Re: Re: Whom to tell--when

August 16, 2008

Bruce, Mama Sher and May,

Thanks for your input. All of it valuable. I use you guys daily in trying to

cope.

Bruce, you pointed out things I had failed to consider; mom's loss of her sense

of self worth. Raising 7 children mostly single handedly was an enormous job

for her and one at which she was extremely successful. All seven of us became

active, productive adults. She tells me almost daily how she hates not being

able to do average things any more. I certainly understand that and tell her

so. She can obviously see the changes in me with my sob and incessant coughing.

And when I feel bad I still want to be with mama no matter how old I get and I

tell her that too! I have one sister who lives with mom and we try not to hover

too much and let her be as independent as she can.

Mama Sher as you said, I can always change my mind!

No, I don't have any real children---just a husband, dog and 2 birds!

Roxanne, 58, South Carolina

2006 Asthma/ PF

2008 IPF/ Sarcoidosis/Gerd

Lady Slipper Orchid

>

> Subject: Re: Whom to tell--when

> To: Breathe-Support

> Date: Saturday, August 16, 2008, 12:11 PM

> Roxanne

>

> Mother is a difficult one. Do you have kids yourself?

> Sounds like your

> mother has a lot of physical problems but still mentally

> doing fine. If

> so, while not worrying her is one side of it, let me just

> offer, not

> pushing, the other. I can bet she feels somewhat useless at

> this point

> in her life. She can't do the things she once did that

> she felt made her

> a benefit to others and society. Many of us here feel that

> way

> sometimes. At her age, most everyone has some of those

> thoughts. My

> ex-wife's father worked to the age of 79 and when he

> had to stop he felt

> that a lot. Fortunately told him that he still had

> one most

> important thing of value to do and that was be her father.

> With him in

> his 80's, having had two hip and two knee replacements,

> she would still

> get in his lap. But she didn't just share good things.

> She shared

> problems at work or with friends and sought his advice. He

> always was a

> calming effect on her. So, think about what it means to

> your mother to

> still " mother " you. That includes it all. Might

> just take her mind a bit

> more off herself. She might even have good support advice

> from her

> experiences. If explained clearly she'd know your

> disease is much

> different from hers and not think it was her fault. I

> don't know if she

> has close friends or doctors you might discuss it with and

> get opinions

> from. I don't know a mother or father in the world who

> wouldn't want to

> know. Yes, you have rights to your privacy if you like.

> But, doesn't she

> have rights as a mother too? I know sometimes we start

> thinking of one

> as an 85 year old cancer survivor with health problems,

> instead of as

> our mother, our advisor, our supporter.

>

> >

> > Hi all,

> >

> > I'd like to weigh in on this discussion too. I

> know we all have

> preferences and reasons for doing it however we choose.

> I've gotten

> valuable information from you all regarding this issue but

> I still have

> a huge dilemma which I am facing and don't know how to

> handle it.

> >

> > I've told my 4 sisters, 2 brothers and 2 oldest

> nieces (who are grown

> and married). They are all sent updates each time I visit

> doctors and

> have tests. I've told the 3 people at work with whom I

> work the closest.

> My boss knows more than the other 2, but even she

> doesn't know all the

> details. It helps to have their support at work due to time

> off for drs

> appts etc.

> >

> > My dilemma is my mother. She's 85 years and not in

> the best health

> herself. She is a cancer survivor and 20 year sufferer of

> COPD and

> chronic bronchitis. I have told her that I have Sarcoid and

> that it is

> an inflammation which is causing all the coughing. I am

> scared to tell

> her any more for fear she will feel it's her fault and

> worry too much

> which could lead to further declining health for her.

> >

> > My sisters are split on this issue, the 2 oldest

> don't agree with me

> and the 2 youngest do. My feeling is that as I continue to

> decline, I

> may have no choice, but for right now I don't want to

> worry her

> needlessly.

> >

> > Roxanne, 58, South Carolina

> > 2006 Asthma/ PF

> > 2008 IPF/ Sarcoidosis/Gerd

> > Lady Slipper Orchid

> >

August 16, 2008

Roxanne, I thought I'd give you some of my

experiences with telling people about

my illness. After DX in 2005 I told my grown kids and their spouses,

my Mom and my brother and sister -in-law

and Mike's brother and sister-in-law. Work wasn't an issue as I had

stopped working at the end of the semester so I just called my boss and

told her I needed to retire due to illness. Most of my friends were

told as we saw them, they were and still are the best.

The people who still DO NOT GET IT are my Mom and brother. They are

still in the " you look good" mentality...so that means I'm better!

Wrong! it's not worth the energy to continually explain what is going

on inside. I keep telling them I'm" stable" and that's good.

Friends are still around,. A few have backed off...guess they weren't

friends after -all

..

One thing I have learned is that I save my energy on any given day for

people and activities that are positive.

I DO NOT waste time or energy on things I don't like or people who I

now call "toxic"

For example:

My baby grand daughters get as much time as I have..they give me

moreenergy just being with them.

One is 33months(Darah) and the other is 6 months(Sara). They bring

sunshine into my day.

I do not spend time with people who are negative if I can help it.

This group is the best...we all get it, we all understand good and bad

days and rest days.

We are here for the same reason, no matter the path we took to get here.

I've said this before" It is what it is" I've been learning to deal on

a daily basis.

Some days I deal better than others.

Hope your week-end is a good one.

Just a funny post script...I received the following phone call ast

night from my 33 month old Darah:

" Hi Mom Mom I got a present.( I asked "Why did you get a present

Darah?")

Mom Mom I pooped on the potty and I got a present and a jelly bean!"

I just laughed ! Thought you'd enjoy this silly baby moment too.

Z fibriotic NSIP/05

Z 64,

fibriotic NSIP/o5/PA

And “mild”

PH/10/07 and Reynaud’s too!!

