Guest guest Posted April 10, 2012 Report Share Posted April 10, 2012 Hi, my son is 6 and Autistic with PANDAS and debilitation OCD. He controls his Mom and Dad (me) using outbursts and mood changes. He is extremely loud and vocal. He is on anti-biotics, has three solid Dr.'s (recomended by Denis's list) and soon a fourth, tonsils come out in two weeks. I am extremely discouraged in my wife's inability to cope. I feel very sorry for her. The Dr.'s have said "Keep him extremely busy to keep the OCD down" which means trips to the park, playground, stores, which exacerbates his social deficiency and makes things seem worse. He is obsessed with playing games on the Ipad, which is both a blessing and a curse. My son is socially inept, although he looks like a normal kid. His life is the IPAD and his reward system hase become directly tied to and dependent on it. He is obsessed with winning IPDA game levels, is highly adpet at doing so, then he obsesss with us charging the battery so he can play next time. We are afraid to take the ipad away, for sanity sake. My son has been given medication to sleep which he has trouble with. I want to give my wife a break from the madness. I work 60 hours a week, just lost a house in foreclosure, moved to an apartment, and am a solid two year recovering aloholic. I am successful at my job but give my heart and soul to it to stay focused. At least once a month or more, my wife crys in dispair....(which is perhaps very bad PMS) often begging me to come home from work. Often I do...which makes me feel terrible and then I get stressed get angry inside, shut down or all of the above. My job needs me on the job, my wife needs me to be a better dad. I can NOT find a balance that makes HER happy. I am tremendosuly worried about her. My wife is on anti depresseants as am I. Please help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 10, 2012 Report Share Posted April 10, 2012 Would a part-time babysitter be an option? Maybe 2 afternoons a week to help her so all the responsibilities? I know financially it might be hard with all the therapy expenses, but it might save her sanity. Maybe a parent support group through one of the CARD centers? Does your insurance cover therapy for your wife? If so, she should talk to someone who can help her through this?Maybe she can find another local mom or two with kids on the spectrum for playmates and support? I think a lot of us can relate to being overwhelmed with it al sometimes.Sent from my iPhone Hi, my son is 6 and Autistic with PANDAS and debilitation OCD. He controls his Mom and Dad (me) using outbursts and mood changes. He is extremely loud and vocal. He is on anti-biotics, has three solid Dr.'s (recomended by Denis's list) and soon a fourth, tonsils come out in two weeks. I am extremely discouraged in my wife's inability to cope. I feel very sorry for her. The Dr.'s have said "Keep him extremely busy to keep the OCD down" which means trips to the park, playground, stores, which exacerbates his social deficiency and makes things seem worse. He is obsessed with playing games on the Ipad, which is both a blessing and a curse. My son is socially inept, although he looks like a normal kid. His life is the IPAD and his reward system hase become directly tied to and dependent on it. He is obsessed with winning IPDA game levels, is highly adpet at doing so, then he obsesss with us charging the battery so he can play next time. We are afraid to take the ipad away, for sanity sake. My son has been given medication to sleep which he has trouble with. I want to give my wife a break from the madness. I work 60 hours a week, just lost a house in foreclosure, moved to an apartment, and am a solid two year recovering aloholic. I am successful at my job but give my heart and soul to it to stay focused. At least once a month or more, my wife crys in dispair....(which is perhaps very bad PMS) often begging me to come home from work. Often I do...which makes me feel terrible and then I get stressed get angry inside, shut down or all of the above. My job needs me on the job, my wife needs me to be a better dad. I can NOT find a balance that makes HER happy. I am tremendosuly worried about her. My wife is on anti depresseants as am I. Please help. = Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 10, 2012 Report Share Posted April 10, 2012 > > Hi, my son is 6 and Autistic with PANDAS and debilitation OCD. He controls his Mom and Dad (me) using outbursts and mood changes. He is extremely loud and vocal. > > He is on anti-biotics, has three solid Dr.'s (recomended by Denis's list) and soon a fourth, tonsils come out in two weeks. I am extremely discouraged in my wife's inability to cope. I feel very sorry for her. The Dr.'s have said " Keep him extremely busy to keep the OCD down " which means trips to the park, playground, stores, which exacerbates his social deficiency and makes things seem worse. He is obsessed with playing games on the Ipad, which is both a blessing and a curse. My son is socially inept, although he looks like a normal kid. His life is the IPAD and his reward system hase become directly tied to and dependent on it. He is obsessed with winning IPDA game levels, is highly adpet at doing so, then he obsesss with us charging the battery so he can play next time. We are afraid to take the ipad away, for sanity sake. My son has been given medication to sleep which he has trouble with. > > I want to give my wife a break from the madness. I work 60 hours a week, just lost a house in foreclosure, moved to an apartment, and am a solid two year recovering aloholic. I am successful at my job but give my heart and soul to it to stay focused. At least once a month or more, my wife crys in dispair....(which is perhaps very bad PMS) often begging me to come home from work. Often I do...which makes me feel terrible and then I get stressed get angry inside, shut down or all of the above. My job needs me on the job, my wife needs me to be a better dad. I can NOT find a balance that makes HER happy. I am tremendosuly worried about her. My wife is on anti depresseants as am I. Please help. > Bobby, If I could recommend just one thing it would be this; Look into respite care, even just a few times a month. My husband and I make it a point to go out with each other about 2 x per month, and it has made all the difference. I hadn't realized how little we were connecting with each other until we started using respite. After awhile I noticed we were laughing and joking with each other more at home. And we enjoyed asking each other what we wanted to do the following weekend, checking the weekend section of the paper for things to do, etc. It gave us something fun to look forward to. And, it does NOT have to be anything expensive. Check your local ARC to see what respite is available in your area. Good for you for working hard to support your family. But take the time to take an afternoon or evening off to spend with your wife. YOU need it as much as she does. Take it from me, it can make a big difference. Good luck, Eileen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 10, 2012 Report Share Posted April 10, 2012 Hi Bobby, My son is also 6 years old with high-functioning autism. I have tried both private and group therapy and found the support group helpful. It sounds like your wife needs to talk to people in the same situation. There is a support group at the Dan Marino center in Weston the first Wed of every month. She can also call 211 and to ask for help and about resources. If she'd just like to chat, or if you want to chat call me (Jill) at 954 224-3766. To: "sList " <sList > Sent: Tuesday, April 10, 2012 9:30 AMSubject: Worried About my Wife Hi, my son is 6 and Autistic with PANDAS and debilitation OCD. He controls his Mom and Dad (me) using outbursts and mood changes. He is extremely loud and vocal. He is on anti-biotics, has three solid Dr.'s (recomended by Denis's list) and soon a fourth, tonsils come out in two weeks. I am extremely discouraged in my wife's inability to cope. I feel very sorry for her. The Dr.'s have said "Keep him extremely busy to keep the OCD down" which means trips to the park, playground, stores, which exacerbates his social deficiency and makes things seem worse. He is obsessed with playing games on the Ipad, which is both a blessing and a curse. My son is socially inept, although he looks like a normal kid. His life is the IPAD and his reward system hase become directly tied to and dependent on it. He is obsessed with winning IPDA game levels, is highly adpet at doing so, then he obsesss with us charging the battery so he can play next time. We are afraid to take the ipad away, for sanity sake. My son has been given medication to sleep which he has trouble with. I want to give my wife a break from the madness. I work 60 hours a week, just lost a house in foreclosure, moved to an apartment, and am a solid two year recovering aloholic. I am successful at my job but give my heart and soul to it to stay focused. At least once a month or more, my wife crys in dispair....(which is perhaps very bad PMS) often begging me to come home from work. Often I do...which makes me feel terrible and then I get stressed get angry inside, shut down or all of the above. My job needs me on the job, my wife needs me to be a better dad. I can NOT find a balance that makes HER happy. I am tremendosuly worried about her. My wife is on anti depresseants as am I. Please help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 10, 2012 Report Share Posted April 10, 2012 You certainly have a lot on your plate. I commend you to be worried about your wife and not just yourself, and it looks like you are truly trying to be a good dad and husband and juggle your work resonsibility which I'm sure is needed to pay the bills. I was not as fortunate with my ex husband who left 3 months after my child was diagnosed with ASD. Here's a couple of ideas, look into respite. Broward Childrens Center has a great program, and I believe there are others as well. The fees are reasonable and use this time for you and your wife to go out enjoy some quiet time together (movie or dinner or whatever it is you liked to do before you had your child.) Also, your wife may need some "me" time, on the weekends work out a schedule between you and her that you will stay home with your child while she can have some me time and vice versa, as you need a break as well. Also, you mentioned that you son has been given medication to help sleep, what about medication to help with the OCD and mood swings. No on here enjoys giving their kids meds, but in some cases it can make a world of difference and make life so much easier for all. Have you looked into that? Lastly, try marriage counseling. Hope this info helps. Good luck to you all! AP Subject: Worried About my WifeTo: "sList " <sList >Date: Tuesday, April 10, 2012, 9:30 AM Hi, my son is 6 and Autistic with PANDAS and debilitation OCD. He controls his Mom and Dad (me) using outbursts and mood changes. He is extremely loud and vocal. He is on anti-biotics, has three solid Dr.'s (recomended by Denis's list) and soon a fourth, tonsils come out in two weeks. I am extremely discouraged in my wife's inability to cope. I feel very sorry for her. The Dr.'s have said "Keep him extremely busy to keep the OCD down" which means trips to the park, playground, stores, which exacerbates his social deficiency and makes things seem worse. He is obsessed with playing games on the Ipad, which is both a blessing and a curse. My son is socially inept, although he looks like a normal kid. His life is the IPAD and his reward system hase become directly tied to and dependent on it. He is obsessed with winning IPDA game levels, is highly adpet at doing so, then he obsesss with us charging the battery so he can play next time. We are afraid to take the ipad away, for sanity sake. My son has been given medication to sleep which he has trouble with. I want to give my wife a break from the madness. I work 60 hours a week, just lost a house in foreclosure, moved to an apartment, and am a solid two year recovering aloholic. I am successful at my job but give my heart and soul to it to stay focused. At least once a month or more, my wife crys in dispair....