Re: Rights of Age or Illness or Disability or Just Because

[Guest guest]

Right on brother Bruce! I'm with you...

MamaSher, age 70. IPF 3-06, OR. NasturtiumsDon't fret about tomorrow, God is already there!

Rights of Age or Illness or Disability or Just Because

I've read a few posts recently talking about what one couldn't do or hadto have others do over the holidays and while I know its sometimesfrustrating, it's something we all need to find a way to not let itimpact us. As my mother aged, or my ex mother in law or father in law, Ilearned to accept their rights. Rights to do things I thought made nosense. Rights to do nothing if they chose. To just accept. So, I'm doingthe same with myself although not near the ages they were. I encourageeach of you to consider these "rights".My rights:I've worked hard during my life and this is my time. Mine. To make thebest of in whatever way I can and see fit. It's my retirement althoughforced but at an earlier age than anticipated and perhaps shorter andultimately more limited than hoped. I do what I can and I have no reasonto apologize to anyone about that I can't do or to feel guilty or badabout it. Those who matter to me want me for myself and who I am, notwhat I can do.I get out and about when I can. I stay in and recover on the next day ordays if needed. I depend on others for help. I helped others all mylife. This is their chance. I don't think of it as a burden when donereasonably but rather as allowing them the feeling of giving. I'vetraveled and gotten help from strangers and I've seen them light up andfeel good about providing it.I find the simplest ways I can do to things. I get someone in to hangpictures or drapes or do small things like that. I simplify myThanksgiving meal by eating out or by purchasing precooked from thegrocery. I actually had a great turkey breast at no more cost than had Icooked it and far better than most I had for years at my wife's aunt'shouse.I'm going to enjoy these days to the best of my ability and that meansmaking no apologies to myself or others about limitations that I in noway brought on to myself. I still do small things to help others but notvery physical things. I listen and talk. I'm their confidant. I'm herefor them as they are here for me. Because things no longer center arounddoing such active or exerting things, they can center more aroundquality time together.I'm going to protect myself from overdoing it, from unreasonableexpectations, from germs and risk, and from those who are emotionally orotherwise unhealthy for me. I choose carefully and I set boundaries moreappropriately than ever before in my life.I have a right not to perfect health, wealth or happiness from materialor physical things but I do have a right of peace and enjoyment as wellas my condition allows. I'm going to unabashedly assert that right.

[Guest guest]

Well Said !

>

> I've read a few posts recently talking about what one couldn't do

or had

> to have others do over the holidays and while I know its sometimes

> frustrating, it's something we all need to find a way to not let it

> impact us. As my mother aged, or my ex mother in law or father in

law, I

> learned to accept their rights. Rights to do things I thought made

no

> sense. Rights to do nothing if they chose. To just accept. So, I'm

doing

> the same with myself although not near the ages they were. I

encourage

> each of you to consider these " rights " .

>

> My rights:

>

> I've worked hard during my life and this is my time. Mine. To make

the

> best of in whatever way I can and see fit. It's my retirement

although

> forced but at an earlier age than anticipated and perhaps shorter

and

> ultimately more limited than hoped. I do what I can and I have no

reason

> to apologize to anyone about that I can't do or to feel guilty or

bad

> about it. Those who matter to me want me for myself and who I am,

not

> what I can do.

>

> I get out and about when I can. I stay in and recover on the next

day or

> days if needed. I depend on others for help. I helped others all my

> life. This is their chance. I don't think of it as a burden when

done

> reasonably but rather as allowing them the feeling of giving. I've

> traveled and gotten help from strangers and I've seen them light up

and

> feel good about providing it.

>

> I find the simplest ways I can do to things. I get someone in to

hang

> pictures or drapes or do small things like that. I simplify my

> Thanksgiving meal by eating out or by purchasing precooked from the

> grocery. I actually had a great turkey breast at no more cost than

had I

> cooked it and far better than most I had for years at my wife's

aunt's

> house.

>

> I'm going to enjoy these days to the best of my ability and that

means

> making no apologies to myself or others about limitations that I in

no

> way brought on to myself. I still do small things to help others

but not

> very physical things. I listen and talk. I'm their confidant. I'm

here

> for them as they are here for me. Because things no longer center

around

> doing such active or exerting things, they can center more around

> quality time together.

>

> I'm going to protect myself from overdoing it, from unreasonable

> expectations, from germs and risk, and from those who are

emotionally or

> otherwise unhealthy for me. I choose carefully and I set boundaries

more

> appropriately than ever before in my life.

>

> I have a right not to perfect health, wealth or happiness from

material

> or physical things but I do have a right of peace and enjoyment as

well

> as my condition allows. I'm going to unabashedly assert that right.

>

[Guest guest]

>

> I've read a few posts recently talking about what one couldn't do

or had

> to have others do over the holidays and while I know its sometimes

> frustrating, it's something we all need to find a way to not let it

> impact us. As my mother aged, or my ex mother in law or father in

law, I

> learned to accept their rights. Rights to do things I thought made

no

> sense. Rights to do nothing if they chose. To just accept. So, I'm

doing

> the same with myself although not near the ages they were. I

encourage

> each of you to consider these " rights " .

>

> My rights:

>

> I've worked hard during my life and this is my time. Mine. To make

the

> best of in whatever way I can and see fit. It's my retirement

although

> forced but at an earlier age than anticipated and perhaps shorter

and

> ultimately more limited than hoped. I do what I can and I have no

reason

> to apologize to anyone about that I can't do or to feel guilty or

bad

> about it. Those who matter to me want me for myself and who I am,

not

> what I can do.

>

> I get out and about when I can. I stay in and recover on the next

day or

> days if needed. I depend on others for help. I helped others all my

> life. This is their chance. I don't think of it as a burden when

done

> reasonably but rather as allowing them the feeling of giving. I've

> traveled and gotten help from strangers and I've seen them light up

and

> feel good about providing it.

>

> I find the simplest ways I can do to things. I get someone in to

hang

> pictures or drapes or do small things like that. I simplify my

> Thanksgiving meal by eating out or by purchasing precooked from the

> grocery. I actually had a great turkey breast at no more cost than

had I

> cooked it and far better than most I had for years at my wife's

aunt's

> house.

>

> I'm going to enjoy these days to the best of my ability and that

means

> making no apologies to myself or others about limitations that I in

no

> way brought on to myself. I still do small things to help others

but not

> very physical things. I listen and talk. I'm their confidant. I'm

here

> for them as they are here for me. Because things no longer center

around

> doing such active or exerting things, they can center more around

> quality time together.

>

> I'm going to protect myself from overdoing it, from unreasonable

> expectations, from germs and risk, and from those who are

emotionally or

> otherwise unhealthy for me. I choose carefully and I set boundaries

more

> appropriately than ever before in my life.

>

> I have a right not to perfect health, wealth or happiness from

material

> or physical things but I do have a right of peace and enjoyment as

well

> as my condition allows. I'm going to unabashedly assert that right.

>

Bruce. thanks for sharing, you are so right. As painful as it has

been I have had to weed people out of my life too. I refuse to play

games with them , I don't have the time to mess with them. I felt so

better after I actually did it. But for the first time in my life,I

come first.

so way to go, KathyS.tx/ipf-10-04