No, NSIP was not

self-inflicted…I never smoked!

Potter,

reader,carousel lover and MomMom to

Darah

and Sara

“I’m gonna

be iron like a lion in Zion” Bob Marley

Vinca

Minor-periwinkle is my flower

Bruce Moreland wrote:

Roxanne

Mother is a difficult one. Do you have kids yourself? Sounds like your

mother has a lot of physical problems but still mentally doing fine. If

so, while not worrying her is one side of it, let me just offer, not

pushing, the other. I can bet she feels somewhat useless at this point

in her life. She can't do the things she once did that she felt made her

a benefit to others and society. Many of us here feel that way

sometimes. At her age, most everyone has some of those thoughts. My

ex-wife's father worked to the age of 79 and when he had to stop he felt

that a lot. Fortunately told him that he still had one most

important thing of value to do and that was be her father. With him in

his 80's, having had two hip and two knee replacements, she would still

get in his lap. But she didn't just share good things. She shared

problems at work or with friends and sought his advice. He always was a

calming effect on her. So, think about what it means to your mother to

still "mother" you. That includes it all. Might just take her mind a bit

more off herself. She might even have good support advice from her

experiences. If explained clearly she'd know your disease is much

different from hers and not think it was her fault. I don't know if she

has close friends or doctors you might discuss it with and get opinions

from. I don't know a mother or father in the world who wouldn't want to

know. Yes, you have rights to your privacy if you like. But, doesn't she

have rights as a mother too? I know sometimes we start thinking of one

as an 85 year old cancer survivor with health problems, instead of as

our mother, our advisor, our supporter.

>

> Hi all,

>

> I'd like to weigh in on this discussion too. I know we all have

preferences and reasons for doing it however we choose. I've gotten

valuable information from you all regarding this issue but I still have

a huge dilemma which I am facing and don't know how to handle it.

>

> I've told my 4 sisters, 2 brothers and 2 oldest nieces (who are

grown

and married). They are all sent updates each time I visit doctors and

have tests. I've told the 3 people at work with whom I work the closest.

My boss knows more than the other 2, but even she doesn't know all the

details. It helps to have their support at work due to time off for drs

appts etc.

>

> My dilemma is my mother. She's 85 years and not in the best health

herself. She is a cancer survivor and 20 year sufferer of COPD and

chronic bronchitis. I have told her that I have Sarcoid and that it is

an inflammation which is causing all the coughing. I am scared to tell

her any more for fear she will feel it's her fault and worry too much

which could lead to further declining health for her.

>

> My sisters are split on this issue, the 2 oldest don't agree with

me

and the 2 youngest do. My feeling is that as I continue to decline, I

may have no choice, but for right now I don't want to worry her

needlessly.

>

> Roxanne, 58, South Carolina

> 2006 Asthma/ PF

> 2008 IPF/ Sarcoidosis/Gerd

> Lady Slipper Orchid

>

No virus found in this incoming message.

Checked by AVG - http://www.avg.com

Version: 8.0.138 / Virus Database: 270.6.4/1615 - Release Date: 8/16/2008 7:11 AM

August 16, 2008

Rozxanne, Another note..my Mom is 88 and

healthier than I am...She's annoyed by my O2.

Actually I think she may even be embarrassed by it! Many of her

friends in the retirement community

have the same O2 device as I do..I keep telling her that I actually

am eligible to live there too!!!

Boy, do you want to see a thoroughly rattled lady! The idea that her

daughter ( 64) is old enough to live where she lives gets to her.

She's not good about the age thing at all. I figure any age I get to

is a victory!

Z fibriotic NSIP/05

Z 64,

fibriotic NSIP/o5/PA

And “mild”

PH/10/07 and Reynaud’s too!!

No, NSIP was not

self-inflicted…I never smoked!

Potter,

reader,carousel lover and MomMom to

Darah

and Sara

“I’m gonna

be iron like a lion in Zion” Bob Marley

Vinca

Minor-periwinkle is my flower

Roxanne Wooten wrote:

Bruce, Mama Sher and May,

Thanks for your input. All of it valuable. I use you guys daily in

trying to cope.

Bruce, you pointed out things I had failed to consider; mom's loss of

her sense of self worth. Raising 7 children mostly single handedly was

an enormous job for her and one at which she was extremely successful.

All seven of us became active, productive adults. She tells me almost

daily how she hates not being able to do average things any more. I

certainly understand that and tell her so. She can obviously see the

changes in me with my sob and incessant coughing. And when I feel bad I

still want to be with mama no matter how old I get and I tell her that

too! I have one sister who lives with mom and we try not to hover too

much and let her be as independent as she can.

Mama Sher as you said, I can always change my mind!

No, I don't have any real children---just a husband, dog and 2 birds!

Roxanne, 58, South Carolina

2006 Asthma/ PF

2008 IPF/ Sarcoidosis/Gerd

Lady Slipper Orchid

> From: Bruce Moreland <brucemoreland (AT) gmail (DOT) com>

> Subject: Re: Whom to tell--when

> To: Breathe-Support

> Date: Saturday, August 16, 2008, 12:11 PM

> Roxanne

>

> Mother is a difficult one. Do you have kids yourself?

> Sounds like your

> mother has a lot of physical problems but still mentally

> doing fine. If

> so, while not worrying her is one side of it, let me just

> offer, not

> pushing, the other. I can bet she feels somewhat useless at

> this point

> in her life. She can't do the things she once did that

> she felt made her

> a benefit to others and society. Many of us here feel that

> way

> sometimes. At her age, most everyone has some of those

> thoughts. My

> ex-wife's father worked to the age of 79 and when he

> had to stop he felt

> that a lot. Fortunately told him that he still had

> one most

> important thing of value to do and that was be her father.