(which is perhaps very bad PMS) often begging me to come home from work. Often I do...which makes me feel terrible and then I get stressed get angry inside, shut down or all of the above. My job needs me on the job, my wife needs me to be a better dad. I can NOT find a balance that makes HER happy. I am tremendosuly worried about her. My wife is on anti depresseants as am I. Please help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 10, 2012 Report Share Posted April 10, 2012 I know a therapist who could probably help. She is in west Pembroke Pines. You do need to focus on your job. I just wanted you and your wife to know that it could be worse. My son is 12 and still in diapers and does not talk.He does not comprehend much at all. He eats everything. Throws fits and so on and so on. I wish he could play games. he doesn't have any idea how to do that. I am not trying to minimize your situation. I know it is extremely difficult.I can forward this note to the therapist if you like. Your insurance should pay for it. I will write back after I talk to her. T. Hi, my son is 6 and Autistic with PANDAS and debilitation OCD. He controls his Mom and Dad (me) using outbursts and mood changes. He is extremely loud and vocal. He is on anti-biotics, has three solid Dr.'s (recomended by Denis's list) and soon a fourth, tonsils come out in two weeks. I am extremely discouraged in my wife's inability to cope. I feel very sorry for her. The Dr.'s have said "Keep him extremely busy to keep the OCD down" which means trips to the park, playground, stores, which exacerbates his social deficiency and makes things seem worse. He is obsessed with playing games on the Ipad, which is both a blessing and a curse. My son is socially inept, although he looks like a normal kid. His life is the IPAD and his reward system hase become directly tied to and dependent on it. He is obsessed with winning IPDA game levels, is highly adpet at doing so, then he obsesss with us charging the battery so he can play next time. We are afraid to take the ipad away, for sanity sake. My son has been given medication to sleep which he has trouble with. I want to give my wife a break from the madness. I work 60 hours a week, just lost a house in foreclosure, moved to an apartment, and am a solid two year recovering aloholic. I am successful at my job but give my heart and soul to it to stay focused. At least once a month or more, my wife crys in dispair....(which is perhaps very bad PMS) often begging me to come home from work. Often I do...which makes me feel terrible and then I get stressed get angry inside, shut down or all of the above. My job needs me on the job, my wife needs me to be a better dad. I can NOT find a balance that makes HER happy. I am tremendosuly worried about her. My wife is on anti depresseants as am I. Please help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 10, 2012 Report Share Posted April 10, 2012 Call ARC 954 746-9400. Ask for Respite Services for your son. Maybe some Counseling for your wife. You have to ask for help. To: "sList " <sList > Sent: Tuesday, April 10, 2012 9:30 AMSubject: Worried About my Wife Hi, my son is 6 and Autistic with PANDAS and debilitation OCD. He controls his Mom and Dad (me) using outbursts and mood changes. He is extremely loud and vocal. He is on anti-biotics, has three solid Dr.'s (recomended by Denis's list) and soon a fourth, tonsils come out in two weeks. I am extremely discouraged in my wife's inability to cope. I feel very sorry for her. The Dr.'s have said "Keep him extremely busy to keep the OCD down" which means trips to the park, playground, stores, which exacerbates his social deficiency and makes things seem worse. He is obsessed with playing games on the Ipad, which is both a blessing and a curse. My son is socially inept, although he looks like a normal kid. His life is the IPAD and his reward system hase become directly tied to and dependent on it. He is obsessed with winning IPDA game levels, is highly adpet at doing so, then he obsesss with us charging the battery so he can play next time. We are afraid to take the ipad away, for sanity sake. My son has been given medication to sleep which he has trouble with. I want to give my wife a break from the madness. I work 60 hours a week, just lost a house in foreclosure, moved to an apartment, and am a solid two year recovering aloholic. I am successful at my job but give my heart and soul to it to stay focused. At least once a month or more, my wife crys in dispair....(which is perhaps very bad PMS) often begging me to come home from work. Often I do...which makes me feel terrible and then I get stressed get angry inside, shut down or all of the above. My job needs me on the job, my wife needs me to be a better dad. I can NOT find a balance that makes HER happy. I am tremendosuly worried about her. My wife is on anti depresseants as am I. Please help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 10, 2012 Report Share Posted April 10, 2012 I would without question highly recommend you get a therapist for your wife whom you can also attend on occasion. That professional guidance will be a huge help, it will help center things and provide a direction for you guys. Clara To: sList Sent: Tuesday, April 10, 2012 10:22:43 AMSubject: Re: Worried About my Wife Would a part-time babysitter be an option? Maybe 2 afternoons a week to help her so all the responsibilities? I know financially it might be hard with all the therapy expenses, but it might save her sanity. Maybe a parent support group through one of the CARD centers? Does your insurance cover therapy for your wife? If so, she should talk to someone who can help her through this? Maybe she can find another local mom or two with kids on the spectrum for playmates and support? I think a lot of us can relate to being overwhelmed with it al sometimes. Sent from my iPhone Hi, my son is 6 and Autistic with PANDAS and debilitation OCD. He controls his Mom and Dad (me) using outbursts and mood changes. He is extremely loud and vocal. He is on anti-biotics, has three solid Dr.'s (recomended by Denis's list) and soon a fourth, tonsils come out in two weeks. I am extremely discouraged in my wife's inability to cope. I feel very sorry for her. The Dr.'s have said "Keep him extremely busy to keep the OCD down" which means trips to the park, playground, stores, which exacerbates his social deficiency and makes things seem worse. He is obsessed with playing games on the Ipad, which is both a blessing and a curse. My son is socially inept, although he looks like a normal kid. His life is the IPAD and his reward system hase become directly tied to and dependent on it. He is obsessed with winning IPDA game levels, is highly adpet at doing so, then he obsesss with us charging the battery so he can play next time. We are afraid to take the ipad away, for sanity sake. My son has been given medication to sleep which he has trouble with. I want to give my wife a break from the madness. I work 60 hours a week, just lost a house in foreclosure, moved to an apartment, and am a solid two year recovering aloholic. I am successful at my job but give my heart and soul to it to stay focused. At least once a month or more, my wife crys in dispair....(which is perhaps very bad PMS) often begging me to come home from work. Often I do...which makes me feel terrible and then I get stressed get angry inside, shut down or all of the above. My job needs me on the job, my wife needs me to be a better dad. I can NOT find a balance that makes HER happy. I am tremendosuly worried about her. My wife is on anti depresseants as am I. Please help. = Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 10, 2012 Report Share Posted April 10, 2012 Have you looked into any respite programs? These give families the opportunity to take a break. Adriene Fern M.S.E.Advocacy Managementwww.sofladvocacy.comfacebook: advocacy management To: "sList " <sList > Sent: Tuesday, April 10, 2012 9:30 AM Subject: Worried About my Wife Hi, my son is 6 and Autistic with PANDAS and debilitation OCD. He controls his Mom and Dad (me) using outbursts and mood changes. He is extremely loud and vocal. He is on anti-biotics, has three solid Dr.'s (recomended by Denis's list) and soon a fourth, tonsils come out in two weeks. I am extremely discouraged in my wife's inability to cope. I feel very sorry for her. The Dr.'s have said "Keep him extremely busy to keep the OCD down" which means trips to the park, playground, stores, which exacerbates his social deficiency and makes things seem worse. He is obsessed with playing games on the Ipad, which is both a blessing and a curse. My son is socially inept, although he looks like a normal kid. His life is the IPAD and his reward system hase become directly tied to and dependent on it. He is obsessed with winning IPDA game levels, is highly adpet at doing so, then he obsesss with us charging the battery so he can play next time. We are afraid to take the ipad away, for sanity sake. My son has been given medication to sleep which he has trouble with. I want to give my wife a break from the madness. I work 60 hours a week, just lost a house in foreclosure, moved to an apartment, and am a solid two year recovering aloholic. I am successful at my job but give my heart and soul to it to stay focused. At least once a month or more, my wife crys in dispair....