Guest guest Posted June 21, 2004 Report Share Posted June 21, 2004 Thank you for this note & accepting it really wasn't anything you posted that started me on my tangent. 1) Would you be classified as " your own worst enemy? " I've been thinking about " self-sabotage " the last couple days. I think that MANY chronically overweight people (including me!) would be classified as " self-saboteurs. " Wow, did you ever hit the nail on the head !!! I am my own worst enemy. I had a psychological evaluation a few years ago and more or less said I am too hard on myself, too truthful, & that I sabotage myself all the time. 2) Do you personally celebrate your VICTORIES (and let me tell you, if you've lost that much weight, that many times, you have a LOT of victories!)....do you celebrate those *as much* as you beat yourself up over your failures? To be honest, I don't think I have EVER done anything to celebrate my victories. 3) Would it be too hard to accept that if you aren't doing what you want to do...then you might not WANT it as much as you say you do? This is a very hard question and makes a person think. My daughter has also asked me this. All I know is my weight makes a huge difference in me. This time I told myself I WOULD not let it change my outlook, my personality, etc. Last night after I wrote my 'novel', I went to bed, talked to my husband for a few minutes about how angry I have been at myself, yada, yada, how when I had all the weight off, I was more at peace with myself & didn't feel like I was carrying a heavy burden around. The last time I lost weight I got down to 138, which is skinny for me. My husband & daughter have both told me I didn't look good then, that I always looked tired & I will admit, looking at pictures, the peace I felt inside doesn't show on my face. Right before I turned my computer on, I happened to run across a picture of myself at my lowest & as I type this, I am sitting here looking at it. I am wearing a jumpsuit with a belt & I can't believe this person in the picture is me. Have I done my head - or internal - work. No, evidently I haven't, or I wouldn't have done to myself what I have 3 different times. I won't write a novel right now, although I could! But just know that I truly understand what you're saying. I've been at my goal weight before and then joined WW after I gained 80 pounds. (so I understand being haunted by the ghost of the " thin me " and looking back all the time and feeling like a failure!) I can relate to what you have said here. I am realizing part of my problem is emotional. My husband's father has cancer, we are to make a trip back to see them July 7th & honestly, I DO NOT want to go, for more reasons than one. Once when I was at their house, their little grandson kept coming over & cuddling up next to me. I had noticed he had been made get up a couple times, but the 3rd time he cuddled up to me, my husband's dad yelled at him and said 'what did I tell you about sitting there'? The little boy tearfully replied that we would break the couch down. As my husband wasn't there & we had a child in the hospital in the City, & I already had our 8 month old baby asleep for the night, I felt trapped. Had it not been for the baby, it being Winter time, the roads icy, etc. I would have left that very night, but instead I left first thing the next morning. This took place about 15 years ago but to this day, I have never sat on that couch again, nor do I ever intend to. This was one of my eating triggers yesterday, the stress of facing this upcoming event. I have always felt I have to always look or act perfect when around them. His parents are not grandparents to our children, as we live too far for them to know each other, nor do they try to keep in touch with cards or anything. Now our youngest is 18, could care less about seeing her Dad's parents, which he understands why, but it still hurts a part of him. What happened that made me gain all that weight back? I honestly don't know. It seems I woke up one morning & there it all was again! If I boiled it down to the most basic elements, I would say that I didn't do the internal work that would help me maintain the external work. Ok, I am ready, I realize a lot of mine is emotional, now I have got to learn how to handle it. This is why I would go to counsellors, seeking help in this journey, but as I've said, the more or less flipped me off, thinking I really had no problem. Has anyone out there ever been told you are your own worst enemy, that you sabotage yourself all the time? If so, I would really appreciate advice on ways that you handled this & managed to make changes in yourself. Hugs, Sharon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 21, 2004 Report Share Posted June 21, 2004 Thank you for this note & accepting it really wasn't anything you posted that started me on my tangent. 1) Would you be classified as " your own worst enemy? " I've been thinking about " self-sabotage " the last couple days. I think that MANY chronically overweight people (including me!) would be classified as " self-saboteurs. " Wow, did you ever hit the nail on the head !!! I am my own worst enemy. I had a psychological evaluation a few years ago and more or less said I am too hard on myself, too truthful, & that I sabotage myself all the time. 2) Do you personally celebrate your VICTORIES (and let me tell you, if you've lost that much weight, that many times, you have a LOT of victories!)....do you celebrate those *as much* as you beat yourself up over your failures? To be honest, I don't think I have EVER done anything to celebrate my victories. 3) Would it be too hard to accept that if you aren't doing what you want to do...then you might not WANT it as much as you say you do? This is a very hard question and makes a person think. My daughter has also asked me this. All I know is my weight makes a huge difference in me. This time I told myself I WOULD not let it change my outlook, my personality, etc. Last night after I wrote my 'novel', I went to bed, talked to my husband for a few minutes about how angry I have been at myself, yada, yada, how when I had all the weight off, I was more at peace with myself & didn't feel like I was carrying a heavy burden around. The last time I lost weight I got down to 138, which is skinny for me. My husband & daughter have both told me I didn't look good then, that I always looked tired & I will admit, looking at pictures, the peace I felt inside doesn't show on my face. Right before I turned my computer on, I happened to run across a picture of myself at my lowest & as I type this, I am sitting here looking at it. I am wearing a jumpsuit with a belt & I can't believe this person in the picture is me. Have I done my head - or internal - work. No, evidently I haven't, or I wouldn't have done to myself what I have 3 different