> With him in

> his 80's, having had two hip and two knee replacements,

> she would still

> get in his lap. But she didn't just share good things.

> She shared

> problems at work or with friends and sought his advice. He

> always was a

> calming effect on her. So, think about what it means to

> your mother to

> still "mother" you. That includes it all. Might

> just take her mind a bit

> more off herself. She might even have good support advice

> from her

> experiences. If explained clearly she'd know your

> disease is much

> different from hers and not think it was her fault. I

> don't know if she

> has close friends or doctors you might discuss it with and

> get opinions

> from. I don't know a mother or father in the world who

> wouldn't want to

> know. Yes, you have rights to your privacy if you like.

> But, doesn't she

> have rights as a mother too? I know sometimes we start

> thinking of one

> as an 85 year old cancer survivor with health problems,

> instead of as

> our mother, our advisor, our supporter.

>

> >

> > Hi all,

> >

> > I'd like to weigh in on this discussion too. I

> know we all have

> preferences and reasons for doing it however we choose.

> I've gotten

> valuable information from you all regarding this issue but

> I still have

> a huge dilemma which I am facing and don't know how to

> handle it.

> >

> > I've told my 4 sisters, 2 brothers and 2 oldest

> nieces (who are grown

> and married). They are all sent updates each time I visit

> doctors and

> have tests. I've told the 3 people at work with whom I

> work the closest.

> My boss knows more than the other 2, but even she

> doesn't know all the

> details. It helps to have their support at work due to time

> off for drs

> appts etc.

> >

> > My dilemma is my mother. She's 85 years and not in

> the best health

> herself. She is a cancer survivor and 20 year sufferer of

> COPD and

> chronic bronchitis. I have told her that I have Sarcoid and

> that it is

> an inflammation which is causing all the coughing. I am

> scared to tell

> her any more for fear she will feel it's her fault and

> worry too much

> which could lead to further declining health for her.

> >

> > My sisters are split on this issue, the 2 oldest

> don't agree with me

> and the 2 youngest do. My feeling is that as I continue to

> decline, I

> may have no choice, but for right now I don't want to

> worry her

> needlessly.

> >

> > Roxanne, 58, South Carolina

> > 2006 Asthma/ PF

> > 2008 IPF/ Sarcoidosis/Gerd

> > Lady Slipper Orchid

> >

No virus found in this incoming message.

Checked by AVG - http://www.avg.com

Version: 8.0.138 / Virus Database: 270.6.4/1615 - Release Date: 8/16/2008 7:11 AM

August 16, 2008

:

I couldn't have said it better myself. I have pretty well weeded out all the negative people and false friends (although I must say there wern't too many) and now am surrounded by positive, caring and accepting people. I loved the Darrah story. My daughter called this morning and said they would like to come and visit for a few days so I am anxiously waiting for my grandaughter's arrival. Libby is 30 months - just a bit younger than Darrah. They make everything worthwhile. I had sent a friend of mine a picture of my new grandson and she wrote back " I can only imagine what it feels like to know you played a part in something that amazing".

If we are ever wonding about our purpose on this earth, we have only to look at them.

Diane IPF June 07New Brunswick, Canada

Re: Re: Whom to tell--when

Roxanne, I thought I'd give you some of my experiences with telling people aboutmy illness. After DX in 2005 I told my grown kids and their spouses, my Mom and my brother and sister -in-law and Mike's brother and sister-in-law. Work wasn't an issue as I had stopped working at the end of the semester so I just called my boss andtold her I needed to retire due to illness. Most of my friends were told as we saw them, they were and still are the best.The people who still DO NOT GET IT are my Mom and brother. They are still in the " you look good" mentality... so that means I'm better!Wrong! it's not worth the energy to continually explain what is going on inside. I keep telling them I'm" stable" and that's good. Friends are still around,. A few have backed off...guess they weren't friends after -all.One thing I have learned is that I save my energy on any

given day for people and activities that are positive.I DO NOT waste time or energy on things I don't like or people who I now call "toxic"For example:My baby grand daughters get as much time as I have..they give me moreenergy just being with them.One is 33months(Darah) and the other is 6 months(Sara) . They bring sunshine into my day.I do not spend time with people who are negative if I can help it.This group is the best...we all get it, we all understand good and bad days and rest days.We are here for the same reason, no matter the path we took to get here.I've said this before" It is what it is" I've been learning to deal on a daily basis.Some days I deal better than others.Hope your week-end is a good one.Just a funny post script...I received the following phone call ast night from my 33 month old Darah:" Hi Mom Mom I got a present.( I asked "Why did you get a present

Darah?")Mom Mom I pooped on the potty and I got a present and a jelly bean!"I just laughed ! Thought you'd enjoy this silly baby moment too.

Z 64, fibriotic NSIP/o5/PA

And “mild” PH/10/07 and Reynaud’s too!!

No, NSIP was not self-inflicted…I never smoked!

Potter, reader,carousel lover and MomMom to Darah

and Sara

“I’m gonna be iron like a lion in Zion” Bob Marley

Vinca Minor-periwinkle is my flower

Bruce Moreland wrote:

RoxanneMother is a difficult one. Do you have kids yourself? Sounds like yourmother has a lot of physical problems but still mentally doing fine. Ifso, while not worrying her is one side of it, let me just offer, notpushing, the other. I can bet she feels somewhat useless at this pointin her life. She can't do the things she once did that she felt made hera benefit to others and society. Many of us here feel that waysometimes. At her age, most everyone has some of those thoughts. Myex-wife's father worked to the age of 79 and when he had to stop he feltthat a lot. Fortunately told him that he still had one mostimportant thing of value to do and that was be her father. With him inhis 80's, having had two hip and two knee replacements, she would stillget in his lap. But she didn't just share good things. She sharedproblems at work or with friends and sought his advice.. He always was

acalming effect on her. So, think about what it means to your mother tostill "mother" you. That includes it all. Might just take her mind a bitmore off herself. She might even have good support advice from herexperiences. If explained clearly she'd know your disease is muchdifferent from hers and not think it was her fault. I don't know if shehas close friends or doctors you might discuss it with and get opinionsfrom. I don't know a mother or father in the world who wouldn't want toknow. Yes, you have rights to your privacy if you like. But, doesn't shehave rights as a mother too? I know sometimes we start thinking of oneas an 85 year old cancer survivor with health problems, instead of asour mother, our advisor, our supporter.>> Hi all,>> I'd like to weigh in on this discussion too. I know we all havepreferences and reasons for doing it however we choose. I've gottenvaluable information from you all regarding this issue but I still havea huge dilemma which I am facing and don't know how to handle it.>> I've told my 4 sisters, 2 brothers and 2 oldest nieces (who are grownand married). They are all sent updates each time I visit doctors andhave tests. I've told the 3 people at work with whom I work the closest.My boss knows more than the other 2, but even she doesn't know all thedetails. It helps to have their support at work due to time off for drsappts etc.>> My dilemma is my mother. She's 85 years and not in the best

healthherself. She is a cancer survivor and 20 year sufferer of COPD andchronic bronchitis. I have told her that I have Sarcoid and that it isan inflammation which is causing all the coughing. I am scared to tellher any more for fear she will feel it's her fault and worry too muchwhich could lead to further declining health for her.>> My sisters are split on this issue, the 2 oldest don't agree with meand the 2 youngest do. My feeling is that as I continue to decline, Imay have no choice, but for right now I don't want to worry herneedlessly.>> Roxanne, 58, South Carolina> 2006 Asthma/ PF> 2008 IPF/ Sarcoidosis/ Gerd> Lady Slipper Orchid>No virus found in this incoming message.

Checked by AVG - http://www.avg. com Version: 8.0.138 / Virus Database: 270.6.4/1615 - Release Date: 8/16/2008 7:11 AM

Looking for the perfect gift? Give the gift of Flickr!

August 16, 2008

and Bruce,

I've heard others speak previously about saving your time and energy for those

with positive feedback and that you enjoy. I have taken this advise seriously

too. I also try to do the small things I still can enjoy like walking my old

dog and leave the housekeeping, etc to the gremlins! I've been working on quilts

for several years for all my family. I have finished and given for Christmas my

mom, 4 sisters, 2 brothers, 4 nieces and 2 great nephews. I have 5 more to

complete and haven't touched one this whole year. I do however love to shop for

fabrics and still do so on a regular basis. Hopefully with cooler weather I'll

feel like getting one started before Christmas. The dust bunnies can wait....I

refuse to worry about a lot of things that before would have driven me bonkers.

It is what it is. I can't fix it but I can choose to make the most of it.

Roxanne, 58, South Carolina

2006 Asthma/ PF

2008 IPF/ Sarcoidosis/Gerd

Lady Slipper Orchid

>

> Subject: Re: Whom to tell--when

> To: Breathe-Support

> Date: Saturday, August 16, 2008, 3:00 PM

>

> I love your comment on not wasting energy on toxic persons

> or

> situations. Exactly the word I used some time back when

> telling someone

> in Kansas City I didn't care to talk to her anymore. In

> life we should

> have chosen our environments more carefully along the way.

> I get

> pleasure from friends who I can help, regardless of their

> problems.

> Listening doesn't bring me down. However, I just

> can't tolerate people

> who in their lives are doing things that are bad for their

> children and

> not planning on doing anything about it but just continue

> to think about

> themselves. Thats a line for me and its toxic to me. One

> said " you're

> not a very good friend to talk to me like that " and I

> said " well, you

> can take care of yourself but frankly I care a lot more

> about your kids

> right now than I do you. " I know that sounds ugly but

> its just me making

> a decision of whether it was healthy for me to spend time

> talking to

> someone or find someone less toxic to talk to.

>

> I'd rather talk to my friends here anytime.

>

> I just live my life best as I can doing the things I want

> to and

> spending time with those people I want to. I have some

> friends with real

> problems, but they are working on them and I'm happy to

> be able to

> support them as they do. My friends are a very eclectic

> group from

> everyone here to my ex-wife to 25 year old single moms to

> their 19 year

> old brothers to those with kids and those without.

>

> People might think of why they go to church or religious

> communities.

> One of the main reasons is to be with others with similar

> beliefs.

> Simplified, its to be with people who are healthy for them.

> Any social

> setting should be like that. I come to this forum because I

> like the

> people here. Oh yes, I get help and provide it. But, today

> its more than

> anything to be among quality friends.

>

> I went to NC to visit the relatives who mean the most to

> me. It was

> wonderful. I have an uncle in Georgia I have no intention

> of visiting.

> He was toxic years ago and the one phone call I've had

> with him shows

> nothing has changed. Why would I spend precious time and

> energy heading

> there when I can go to other relatives in NC and enjoy it

> immensely with

> those I can communicate with and share love?

>

> Peggy's husband, , made a statement in San

> I have

> remembered since. It was that he wouldn't spend any of

> what energy one

> has left being angry or in conflict. I quite imagine

> he's told Peggy

> more than once about something to not let it bother her

> that its not

> important. Well, easier for some than others of us. But, I

> heard what he

> said and I've tried to remember it. I think of my

> energy sort of like a

> gas tank with x amount left. I hear saying not to

> waste any of it.

>

> > > >

> > > > Hi all,

> > > >

> > > > I'd like to weigh in on this discussion

> too. I know we all have

> > > preferences and reasons for doing it however we

> choose. I've gotten

> > > valuable information from you all regarding this

> issue but I still

> have

> > > a huge dilemma which I am facing and don't

> know how to handle it.