(which is perhaps very bad PMS) often begging me to come home from work. Often I do...which makes me feel terrible and then I get stressed get angry inside, shut down or all of the above. My job needs me on the job, my wife needs me to be a better dad. I can NOT find a balance that makes HER happy. I am tremendosuly worried about her. My wife is on anti depresseants as am I. Please help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 10, 2012 Report Share Posted April 10, 2012 Try to get some respite thru an agency, ARC here in Palm Beach is providing me with 20 hours a month at no cost which is a blessing! Find a support group and keep connected with parents on same situation. " Hope for the Journey " conference is in April 21st in Broward County, there your wife and even you, will find encouragement. My son was also very into the I pad, I downloaded a timer application and we both set up different sounds for different timers (5 min, 10 min, 20 min, etc..) if he is really good at school he can play 20 minutes here and there, bad report, no I pad at all. I use it as a reinforcement, he can play with it with the alarm running on the background and if he does not bring it back to me when the alarms goes off, he will not play with it the rest of the day! It works, he brings it back to me every time, I ask him to help me do shores and then he can play 20 more minutes! It's coming to a point that some days he forgets about it completely. I have other options for him and keep him involve in cooking, laundry, washing the car, watering the plants, taking the recycle! All these activities help him with self regulation! Plus allow me to enjoy my 5 year old boy while doing my shores! Good luck > > Hi, my son is 6 and Autistic with PANDAS and debilitation OCD. He controls his Mom and Dad (me) using outbursts and mood changes. He is extremely loud and vocal. > > He is on anti-biotics, has three solid Dr.'s (recomended by Denis's list) and soon a fourth, tonsils come out in two weeks. I am extremely discouraged in my wife's inability to cope. I feel very sorry for her. The Dr.'s have said " Keep him extremely busy to keep the OCD down " which means trips to the park, playground, stores, which exacerbates his social deficiency and makes things seem worse. He is obsessed with playing games on the Ipad, which is both a blessing and a curse. My son is socially inept, although he looks like a normal kid. His life is the IPAD and his reward system hase become directly tied to and dependent on it. He is obsessed with winning IPDA game levels, is highly adpet at doing so, then he obsesss with us charging the battery so he can play next time. We are afraid to take the ipad away, for sanity sake. My son has been given medication to sleep which he has trouble with. > > I want to give my wife a break from the madness. I work 60 hours a week, just lost a house in foreclosure, moved to an apartment, and am a solid two year recovering aloholic. I am successful at my job but give my heart and soul to it to stay focused. At least once a month or more, my wife crys in dispair....(which is perhaps very bad PMS) often begging me to come home from work. Often I do...which makes me feel terrible and then I get stressed get angry inside, shut down or all of the above. My job needs me on the job, my wife needs me to be a better dad. I can NOT find a balance that makes HER happy. I am tremendosuly worried about her. My wife is on anti depresseants as am I. Please help. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 10, 2012 Report Share Posted April 10, 2012 I am so sorry things are so hard right now. My son is 11 not reading, seldom uses eating utensils, is video game obsessed has OCD, autism spectrum and anxiety disorder and is home schooled so I feel your pain. My husband works almost constantly and when he's home he is so tired he eats and goes to bed. My other son has had an emotional breakdown {he and Josh are 15 years apart} and since he usually played at least a small part of the father role that isn't happening. My mom moved in with us and she has Alzheimers and a parrot that scares the dog snot out of my son which makes him isolate even more. I think the thing that would make me feel better is for my husband to ask me how I'm doing, acknowledge that my life is not easy and remind me that he loves me and is there to talk. It would be awesome to be able to tell him the things I think and not be judged for it. I think the worst thing you can do would be to shut her out. If you pull together the load might not be so heavy. I don't know what kind of anti-depressant you are both on but the Dr can increase the dosage, add another medication or change what you are both on. I also take an anti-depressant and every once in a while I need a dosage adjustment. I live in St Lucie county but if you live close enough we could start a support group. If that's not possible give her my e-mail and we can support each other through that. I'll pray for you all. It has to get easier at some point doesn't it?Be strong....RhondaSubject: Worried About my WifeTo: "sList " <sList >Date: Tuesday, April 10, 2012, 9:30 AM Hi, my son is 6 and Autistic with PANDAS and debilitation OCD. He controls his Mom and Dad (me) using outbursts and mood changes. He is extremely loud and vocal. He is on anti-biotics, has three solid Dr.'s (recomended by Denis's list) and soon a fourth, tonsils come out in two weeks. I am extremely discouraged in my wife's inability to cope. I feel very sorry for her. The Dr.'s have said "Keep him extremely busy to keep the OCD down" which means trips to the park, playground, stores, which exacerbates his social deficiency and makes things seem worse. He is obsessed with playing games on the Ipad, which is both a blessing and a curse. My son is socially inept, although he looks like a normal kid. His life is the IPAD and his reward system hase become directly tied to and dependent on it. He is obsessed with winning IPDA game levels, is highly adpet at doing so, then he obsesss with us charging the battery so he can play next time. We are afraid to take the ipad away, for sanity sake. My son has been given medication to sleep which he has trouble with. I want to give my wife a break from the madness. I work 60 hours a week, just lost a house in foreclosure, moved to an apartment, and am a solid two year recovering aloholic. I am successful at my job but give my heart and soul to it to stay focused. At least once a month or more, my wife crys in dispair....(which is perhaps very bad PMS) often begging me to come home from work. Often I do...which makes me feel terrible and then I get stressed get angry inside, shut down or all of the above. My job needs me on the job, my wife needs me to be a better dad. I can NOT find a balance that makes HER happy. I am tremendosuly worried about her. My wife is on anti depresseants as am I. Please help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 10, 2012 Report Share Posted April 10, 2012 As all the others have advised, you do need to get help and it is out there. For Respite services here are some numbers: Broward Children's Center ARC Broward Also speak to Preston, Director of Children's Services United Cerebral Palsy (for children w all developmental disabilities) 954--584-7178 or JAFCO - Sachs or x118 2-1-1 First Call for Help SPEC (Support for Parents of Exceptional Children) which is a parent support group facilitated by the Autism Society of Broward Co. meets the first Wednesday of every month at the Dan Marino Center in Weston from 7 - 9pm. It is open to the public so you do not have to RSVP to attend. If I can help you with any additional information please call the Autism Society of Broward County at Robin Hi, my son is 6 and Autistic with PANDAS and debilitation OCD. He controls his Mom and Dad (me) using outbursts and mood changes. He is extremely loud and vocal. He is on anti-biotics, has three solid Dr.'s (recomended by Denis's list) and soon a fourth, tonsils come out in two weeks. I am extremely discouraged in my wife's inability to cope. I feel very sorry for her. The Dr.'s have said "Keep him extremely busy to keep the OCD down" which means trips to the park, playground, stores, which exacerbates his social deficiency and makes things seem worse. He is obsessed with playing games on the Ipad, which is both a blessing and a curse. My son is socially inept, although he looks like a normal kid. His life is the IPAD and his reward system hase become directly tied to and dependent on it. He is obsessed with winning IPDA game levels, is highly adpet at doing so, then he obsesss with us charging the battery so he can play next time. We are afraid to take the ipad away, for sanity sake. My son has been given medication to sleep which he has trouble with. I want to give my wife a break from the madness. I work 60 hours a week, just lost a house in foreclosure, moved to an apartment, and am a solid two year recovering aloholic. I am successful at my job but give my heart and soul to it to stay focused. At least once a month or more, my wife crys in dispair....(which is perhaps very bad PMS) often begging me to come home from work. Often I do...which makes me feel terrible and then I get stressed get angry inside, shut down or all of the above. My job needs me on the job, my wife needs me to be a better dad. I can NOT find a balance that makes HER happy. I am tremendosuly worried about her. My wife is on anti depresseants as am I. Please help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 10, 2012 Report Share Posted April 10, 2012 I can only speak from my own experience, but I too have felt like I could no longer "deal" many, many times. ARC offers counseling to parents of children on the spectrum, which I personally, found invaluable. I have used respite, and that too is so very helpful. No one can do it all, and when you add special needs and demands on top of all life's typical challenges it makes for a very tough, demanding day to day existence. Many of us, including myself, are on antidepressants, which there is nothing wrong with (I would take Tylenol if I had a headache or Tums for an upset stomach). The hardest part is reaching out to help that is offered. The first step is always the hardest. Between counseling, respite, support groups (like SPEC), calling 211, and medication, hopefully you can help your wife get back to a place you both want her to be. It's so wonderful that you feel her pain and her needs. Good luck. To: sList Sent: Tuesday, April 10, 2012 10:41 AM Subject: Re: Worried About my Wife > > Hi, my son is 6 and Autistic with PANDAS and debilitation OCD. He controls his Mom and Dad (me) using outbursts and mood changes. He is extremely loud and vocal. > > He is on anti-biotics, has three solid Dr.'s (recomended by Denis's list) and soon a fourth, tonsils come out in two weeks. I am extremely discouraged in my wife's inability to cope. I feel very sorry for her. The Dr.'s have said "Keep him extremely busy to keep the OCD down" which means trips to the park, playground, stores, which exacerbates his social deficiency and makes things seem worse. He is obsessed with playing games on the Ipad, which is both a blessing and a curse. My son is socially inept, although he looks like a normal kid. His life is the IPAD and his reward system hase become directly tied to and dependent on it. He is obsessed with winning IPDA game levels, is highly adpet at doing so, then he obsesss with us charging the battery so he can play next time. We are afraid to take the ipad away, for sanity sake. My son has been given medication to sleep which he has trouble with. > > I want to give my wife a break from the madness. I work 60 hours a week, just lost a house in foreclosure, moved to an apartment, and am a solid two year recovering aloholic. I am successful at my job but give my heart and soul to it to stay focused. At least once a month or more, my wife crys in dispair....