times. I won't write a novel right now, although I could! But just know that I truly understand what you're saying. I've been at my goal weight before and then joined WW after I gained 80 pounds. (so I understand being haunted by the ghost of the " thin me " and looking back all the time and feeling like a failure!) I can relate to what you have said here. I am realizing part of my problem is emotional. My husband's father has cancer, we are to make a trip back to see them July 7th & honestly, I DO NOT want to go, for more reasons than one. Once when I was at their house, their little grandson kept coming over & cuddling up next to me. I had noticed he had been made get up a couple times, but the 3rd time he cuddled up to me, my husband's dad yelled at him and said 'what did I tell you about sitting there'? The little boy tearfully replied that we would break the couch down. As my husband wasn't there & we had a child in the hospital in the City, & I already had our 8 month old baby asleep for the night, I felt trapped. Had it not been for the baby, it being Winter time, the roads icy, etc. I would have left that very night, but instead I left first thing the next morning. This took place about 15 years ago but to this day, I have never sat on that couch again, nor do I ever intend to. This was one of my eating triggers yesterday, the stress of facing this upcoming event. I have always felt I have to always look or act perfect when around them. His parents are not grandparents to our children, as we live too far for them to know each other, nor do they try to keep in touch with cards or anything. Now our youngest is 18, could care less about seeing her Dad's parents, which he understands why, but it still hurts a part of him. What happened that made me gain all that weight back? I honestly don't know. It seems I woke up one morning & there it all was again! If I boiled it down to the most basic elements, I would say that I didn't do the internal work that would help me maintain the external work. Ok, I am ready, I realize a lot of mine is emotional, now I have got to learn how to handle it. This is why I would go to counsellors, seeking help in this journey, but as I've said, the more or less flipped me off, thinking I really had no problem. Has anyone out there ever been told you are your own worst enemy, that you sabotage yourself all the time? If so, I would really appreciate advice on ways that you handled this & managed to make changes in yourself. Hugs, Sharon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 21, 2004 Report Share Posted June 21, 2004 Thank you for this note & accepting it really wasn't anything you posted that started me on my tangent. 1) Would you be classified as " your own worst enemy? " I've been thinking about " self-sabotage " the last couple days. I think that MANY chronically overweight people (including me!) would be classified as " self-saboteurs. " Wow, did you ever hit the nail on the head !!! I am my own worst enemy. I had a psychological evaluation a few years ago and more or less said I am too hard on myself, too truthful, & that I sabotage myself all the time. 2) Do you personally celebrate your VICTORIES (and let me tell you, if you've lost that much weight, that many times, you have a LOT of victories!)....do you celebrate those *as much* as you beat yourself up over your failures? To be honest, I don't think I have EVER done anything to celebrate my victories. 3) Would it be too hard to accept that if you aren't doing what you want to do...then you might not WANT it as much as you say you do? This is a very hard question and makes a person think. My daughter has also asked me this. All I know is my weight makes a huge difference in me. This time I told myself I WOULD not let it change my outlook, my personality, etc. Last night after I wrote my 'novel', I went to bed, talked to my husband for a few minutes about how angry I have been at myself, yada, yada, how when I had all the weight off, I was more at peace with myself & didn't feel like I was carrying a heavy burden around. The last time I lost weight I got down to 138, which is skinny for me. My husband & daughter have both told me I didn't look good then, that I always looked tired & I will admit, looking at pictures, the peace I felt inside doesn't show on my face. Right before I turned my computer on, I happened to run across a picture of myself at my lowest & as I type this, I am sitting here looking at it. I am wearing a jumpsuit with a belt & I can't believe this person in the picture is me. Have I done my head - or internal - work. No, evidently I haven't, or I wouldn't have done to myself what I have 3 different times. I won't write a novel right now, although I could! But just know that I truly understand what you're saying. I've been at my goal weight before and then joined WW after I gained 80 pounds. (so I understand being haunted by the ghost of the " thin me " and looking back all the time and feeling like a failure!) I can relate to what you have said here. I am realizing part of my problem is emotional. My husband's father has cancer, we are to make a trip back to see them July 7th & honestly, I DO NOT want to go, for more reasons than one. Once when I was at their house, their little grandson kept coming over & cuddling up next to me. I had noticed he had been made get up a couple times, but the 3rd time he cuddled up to me, my husband's dad yelled at him and said 'what did I tell you about sitting there'? The little boy tearfully replied that we would break the couch down. As my husband wasn't there & we had a child in the hospital in the City, & I already had our 8 month old baby asleep for the night, I felt trapped. Had it not been for the baby, it being Winter time, the roads icy, etc. I would have left that very night, but instead I left first thing the next morning. This took place about 15 years ago but to this day, I have never sat on that couch again, nor do I ever intend to. This was one of my eating triggers yesterday, the stress of facing this upcoming event. I have always felt I have to always look or act perfect when around them. His parents are not grandparents to our children, as we live too far for them to know each other, nor do they try to keep in touch with cards or anything. Now our youngest is 18, could care less about seeing her Dad's parents, which he understands why, but it still hurts a part of him. What happened that made me gain all that weight back? I honestly don't know. It seems I woke up one morning & there it all was again! If I boiled it down to the most basic elements, I would say that I didn't do the internal work that would help me maintain the external work. Ok, I am ready, I realize a lot of mine is emotional, now I have got to learn how to handle it. This is why I would go to