Vestibulitis - New Member Request for Support and Guidance

[Guest guest]

Hi Everyone... My name is Kat, but you may as well call me PussyKat,

because that is my problem.

I am in so much pain today and it's my freaking birthday!! I have

vulvar vestibulitis and it's been going on for four and a half years.

It was like " the perfect storm " when the shit hit the fan I got

sober, went into menopause, started therapy, started on effexor which

wreaked havoc on my libido and wham full blown vestibulitis.

It has been hell trying to find the right doctor. Two years ago I saw

Dr. Munariz at the Sexual Health Clinic at Boston Medical

which was started by the Berman sisters he was a pompous asshole. He

had me on every kind of hormone known to man (yes even testosterone)

my heart was racing every night in bed and my kidneys were aching and

throbbing and when I told him about it, he pooh poohed me like I

didn't know my own body. I asked him if he thought diet had anything

to do with it and once again he pooh poohed such a stupid question.

I stopped going to him and started seeing a homeopath, acupuncturist

and nutritionist. I lost 25 pounds by ridding my diet of sugar, flour

and dairy and have managed to heal the chronic inflammation of my

vulva (it seems so weird even typing the word – as you might guess,

talking about this is new to me and I have felt so incredibly lonely

and isolated with this awful condition). I am on a ton of vitamins

and herbs and liver detoxifiers. The eastern diagnosis has been heat

in the liver and damp spleen. The dampness is the yeast and liver

heat is, from what I've been told, stored anger. So I've been doing

lots of healing work on letting go of old stuff. I have an

appointment this week with a new mind/body/spirit therapist who helps

women heal old stuff.

I have got my yeast count down really low through my diet and yet I

knew the true test would be whether or not I could have sex without

splitting and bleeding. We recently switched insurance carriers and I

immediately when to work trying to get an appointment with

, a prominent specialist in the Boston area who wrote a book

on vagina's called " The V Book " – which I finally did – and am

schedule to see her on March 6th. The nurse in the office asked what

I was doing in the meantime and I said " nothing " and she prescribed

lidocaine to numb the pain so I could attempt to have sex.

So, I had the lidocaine for several weeks and was so afraid to even

try it or suggest it to my husband. But Saturday night, my husband

and I had such a fun and loving night. We went to the mall and he

bought me a new ipod for my birthday, then we had a great meal at

Legal Seafood (one of the few restaurants who really care about food

allergies and will cook without butter and pan sear fish in a clean

pan so that no butter from previous orders even touch it – and the

chef hand delivers it to your table so that no waitstaff mixes it up)

anyways I said to my hubby, " Let's give it a shot " and I numbed all

up and we tried. It was the first time in almost four years that we

had full penetration and although it felt nice to have him on top of

me and in me, I couldn't feel a thing " down there " and yet at the

same time I could feel and almost hear myself ripping in two.

The minute we were done – or should I say, when he was done, I was

bleeding and at three in the morning, when the lidocaine had worn off

and I got up to pee, I thought I was going to die and if there had

been alcohol or pot in the house, I know I would've chosen relapse

over this agony.

I googled " vulvar pain support groups in MA " the next morning and

emailed the contact and she emailed me back immediately and we had

the most amazing conversation yesterday. She also gave me the info on

this yahoo group. I've learned that I just cannot talk about this

with just anyone. I made the mistake of talking about it with my

mother-in-law when she was questioning me about my diet and she asked

me what happens when I eat foods that I'm not supposed to have and I

told her my vagina feels like it's being stabbed with knives. I

started crying and telling her about my ordeal and one of her

responses was " Poor . " being her son who is apparently the

innocent victim in all of this.

So, although this is a group that I am joining kicking and screaming

and have no desire to ever be a member of, here I am. I look forward

to getting to know you and welcome any and all support and

conversations, emails and I am more than willing to support you in

your healing as well.

I read this month's NVA newsletter and read how Veasley's

vestibulitis was healed by surgery. Has anyone else here had surgery

and what has been your success/healing rate outcome?

I didn't sign up to receive all posts via email because I don't want

to be inundated each day with emails. But if you have any advice for

me - you can email me at khassan41 at comcast dot net.

May we all find healing.

Kat