(which is perhaps very bad PMS) often begging me to come home from work. Often I do...which makes me feel terrible and then I get stressed get angry inside, shut down or all of the above. My job needs me on the job, my wife needs me to be a better dad. I can NOT find a balance that makes HER happy. I am tremendosuly worried about her. My wife is on anti depresseants as am I. Please help. > Bobby, If I could recommend just one thing it would be this; Look into respite care, even just a few times a month. My husband and I make it a point to go out with each other about 2 x per month, and it has made all the difference. I hadn't realized how little we were connecting with each other until we started using respite. After awhile I noticed we were laughing and joking with each other more at home. And we enjoyed asking each other what we wanted to do the following weekend, checking the weekend section of the paper for things to do, etc. It gave us something fun to look forward to. And, it does NOT have to be anything expensive. Check your local ARC to see what respite is available in your area. Good for you for working hard to support your family. But take the time to take an afternoon or evening off to spend with your wife. YOU need it as much as she does. Take it from me, it can make a big difference. Good luck, Eileen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 10, 2012 Report Share Posted April 10, 2012 I'm not sure how to respond to this but I will try. The phrase " I am extremely discouraged in my wife's inability to cope " really struck me in a bad way. I hope that I am interpreting that phrase incorrectly and its just frustration at the situation. We all have different coping skills and different abilities. As a single mom, I know how hard it is to be the sole care-giver. I welcome the time I am at work because that part of my life is much easier to control than the rest. My daughter has Asperger's, OCD and ADHD. She can be very aggressive and has been hospitalized many times. When I first started taking her to therapy, her psychologist helped me establish the rules of the house. They are in writing (my daughter is very high functioning) but they could also be displayed in pictures if needed. The rules never change. We do not have any power struggles over the rules, but when she does not follow the rules, she does not get the rewards that she values. That works for her, but there are many other ways to set rules and provide rewards. A good therapist should be able to help you develop the rules that work for your family. The most important thing with any rules is consistency. Avoiding power struggles is also important... It has taken me a long time to realize that I cannot MAKE my daughter do anything... she has to want to do it. Staying calm when she starts to get upset has had an immediate positive impact on her behavior. OCD needs to be treated in a very specific way with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. There are psychologists who specialize in this type of treatment. Check out the OCD Foundation (ocfoundation.org) for parent resources and finding a treatment specialist. I can share with you from experience that, giving in to the compulsive behaviours only makes them stronger. There are also very effective medications available to help with OCD and you may want to discuss this with a psychiatrist. My daughter went to a camp last summer for children with Asperger's and ADHD. The behaviorist at the camp described computer games as " crack " for our children and went on to described the increase in seratonin that winning a computer games causes in the brain and the addictive nature of that kind of chemical reaction. They discourage all computer games and prefer parents to have the children play outside (sort of like we were raised back in the day!). I know there are many apps now to assist children with autism, so there should be a balance between using computers and other activities. With my daughter, the computer causes constant trouble. She has a terrible time transitioning off the computer at home and at school. While getting control over the computer or IPAD may be difficult at first, it should make life more peaceful in the long run. There is so much stress when dealing with a child with special needs. Anti-depressants help with some of the symptoms, but they don't deal with the underlying causes. Therapy is a great way to help with the stress and the resentment that often result from dealing with a special needs child. I know, you already don't have time for that or maybe it will cost more money and you are struggling as it is. But, it sounds like you and your wife would benefit by participating in family therapy and maybe individual therapy. It has taken me years to realize that, yes, I need time for myself and that it makes me a better parent. The previous post suggests a baby sitter. It sounds like getting some respite time would be very helpful for both you and your wife. Good luck. Would a part-time babysitter be an option? Maybe 2 afternoons a week to help her so all the responsibilities? I know financially it might be hard with all the therapy expenses, but it might save her sanity. Maybe a parent support group through one of the CARD centers? Does your insurance cover therapy for your wife? If so, she should talk to someone who can help her through this? Maybe she can find another local mom or two with kids on the spectrum for playmates and support? I think a lot of us can relate to being overwhelmed with it al sometimes. Sent from my iPhone Hi, my son is 6 and Autistic with PANDAS and debilitation OCD. He controls his Mom and Dad (me) using outbursts and mood changes. He is extremely loud and vocal. He is on anti-biotics, has three solid Dr.'s (recomended by Denis's list) and soon a fourth, tonsils come out in two weeks. I am extremely discouraged in my wife's inability to cope. I feel very sorry for her. The Dr.'s have said " Keep him extremely busy to keep the OCD down " which means trips to the park, playground, stores, which exacerbates his social deficiency and makes things seem worse. He is obsessed with playing games on the Ipad, which is both a blessing and a curse. My son is socially inept, although he looks like a normal kid. His life is the IPAD and his reward system hase become directly tied to and dependent on it. He is obsessed with winning IPDA game levels, is highly adpet at doing so, then he obsesss with us charging the battery so he can play next time. We are afraid to take the ipad away, for sanity sake. My son has been given medication to sleep which he has trouble with. I want to give my wife a break from the madness. I work 60 hours a week, just lost a house in foreclosure, moved to an apartment, and am a solid two year recovering aloholic. I am successful at my job but give my heart and soul to it to stay focused. At least once a month or more, my wife crys in dispair....(which is perhaps very bad PMS) often begging me to come home from work. Often I do...which makes me feel terrible and then I get stressed get angry inside, shut down or all of the above. My job needs me on the job, my wife needs me to be a better dad. I can NOT find a balance that makes HER happy. I am tremendosuly worried about her. My wife is on anti depresseants as am I. Please help. = -- Have a lovely day! Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 10, 2012 Report Share Posted April 10, 2012 Thanks for all the help. We have applied to and/or tried many of the support groups provided to us. The information is supportive in at least we know we are doing all we can in the right direction. You are all tremendous people. I do have clarity on one, key point: I now see that winning an IPAD game is addictive for my son and I belive my son will inhereit my addictive family legacy. My male family tradition was to use Alcohol "to win our game". We won many games, only to lose the war, but I am definately winning battles against addiction every single day. Clearly, I remember picking up a bottle in my teens to "calm me down / boost me up"... I know WINNING at the IPAD must feel the same for my son. But just like Alcohol, when you lose, the GAME IS OVER. At 47 years old I learned that....he's only six. He needs to start learning this..for good. If it goes on like this I truly believe he will be headed for "IPADICS-ANONYMUS ". That would be a very good thing So, we need to rethink the use of the IPAD. It makes him happy, its makes him sad, it makes him learn... while it glazes him over. When I was a kid I played baseball outside, no computer games...but look what happened to me! So, I don't know what to think. I think it is way too much information for a 6 year old and I believe certain app developers are luring our children away from us slowly but surely. For example...There was a free app of a penquin flying over mountains. Lots a fun until a "Bear" pops up at the bottom of the screen. If the Bear gets to "a wall" before the Penquin reaches his goal , you lose, no matter how graceful your menuevers or non-autistic you are. My son was hysterical about this Bear and it was killing his fun and disrupting or lives. But there's an app for everythuing right? Guess how much the app update is to get rid of the Bear? $20! And guess what, WE BOUGHT IT. We felt we had to. I felt a great distrust in all things APP Thank you To: sList Sent: Tuesday, April 10, 2012 3:08 PMSubject: Re: Worried About my Wife I'm not sure how to respond to this but I will try. The phrase "I am extremely discouraged in my wife's inability to cope" really struck me in a bad way. I hope that I am interpreting that phrase incorrectly and its just frustration at the situation. We all have different coping skills and different abilities. As a single mom, I know how hard it is to be the sole care-giver. I welcome the time I am at work because that part of my life is much easier to control than the rest. My daughter has Asperger's, OCD and ADHD. She can be very aggressive and has been hospitalized many times. When I first started taking her to therapy, her psychologist helped me establish the rules of the house. They are in writing (my daughter is very high functioning) but they could also be displayed in pictures if needed. The rules never change. We do not have any power struggles over the rules, but when she does not follow the rules, she does not get the rewards that she values. That works for her, but there are many other ways to set rules and provide rewards. A good therapist should be able to help you develop the rules that work for your family. The most important thing with any rules is consistency. Avoiding power struggles is also important... It has taken me a long time to realize that I cannot MAKE my daughter do anything... she has to want to do it. Staying calm when she starts to get upset has had an immediate positive impact on her behavior. OCD needs to be treated in a very specific way with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. There are psychologists who specialize in this type of treatment. Check out the OCD Foundation (ocfoundation.org) for parent resources and finding a treatment specialist. I can share with you from experience that, giving in to the compulsive behaviours only makes them stronger. There are also very effective medications available to help with OCD and you may want to discuss this with a psychiatrist. My daughter