counsellors, seeking help in this journey, but as I've said, the more or less flipped me off, thinking I really had no problem. Has anyone out there ever been told you are your own worst enemy, that you sabotage yourself all the time? If so, I would really appreciate advice on ways that you handled this & managed to make changes in yourself. Hugs, Sharon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 20, 2005 Report Share Posted April 20, 2005 Sharon, Truly you are one of the most inspirational people I have ever met. You face more obstacles than most of us with your amputations and diabetes on top of kidney failure yet you continue to pour out your life giving through your coaching. It is a blessing to know you! In a message dated 4/20/2005 7:54:14 P.M. Pacific Daylight Time, Tiggerpit@... writes: Hey Amy, Thanks for the compliment, but I am doing nothing more than anyone else here. We are all living with a chronic, debilitating disease. The other day I overheard my mom on the phone with one of her friends who was asking how I was doing with the dialysis I started in Feb. She said I was doing great, that I had more energy than anyone else in the house and that she never sees me anymore cause I am always off running around, doing errands, coaching, dinner with friends etc. The next day I told her that it wasn't because I had more energy, it was because I didn't have time to waste. I don't have time for a pity party...it is too valuable. I plan one day at a time. My surgeon asked me how I was handling the dialysis. I said that since I was not a transplant candidate, what choice do I have? The new motto is " It is what it is. " I said " Look, I have a terminal disease. It will be terminal until the end (which later I realized...duh, no kidding). However, I could be terminal for the next 30 years! I could stop treatments and be gone in a month also. So I am planning on the 30 years! I am in this for the long haul. Therefore, I embrace the dialysis. Without it I would not be here. And to find a positive twist, where else can you lose over 4 lbs 3x a week. lol Just a short story. The day I started dialysis I was still in the hospital. My Neph came down to the unit to have me sign the consent form. My sick sense of humor and little voice in my head mimicked him saying " Sign here or die. " So, I signed, not knowing truly what to expect. I have heard all of the horror stories, but I have a great friend who is a dialysis nurse and has been " talking me though it " for the last 18 months. Well, other that psychologically challenging, the first treatment was a bitch. No one warned me about the size of the needles and the fact that there were 2 of them. Because my fistula, although matured, was deep, I am a tough stick. Well, they nailed me 4x and had my arm straight out to the side for 2 1/2 hrs. It felt like when you bang your funny bone, but for the whole 2 1/2 hrs and the whole arm tingled. While sitting there, I was thinking " I now know how people can say that they can't do this. Geez, this is only 2 hrs, how am I gonna handle this pain when I move to 4 hour?. " It was excruciating, and I have a good pain tolerance. Then that little voice popped up and said " You have no choice. You need to do this. You WILL do this. Look at everything else you have been though and still survived. You are like the Timex watch...takes a lickin and keeps on tickin. " Going back to the room, my mom was waiting and asked how it was. I said no problem, since I think this dialysis thing is harder on her than me. I was dreading the next day, since that was going to be 3 hrs. Well, let me tell you, it was like night and day. I asked them to reposition my arm and they gave me a pillow. Although my arm was bruised like a hard purple tennis ball, they only stuck me 2x and my arm felt great!. And I had an epiphany, crossing that void between life and death (melodramatic lol). I thought " This isn't so bad. I can do this. I'm not going to be in pain and I'm not going to die. Well, at least not today. I can't beat this thing, but I sure as hell can fight...kicking and screaming all the way. I always lived by this motto: " Don't tell me I can't do something and don't tell me I can't do it because I am female. " So now, the hardest thing to me about dialysis is getting up at 5:30 am, since I am not and never was a morning person. AND with no coffee!!!! (OK, the story was longer than intended) Sharon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 20, 2005 Report Share Posted April 20, 2005 Thanks, , but some people may not feel the same way. Especially the kids I made run laps today lol. I don't feel that I am " inspirational " , but if my stories help someone, that's fine with me. I am just doing the only thing I know, keep on keepin on. Trust me, I'm not an idiot, I know how serious ALL of my conditions are and that any one of them can do me in in an instant. I decided a long time ago that I can't NOT do things. Whether for fear of pain, or failure or (white elephant in the room!) death. My father died at 43 of a sudden heart attack and I was only 15. I am now 44 and feel I am getting my second wind. My whole life " 43 " was the magic number that I thought I would never surpass. So here I am and can't waste any time. I do take precautiuons though. I am on an insulin pump, which does everything for me except make dinner. I travel with my glucose tablets and emergency diabetic supplies at all times. I also have nitro and peanut butter crackers in the car. The crackers have 2 purposes: pb for a low sugar and salt for low bp. Cheaper than meds and much faster. I always have my list of meds and medical problems on me and in my car and whoever I am with knows about them and where they are. They also know what to do in case of a diabetic or bp emergency. They are not thrilled I told them, but they need to know. I have an updated medical alert bracelet and my files with them are current. Actually, when I ordered the bracelet I thought I would need a chestplate to fit everything on there, but they were able to use initials and get everything on the bracelet. So everyday I enter this great world of ours wrapped in my own kind of bubble wrap and go out and play roller derby. Scares the hell out of my family, but it's how I have to live my life. Sharon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 20, 2005 Report Share Posted April 20, 2005 Hi Sharon, " I decided a long time ago that I can't NOT do things " . To those of us who are frequently caught between inertia and fear, those words are enormously inspirational. May that second wind take you far. Cy Re: Sharon > > Thanks, , but some people may not feel the same way. Especially the > kids I made run laps today lol. I don't feel that I am " inspirational " , > but if > my stories help someone, that's fine with me. I am just doing