> > > >

> > > > I've told my 4 sisters, 2 brothers and 2

> oldest nieces (who are

> grown

> > > and married). They are all sent updates each time

> I visit doctors

> and

> > > have tests. I've told the 3 people at work

> with whom I work the

> closest.

> > > My boss knows more than the other 2, but even she

> doesn't know all

> the

> > > details. It helps to have their support at work

> due to time off for

> drs

> > > appts etc.

> > > >

> > > > My dilemma is my mother. She's 85 years

> and not in the best health

> > > herself. She is a cancer survivor and 20 year

> sufferer of COPD and

> > > chronic bronchitis. I have told her that I have

> Sarcoid and that it

> is

> > > an inflammation which is causing all the

> coughing. I am scared to

> tell

> > > her any more for fear she will feel it's her

> fault and worry too

> much

> > > which could lead to further declining health for

> her.

> > > >

> > > > My sisters are split on this issue, the 2

> oldest don't agree with

> me

> > > and the 2 youngest do. My feeling is that as I

> continue to decline,

> I

> > > may have no choice, but for right now I don't

> want to worry her

> > > needlessly.

> > > >

> > > > Roxanne, 58, South Carolina

> > > > 2006 Asthma/ PF

> > > > 2008 IPF/ Sarcoidosis/Gerd

> > > > Lady Slipper Orchid

> > > >

> > >

> > >No virus found in this incoming message.

> > >Checked by AVG - http://www.avg.com

> > >Version: 8.0.138 / Virus Database: 270.6.4/1615 -

> Release Date:

> 8/16/2008 7:11 AM

> > >

> >

August 16, 2008

Bruce, I guess biggest children would depend on your point of view...

Biggest in respect to really being my baby---definitely the dog (a now 15 year

old pug) who loves to snuggle. Or my husband in that he " always " needs

something and always makes a mess!

Roxanne, 58, South Carolina

2006 Asthma/ PF

2008 IPF/ Sarcoidosis/Gerd

Lady Slipper Orchid

>

> Subject: Re: Whom to tell--when

> To: Breathe-Support

> Date: Saturday, August 16, 2008, 12:45 PM

> Roxanne

>

> Ultimately its a very personal decision and you're

> asking and listening.

> Then just do what is right for you and feel good you made a

> choice based

> on lots of thought and try not to second guess yourself.

> However, as

> Sher said, you don't need to feel you can't change

> your mind.

>

> As to " real children " , which are biggest

> children, your husband or your

> dogs? lol. I know even though I'm the non-custodial

> parent my cats sure

> are.

>

> > > >

> > > > Hi all,

> > > >

> > > > I'd like to weigh in on this discussion

> too. I

> > > know we all have

> > > preferences and reasons for doing it however we

> choose.

> > > I've gotten

> > > valuable information from you all regarding this

> issue but

> > > I still have

> > > a huge dilemma which I am facing and don't

> know how to

> > > handle it.

> > > >

> > > > I've told my 4 sisters, 2 brothers and 2

> oldest

> > > nieces (who are grown

> > > and married). They are all sent updates each time

> I visit

> > > doctors and

> > > have tests. I've told the 3 people at work

> with whom I

> > > work the closest.

> > > My boss knows more than the other 2, but even she

> > > doesn't know all the

> > > details. It helps to have their support at work

> due to time

> > > off for drs

> > > appts etc.

> > > >

> > > > My dilemma is my mother. She's 85 years

> and not in

> > > the best health

> > > herself. She is a cancer survivor and 20 year

> sufferer of

> > > COPD and

> > > chronic bronchitis. I have told her that I have

> Sarcoid and

> > > that it is

> > > an inflammation which is causing all the

> coughing. I am

> > > scared to tell

> > > her any more for fear she will feel it's her

> fault and

> > > worry too much

> > > which could lead to further declining health for

> her.

> > > >

> > > > My sisters are split on this issue, the 2

> oldest

> > > don't agree with me

> > > and the 2 youngest do. My feeling is that as I

> continue to

> > > decline, I

> > > may have no choice, but for right now I don't

> want to

> > > worry her

> > > needlessly.

> > > >

> > > > Roxanne, 58, South Carolina

> > > > 2006 Asthma/ PF

> > > > 2008 IPF/ Sarcoidosis/Gerd

> > > > Lady Slipper Orchid

> > > >

> >

August 16, 2008

,

My mom says frequently she doesn't understand how she got so many children who

are older than she.

Funny, they still see us a " children " even at our age.

Roxanne, 58, South Carolina

2006 Asthma/ PF

2008 IPF/ Sarcoidosis/Gerd

Lady Slipper Orchid

> >

> > > From: Bruce Moreland <brucemoreland@...

> > <mailto:brucemoreland%40gmail.com>>

> > > Subject: Re: Whom to tell--when

> > > To: Breathe-Support

> > <mailto:Breathe-Support%40yahoogroups.com>

> > > Date: Saturday, August 16, 2008, 12:11 PM

> > > Roxanne

> > >

> > > Mother is a difficult one. Do you have kids

> yourself?

> > > Sounds like your

> > > mother has a lot of physical problems but still

> mentally

> > > doing fine. If

> > > so, while not worrying her is one side of it, let

> me just

> > > offer, not

> > > pushing, the other. I can bet she feels somewhat

> useless at

> > > this point

> > > in her life. She can't do the things she once

> did that

> > > she felt made her

> > > a benefit to others and society. Many of us here

> feel that

> > > way

> > > sometimes. At her age, most everyone has some of

> those

> > > thoughts. My

> > > ex-wife's father worked to the age of 79 and

> when he

> > > had to stop he felt

> > > that a lot. Fortunately told him that he

> still had

> > > one most

> > > important thing of value to do and that was be

> her father.