went to a camp last summer for children with Asperger's and ADHD. The behaviorist at the camp described computer games as "crack" for our children and went on to described the increase in seratonin that winning a computer games causes in the brain and the addictive nature of that kind of chemical reaction. They discourage all computer games and prefer parents to have the children play outside (sort of like we were raised back in the day!). I know there are many apps now to assist children with autism, so there should be a balance between using computers and other activities. With my daughter, the computer causes constant trouble. She has a terrible time transitioning off the computer at home and at school. While getting control over the computer or IPAD may be difficult at first, it should make life more peaceful in the long run. There is so much stress when dealing with a child with special needs. Anti-depressants help with some of the symptoms, but they don't deal with the underlying causes. Therapy is a great way to help with the stress and the resentment that often result from dealing with a special needs child. I know, you already don't have time for that or maybe it will cost more money and you are struggling as it is. But, it sounds like you and your wife would benefit by participating in family therapy and maybe individual therapy. It has taken me years to realize that, yes, I need time for myself and that it makes me a better parent. The previous post suggests a baby sitter. It sounds like getting some respite time would be very helpful for both you and your wife. Good luck. Would a part-time babysitter be an option? Maybe 2 afternoons a week to help her so all the responsibilities? I know financially it might be hard with all the therapy expenses, but it might save her sanity. Maybe a parent support group through one of the CARD centers? Does your insurance cover therapy for your wife? If so, she should talk to someone who can help her through this? Maybe she can find another local mom or two with kids on the spectrum for playmates and support? I think a lot of us can relate to being overwhelmed with it al sometimes. Sent from my iPhone Hi, my son is 6 and Autistic with PANDAS and debilitation OCD. He controls his Mom and Dad (me) using outbursts and mood changes. He is extremely loud and vocal. He is on anti-biotics, has three solid Dr.'s (recomended by Denis's list) and soon a fourth, tonsils come out in two weeks. I am extremely discouraged in my wife's inability to cope. I feel very sorry for her. The Dr.'s have said "Keep him extremely busy to keep the OCD down" which means trips to the park, playground, stores, which exacerbates his social deficiency and makes things seem worse. He is obsessed with playing games on the Ipad, which is both a blessing and a curse. My son is socially inept, although he looks like a normal kid. His life is the IPAD and his reward system hase become directly tied to and dependent on it. He is obsessed with winning IPDA game levels, is highly adpet at doing so, then he obsesss with us charging the battery so he can play next time. We are afraid to take the ipad away, for sanity sake. My son has been given medication to sleep which he has trouble with. I want to give my wife a break from the madness. I work 60 hours a week, just lost a house in foreclosure, moved to an apartment, and am a solid two year recovering aloholic. I am successful at my job but give my heart and soul to it to stay focused. At least once a month or more, my wife crys in dispair....(which is perhaps very bad PMS) often begging me to come home from work. Often I do...which makes me feel terrible and then I get stressed get angry inside, shut down or all of the above. My job needs me on the job, my wife needs me to be a better dad. I can NOT find a balance that makes HER happy. I am tremendosuly worried about her. My wife is on anti depresseants as am I. Please help. = -- Have a lovely day! Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 10, 2012 Report Share Posted April 10, 2012 Debilitating OCD is a side effect of PANDAS. Once you get the PANDAS under control the OCD should get back to manageable. If I were in your shoes here would be my list of to do's: Continue your treatments for the PANDASGet your son in an intensive ABA program, and when I say intensive I mean at least 15 to 20 hours a week. Make sure his IEP directly reflects his issues. He should be getting OT and speech and PT. Make sure they are addressing his OCD behaviors.Find a good DAN Dr. and follow the plan.Get therapy for your entire family and keep going until you are back on track.Look for respite care.Get your wife inspired that Autism is treatable! That glimmer of hope will keep her moving forward even when it is next to impossible to get out of bed. As parents of special needs kids we have to pursue immortality so we can be there for our kids-always! If she and you stay in this constant state of trauma then you will not be able to care for your child. Having a special needs child is a gift for God even if you don't realize it yet. Keep moving forward and pray a lot!!! The rest of us will be praying for you and lovingly pushing you in the right direction. THERE IS HOPE, AUTISM IS TREATABLE (notice I didn't use the word curable!) Re: Worried About my Wife > > Hi, my son is 6 and Autistic with PANDAS and debilitation OCD. He controls his Mom and Dad (me) using outbursts and mood changes. He is extremely loud and vocal. > > He is on anti-biotics, has three solid Dr.'s (recomended by Denis's list) and soon a fourth, tonsils come out in two weeks. I am extremely discouraged in my wife's inability to cope. I feel very sorry for her. The Dr.'s have said "Keep him extremely busy to keep the OCD down" which means trips to the park, playground, stores, which exacerbates his social deficiency and makes things seem worse. He is obsessed with playing games on the Ipad, which is both a blessing and a curse. My son is socially inept, although he looks like a normal kid. His life is the IPAD and his reward system hase become directly tied to and dependent on it. He is obsessed with winning IPDA game levels, is highly adpet at doing so, then he obsesss with us charging the battery so he can play next time. We are afraid to take the ipad away, for sanity sake. My son has been given medication to sleep which he has trouble with. > > I want to give my wife a break from the madness. I work 60 hours a week, just lost a house in foreclosure, moved to an apartment, and am a solid two year recovering aloholic. I am successful at my job but give my heart and soul to it to stay focused. At least once a month or more, my wife crys in dispair....(which is perhaps very bad PMS) often begging me to come home from work. Often I do...which makes me feel terrible and then I get stressed get angry inside, shut down or all of the above. My job needs me on the job, my wife needs me to be a better dad. I can NOT find a balance that makes HER happy. I am tremendosuly worried about her. My wife is on anti depresseants as am I. Please help. > Bobby, If I could recommend just one thing it would be this; Look into respite care, even just a few times a month. My husband and I make it a point to go out with each other about 2 x per month, and it has made all the difference. I hadn't realized how little we were connecting with each other until we started using respite. After awhile I noticed we were laughing and joking with each other more at home. And we enjoyed asking each other what we wanted to do the following weekend, checking the weekend section of the paper for things to do, etc. It gave us something fun to look forward to. And, it does NOT have to be anything expensive. Check your local ARC to see what respite is available in your area. Good for you for working hard to support your family. But take the time to take an afternoon or evening off to spend with your wife. YOU need it as much as she does. Take it from me, it can make a big difference. Good luck, Eileen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 11, 2012 Report Share Posted April 11, 2012 Please ask your wife to call me. We have a nine year old son who is hyper active, pinches, bites etc. Very frustrating but with patience and determination these levels has decreased. We use positive thinking, I jiggle running a business with over fifty staff, organize home, cook and all and still manage to stay sane.At the end of the day, we have to or our sakes and the kids. Hang in there.KadiSent from my iPad Hi, my son is 6 and Autistic with PANDAS and debilitation OCD. He controls his Mom and Dad (me) using outbursts and mood changes. He is extremely loud and vocal. He is on anti-biotics, has three solid Dr.'s (recomended by Denis's list) and soon a fourth, tonsils come out in two weeks. I am extremely discouraged in my wife's inability to cope. I feel very sorry for her. The Dr.'s have said "Keep him extremely busy to keep the OCD down" which means trips to the park, playground, stores, which exacerbates his social deficiency and makes things seem worse. He is obsessed with playing games on the Ipad, which is both a blessing and a curse. My son is socially inept, although he looks like a normal kid. His life is the IPAD and his reward system hase become directly tied to and dependent on it. He is obsessed with winning IPDA game levels, is highly adpet at doing so, then he obsesss with us charging the battery so he can play next time. We are afraid to take the ipad away, for sanity sake. My son has been given medication to sleep which he has trouble with. I want to give my wife a break from the madness. I work 60 hours a week, just lost a house in foreclosure, moved to an apartment, and am a solid two year recovering aloholic. I am successful at my job but give my heart and soul to it to stay focused. At least once a month or more, my wife crys in dispair....