the only > thing I know, keep on keepin on. Trust me, I'm not an idiot, I know how > serious > ALL of my conditions are and that any one of them can do me in in an > instant. > I decided a long time ago that I can't NOT do things. Whether for fear > of > pain, or failure or (white elephant in the room!) death. My father died > at > 43 of a sudden heart attack and I was only 15. I am now 44 and feel I am > getting my second wind. My whole life " 43 " was the magic number that I > thought I > would never surpass. So here I am and can't waste any time. > I do take precautiuons though. I am on an insulin pump, which does > everything for me except make dinner. I travel with my glucose tablets > and emergency > diabetic supplies at all times. I also have nitro and peanut butter > crackers in the car. The crackers have 2 purposes: pb for a low sugar > and salt for > low bp. Cheaper than meds and much faster. I always have my list of > meds > and medical problems on me and in my car and whoever I am with knows > about them > and where they are. They also know what to do in case of a diabetic or > bp > emergency. They are not thrilled I told them, but they need to know. I > have > an updated medical alert bracelet and my files with them are current. > Actually, when I ordered the bracelet I thought I would need a chestplate > to fit > everything on there, but they were able to use initials and get > everything on > the bracelet. So everyday I enter this great world of ours wrapped in my > own > kind of bubble wrap and go out and play roller derby. Scares the hell out > of > my family, but it's how I have to live my life. > > Sharon > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 20, 2005 Report Share Posted April 20, 2005 " Actually, when I ordered the bracelet I thought I would need a chestplate to fit everything on there, but they were able to use initials and get everything on the bracelet. So everyday I enter this great world of ours wrapped in my own kind of bubble wrap and go out and play roller derby. Scares the hell out of my family, but it's how I have to live my life. " Sharon You had me nearly falling off my chair with this last bit! LOL!! I remember when I ordered my bracelet (and I don't have near as many things going on) and the woman on the phone said " Um I'm sorry but we won't be able to give you the small one, is that o.k. " I laughed and said " I was hoping you weren't going to surprise me with an " extra large " ! " I know you deal with so much on a daily basis but your positive attitude has kept you alive for this long. May it continue to carry you thru and may you continue to post so you can help others realize it's only bad when they start filling in the hole around you. You Rock Lady! Amy G. Re: Sharon Thanks, , but some people may not feel the same way. Especially the kids I made run laps today lol. I don't feel that I am " inspirational " , but if my stories help someone, that's fine with me. I am just doing the only thing I know, keep on keepin on. Trust me, I'm not an idiot, I know how serious ALL of my conditions are and that any one of them can do me in in an instant. I decided a long time ago that I can't NOT do things. Whether for fear of pain, or failure or (white elephant in the room!) death. My father died at 43 of a sudden heart attack and I was only 15. I am now 44 and feel I am getting my second wind. My whole life " 43 " was the magic number that I thought I would never surpass. So here I am and can't waste any time. I do take precautiuons though. I am on an insulin pump, which does everything for me except make dinner. I travel with my glucose tablets and emergency diabetic supplies at all times. I also have nitro and peanut butter crackers in the car. The crackers have 2 purposes: pb for a low sugar and salt for low bp. Cheaper than meds and much faster. I always have my list of meds and medical problems on me and in my car and whoever I am with knows about them and where they are. They also know what to do in case of a diabetic or bp emergency. They are not thrilled I told them, but they need to know. I have an updated medical alert bracelet and my files with them are current. Actually, when I ordered the bracelet I thought I would need a chestplate to fit everything on there, but they were able to use initials and get everything on the bracelet. So everyday I enter this great world of ours wrapped in my own kind of bubble wrap and go out and play roller derby. Scares the hell out of my family, but it's how I have to live my life. Sharon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 21, 2005 Report Share Posted April 21, 2005 I'll second that. Once again, Sharon, I can't tell you how much I enjoyed reading your uplifting message this morning! By the way, I know what you mean about no morning coffee. I found out quickly enough that coffee and dialysis don't really mix very well (it always gives me terrible heartburn while I'm on the machine). I found that tea was fine, though, at least for me. Pierre Re: Sharon > > > > > Sharon, > > Truly you are one of the most inspirational people I have ever met. You > face more obstacles than most of us with your amputations and diabetes on top of > kidney failure yet you continue to pour out your life giving through your > coaching. It is a blessing to know you! > > > > In a message dated 4/20/2005 7:54:14 P.M. Pacific Daylight Time, > Tiggerpit@... writes: > > > Hey Amy, > Thanks for the compliment, but I am doing nothing more than anyone else > here. We are all living with a chronic, debilitating disease. The other > day I > overheard my mom on the phone with one of her friends who was asking how I > was doing with the dialysis I started in Feb. She said I was doing great, > that > I had more energy than anyone else in the house and that she never sees me > anymore cause I am always off running around, doing errands, coaching, > dinner > with friends etc. The next day I told her that it wasn't because I had more > energy, it was because I didn't have time to waste. I don't have time for > a > pity party...it is too valuable. I plan one day at a time. > > My surgeon asked me how I was handling the dialysis. I said that since I > was not a transplant candidate, what choice do I have? The new motto is > " It is > what it is. " I said " Look, I have a terminal disease. It will be terminal > until the end (which later I realized...duh, no kidding). However, I could > be terminal for the next 30 years! I could stop treatments and be gone in > a > month also. So I am planning on the 30 years! I am in this for the long > haul. Therefore, I embrace the dialysis. Without it I would not be here. > And > to find a positive twist, where else can you lose over 4 lbs 3x a week. > lol > > Just a short story. The day I started dialysis I was still in the > hospital. > My