> > > With him in

> > > his 80's, having had two hip and two knee

> replacements,

> > > she would still

> > > get in his lap. But she didn't just share

> good things.

> > > She shared

> > > problems at work or with friends and sought his

> advice. He

> > > always was a

> > > calming effect on her. So, think about what it

> means to

> > > your mother to

> > > still " mother " you. That includes it

> all. Might

> > > just take her mind a bit

> > > more off herself. She might even have good

> support advice

> > > from her

> > > experiences. If explained clearly she'd know

> your

> > > disease is much

> > > different from hers and not think it was her

> fault. I

> > > don't know if she

> > > has close friends or doctors you might discuss it

> with and

> > > get opinions

> > > from. I don't know a mother or father in the

> world who

> > > wouldn't want to

> > > know. Yes, you have rights to your privacy if you

> like.

> > > But, doesn't she

> > > have rights as a mother too? I know sometimes we

> start

> > > thinking of one

> > > as an 85 year old cancer survivor with health

> problems,

> > > instead of as

> > > our mother, our advisor, our supporter.

> > >

> > > >

> > > > Hi all,

> > > >

> > > > I'd like to weigh in on this discussion

> too. I

> > > know we all have

> > > preferences and reasons for doing it however we

> choose.

> > > I've gotten

> > > valuable information from you all regarding this

> issue but

> > > I still have

> > > a huge dilemma which I am facing and don't

> know how to

> > > handle it.

> > > >

> > > > I've told my 4 sisters, 2 brothers and 2

> oldest

> > > nieces (who are grown

> > > and married). They are all sent updates each time

> I visit

> > > doctors and

> > > have tests. I've told the 3 people at work

> with whom I

> > > work the closest.

> > > My boss knows more than the other 2, but even she

> > > doesn't know all the

> > > details. It helps to have their support at work

> due to time

> > > off for drs

> > > appts etc.

> > > >

> > > > My dilemma is my mother. She's 85 years

> and not in

> > > the best health

> > > herself. She is a cancer survivor and 20 year

> sufferer of

> > > COPD and

> > > chronic bronchitis. I have told her that I have

> Sarcoid and

> > > that it is

> > > an inflammation which is causing all the

> coughing. I am

> > > scared to tell

> > > her any more for fear she will feel it's her

> fault and

> > > worry too much

> > > which could lead to further declining health for

> her.

> > > >

> > > > My sisters are split on this issue, the 2

> oldest

> > > don't agree with me

> > > and the 2 youngest do. My feeling is that as I

> continue to

> > > decline, I

> > > may have no choice, but for right now I don't

> want to

> > > worry her

> > > needlessly.

> > > >

> > > > Roxanne, 58, South Carolina

> > > > 2006 Asthma/ PF

> > > > 2008 IPF/ Sarcoidosis/Gerd

> > > > Lady Slipper Orchid

> > > >

> >

> >No virus found in this incoming message.

> >Checked by AVG - http://www.avg.com

> >Version: 8.0.138 / Virus Database: 270.6.4/1615 -

> Release Date: 8/16/2008 7:11 AM

> >

August 16, 2008

Bruce, Your just wanting a HUG............ Here ya go. l V Love and Prayers, Peggy IPF 2004, Florida"Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." I love your comment on not wasting energy on toxic persons orsituations. Exactly the word I used some time back when telling someonein Kansas City I didn't care to talk to her anymore. In life we shouldhave chosen our environments more carefully along the way. I getpleasure from friends who I can help, regardless of their problems.Listening doesn't bring me down. However, I just can't tolerate peoplewho in their lives are doing things that are bad for their children andnot planning on doing anything about it but just continue to think aboutthemselves. Thats a line for me and its toxic to me. One said "you'renot a very good friend to talk to me like that" and I said "well, youcan take care of yourself but frankly I care a lot more about your kidsright now than I do you." I know that sounds ugly but its just me makinga decision of whether it was healthy for me to spend time talking tosomeone or find someone less toxic to talk to.I'd rather talk to my friends here anytime.I just live my life best as I can doing the things I want to andspending time with those people I want to. I have some friends with realproblems, but they are working on them and I'm happy to be able tosupport them as they do. My friends are a very eclectic group fromeveryone here to my ex-wife to 25 year old single moms to their 19 yearold brothers to those with kids and those without.People might think of why they go to church or religious communities.One of the main reasons is to be with others with similar beliefs.Simplified, its to be with people who are healthy for them. Any socialsetting should be like that. I come to this forum because I like thepeople here. Oh yes, I get help and provide it. But, today its more thananything to be among quality friends.I went to NC to visit the relatives who mean the most to me. It waswonderful. I have an uncle in Georgia I have no intention of visiting.He was toxic years ago and the one phone call I've had with him showsnothing has changed. Why would I spend precious time and energy headingthere when I can go to other relatives in NC and enjoy it immensely withthose I can communicate with and share love?Peggy's husband, , made a statement in San I haveremembered since. It was that he wouldn't spend any of what energy onehas left being angry or in conflict. I quite imagine he's told Peggymore than once about something to not let it bother her that its notimportant. Well, easier for some than others of us. But, I heard what hesaid and I've tried to remember it. I think of my energy sort of like agas tank with x amount left. I hear saying not to waste any of it.> > >> > > Hi all,> > >> > > I'd like to weigh in on this discussion too. I know we all have> > preferences and reasons for doing it however we choose. I've gotten> > valuable information from you all regarding this issue but I stillhave> > a huge dilemma which I am facing and don't know how to handle it.> > >> > > I've told my 4 sisters, 2 brothers and 2 oldest nieces (who aregrown> > and married). They are all sent updates each time I visit doctorsand> > have tests. I've told the 3 people at work with whom I work theclosest.> > My boss knows more than the other 2, but even she doesn't know allthe> > details. It helps to have their support at work due to time off fordrs> > appts etc.> > >> > > My dilemma is my mother. She's 85 years and not in the best health> > herself. She is a cancer survivor and 20 year sufferer of COPD and> > chronic bronchitis. I have told her that I have Sarcoid and that itis> > an inflammation which is causing all the coughing. I am scared totell> > her any more for fear she will feel it's her fault and worry toomuch> > which could lead to further declining health for her.> > >> > > My sisters are split on this issue, the 2 oldest don't agree withme> > and the 2 youngest do. My feeling is that as I continue to decline,I> > may have no choice, but for right now I don't want to worry her> > needlessly.> > >> > > Roxanne, 58, South Carolina> > > 2006 Asthma/ PF> > > 2008 IPF/ Sarcoidosis/Gerd> > > Lady Slipper Orchid> > >> >> >> >> >No virus found in this incoming message.> >Checked by AVG - http://www.avg.com> >Version: 8.0.138 / Virus Database: 270.6.4/1615 - Release Date:8/16/2008 7:11 AM> >> >>