(which is perhaps very bad PMS) often begging me to come home from work. Often I do...which makes me feel terrible and then I get stressed get angry inside, shut down or all of the above. My job needs me on the job, my wife needs me to be a better dad. I can NOT find a balance that makes HER happy. I am tremendosuly worried about her. My wife is on anti depresseants as am I. Please help. = Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 11, 2012 Report Share Posted April 11, 2012 Any kid can get "addicted" to games, IPADs....my son who is PDD-NOS also displays what you mention here....the use of a timer has worked wonders w/this issue... but have to clearly explain about the timer, how it works, and that when it goes off he can finish the game he is doing and that is it....we give him about 40 min. at a time, with good breaks in between...just a thought. To: sList Sent: Tuesday, April 10, 2012 5:45:36 PMSubject: Re: Worried About my Wife Thanks for all the help. We have applied to and/or tried many of the support groups provided to us. The information is supportive in at least we know we are doing all we can in the right direction. You are all tremendous people. I do have clarity on one, key point: I now see that winning an IPAD game is addictive for my son and I belive my son will inhereit my addictive family legacy. My male family tradition was to use Alcohol "to win our game". We won many games, only to lose the war, but I am definately winning battles against addiction every single day. Clearly, I remember picking up a bottle in my teens to "calm me down / boost me up"... I know WINNING at the IPAD must feel the same for my son. But just like Alcohol, when you lose, the GAME IS OVER. At 47 years old I learned that....he's only six. He needs to start learning this..for good. If it goes on like this I truly believe he will be headed for "IPADICS-ANONYMUS ". That would be a very good thing So, we need to rethink the use of the IPAD. It makes him happy, its makes him sad, it makes him learn... while it glazes him over. When I was a kid I played baseball outside, no computer games...but look what happened to me! So, I don't know what to think. I think it is way too much information for a 6 year old and I believe certain app developers are luring our children away from us slowly but surely. For example...There was a free app of a penquin flying over mountains. Lots a fun until a "Bear" pops up at the bottom of the screen. If the Bear gets to "a wall" before the Penquin reaches his goal , you lose, no matter how graceful your menuevers or non-autistic you are. My son was hysterical about this Bear and it was killing his fun and disrupting or lives. But there's an app for everythuing right? Guess how much the app update is to get rid of the Bear? $20! And guess what, WE BOUGHT IT. We felt we had to. I felt a great distrust in all things APP Thank you To: sList Sent: Tuesday, April 10, 2012 3:08 PMSubject: Re: Worried About my Wife I'm not sure how to respond to this but I will try. The phrase "I am extremely discouraged in my wife's inability to cope" really struck me in a bad way. I hope that I am interpreting that phrase incorrectly and its just frustration at the situation. We all have different coping skills and different abilities. As a single mom, I know how hard it is to be the sole care-giver. I welcome the time I am at work because that part of my life is much easier to control than the rest. My daughter has Asperger's, OCD and ADHD. She can be very aggressive and has been hospitalized many times. When I first started taking her to therapy, her psychologist helped me establish the rules of the house. They are in writing (my daughter is very high functioning) but they could also be displayed in pictures if needed. The rules never change. We do not have any power struggles over the rules, but when she does not follow the rules, she does not get the rewards that she values. That works for her, but there are many other ways to set rules and provide rewards. A good therapist should be able to help you develop the rules that work for your family. The most important thing with any rules is consistency. Avoiding power struggles is also important... It has taken me a long time to realize that I cannot MAKE my daughter do anything... she has to want to do it. Staying calm when she starts to get upset has had an immediate positive impact on her behavior. OCD needs to be treated in a very specific way with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. There are psychologists who specialize in this type of treatment. Check out the OCD Foundation (ocfoundation.org) for parent resources and finding a treatment specialist. I can share with you from experience that, giving in to the compulsive behaviours only makes them stronger. There are also very effective medications available to help with OCD and you may want to discuss this with a psychiatrist. My daughter went to a camp last summer for children with Asperger's and ADHD. The behaviorist at the camp described computer games as "crack" for our children and went on to described the increase in seratonin that winning a computer games causes in the brain and the addictive nature of that kind of chemical reaction. They discourage all computer games and prefer parents to have the children play outside (sort of like we were raised back in the day!). I know there are many apps now to assist children with autism, so there should be a balance between using computers and other activities. With my daughter, the computer causes constant trouble. She has a terrible time transitioning off the computer at home and at school. While getting control over the computer or IPAD may be difficult at first, it should make life more peaceful in the long run. There is so much stress when dealing with a child with special needs. Anti-depressants help with some of the symptoms, but they don't deal with the underlying causes. Therapy is a great way to help with the stress and the resentment that often result from dealing with a special needs child. I know, you already don't have time for that or maybe it will cost more money and you are struggling as it is. But, it sounds like you and your wife would benefit by participating in family therapy and maybe individual therapy. It has taken me years to realize that, yes, I need time for myself and that it makes me a better parent. The previous post suggests a baby sitter. It sounds like getting some respite time would be very helpful for both you and your wife. Good luck. Would a part-time babysitter be an option? Maybe 2 afternoons a week to help her so all the responsibilities? I know financially it might be hard with all the therapy expenses, but it might save her sanity. Maybe a parent support group through one of the CARD centers? Does your insurance cover therapy for your wife? If so, she should talk to someone who can help her through this? Maybe she can find another local mom or two with kids on the spectrum for playmates and support? I think a lot of us can relate to being overwhelmed with it al sometimes. Sent from my iPhone Hi, my son is 6 and Autistic with PANDAS and debilitation OCD. He controls his Mom and Dad (me) using outbursts and mood changes. He is extremely loud and vocal. He is on anti-biotics, has three solid Dr.'s (recomended by Denis's list) and soon a fourth, tonsils come out in two weeks. I am extremely discouraged in my wife's inability to cope. I feel very sorry for her. The Dr.'s have said "Keep him extremely busy to keep the OCD down" which means trips to the park, playground, stores, which exacerbates his social deficiency and makes things seem worse. He is obsessed with playing games on the Ipad, which is both a blessing and a curse. My son is socially inept, although he looks like a normal kid. His life is the IPAD and his reward system hase become directly tied to and dependent on it. He is obsessed with winning IPDA game levels, is highly adpet at doing so, then he obsesss with us charging the battery so he can play next time. We are afraid to take the ipad away, for sanity sake. My son has been given medication to sleep which he has trouble with. I want to give my wife a break from the madness. I work 60 hours a week, just lost a house in foreclosure, moved to an apartment, and am a solid two year recovering aloholic. I am successful at my job but give my heart and soul to it to stay focused. At least once a month or more, my wife crys in dispair....(which is perhaps very bad PMS) often begging me to come home from work. Often I do...which makes me feel terrible and then I get stressed get angry inside, shut down or all of the above. My job needs me on the job, my wife needs me to be a better dad. I can NOT find a balance that makes HER happy. I am tremendosuly worried about her. My wife is on anti depresseants as am I. Please help. = -- Have a lovely day! Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 11, 2012 Report Share Posted April 11, 2012 I have used the ARC program too and it's called Parents as Teachers (PAT). > > > > Hi, my son is 6 and Autistic with PANDAS and debilitation OCD.  He controls his Mom and Dad (me) using outbursts and mood changes. He is extremely loud and vocal. > >  > > He is on anti-biotics, has three solid  Dr.'s (recomended by Denis's list) and soon a fourth, tonsils come out in two weeks. I am extremely discouraged in my wife's inability to cope.  I feel very sorry for her. The Dr.'s have said " Keep him extremely busy to keep the OCD down "  which means trips to the park, playground, stores, which exacerbates his social deficiency and makes things seem worse. He is obsessed with playing games on the Ipad, which is both a blessing and a curse. My son is socially inept, although he looks like a normal kid. His life is the IPAD and his reward system hase become directly tied to and dependent on it. He is obsessed with winning IPDA game levels, is highly adpet at doing so, then he obsesss with us charging the battery so he can play next time. We are afraid to take the ipad away, for sanity sake. My son has been given medication to sleep which he has trouble with. > >  > >  I want to give my wife a break from the madness. I work 60 hours a week, just lost a house in foreclosure, moved to an apartment, and am a solid two year recovering aloholic. I am successful at my job but give my heart and soul to it to stay focused. At least once a month or more, my wife crys in dispair....(which is perhaps very bad PMS) often begging me to come home from work. Often I do...which makes me feel terrible and then I get stressed get angry inside, shut down or all of the above. My job needs me on the job, my wife needs me to be a better dad. I can NOT find a balance that makes HER happy. I am tremendosuly worried about her. My wife is on anti depresseants as am I. Please help. > > > > Bobby, > > If I could recommend just one thing it would be this; Look into respite care, even just a few times a month. My husband and I make it a point to go out with each other about 2 x per month, and it has made all the difference. I hadn't realized how little we were connecting with each other until we started using respite. > > After awhile I noticed we were laughing and joking with each other more at home. > And we enjoyed asking each other what we wanted to do the following weekend, checking the weekend section of the paper for things to do, etc. It gave us something fun to look forward to. > And, it does NOT have to be anything expensive. > > Check your local ARC to see what respite is available in your area. > > Good for you for working hard to support your family. But take the time to take an afternoon or evening off to spend with your wife. YOU need it as much as she does. > > Take it from me, it can make a big difference. > > Good luck, > > Eileen > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 11, 2012 Report Share Posted April 11, 2012 Has anyone used? Pediatric Therpay Associtaes (PTA) Family Care Center in Plantation for Pediatic Occupational Therapy? Please let us know if its a good place THANKS To: sList Sent: Wednesday, April 11, 2012 3:09 PMSubject: Re: Worried About my Wife I have used the ARC program too and it's called Parents as Teachers (PAT). > >> > Hi, my son is 6 and Autistic with PANDAS and debilitation OCD.  He controls his Mom and Dad (me) using outbursts and mood changes. He is extremely loud and vocal. > >  > > He is on anti-biotics, has three solid  Dr.'s (recomended by Denis's list) and soon a fourth, tonsils come out in two weeks. I am extremely discouraged in my wife's inability to cope.  