Neph came down to the unit to have me sign the consent form. My sick > sense of humor and little voice in my head mimicked him saying " Sign here > or > die. " So, I signed, not knowing truly what to expect. I have heard all of > the > horror stories, but I have a great friend who is a dialysis nurse and has > been " talking me though it " for the last 18 months. Well, other that > psychologically challenging, the first treatment was a bitch. No one > warned me about > the size of the needles and the fact that there were 2 of them. Because my > fistula, although matured, was deep, I am a tough stick. Well, they nailed > me > 4x and had my arm straight out to the side for 2 1/2 hrs. It felt like > when > you bang your funny bone, but for the whole 2 1/2 hrs and the whole arm > tingled. While sitting there, I was thinking " I now know how people can > say > that they can't do this. Geez, this is only 2 hrs, how am I gonna handle > this > pain when I move to 4 hour?. " It was excruciating, and I have a good pain > > tolerance. Then that little voice popped up and said " You have no choice. > You > need to do this. You WILL do this. Look at everything else you have been > though and still survived. You are like the Timex watch...takes a lickin > and > keeps on tickin. " > > Going back to the room, my mom was waiting and asked how it was. I said no > problem, since I think this dialysis thing is harder on her than me. I was > dreading the next day, since that was going to be 3 hrs. Well, let me tell > you, it was like night and day. I asked them to reposition my arm and they > > gave me a pillow. Although my arm was bruised like a hard purple tennis > ball, > they only stuck me 2x and my arm felt great!. And I had an epiphany, > crossing > that void between life and death (melodramatic lol). I thought " This isn't > so bad. I can do this. I'm not going to be in pain and I'm not going to > die. Well, at least not today. I can't beat this thing, but I sure as > hell can > fight...kicking and screaming all the way. I always lived by this motto: > " Don't tell me I can't do something and don't tell me I can't do it because > I > am female. " So now, the hardest thing to me about dialysis is getting up > at > 5:30 am, since I am not and never was a morning person. AND with no > coffee!!!! (OK, the story was longer than intended) > > Sharon > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 21, 2005 Report Share Posted April 21, 2005 I'll third that since Pierre already seconded that :-) I too enjoyed reading your message this morning and yes, it is very uplifting. It is all about counting your blessings and living each day to the fullest extent possible, something you clearly do. Re: Sharon I'll second that. Once again, Sharon, I can't tell you how much I enjoyed reading your uplifting message this morning! By the way, I know what you mean about no morning coffee. I found out quickly enough that coffee and dialysis don't really mix very well (it always gives me terrible heartburn while I'm on the machine). I found that tea was fine, though, at least for me. Pierre Re: Sharon > > > > > Sharon, > > Truly you are one of the most inspirational people I have ever met. You > face more obstacles than most of us with your amputations and diabetes on top of > kidney failure yet you continue to pour out your life giving through your > coaching. It is a blessing to know you! > > > > In a message dated 4/20/2005 7:54:14 P.M. Pacific Daylight Time, > Tiggerpit@... writes: > > > Hey Amy, > Thanks for the compliment, but I am doing nothing more than anyone else > here. We are all living with a chronic, debilitating disease. The other > day I > overheard my mom on the phone with one of her friends who was asking how I > was doing with the dialysis I started in Feb. She said I was doing great, > that > I had more energy than anyone else in the house and that she never sees me > anymore cause I am always off running around, doing errands, coaching, > dinner > with friends etc. The next day I told her that it wasn't because I had more > energy, it was because I didn't have time to waste. I don't have time for > a > pity party...it is too valuable. I plan one day at a time. > > My surgeon asked me how I was handling the dialysis. I said that since I > was not a transplant candidate, what choice do I have? The new motto is > " It is > what it is. " I said " Look, I have a terminal disease. It will be terminal > until the end (which later I realized...duh, no kidding). However, I could > be terminal for the next 30 years! I could stop treatments and be gone in > a > month also. So I am planning on the 30 years! I am in this for the long > haul. Therefore, I embrace the dialysis. Without it I would not be here. > And > to find a positive twist, where else can you lose over 4 lbs 3x a week. > lol > > Just a short story. The day I started dialysis I was still in the > hospital. > My Neph came down to the unit to have me sign the consent form. My sick > sense of humor and little voice in my head mimicked him saying " Sign here > or > die. " So, I signed, not knowing truly what to expect. I have heard all of > the > horror stories, but I have a great friend who is a dialysis nurse and has > been " talking me though it " for the last 18 months. Well, other that > psychologically challenging, the first treatment was a bitch. No one > warned me about > the size of the needles and the fact that there were 2 of them. Because my > fistula, although matured, was deep, I am a tough stick. Well, they nailed > me > 4x and had my arm straight out to the side for 2 1/2 hrs. It felt like > when > you bang your funny bone, but for the whole 2 1/2 hrs and the whole arm > tingled. While sitting there, I was thinking " I now know how people can > say > that they can't do this. Geez, this is only 2 hrs, how am I gonna handle > this > pain when I move to 4 hour?. " It was excruciating, and I have a good pain > > tolerance. Then that little voice popped up and said " You have no choice. > You > need to do this. You WILL do this. Look at everything else you have been > though and still survived. You are like the Timex watch...takes a lickin > and > keeps on tickin. " > > Going back to the room, my mom was waiting and asked how it was. I said no > problem, since I think this dialysis thing is harder on her than me. I was > dreading the next day, since that was going to be 3 hrs. Well, let me tell > you, it was like night and day. I asked them to reposition my arm and they > > gave me a pillow. Although my arm was bruised like a hard purple tennis > ball, > they only stuck me 2x and my arm felt great!. And I had an epiphany, > crossing > that void between life and death (melodramatic lol). I thought " This isn't > so bad. I can do this. I'm not going to be in pain and I'm not going to > die. Well, at