August 16, 2008

Peggy,

What I don't understand, is why my hair is silver and my mom's is still salt and

pepper....All my sisters and brothers still have their nice dark locks and 3 of

them are now over 50! (no, they don't color). What's up with that?

Roxanne, 58, South Carolina

2006 Asthma/ PF

2008 IPF/ Sarcoidosis/Gerd

Lady Slipper Orchid

> > >

> > > > From: Bruce Moreland

> <brucemoreland@...

> > > <mailto:brucemoreland%40gmail.com>>

> > > > Subject: Re: Whom to

> tell--when

> > > > To: Breathe-Support

> > > <mailto:Breathe-Support%40yahoogroups.com>

> > > > Date: Saturday, August 16, 2008, 12:11 PM

> > > > Roxanne

> > > >

> > > > Mother is a difficult one. Do you have kids

> > yourself?

> > > > Sounds like your

> > > > mother has a lot of physical problems but

> still

> > mentally

> > > > doing fine. If

> > > > so, while not worrying her is one side of

> it, let

> > me just

> > > > offer, not

> > > > pushing, the other. I can bet she feels

> somewhat

> > useless at

> > > > this point

> > > > in her life. She can't do the things

> she once

> > did that

> > > > she felt made her

> > > > a benefit to others and society. Many of us

> here

> > feel that

> > > > way

> > > > sometimes. At her age, most everyone has

> some of

> > those

> > > > thoughts. My

> > > > ex-wife's father worked to the age of

> 79 and

> > when he

> > > > had to stop he felt

> > > > that a lot. Fortunately told him

> that he

> > still had

> > > > one most

> > > > important thing of value to do and that was

> be

> > her father.

> > > > With him in

> > > > his 80's, having had two hip and two

> knee

> > replacements,

> > > > she would still

> > > > get in his lap. But she didn't just

> share

> > good things.

> > > > She shared

> > > > problems at work or with friends and sought

> his

> > advice. He

> > > > always was a

> > > > calming effect on her. So, think about what

> it

> > means to

> > > > your mother to

> > > > still " mother " you. That includes

> it

> > all. Might

> > > > just take her mind a bit

> > > > more off herself. She might even have good

> > support advice

> > > > from her

> > > > experiences. If explained clearly she'd

> know

> > your

> > > > disease is much

> > > > different from hers and not think it was

> her

> > fault. I

> > > > don't know if she

> > > > has close friends or doctors you might

> discuss it

> > with and

> > > > get opinions

> > > > from. I don't know a mother or father

> in the

> > world who

> > > > wouldn't want to

> > > > know. Yes, you have rights to your privacy

> if you

> > like.

> > > > But, doesn't she

> > > > have rights as a mother too? I know

> sometimes we

> > start

> > > > thinking of one

> > > > as an 85 year old cancer survivor with

> health

> > problems,

> > > > instead of as

> > > > our mother, our advisor, our supporter.

> > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > Hi all,

> > > > >

> > > > > I'd like to weigh in on this

> discussion

> > too. I

> > > > know we all have

> > > > preferences and reasons for doing it

> however we

> > choose.

> > > > I've gotten

> > > > valuable information from you all regarding

> this

> > issue but

> > > > I still have

> > > > a huge dilemma which I am facing and

> don't

> > know how to

> > > > handle it.

> > > > >

> > > > > I've told my 4 sisters, 2 brothers

> and 2

> > oldest

> > > > nieces (who are grown

> > > > and married). They are all sent updates

> each time

> > I visit

> > > > doctors and

> > > > have tests. I've told the 3 people at

> work

> > with whom I

> > > > work the closest.

> > > > My boss knows more than the other 2, but

> even she

> > > > doesn't know all the

> > > > details. It helps to have their support at

> work

> > due to time

> > > > off for drs

> > > > appts etc.

> > > > >

> > > > > My dilemma is my mother. She's 85

> years

> > and not in

> > > > the best health

> > > > herself. She is a cancer survivor and 20

> year

> > sufferer of

> > > > COPD and

> > > > chronic bronchitis. I have told her that I

> have

> > Sarcoid and

> > > > that it is

> > > > an inflammation which is causing all the

> > coughing. I am

> > > > scared to tell

> > > > her any more for fear she will feel

> it's her

> > fault and

> > > > worry too much

> > > > which could lead to further declining

> health for

> > her.

> > > > >

> > > > > My sisters are split on this issue,

> the 2

> > oldest

> > > > don't agree with me

> > > > and the 2 youngest do. My feeling is that

> as I

> > continue to

> > > > decline, I

> > > > may have no choice, but for right now I

> don't

> > want to

> > > > worry her

> > > > needlessly.