I feel very sorry for her. The Dr.'s have said "Keep him extremely busy to keep the OCD down" which means trips to the park, playground, stores, which exacerbates his social deficiency and makes things seem worse. He is obsessed with playing games on the Ipad, which is both a blessing and a curse. My son is socially inept, although he looks like a normal kid. His life is the IPAD and his reward system hase become directly tied to and dependent on it. He is obsessed with winning IPDA game levels, is highly adpet at doing so, then he obsesss with us charging the battery so he can play next time. We are afraid to take the ipad away, for sanity sake. My son has been given medication to sleep which he has trouble with.> >  > >  I want to give my wife a break from the madness. I work 60 hours a week, just lost a house in foreclosure, moved to an apartment, and am a solid two year recovering aloholic. I am successful at my job but give my heart and soul to it to stay focused. At least once a month or more, my wife crys in dispair....(which is perhaps very bad PMS) often begging me to come home from work. Often I do...which makes me feel terrible and then I get stressed get angry inside, shut down or all of the above. My job needs me on the job, my wife needs me to be a better dad. I can NOT find a balance that makes HER happy. I am tremendosuly worried about her. My wife is on anti depresseants as am I. Please help. > >> > Bobby,> > If I could recommend just one thing it would be this; Look into respite care, even just a few times a month. My husband and I make it a point to go out with each other about 2 x per month, and it has made all the difference. I hadn't realized how little we were connecting with each other until we started using respite.> > After awhile I noticed we were laughing and joking with each other more at home.> And we enjoyed asking each other what we wanted to do the following weekend, checking the weekend section of the paper for things to do, etc. It gave us something fun to look forward to.> And, it does NOT have to be anything expensive.> > Check your local ARC to see what respite is available in your area.> > Good for you for working hard to support your family. But take the time to take an afternoon or evening off to spend with your wife. YOU need it as much as she does.> > Take it from me, it can make a big difference.> > Good luck,> > Eileen> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 11, 2012 Report Share Posted April 11, 2012 The PAT program is excellent and designed specifically to deal with these types of issues. At times, we ALL need someone to lean on. Re: Worried About my Wife I have used the ARC program too and it's called Parents as Teachers (PAT). > > > > Hi, my son is 6 and Autistic with PANDAS and debilitation OCD.  He controls his Mom and Dad (me) using outbursts and mood changes. He is extremely loud and vocal. > >  > > He is on anti-biotics, has three solid  Dr.'s (recomended by Denis's list) and soon a fourth, tonsils come out in two weeks. I am extremely discouraged in my wife's inability to cope.  I feel very sorry for her. The Dr.'s have said "Keep him extremely busy to keep the OCD down" which means trips to the park, playground, stores, which exacerbates his social deficiency and makes things seem worse. He is obsessed with playing games on the Ipad, which is both a blessing and a curse. My son is socially inept, although he looks like a normal kid. His life is the IPAD and his reward system hase become directly tied to and dependent on it. He is obsessed with winning IPDA game levels, is highly adpet at doing so, then he obsesss with us charging the battery so he can play next time. We are afraid to take the ipad away, for sanity sake. My son has been given medication to sleep which he has trouble with. > >  > >  I want to give my wife a break from the madness. I work 60 hours a week, just lost a house in foreclosure, moved to an apartment, and am a solid two year recovering aloholic. I am successful at my job but give my heart and soul to it to stay focused. At least once a month or more, my wife crys in dispair....(which is perhaps very bad PMS) often begging me to come home from work. Often I do...which makes me feel terrible and then I get stressed get angry inside, shut down or all of the above. My job needs me on the job, my wife needs me to be a better dad. I can NOT find a balance that makes HER happy. I am tremendosuly worried about her. My wife is on anti depresseants as am I. Please help. > > > > Bobby, > > If I could recommend just one thing it would be this; Look into respite care, even just a few times a month. My husband and I make it a point to go out with each other about 2 x per month, and it has made all the difference. I hadn't realized how little we were connecting with each other until we started using respite. > > After awhile I noticed we were laughing and joking with each other more at home. > And we enjoyed asking each other what we wanted to do the following weekend, checking the weekend section of the paper for things to do, etc. It gave us something fun to look forward to. > And, it does NOT have to be anything expensive. > > Check your local ARC to see what respite is available in your area. > > Good for you for working hard to support your family. But take the time to take an afternoon or evening off to spend with your wife. YOU need it as much as she does. > > Take it from me, it can make a big difference. > > Good luck, > > Eileen > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 11, 2012 Report Share Posted April 11, 2012 We used them a few years ago. We mostly liked them, especially a physical therapist named Jen. I was really upset when the Speech Therapist just dropped completely us when school started. She told me she was going back to the school.... but she didn't tell me how it would really be. We were just dropped - they didn't put us in with anyone else for Speech. Back then some of those therapists would contract with the schools to provide therapy. You should definitely ask if that still happens and try to get in with someone who will be with you year round. Also, it wasn't very big and there weren't many private areas so the kids can see and hear each other. It was sometimes a problem because my son was so distractible.... but sometimes it was good because the therapists would have the kids do things together sometimes. My son met one of his best friends because of that kind of interaction in therapy at PTA. We saw good therapists at Easter Seals, too. Good luck. Has anyone used? Pediatric Therpay Associtaes (PTA) Family Care Center in Plantation for Pediatic Occupational Therapy? Please let us know if its a good place THANKS To: sList Sent: Wednesday, April 11, 2012 3:09 PMSubject: Re: Worried About my Wife I have used the ARC program too and it's called Parents as Teachers (PAT). > >> > Hi, my son is 6 and Autistic with PANDAS and debilitation OCD.  He controls his Mom and Dad (me) using outbursts and mood changes. He is extremely loud and vocal. > >  > > He is on anti-biotics, has three solid  Dr.'s (recomended by Denis's list) and soon a fourth, tonsils come out in two weeks. I am extremely discouraged in my wife's inability to cope.  I feel very sorry for her. The Dr.'s have said "Keep him extremely busy to keep the OCD down" which means trips to the park, playground, stores, which exacerbates his social deficiency and makes things seem worse. He is obsessed with playing games on the Ipad, which is both a blessing and a curse. My son is socially inept, although he looks like a normal kid. His life is the IPAD and his reward system hase become directly tied to and dependent on it. He is obsessed with winning IPDA game levels, is highly adpet at doing so, then he obsesss with us charging the battery so he can play next time. We are afraid to take the ipad away, for sanity sake. My son has been given medication to sleep which he has trouble with.> >  > >  I want to give my wife a break from the madness. I work 60 hours a week, just lost a house in foreclosure, moved to an apartment, and am a solid two year recovering aloholic. I am successful at my job but give my heart and soul to it to stay focused. At least once a month or more, my wife crys in dispair....(which is perhaps very bad PMS) often begging me to come home from work. Often I do...which makes me feel terrible and then I get stressed get angry inside, shut down or all of the above. My job needs me on the job, my wife needs me to be a better dad. I can NOT find a balance that makes HER happy. I am tremendosuly worried about her. My wife is on anti depresseants as am I. Please help. > >> > Bobby,> > If I could recommend just one thing it would be this; Look into respite care, even just a few times a month. My husband and I make it a point to go out with each other about 2 x per month, and it has made all the difference. I hadn't realized how little we were connecting with each other until we started using respite.> > After awhile I noticed we were laughing and joking with each other more at home.> And we enjoyed asking each other what we wanted to do the following weekend, checking the weekend section of the paper for things to do, etc. It gave us something fun to look forward to.> And, it does NOT have to be anything expensive.> > Check your local ARC to see what respite is available in your area.> > Good for you for working hard to support your family. But take the time to take an afternoon or evening off to spend with your wife. YOU need it as much as she does.> > Take it from me, it can make a big difference.> > Good luck,> > Eileen> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 11, 2012 Report Share Posted April 11, 2012 Bobby Please don't get totally negative regarding the iPad. It's really a wonderful tool when used appropriately. I think that perhaps the apps you have purchased may not be the best ones for him. There are over 400 apps out there that are specifically designed for kids with autism to learn a variety of skills. Sometimes the apps that are designed for neurotypical kids have some sort of built in graphic that causes our kids to stim or display OCD behaviors. We have had issues with computer programs like that for years which is why I have always recommended computer programs and now apps that are specifically created for special needs. If you happen to be in Orlando on May 26, the Florida Association of Speech-Language Pathologists and Audiologists is having a Community Day as part of their annual convention at the Lake Buena Vista Palace. One of the presentations (2:30pm) will be an iPad panel discussion (I'm the moderator) with 4 speech pathologists who will be answering all questions regarding the use of the iPad with individuals with developmental disabilities. If you need more info on this, please email me privately. Regarding your son's OCDs and your addictions. These are really two separate issues and the treatment for each one is entirely different. Please make sure that you get Jim the appropriate interventions that will deal with his specific issues. Herskowitz > > > > > > Hi, my son is 6 and Autistic with PANDAS and debilitation OCD.  