least not today. I can't beat this thing, but I sure as > hell can > fight...kicking and screaming all the way. I always lived by this motto: > " Don't tell me I can't do something and don't tell me I can't do it because > I > am female. " So now, the hardest thing to me about dialysis is getting up > at > 5:30 am, since I am not and never was a morning person. AND with no > coffee!!!! (OK, the story was longer than intended) > > Sharon > To edit your settings for the group, go to our Yahoo Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/iga-nephropathy/ To unsubcribe via email, iga-nephropathy-unsubscribe Visit our companion website at www.igan.ca. The site is entirely supported by donations. If you would like to help, go to: http://www.igan.ca/id62.htm Thank you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 21, 2005 Report Share Posted April 21, 2005 Pierre, I know you love your coffee so I am sorry that you are finding the morning coffee is not mixing with dialysis. Are you able to enjoy a cup af tea as much as your coffee? I converted from coffee to tea about 20 years ago and I hope you enjoy your tea as much as I do. By the way, I know what you mean about no morning coffee. I found out quickly enough that coffee and dialysis don't really mix very well (it always gives me terrible heartburn while I'm on the machine). I found that tea was fine, though, at least for me. Pierre Re: Sharon > > > > > Sharon, > > Truly you are one of the most inspirational people I have ever met. You > face more obstacles than most of us with your amputations and diabetes on top of > kidney failure yet you continue to pour out your life giving through your > coaching. It is a blessing to know you! > > > > In a message dated 4/20/2005 7:54:14 P.M. Pacific Daylight Time, > Tiggerpit@... writes: > > > Hey Amy, > Thanks for the compliment, but I am doing nothing more than anyone else > here. We are all living with a chronic, debilitating disease. The other > day I > overheard my mom on the phone with one of her friends who was asking how I > was doing with the dialysis I started in Feb. She said I was doing great, > that > I had more energy than anyone else in the house and that she never sees me > anymore cause I am always off running around, doing errands, coaching, > dinner > with friends etc. The next day I told her that it wasn't because I had more > energy, it was because I didn't have time to waste. I don't have time for > a > pity party...it is too valuable. I plan one day at a time. > > My surgeon asked me how I was handling the dialysis. I said that since I > was not a transplant candidate, what choice do I have? The new motto is > " It is > what it is. " I said " Look, I have a terminal disease. It will be terminal > until the end (which later I realized...duh, no kidding). However, I could > be terminal for the next 30 years! I could stop treatments and be gone in > a > month also. So I am planning on the 30 years! I am in this for the long > haul. Therefore, I embrace the dialysis. Without it I would not be here. > And > to find a positive twist, where else can you lose over 4 lbs 3x a week. > lol > > Just a short story. The day I started dialysis I was still in the > hospital. > My Neph came down to the unit to have me sign the consent form. My sick > sense of humor and little voice in my head mimicked him saying " Sign here > or > die. " So, I signed, not knowing truly what to expect. I have heard all of > the > horror stories, but I have a great friend who is a dialysis nurse and has > been " talking me though it " for the last 18 months. Well, other that > psychologically challenging, the first treatment was a bitch. No one > warned me about > the size of the needles and the fact that there were 2 of them. Because my > fistula, although matured, was deep, I am a tough stick. Well, they nailed > me > 4x and had my arm straight out to the side for 2 1/2 hrs. It felt like > when > you bang your funny bone, but for the whole 2 1/2 hrs and the whole arm > tingled. While sitting there, I was thinking " I now know how people can > say > that they can't do this. Geez, this is only 2 hrs, how am I gonna handle > this > pain when I move to 4 hour?. " It was excruciating, and I have a good pain > > tolerance. Then that little voice popped up and said " You have no choice. > You > need to do this. You WILL do this. Look at everything else you have been > though and still survived. You are like the Timex watch...takes a lickin > and > keeps on tickin. " > > Going back to the room, my mom was waiting and asked how it was. I said no > problem, since I think this dialysis thing is harder on her than me. I was > dreading the next day, since that was going to be 3 hrs. Well, let me tell > you, it was like night and day. I asked them to reposition my arm and they > > gave me a pillow. Although my arm was bruised like a hard purple tennis > ball, > they only stuck me 2x and my arm felt great!. And I had an epiphany, > crossing > that void between life and death (melodramatic lol). I thought " This isn't > so bad. I can do this. I'm not going to be in pain and I'm not going to > die. Well, at least not today. I can't beat this thing, but I sure as > hell can > fight...kicking and screaming all the way. I always lived by this motto: > " Don't tell me I can't do something and don't tell me I can't do it because > I > am female. " So now, the hardest thing to me about dialysis is getting up > at > 5:30 am, since I am not and never was a morning person. AND with no > coffee!!!! (OK, the story was longer than intended) > > Sharon > To edit your settings for the group, go to our Yahoo Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/iga-nephropathy/ To unsubcribe via email, iga-nephropathy-unsubscribe Visit our companion website at www.igan.ca. The site is entirely supported by donations. If you would like to help, go to: http://www.igan.ca/id62.htm Thank you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 21, 2005 Report Share Posted April 21, 2005 Hi , I can enjoy a good cup of tea. Tea was actually the more common drink in my family as I grew up. I really only started drinking coffee after I joined the military. There, like other things, it was hard to avoid :-) Pierre Re: Sharon > > > > > > > > > > > > Sharon, > > > > Truly you are one of the most inspirational people I have ever met. > You > > face more obstacles than most of us with your amputations and > diabetes on > top of > > kidney failure yet you continue to pour out your life giving through > your > > coaching. It is a blessing to know you! > > > > > > > > In a message dated 4/20/2005 7:54:14 P.M. Pacific Daylight Time, > > Tiggerpit@... writes: > > > > > > Hey Amy, > > Thanks for the compliment, but I am doing nothing more than anyone > else > > here. We are all living with a chronic, debilitating