Re: Daughter just back from residential stay

[Guest guest]

Well my son is about to go away to residential for some period. May I ask where your daughter went??Have you explained to her that she cant understand it now, but you did it because you love her and it will help her feel better so she can enjoy life? Do you have a therapist for her she can talk to about these feelings? Did the residential facility or your case management team provide any transition assistance? I know of a good RTC email group, if youre interested email me and I can tell you about it or post your question for you.ClaraTo: deniseslist Sent: Monday, June 4, 2012 4:39:12 PMSubject: Daughter just back from residential stay

Good afternoon! My daughter has been away for residential treatment for almost 7 months. She just got back a week ago today. The adjustment to coming back home has been very difficult for her (and me). The absolute hardest part is realizing how angry she is with me and how much she blames me for sending her away. I expected some anger but it really blew up this morning. I know its going to take time for both of us to adjust, but I was hoping some of you might have some words of wisdom to share.

Thank you -- Have a lovely day!

Jean

[Guest guest]

Hi jean, all I can say is you are not alone and we care about you!Sent from my iPad

Good afternoon! My daughter has been away for residential treatment for almost 7 months. She just got back a week ago today. The adjustment to coming back home has been very difficult for her (and me). The absolute hardest part is realizing how angry she is with me and how much she blames me for sending her away. I expected some anger but it really blew up this morning. I know its going to take time for both of us to adjust, but I was hoping some of you might have some words of wisdom to share.

Thank you -- Have a lovely day!

Jean

[Guest guest]

Are you working with a behaviorist? I would highly recommend working with a BCBA and implementing some ABA therapy specifically targeting troublesome behaviors.

Daughter just back from residential stay

Good afternoon!

My daughter has been away for residential treatment for almost 7 months. She just got back a week ago today. The adjustment to coming back home has been very difficult for her (and me). The absolute hardest part is realizing how angry she is with me and how much she blames me for sending her away. I expected some anger but it really blew up this morning. I know its going to take time for both of us to adjust, but I was hoping some of you might have some words of wisdom to share.

Thank you

--

Have a lovely day!

Jean

[Guest guest]

Jean,

Not knowing your daughter's level of understanding, it is hard to advise you,

but maybe you can try to explain to your daughter that she went to live

elsewhere for a little while so that she could get the help she needed to allow

her to be happier and healthier now and while she is in your home. Give her

lots of hugs and extra praise for good habits and good days, and maybe she will

come around to not being so angry at you. Let her know that you will always love

her no matter what, but sometimes you have to do things she doesn't like, so

that she will be safe, healthy and happy.

I hope that this helps.

Regards,

Glenda

>

> Good afternoon!

>

> My daughter has been away for residential treatment for almost 7 months.

> She just got back a week ago today. The adjustment to coming back home has

> been very difficult for her (and me). The absolute hardest part is

> realizing how angry she is with me and how much she blames me for sending

> her away. I expected some anger but it really blew up this morning. I

> know its going to take time for both of us to adjust, but I was hoping some

> of you might have some words of wisdom to share.

>

> Thank you

> --

> Have a lovely day!

>

> Jean

>

[Guest guest]

If it helps, my son is 21 now. He was in residential care for about 10 months

when he was 9, and was also angry with me. Telling him my reasons for making

the decision I did worked, along with tincture of time and therapy. I also told

him that if he repeated the same behaviors that lead to my decision (he tried to

seriously maim/kill me) that I would repeat mine and readmit him. This seemed

to impress him, in that he could now realize that his behavior was a major

factor. Also, while he knew the separation was terrible for me, too, I think he

was surprised I would be willing to repeat it, and I think that made him realize

that while I was sorry for his pain, I was not sorry for how I dealt with it. I

don't know if this makes sense--I guess I am saying this meant I believed I had

done nothing wrong by placing him, that it was the only choice I knew I had

left. If I get a chance, I will ask him what helps, although I might not get a

chance to--he flashbacks when I talk about the past.

For those facing this: Things to watch for that I did not know about--other

kids stole his food, so he was hungry at times. Find out what temperature they

keep the house at. His house was kept at 50, so they would huddle in blankets

and not " act up " . Unfortunately, my son was a bedwetter (due to lithium and

seizures) and if he wet, they would send him back to bed without sheets or

blankets as a " behavior modification " .

For a period, one kid was trying to get other kids to expose themselves for his

amusement. When he tried it with my son, my son was smart enough to report it,

but others had not been.

Monitor what movies they watch--my son's group home told me his Guinness Book of

World Records had " disturbing images " and would not be allowed, yet was ok with

showing horror movies and allowing splatter video games.

Now, as an adult, he can tell me he understands that he left me no choice but to

place him. But he was hurt, confused and angry for a while.

It was the hardest thing I have ever done. But he learned to control his

violence.

Good luck.

>

> Good afternoon!

>

> My daughter has been away for residential treatment for almost 7 months. She

just got back a week ago today. The adjustment to coming back home has been

very difficult for her (and me). The absolute hardest part is realizing how

angry she is with me and how much she blames me for sending her away. I

expected some anger but it really blew up this morning. I know its going to

take time for both of us to adjust, but I was hoping some of you might have some

words of wisdom to share.

>

> Thank you

> --

> Have a lovely day!

>

> Jean

>

>

>