iPhones, Games and the Addictive Experience

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I thought you would like this article from Psychology Today. Cut and paste the link in your browser. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/addiction-in-society/201204/iphones-games-and-the-addictive-experience I commend your openess and honesty in sharing. Check out my facebook page Advocacy Management for daily updates, resources and information in the autism community.Good Luck and Breathe...Adriene Fern M.S.E.Advocacy Managementwww.sofladvocay.comAdvocacy Management on Facebook To: "sList " <sList > Sent: Tuesday, April 10, 2012 5:45 PM Subject: Re: Worried About my Wife

Thanks for all the help. We have applied to and/or tried many of the support groups provided to us. The information is supportive in at least we know we are doing all we can in the right direction. You are all tremendous people.

I do have clarity on one, key point:

I now see that winning an IPAD game is addictive for my son and I belive my son will inhereit my addictive family legacy. My male family tradition was to use Alcohol "to win our game". We won many games, only to lose the war, but I am definately winning battles against addiction every single day.

Clearly, I remember picking up a bottle in my teens to "calm me down / boost me up"...

I know WINNING at the IPAD must feel the same for my son. But just like Alcohol, when you lose, the GAME IS OVER. At 47 years old I learned that....he's only six. He needs to start learning this..for good.

If it goes on like this I truly believe he will be headed for "IPADICS-ANONYMUS ". That would be a very good thing

So, we need to rethink the use of the IPAD. It makes him happy, its makes him sad, it makes him learn... while it glazes him over. When I was a kid I played baseball outside, no computer games...but look what happened to me! So, I don't know what to think. I think it is way too much information for a 6 year old and I believe certain app developers are luring our children away from us slowly but surely. For example...There was a free app of a penquin flying over mountains. Lots a fun until a "Bear" pops up at the bottom of the screen. If the Bear gets to "a wall" before the Penquin reaches his goal , you lose, no matter how graceful your menuevers or non-autistic you are. My son was hysterical about this Bear and it was killing his fun and disrupting or lives. But there's an app for everythuing right? Guess how much the app update

is to get rid of the Bear? $20! And guess what, WE BOUGHT IT. We felt we had to. I felt a great distrust in all things APP

Thank you

To: sList Sent: Tuesday, April 10, 2012 3:08 PMSubject: Re: Worried About my Wife

I'm not sure how to respond to this but I will try.

The phrase "I am extremely discouraged in my wife's inability to cope" really struck me in a bad way. I hope that I am interpreting that phrase incorrectly and its just frustration at the situation. We all have different coping skills and different abilities. As a single mom, I know how hard it is to be the sole care-giver. I welcome the time I am at work because that part of my life is much easier to control than the rest.

My daughter has Asperger's, OCD and ADHD. She can be very aggressive and has been hospitalized many times.

When I first started taking her to therapy, her psychologist helped me establish the rules of the house. They are in writing (my daughter is very high functioning) but they could also be displayed in pictures if needed. The rules never change. We do not have any power struggles over the rules, but when she does not follow the rules, she does not get the rewards that she values. That works for her, but there are many other ways to set rules and provide rewards. A good therapist should be able to help you develop the rules that work for your family. The most important thing with any rules is consistency. Avoiding power struggles is also important... It has taken me a long time to realize that I cannot MAKE my daughter do anything... she has to want to do it. Staying calm when she starts to get upset has had an immediate positive impact on her behavior.

OCD needs to be treated in a very specific way with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. There are psychologists who specialize in this type of treatment. Check out the OCD Foundation (ocfoundation.org) for parent resources and finding a treatment specialist. I can share with you from experience that, giving in to the compulsive behaviours only makes them stronger. There are also very effective medications available to help with OCD and you may want to discuss this with a psychiatrist.

My daughter went to a camp last summer for children with Asperger's and ADHD. The behaviorist at the camp described computer games as "crack" for our children and went on to described the increase in seratonin that winning a computer games causes in the brain and the addictive nature of that kind of chemical reaction. They discourage all computer games and prefer parents to have the children play outside (sort of like we were raised back in the day!). I know there are many apps now to assist children with autism, so there should be a balance between using computers and other activities. With my daughter, the computer causes constant trouble. She has a terrible time transitioning off the computer at home and at school. While getting control over the computer or IPAD may be difficult at first, it should make life more peaceful in the long run.

There is so much stress when dealing with a child with special needs. Anti-depressants help with some of the symptoms, but they don't deal with the underlying causes. Therapy is a great way to help with the stress and the resentment that often result from dealing with a special needs child. I know, you already don't have time for that or maybe it will cost more money and you are struggling as it is. But, it sounds like you and your wife would benefit by participating in family therapy and maybe individual therapy.

It has taken me years to realize that, yes, I need time for myself and that it makes me a better parent. The previous post suggests a baby sitter. It sounds like getting some respite time would be very helpful for both you and your wife.

Good luck.

Would a part-time babysitter be an option? Maybe 2 afternoons a week to help her so all the responsibilities? I know financially it might be hard with all the therapy expenses, but it might save her sanity.

Maybe a parent support group through one of the CARD centers?

Does your insurance cover therapy for your wife? If so, she should talk to someone who can help her through this?

Maybe she can find another local mom or two with kids on the spectrum for playmates and support?

I think a lot of us can relate to being overwhelmed with it al sometimes.

Sent from my iPhone

Hi, my son is 6 and Autistic with PANDAS and debilitation OCD. He controls his Mom and Dad (me) using outbursts and mood changes. He is extremely loud and vocal.

He is on anti-biotics, has three solid Dr.'s (recomended by Denis's list) and soon a fourth, tonsils come out in two weeks. I am extremely discouraged in my wife's inability to cope. I feel very sorry for her. The Dr.'s have said "Keep him extremely busy to keep the OCD down" which means trips to the park, playground, stores, which exacerbates his social deficiency and makes things seem worse. He is obsessed with playing games on the Ipad, which is both a blessing and a curse. My son is socially inept, although he looks like a normal kid. His life is the IPAD and his reward system hase become directly tied to and dependent on it. He is obsessed with winning IPDA game levels, is highly adpet at doing so, then he obsesss with us charging the battery so he can play next time. We are afraid to take the ipad away, for sanity sake. My son has been given medication to sleep which he has trouble

with.

I want to give my wife a break from the madness. I work 60 hours a week, just lost a house in foreclosure, moved to an apartment, and am a solid two year recovering aloholic. I am successful at my job but give my heart and soul to it to stay focused. At least once a month or more, my wife crys in dispair....(which is perhaps very bad PMS) often begging me to come home from work. Often I do...which makes me feel terrible and then I get stressed get angry inside, shut down or all of the above. My job needs me on the job, my wife needs me to be a better dad. I can NOT find a balance that makes HER happy. I am tremendosuly worried about her. My wife is on anti depresseants as am I. Please help. =

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Have a lovely day!

Jean