> > > > >

> > > > > Roxanne, 58, South Carolina

> > > > > 2006 Asthma/ PF

> > > > > 2008 IPF/ Sarcoidosis/Gerd

> > > > > Lady Slipper Orchid

> > > > >

> > >

> > >No virus found in this incoming message.

> > >Checked by AVG - http://www.avg.com

> > >Version: 8.0.138 / Virus Database: 270.6.4/1615 -

> > Release Date: 8/16/2008 7:11 AM

> > >

August 16, 2008

Bruce, Again you said it perfectly. My

husband Mike says that I have an "energy budget"

each morning when I wake up. Depending on the plans for the day I use

that energy accordingly.

For example, we had plans tonight to go out to dinner with Mike's

brother Alvin and his wife Sharon.

It's Alvin's 69th B-day. We all love to get together and over these

many years Sharon

and I have really become more than sister-in-laws. And Mike and Alvin

are still just the best brothers on earth!!!

It's fun for us to watch these men ( 67 and 69) slip right back into

big brother /litttle brother roles as if they were kids again.

Anyway, I spent the beginning of my day reading, watching recording off

the DVR and not really

talking even to Mike or on the phone.

So, at dinner I could almost be ME!!!It's so much fun to just be able

to seem like the old me

every once in a while. We talked and ate and had a great evening. My

energy is gone now and I'm going to bed very soon.

If I had been more active earlier in the day, I would have not been

able to enjoy the evening at all

All that said, I'll sign off..

Z fibriotic NSIP/05

Z 64,

fibriotic NSIP/o5/PA

And “mild”

PH/10/07 and Reynaud’s too!!

No, NSIP was not

self-inflicted…I never smoked!

Potter,

reader,carousel lover and MomMom to

Darah

and Sara

“I’m gonna

be iron like a lion in Zion” Bob Marley

Vinca

Minor-periwinkle is my flower

Bruce Moreland wrote:

I love your comment on not wasting energy on toxic persons or

situations. Exactly the word I used some time back when telling someone

in Kansas City I didn't care to talk to her anymore. In life we should

have chosen our environments more carefully along the way. I get

pleasure from friends who I can help, regardless of their problems.

Listening doesn't bring me down. However, I just can't tolerate people

who in their lives are doing things that are bad for their children and

not planning on doing anything about it but just continue to think about

themselves. Thats a line for me and its toxic to me. One said "you're

not a very good friend to talk to me like that" and I said "well, you

can take care of yourself but frankly I care a lot more about your kids

right now than I do you." I know that sounds ugly but its just me making

a decision of whether it was healthy for me to spend time talking to

someone or find someone less toxic to talk to.

I'd rather talk to my friends here anytime.

I just live my life best as I can doing the things I want to and

spending time with those people I want to. I have some friends with real

problems, but they are working on them and I'm happy to be able to

support them as they do. My friends are a very eclectic group from

everyone here to my ex-wife to 25 year old single moms to their 19 year

old brothers to those with kids and those without.

People might think of why they go to church or religious communities.

One of the main reasons is to be with others with similar beliefs.

Simplified, its to be with people who are healthy for them. Any social

setting should be like that. I come to this forum because I like the

people here. Oh yes, I get help and provide it. But, today its more than

anything to be among quality friends.

I went to NC to visit the relatives who mean the most to me. It was

wonderful. I have an uncle in Georgia I have no intention of visiting.

He was toxic years ago and the one phone call I've had with him shows

nothing has changed. Why would I spend precious time and energy heading

there when I can go to other relatives in NC and enjoy it immensely with

those I can communicate with and share love?

Peggy's husband, , made a statement in San I have

remembered since. It was that he wouldn't spend any of what energy one

has left being angry or in conflict. I quite imagine he's told Peggy

more than once about something to not let it bother her that its not

important. Well, easier for some than others of us. But, I heard what he

said and I've tried to remember it. I think of my energy sort of like a

gas tank with x amount left. I hear saying not to waste any of it.

> > >

> > > Hi all,

> > >

> > > I'd like to weigh in on this discussion too. I know we

all have

> > preferences and reasons for doing it however we choose. I've

gotten

> > valuable information from you all regarding this issue but I

still

have

> > a huge dilemma which I am facing and don't know how to handle

it.

> > >

> > > I've told my 4 sisters, 2 brothers and 2 oldest nieces

(who are

grown

> > and married). They are all sent updates each time I visit

doctors

and

> > have tests. I've told the 3 people at work with whom I work

the

closest.

> > My boss knows more than the other 2, but even she doesn't

know all

the

> > details. It helps to have their support at work due to time

off for

drs

> > appts etc.

> > >

> > > My dilemma is my mother. She's 85 years and not in the

best health

> > herself. She is a cancer survivor and 20 year sufferer of

COPD and

> > chronic bronchitis. I have told her that I have Sarcoid and

that it

is

> > an inflammation which is causing all the coughing. I am

scared to

tell

> > her any more for fear she will feel it's her fault and worry

too

much

> > which could lead to further declining health for her.

> > >

> > > My sisters are split on this issue, the 2 oldest don't

agree with

me

> > and the 2 youngest do. My feeling is that as I continue to

decline,

I

> > may have no choice, but for right now I don't want to worry

her

> > needlessly.

> > >

> > > Roxanne, 58, South Carolina

> > > 2006 Asthma/ PF

> > > 2008 IPF/ Sarcoidosis/Gerd

> > > Lady Slipper Orchid

> > >

> >

> >No virus found in this incoming message.

> >Checked by AVG - http://www.avg.com

> >Version: 8.0.138 / Virus Database: 270.6.4/1615 - Release Date:

8/16/2008 7:11 AM

> >

>

No virus found in this incoming message.

Checked by AVG - http://www.avg.com

Version: 8.0.138 / Virus Database: 270.6.4/1615 - Release Date: 8/16/2008 7:11 AM

August 16, 2008