, GIRL!

Ruthie

>

> Many people with fibro (it seems to be one of the essential

aspects

> of those with the syndrome) acceptance and self esteem go hand in

> hand. There doesn't seem to be many of us who confidently stride

from

> the fog esteem intact.

>

> Many people here post about needing to get families or partners

> to " understand " , usually because the pain at having people you

love

> make comments, have unrealistic expectations, or simply say cruel

> thoughtless things is more than they can bear: they believe, they

> hope, that if only their families understood then they would offer

> the compassion, support and acceptance that would make things

better,

> and then finally they could accept themselves.

>

> The problem is though, that the kind of love people crave, and

need,

> is unconditional love, and that is not the kind of love that

depends

> so heavily on understanding as much as on being. If you need your

> family to understand how much you struggle, then they are truly

> missing the point- it doesn't matter if they understand or not- if

> they are loving you less, or supporting you less, or harassing you

> more, because you are suffering and need their love, then the

problem

> is in them and not you.

>

> There are those among us who have made our own beds with our

fmailies-

> years of complaints, vague miseries and such have made us appear

> hypochondriacs who are self centred and addicted to doctors; some

of

> us are both of those, but often not because we are not good

people,

> but because we have had no choice because it took so long to get

> anyone to believe how genuinely awful we feel so often so we could

> get help; it is because we wanted normal that we looked so

abnormal

> in other's eyes.

>

> Others however wear illness as a badge of honour, the ultimate

> justification for everything and the ultimate excuse; those people

> have more problems than fibro, and there really isn't much there

for

> them; they are here, but rare, and soon wander off anyway. These

> poeple enjoy being sick because it gives them power and authority,

> they think: we all have our moments of this, its normal, but

others

> seem to wallow in their misery like it's a jacuzzi.

>

> So, if your family is giving you grief instead of love, and this

is

> breaking your heart, take a step back: they are people, just like

> you, with their own problems, just like you, and you can't change

> them. If they aren't willing to give you benefit of the doubt, no

> amount of understanding is going to change them. They should love

and

> support you without a reason, without understanding and without

> anything else except that you are you. If they can't. its not your

> fault, and you need to accept that there is nothing you can do

about

> them until they want to- and the best way to have them want to is

> just simply to be happy yourself. When they see you happy, they

will

> poke their nose in and go. " ..You... are happy??? Uhm, can I be

here

> too with you? Happy? " that's honestly what happens. Pain, hurt and

> needs, even though justified, push people away, and happiness

brings

> them back.

>

> Perhaps it is time to not worry about them, to take care of

yourself,

> find happiness within yourself, accept your limits but keep hope

for

> your potential... and you may find that when you are happy with

you,

> many others, understanding or not, will be too.

>

> So many of you here reach out to others so selflessly, encouraging

> and trynig to fill that gap but you hurt so much yourself... don't

> measure you with someone else's yardstick: decide what a good

person

> is by your book, and be honest in your measure of yourself, and if

> you meet the criteria, then label you " good " , and love you, and

> accept you, and be happy, and work on being even happier.

>

> For those of you who are waiting for someone to accept you so you

can

> accept yourself, you will be waiting a long time wihtout success,

> because many people are incredibly selfish, cluless, and look for

> weaker, needier people to make themselves look good. Find it in

you

> to be happy with you- you don't need to be perfect to be worthy-

do

> you hurt people? Do you try the best you can to do the best you

can,

> even when its hard? Then learn to love you. Look how much so many

of

> us still manage to acheive, despite pain, all kinds of physical

> problems, sleeplessness and fatigue... and still, we love, we

> function, either in a wheelchair like me, or maybe on crutches, or

> maybe even just in bed- we don't give up. And because we don;t

know

> any other way, we judge ourselves not on fibro, but on the rest of

> the world- and then kick ourselves because we are not well. Like

we

> planned it this way?

>

> The only person we need to understand and accept us... is

ourselves.

>

> I find affirmations help:

> " I am not perfect, but perfect isn't acheivable anyway- I am a

good

> person,. with a loving heart, and that makes me a worthy and

lovable

> person "

>

> " I am not my disability or the obstacles it presents: I am

lovable,

> creative and capable "

>

>

> " I have courage and I am capable of being loved "

>

> " I am not fibro; my body may not be fit, but my heart, mind and

soul

> are unique, lovable, creative and just as good as anyone else "

>

> " I am a person, a unique individual, with faults, but also with

> strengths; I am loving, lovable and even though I struggle, I

never

> give up- this means that I am a person worthy of loving myself "

>

> You could if its your bag even do the religious ones

> " God made me, and I must be someone special because God makes us

in

> his image. " (Hard to imagine God with Fibro!)

>

> " God made me to be who I am, becuas ethis is who he needed me to

be:

> To give me such struggles and obstacles means I am someone with

> courage and strength, because he wouldnt have sent a weaker person

so

> much hard work. I must be very special and loved, because he

trusts

> me so much!)

>

> " God's pleasure is that I find joy and acceptance of the life he

has

> given me, by accepting the obstacles I face, without fear, and be

an

> emotionally healthy person with self-esteem, gentleness and peace

of

> mind and heart "

>

> " God made me this way: I am a good person, worthy of being loved,

> worthy of acceptance, and worthy of happiness " .

>

> " I accept who I am, warts and all, because I have faith that I am

who

> I am for a reason, and if God has made me with fibro, I am going

to

> cherish it as his gift and find joy daily in the life he has set

> before me. He doesn't give everyone such gifts!! "

>

> I know affirmations sound trite, but when you use them over and

over,

> you really really can start to feel the difference. Cheaper than

> vitamins, quicker than physiotherapy, and available on any

insurance

> plan, they can help you restore maybe not your pain levels, but

maybe

> your self-esteem and self-acceptance.

>

> You can always try " Please grant me the serenity to accept the

things

> I cannot change, the courage to change teh thigns I can, and the

> wisdom to know the difference " .

>

> If you cannot change those people in your life who do not

understand

> or accept you, then take what they say as although loving as

flawed,

> and don't let it affect who you are; you know the real truth about

> you- don't let anyone else try to tell you what you are worth.

>

> " I am a person worthy of happiness, love and good things; It is a

> good thing to love myself and have healthy self esteem- I am not

the

> person others may judge me to be as I know my heart better than

they

> do " .

>

> Bethann

>

> Just an afterthought- one last prayer a friend shared- I am pagan,

> but that doesn't mean I don;t believe in god. I just dress him

> differently than others might....

>

> " God, hold me up and take my hand

> give me peace, help me understand

> the path you have set out for me:

> light my way and set me free

> from needing others to set the way

> I need to live from day to day.

> Help me rise above my bones and skin

> and see my true self within;

> dont let me be judged by what others see

> keep my eyes on you, because you know the real me.

> I know you are there, I feel your touch

> and although some days, I can't do much

> everything I do, I do with love and care

> because I know you are with me there.

> When the days get hard, and I am so afraid

> remind me of the home you've made

> for me in your loving heart

> then help me tomorrow to make a fresh start

> and help me try a little harder

> and I will get a little farther.

> Ease my pain and sooth my fear

> Calm my heart and hold me near:

> I'm working hard to overcome

> the person I have started to become

> because of the pain, and problems I encounter

> I need medicine, and hospitals, nurses and doctors-

> please give them compassion, love and skill

> and help us fight this disease, if it is your will;

> Although with fibro, life can be tough-

> I struggle from day to day, it's true

> but I keep trying because fibro is a gift from you

> and for me, God, that's good enough. "

>