He controls his Mom and Dad (me) using outbursts and mood changes. He is extremely loud and vocal. > > >  > > > He is on anti-biotics, has three solid  Dr.'s (recomended by Denis's list) and soon a fourth, tonsils come out in two weeks. I am extremely discouraged in my wife's inability to cope.  I feel very sorry for her. The Dr.'s have said " Keep him extremely busy to keep the OCD down "  which means trips to the park, playground, stores, which exacerbates his social deficiency and makes things seem worse. He is obsessed with playing games on the Ipad, which is both a blessing and a curse. My son is socially inept, although he looks like a normal kid. His life is the IPAD and his reward system hase become directly tied to and dependent on it. He is obsessed with winning IPDA game levels, is highly adpet at doing so, then he obsesss with us charging the battery so he can play next time. We are afraid to take the ipad away, for sanity sake. My son has been given medication to sleep which he has trouble with. > > >  > > >  I want to give my wife a break from the madness. I work 60 hours a week, just lost a house in foreclosure, moved to an apartment, and am a solid two year recovering aloholic. I am successful at my job but give my heart and soul to it to stay focused. At least once a month or more, my wife crys in dispair....(which is perhaps very bad PMS) often begging me to come home from work. Often I do...which makes me feel terrible and then I get stressed get angry inside, shut down or all of the above. My job needs me on the job, my wife needs me to be a better dad. I can NOT find a balance that makes HER happy. I am tremendosuly worried about her. My wife is on anti depresseants as am I. Please help. > > > > > > > Bobby, > > > > If I could recommend just one thing it would be this; Look into respite care, even just a few times a month. My husband and I make it a point to go out with each other about 2 x per month, and it has made all the difference. I hadn't realized how little we were connecting with each other until we started using respite. > > > > After awhile I noticed we were laughing and joking with each other more at home. > > And we enjoyed asking each other what we wanted to do the following weekend, checking the weekend section of the paper for things to do, etc. It gave us something fun to look forward to. > > And, it does NOT have to be anything expensive. > > > > Check your local ARC to see what respite is available in your area. > > > > Good for you for working hard to support your family. But take the time to take an afternoon or evening off to spend with your wife. YOU need it as much as she does. > > > > Take it from me, it can make a big difference. > > > > Good luck, > > > > Eileen > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 12, 2012 Report Share Posted April 12, 2012 Love them! To: sList Sent: Wednesday, April 11, 2012 5:46 PM Subject: Re: Re: Worried About my Wife We used them a few years ago. We mostly liked them, especially a physical therapist named Jen. I was really upset when the Speech Therapist just dropped completely us when school started. She told me she was going back to the school.... but she didn't tell me how it would really be. We were just dropped - they didn't put us in with anyone else for Speech. Back then some of those therapists would contract with the schools to provide therapy. You should definitely ask if that still happens and try to get in with someone who will be with you year round. Also, it wasn't very big and there weren't many private areas so the kids can see and hear each other. It was sometimes a problem because my son was so distractible.... but sometimes it was good because the therapists would have the kids do things together sometimes. My son met one of his best friends because of that kind of interaction in therapy at PTA. We saw good therapists at Easter Seals, too. Good luck. Has anyone used? Pediatric Therpay Associtaes (PTA) Family Care Center in Plantation for Pediatic Occupational Therapy? Please let us know if its a good place THANKS To: sList Sent: Wednesday, April 11, 2012 3:09 PMSubject: Re: Worried About my Wife I have used the ARC program too and it's called Parents as Teachers (PAT). > >> > Hi, my son is 6 and Autistic with PANDAS and debilitation OCD.  He controls his Mom and Dad (me) using outbursts and mood changes. He is extremely loud and vocal. > >  > > He is on anti-biotics, has three solid  Dr.'s (recomended by Denis's list) and soon a fourth, tonsils come out in two weeks. I am extremely discouraged in my wife's inability to cope.  I feel very sorry for her. The Dr.'s have said "Keep him extremely busy to keep the OCD down" which means trips to the park, playground, stores, which exacerbates his social deficiency and makes things seem worse. He is obsessed with playing games on the Ipad, which is both a blessing and a curse. My son is socially inept, although he looks like a normal kid. His life is the IPAD and his reward system hase become directly tied to and dependent on it. He is obsessed with winning IPDA game levels, is highly adpet at doing so, then he obsesss with us charging the battery so he can play next time. We are afraid to take the ipad away, for sanity sake. My son has been given medication to sleep which he has trouble with.> >  > >  I want to give my wife a break from the madness. I work 60 hours a week, just lost a house in foreclosure, moved to an apartment, and am a solid two year recovering aloholic. I am successful at my job but give my heart and soul to it to stay focused. At least once a month or more, my wife crys in dispair....(which is perhaps very bad PMS) often begging me to come home from work. Often I do...which makes me feel terrible and then I get stressed get angry inside, shut down or all of the above. My job needs me on the job, my wife needs me to be a better dad. I can NOT find a balance that makes HER happy. I am tremendosuly worried about her. My wife is on anti depresseants as am I. Please help. > >> > Bobby,> > If I could recommend just one thing it would be this; Look into respite care, even just a few times a month. My husband and I make it a point to go out with each other about 2 x per month, and it has made all the difference. I hadn't realized how little we were connecting with each other until we started using respite.> > After awhile I noticed we were laughing and joking with each other more at home.> And we enjoyed asking each other what we wanted to do the following weekend, checking the weekend section of the paper for things to do, etc. It gave us something fun to look forward to.> And, it does NOT have to be anything expensive.> > Check your local ARC to see what respite is available in your area.> > Good for you for working hard to support your family. But take the time to take an afternoon or evening off to spend with your wife. YOU need it as much as she does.> > Take it from me, it can make a big difference.> > Good luck,> > Eileen> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 12, 2012 Report Share Posted April 12, 2012 Love them! To: sList Sent: Wednesday, April 11, 2012 5:46 PM Subject: Re: Re: Worried About my Wife We used them a few years ago. We mostly liked them, especially a physical therapist named Jen. I was really upset when the Speech Therapist just dropped completely us when school started. She told me she was going back to the school.... but she didn't tell me how it would really be. We were just dropped - they didn't put us in with anyone else for Speech. Back then some of those therapists would contract with the schools to provide therapy. You should definitely ask if that still happens and try to get in with someone who will be with you year round. Also, it wasn't very big and there weren't many private areas so the kids can see and hear each other. It was sometimes a problem because my son was so distractible.... but sometimes it was good because the therapists would have the kids do things together sometimes. My son met one of his best friends because of that kind of interaction in therapy at PTA. We saw good therapists at Easter Seals, too. Good luck. Has anyone used? Pediatric Therpay Associtaes (PTA) Family Care Center in Plantation for Pediatic Occupational Therapy? Please let us know if its a good place THANKS To: sList Sent: Wednesday, April 11, 2012 3:09 PMSubject: Re: Worried About my Wife I have used the ARC program too and it's called Parents as Teachers (PAT). > >> > Hi, my son is 6 and Autistic with PANDAS and debilitation OCD.  He controls his Mom and Dad (me) using outbursts and mood changes. He is extremely loud and vocal. > >  > > He is on anti-biotics, has three solid  Dr.'s (recomended by Denis's list) and soon a fourth, tonsils come out in two weeks. I am extremely discouraged in my wife's inability to cope.  I feel very sorry for her. The Dr.'s have said "Keep him extremely busy to keep the OCD down" which means trips to the park, playground, stores, which exacerbates his social deficiency and makes things seem worse. He is obsessed with playing games on the Ipad, which is both a blessing and a curse. My son is socially inept, although he looks like a normal kid. His life is the IPAD and his reward system hase become directly tied to and dependent on it. He is obsessed with winning IPDA game levels, is highly adpet at doing so, then he obsesss with us charging the battery so he can play next time. We are afraid to take the ipad away, for sanity sake. My son has been given medication to sleep which he has trouble with.> >  > >  I want to give my wife a break from the madness. I work 60 hours a week, just lost a house in foreclosure, moved to an apartment, and am a solid two year recovering aloholic. I am successful at my job but give my heart and soul to it to stay focused. At least once a month or more, my wife crys in dispair....(which is perhaps very bad PMS) often begging me to come home from work. Often I do...which makes me feel terrible and then I get stressed get angry inside, shut down or all of the above. My job needs me on the job, my wife needs me to be a better dad. I can NOT find a balance that makes HER happy. I am tremendosuly worried about her. My wife is on anti depresseants as am I. Please help. > >> > Bobby,> > If I could recommend just one thing it would be this; Look into respite care, even just a few times a month. My husband and I make it a point to go out with each other about 2 x per month, and it has made all the difference. I hadn't realized how little we were connecting with each other until we started using respite.> > After awhile I noticed we were laughing and joking with each other more at home.> And we enjoyed asking each other what we wanted to do the following weekend, checking the weekend section of the paper for things to do, etc. It gave us something fun to look forward to.> And, it does NOT have to be anything expensive.> > Check your local ARC to see what respite is available in your area.> > Good for you for working hard to support your family. But take the time to take an afternoon or evening off to spend with your wife. YOU need it as much as she does.> > Take it from me, it can make a big difference.> > Good luck,> > Eileen> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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