disease. The > other > > day I > > overheard my mom on the phone with one of her friends who was > asking how > I > > was doing with the dialysis I started in Feb. She said I was doing > great, > > that > > I had more energy than anyone else in the house and that she never > sees > me > > anymore cause I am always off running around, doing errands, > coaching, > > dinner > > with friends etc. The next day I told her that it wasn't because I > had > more > > energy, it was because I didn't have time to waste. I don't have > time > for > > a > > pity party...it is too valuable. I plan one day at a time. > > > > My surgeon asked me how I was handling the dialysis. I said that > since > I > > was not a transplant candidate, what choice do I have? The new > motto is > > " It is > > what it is. " I said " Look, I have a terminal disease. It will be > terminal > > until the end (which later I realized...duh, no kidding). However, > I > could > > be terminal for the next 30 years! I could stop treatments and be > gone > in > > a > > month also. So I am planning on the 30 years! I am in this for the > long > > haul. Therefore, I embrace the dialysis. Without it I would not be > here. > > And > > to find a positive twist, where else can you lose over 4 lbs 3x a > week. > > lol > > > > Just a short story. The day I started dialysis I was still in the > > hospital. > > My Neph came down to the unit to have me sign the consent form. My > sick > > sense of humor and little voice in my head mimicked him saying " Sign > here > > or > > die. " So, I signed, not knowing truly what to expect. I have > heard all > of > > the > > horror stories, but I have a great friend who is a dialysis nurse > and > has > > been " talking me though it " for the last 18 months. Well, other > that > > psychologically challenging, the first treatment was a bitch. No > one > > warned me about > > the size of the needles and the fact that there were 2 of them. > Because > my > > fistula, although matured, was deep, I am a tough stick. Well, they > nailed > > me > > 4x and had my arm straight out to the side for 2 1/2 hrs. It felt > like > > when > > you bang your funny bone, but for the whole 2 1/2 hrs and the whole > arm > > tingled. While sitting there, I was thinking " I now know how > people > can > > say > > that they can't do this. Geez, this is only 2 hrs, how am I gonna > handle > > this > > pain when I move to 4 hour?. " It was excruciating, and I have a > good > pain > > > > tolerance. Then that little voice popped up and said " You have no > choice. > > You > > need to do this. You WILL do this. Look at everything else you > have > been > > though and still survived. You are like the Timex watch...takes a > lickin > > and > > keeps on tickin. " > > > > Going back to the room, my mom was waiting and asked how it was. I > said > no > > problem, since I think this dialysis thing is harder on her than > me. I > was > > dreading the next day, since that was going to be 3 hrs. Well, let > me > tell > > you, it was like night and day. I asked them to reposition my arm > and > they > > > > gave me a pillow. Although my arm was bruised like a hard purple > tennis > > ball, > > they only stuck me 2x and my arm felt great!. And I had an > epiphany, > > crossing > > that void between life and death (melodramatic lol). I thought > " This > isn't > > so bad. I can do this. I'm not going to be in pain and I'm not > going > to > > die. Well, at least not today. I can't beat this thing, but I > sure as > > hell can > > fight...kicking and screaming all the way. I always lived by this > motto: > > " Don't tell me I can't do something and don't tell me I can't do it > because > > I > > am female. " So now, the hardest thing to me about dialysis is > getting > up > > at > > 5:30 am, since I am not and never was a morning person. AND with no > > coffee!!!! (OK, the story was longer than intended) > > > > Sharon > > > > > > > > To edit your settings for the group, go to our Yahoo Group > home page: > http://groups.yahoo.com/group/iga-nephropathy/ > > To unsubcribe via email, > iga-nephropathy-unsubscribe > Visit our companion website at www.igan.ca. The site is entirely > supported by > donations. If you would like to help, go to: > http://www.igan.ca/id62.htm > > Thank you > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 15, 2008 Report Share Posted August 15, 2008 Hi May, I'm in Brisbane as well (nthside) but am proudly 1/4 scottish my paternal grandmother lived out here for 60 years but never lost her accent God bless her. I'm finding the hardest thing is what to say to who. I have breifly told my lecturer in science as I am to present a seminar next week, and am not sure if I can handle the stress. My wonderful partner knows (poor man has only known me for 19mths!!!) my twins don't know anything as they are too young but my teenager knows some things showed up on the scan and we're investigating. We told my dad as he's a smoker and my sister (who's only comment was I hope your will is in order) which while hurting has helped me see where she stands. I'm focussed on getting through the next week or so till I see the specialist and then dealing with this challenge. Thanks for the welcome Take care Sharon. sharon sharon,welcome to the group.you will be in shock for a few weeks and it will take youabout 18months to come to terms with this monster. the main things you will have to decide about is whetherto take the pred steroid and have a vats biopsy. thesehave been talked about lots on this site so you will findloads of stuff to read.not having any medication at the moment isn't a bad thing.you want to be informed before you make any decisions on meds. to help yourself right now, just slow down. where are you in oz. we have gina in brisbane on the siteand my brother is in adelaide. a lot of pf is found to be caused by autoimmune conditionsso treating that slows down progression. may uip 0606glasgow scotland Win a MacBook Air or iPod touch with Yahoo!7- Find out more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 15, 2008 Report Share Posted August 15, 2008 Hi Sharon, You WILL make it through next week and the week after... Please know you are not going to die anytime soon. This disease is just such an unfair monster, It is really hard to know we have more life to live. As far as what to say--anything on your mind. We are all in this boat together. We are all here to support you in any way we can. Just post and trust me someone will respond. As far as your sister goes-- a left hand stupid smack IS in order.. I'm sorry she is so selfish.Hang in here you can learn a lot and help us a lot. Love and Prayers, Peggy   IPF  2004,  Florida"Worry looks around, Sorry looks back,  Faith looks up." Hi May, I'm in Brisbane as well (nthside) but am proudly 1/4 scottish my paternal grandmother lived out here for 60 years but never lost her accent God bless her. I'm finding the hardest thing is what to say to who. I have breifly told my lecturer in science as I am to present a seminar next week, and am not sure if I can handle the stress. My wonderful partner knows (poor man has only known me for 19mths!!!) my twins don't know anything as they are too young but my teenager knows some things showed up on the scan and we're investigating. We told my dad as he's a smoker and my sister (who's only comment was I hope your will is in order) which while hurting has helped me see where she stands. I'm focussed on getting through the next week or so till I see the specialist and then dealing with this challenge. Thanks for the welcome Take care Sharon. sharonsharon,welcome to the group.you will be in shock for a few weeks and it will take youabout 18months to come to terms with this monster. the main things you will have to decide about is whetherto take the pred steroid and have a vats biopsy. thesehave been talked about lots on this site so you will findloads of stuff to read.not having any medication at the moment isn't a bad thing.you want to be informed before you make any decisions on meds. to help yourself right now, just slow down. where are you in oz. we have gina in brisbane on the siteand my brother is in adelaide. a lot of pf is found to be caused by autoimmune conditionsso treating that slows down progression. may uip 0606glasgow scotlandWin a MacBook Air or iPod touch with Yahoo!7- Find out more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 16, 2008 Report Share Posted August 16, 2008 Sharon, I found it best at the outset to let everyone whom I work with, including my employees, and to whom I am close, friends and family, know my situation. All received the information well and as time has passed it has become just a part of who I am. No one swooned nor treats me differently. This may be because I have no apparent symptons unless an activity requires some exceptional exertion, which I quietly decline. The young and the old were told, although I did not emphasize the grim reaper lurking in the background. An unexpected benefit has been an increase in emails and phone calls from my many far-flung grandchildren, including a dcotor and a nurse who are very familiar with our disease. Jack79/IPF - UIP/dx06/05 Maine sharon sharon,welcome to the group.you will be in shock for a few weeks and it will take youabout 18months to come to terms with this monster. the main things you will have to decide about is whetherto take the pred steroid and have a vats biopsy. thesehave been talked about lots on this site so you will findloads of stuff to read.not having any medication at the moment isn't a bad thing.you want to be informed before you make any decisions on meds. to help yourself right now, just slow down. where are you in oz. we have gina in brisbane on the siteand my brother is in adelaide. a lot of pf is found to be caused by autoimmune conditionsso treating that slows down progression. may uip 0606glasgow scotland Win a MacBook Air or iPod touch with Yahoo!7- Find out more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 16, 2008 Report Share Posted August 16, 2008 sharon both my sisters said things i found upsetting and its hard to forget them. i told lots of people too fast and was sorry. from all the people i told only one young girl of 19 said the correct thing which was 'i'm sorry to hear that'. she was my neighbour's daughter. the neighbour, whose husband has severe copd, could not look me in the eye and avoided me until i told her that her tracey had said the right thing. one sister said - oh, thats nothing people life for years with that. she is not a nurse but knows everything. funny how even some docs dont understand pf and she knows - its nothing. the other said - my god, even pauline (our late sister) coped better than you (cos i was tearful). this sister had no idea how pauline coped cos she didn't spend time with her. my husband and daughter both had to get away from me as fast as possible and i was left sitting on a bench myself the afternoon i got my diagnosis. i understand they had to have some privacy for their feelings to pour out. my daughter was 23 so i didnt keep anything back. how mature is your teenager and sometimes the imagine is worse than the truth. just dont believe the time lines you are reading. they are old statistic and maybe came about because people were diagnosed later. we can do so much to help ourselves and slowly down is the first thing. buy yourself a pulse oximeter. i got mine from ebay in the uk. people on this group buy from portablenebs.com for 69dllrs. this thing measures the percentage of oxygen in your blood and helps you to pace yourself. the idea is not to let yourself drop below 90/92. doctors in the uk will tell you, you dont need one and i didn't buy one for ages as i thought i'd let it rule my life but it doesn't. it just keeps me informed. may > > Hi May, > I'm in Brisbane as well (nthside) but am proudly 1/4 scottish my paternal grandmother lived out here for 60 years but never lost her accent God bless her. > I'm finding the hardest thing is what to say to who. I have breifly told my lecturer in science as I am to present a seminar next week, and am not sure if I can handle the stress. My wonderful partner knows (poor man has only known me for 19mths!!!) my twins don't know anything as they are too young but my teenager knows some things showed up on the scan and we're investigating. We told my dad as he's a smoker and my sister (who's only comment was I hope your will is in order) which while hurting has helped me see where she stands. > I'm focussed on getting through the next week or so till I see the specialist and then dealing with this challenge. > Thanks for the welcome > Take care > Sharon. > > > > sharon > > > > sharon, > welcome to the group. > you will be in shock for a few weeks and it will take you > about 18months to come to terms with this monster. > > the main things you will have to decide about is whether > to take the pred steroid and have a vats biopsy. these > have been talked about lots on this site so you will find > loads of stuff to read. > > not having any medication at the moment isn't a bad thing. > you want to be informed before you make any decisions on > meds. to help yourself right now, just slow down. > > where are you in oz. we have gina in brisbane on the site > and my brother is in adelaide. > > a lot of pf is found to be caused by autoimmune conditions > so treating that slows down progression. > > may uip 0606 > glasgow scotland > > > > > Win a MacBook Air or iPod touch with Yahoo!7. http://au.docs.yahoo.com/homepageset > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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